Okay, so I'm just laying in bed. Didn't have to work Friday and got the weekend through Monday to pretty much just chill out till (Literally just coughed super hard and smoke came out.... haven't vaped in about 10 minutes..) Tuesday or whatever I honestly don't know what today is but hoooollldd on it's Saturday. God.... I didn't even plan on getting back on here to put anything.. I've just been putting my time into collecting several thousand dollars owed to me and now I'm forced to wait till 8 for this dumb ass phone service to open there support lines and decided "fuck it". "I'll just type away for a moment and put down the blister twister".
I'm so very tired.... I don't get any sort of rush from it anymore regardless how much I put in. If I get the chance I'll show you guys with a video what exactly I mean with the last rock. About 250mg in one full blown dab rig to the face without any high nor a cough... I don't even know why I'm still doing whatever it is I'm doing.. I began yesterday getting this strange vibes though... The vibes consist of an unpreventable and inevitable end to the world that is slowly coming very soon. Maybe just mine but I have friends who share the vibe that are sober as gophers. Who knows.
As for health I don't which way I should turn. Not metaphorically. Literally I can feel shit moving around in my chest and maybe sloshing?? Not sure how to describe it but the ER is a must come probably the end of this day. That is when I will finally run out of product and when sobriety hits the pain is gonna be very explicit and no longer dulled...
I smell pretty awful right now.... So does my room. I clean it like twice a day but regardless it smells like bleached butthole from vaping all day and night. You know It's only taken me about 9 minutes to write all of this random assortment of just bullshit going on?? Probably sound like some obese slob living in his mothers basement catching more dust in his fat folds than the treadmill he never uses.
Bringing that up made me think. Weight is a solid 110 lb's I don't feel like converting it. Fuck it. Damn phone company bastards and this shit service. Oh well. Anyways I'll tell you guys about that crazy junk with the dude messaging me it's pretty creepy and gives me kinda a PTSD style flashback from time to time. Been having a lot of flashbacks about my recent OD on MDMA as well before this all started. That sucked. Accepted death but the sounds of my friends still haunts me....
Okay so basically after I first posted my results to another thread one guy decided to message me saying he is sober. Seen some shit. To stop. Sleep. Eat. This. That. Blah whatever I'll let you read the messages. They explain it all. Sooooooooo heeeeeeereeeee weeeeeeeee goooooooooo!!!!
Message 1: To me from "him"
I read your post. I know a lot man. Not conceited,just well versed. I could tell y0u somethings that will make you stop what you are doing,but they are so ridiculous that 1.you'd doubt me and 2. it still might not sink in to phase you...I will say that i have seen rc's ruin many lives over my time. I don't mean fuck it up i mean straight up ruin everything. I have my thoughts that there is more to them just what you read on the net as well. I am completely sober and never do rc's. I was once told "they will take your soul"..I dont want anyone to figure out what that means,but from the binge u are on you are pushing it. Even when things are normal the more you push it..the next time it will get worse..over a long period of time what you thought you could deal with will become worse and worse,and eventually it starts getting your mind.. Although,i'll never admit to anything I will tell you that if you continue..i promise you that there is some shit later down the road that will absolutely destroy you. You don't see people talking about it on forums..i dunno,maybe they don't know..maybe i know people that went too hard..maybe i don't..but from what I have gathered over time..I still am at a loss for words..i can point you to some posts online that will paint a picture for you if you are interested. I,myself have nothing to do with that shit man. I am a broken,fragmented individual and I nearly lost my life..again,admitting to nothing,but only stating my experiences..get hydrated..get rest..force that shit out you while you still can. If you progress,I assure you that your mind will never be the same. It's not safe and the road it leads to..there is more to it then addiction man. There is some seriously fucked up theories to all of it..I dunno,but like i said i'll show u posts i have read online..There is some shit that is so bad in life that it will change you forever. I live sober and thank god I have a chance to live..All the up's and great times do not replace the reign of terror and broken mind that will haunt you for the rest of your life. I am 100% against rc's and will stay that way the rest of my life. If you ever need reassurance on staying away from them..pm me anytime.
My response: (Makes me look dumb now...)
I appreciate and share your concern for those individuals who get fully addicted and can not stop themselves from going over the edge and imminently hitting what is the line between sanity and full blown dream fiction they let create the reality around them. Losing all hope of ever getting anywhere except one of four places. Prison, institutionalized, skid row, or even worse dead. I am one of these people who have hit the stage but do not actually let the state being projected while influenced take over my mind in such a way that it prevents me from coming back to a reality I've known since as long as I can remember as a child. A reality that I can go to work, communicate with family, friends, and peers. A reality in which is what it is my friend. You are not the only who has seen or heard some disturbing or horrid stories. Stories you wouldn't tell around a campfire with the most vile of characters. I witnessed a women have a miscarriage at a festival in a private unlit area, pass the fetus through her uterus and vagina, then offer people around her to partake in consuming it. A guy I know very well who is absolutely in this state I speak of was in no way hesitant and ate pieces of it with others including the women who was saying all these weird words in absolute gibberish. I'm sure it made 0 sense but to be 16 years old and see something like that was a real eye opener to the things that go on when nobody is paying attention. I appreciate your concern but I know when enough is enough my friend. I will never let myself become a product of that statistic.
His reply and my response back: Explains everything and is disturbingly real for me still everyday...
"Him":
Hey heres a bizarre question for ya..what is the weirdest thing you have experienced during psychosis?
My response and experience:
I've had lots of bad ones and life pausing ones of about 6 months and many varieties but I must say that you sir have topped them all to the absolute limits... As soon as I received your message I opened my email to see who from and it has a big red X. Big Red !. As well as was marked may not be from admin team. Sure sure that can happen with any email just a mistake somewhere through the line. But get this..... As soon as I attempted to actually open the message for details a loud smack on my roof happened and scared me half shitless. Okie doke probably just a tree since it's woodland area of course. So I went out to look where I heard it and thought to myself there isn't even a tree for 50 yards on this side not anything laying in the yard. Okay so I got a little sketched and grabbed my machete for safe measures. Crazy neighbors in the boonies but once again not a thing anywhere that could have possibly struck that hard and loud unless a tree limb, softball sized hail or even a damn meateour for that matter hit the roof. I was not imagining this either I could put my life on it. So after all that I decided I need some sleep or something. Went to brush my teeth and wash my face to maybe get a grip for a second seeing I was carrying around my machete like a child and then got even more fuckin freaked. I heard in a low whisper "behind you". It gives me chills to even think about and now I'm lying in bed with a machete in my lap. Trying not to pay attention to the full moon beaming through my window. Hearing footsteps and creaks or this or that all around. Typing this message to a complete stranger with 0 posts and 0 anything who told me if I continued which I did, despite saying I stopped to lessen the concern of others and wondering if this is all just one fucked up horrid hallucination, nightmare, or whatever. Either way it's just getting worse even though I stopped..... Maybe just a coincidence spun into a wild and mental played psychosis making this a very dark and evil feeling presence... Especially thinking of who you might actually be which as of right now I don't care to know nor find out.... Ugh I'm done with these fucked up stims they are dark and evil in the end.
Hope you enjoyed it this will be my last post for awhile if not forever.
Farewell friends,
No worries!!!
I'll live,
pinky promise!!
Time to call these fuckfaces about my service,
- Mr.Dosed
