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Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

Day 44
Physical symptoms seem to be gone although RSL, sneezing come out of nowhere. Minor in comparison.
Mentally Im a mess.
Never got out of bed yesterday. Layed and looked at ceiling fan hours upon hours. Total silence in house, absolutely no motivation. Felt so heavy. I cried a lot. Social isolation is not good. Life has more meaning with people, but I can not summon energy, nor do I want to bring people down with my attitude. Physical exercise has always helped but again, I have no will power.
I have read that this is part of it all. The brain is trying to balance chemistry, dopemine. Trying hard to remember this is temporary, but damn if you are living it, seems incredibly hard.
 
I don't do the whole 12 step thing. But going to an NA meeting would be a great place to meet some people who know what your going through Debbie
 
Hey CJ, I work such weird hours. It’s hard to find a meeting to suit. I have called two therapist in the area. Neither have returned my calls. Maybe it’s not meant to be or I’m not pushing it enough. I do agree, I think It would help. Thank you for the response.
I did move, got out of house, had dinner with daughter and grandson. Still, lack of direction has me befuddled.
I have to get more exercise, it’s always helped before. Making myself do it seems like a Great Wall, although I’ve always enjoyed sports, exercising was always meant for enhancement. I can not stand to do any exercise for the sake of exercise. Seems no point if there is no competition.
Have 12 days till vacation. Looking forward to a change of pace, different scenery. Hoping beyond it’s a turning point in recovery.
 
I know you already know Deb but that's just part of the healing and it really is temporary. Doesn't make it any more pleasant, I feel for you honey.

Remember you're a badass, if you can get through this you can get through anything in life.

Here if you need anything.

Very proud of you as I always am. Keep going, it will get better, you'll be on your way to making new sober lasting great memories.

Much love sweetie,
your friend,
Ash.


Debbie Combs said:
Day 44
Physical symptoms seem to be gone although RSL, sneezing come out of nowhere. Minor in comparison.
Mentally Im a mess.
Never got out of bed yesterday. Layed and looked at ceiling fan hours upon hours. Total silence in house, absolutely no motivation. Felt so heavy. I cried a lot. Social isolation is not good. Life has more meaning with people, but I can not summon energy, nor do I want to bring people down with my attitude. Physical exercise has always helped but again, I have no will power.
I have read that this is part of it all. The brain is trying to balance chemistry, dopemine. Trying hard to remember this is temporary, but damn if you are living it, seems incredibly hard.
Click to expand...
 
One thing that has been beat into me over the last few weeks is that nothing is easy. I don't know how that applies to your life but it's been a tough thing for me to swallow
 
Nothing is easy.
Or
there isnt anything, that is easy?
cause I’ve done nothing for days, it was pretty freaking easy just sitting there. Can’t say I was happy, fulfilled or anything positive.

Day 46
cant believe I’m still counting days. Sneezing still. Weird headache comes and goes. BP still high, not horrible but still.
We have ATM an incredible amount of ice on trees, power lines etc. Its weighing everything down, can hear trees snapping in woods. Surprised there is power. I opted to stay home and not go to work. Scared I would not be able to get back, or have an accident on the way. I did go to my second job for a couple hours this morning to check on things.
So here I am, bored. Overthinking. Kinda stuck like a old record. Gotta get out of this depression.
Thank you both for the replies. Ash, it does help to hear that it temporary. After days/weeks and now going on months, it feels like forever. Honestly.
I gotta do my taxes��, let’s add to the pile of depression.
 
Be patient with yourself. Your brain is still not firing on the right circuits. I think 90 days is going to be a big landmark in your healing. 90 days to six months will be when you start feeling normal again.

I know I've said it before but I think your kicking ass.
 
Absolutely what cj said!!

You are so kicking ass and it won't be forever. Please be kind and patient with yourself honey. You've done a PHENOMENAL job!!

Here for you always,
Hugs,
your firend,
Ash.
 
Thank you again for the remarks.
Power did go out due to ice on trees. I woke up cold. What’s new?! Lol........well it was actually 45 in my house. No electric for 16 hrs. Something we take for granted. I need coffee just to go get coffee! BUT, it made me get the heck up! I got coffee, I got firewood. I partitioned a room with fireplace off so I could heat it. Energy makes energy.
Was good to see the sun. I missed it. Tomorrow brings another week o rain and flooding, but I have vacay in 10 days.
I have not taken Advil today! Or Tylenol.
I “have” taken for the past 2mo — Xanax. I HAVE TO STOP THOSE. I have no RX. I take a measly .25 a night for sleep. Should not be a big deal, but my body does not want to change anything else right now.
I would like to stop taking trazadone. It makes me feel incredibly bad until afternoon. I have tried taking 1/2 dose, but I like sleep.
Soon, I’ll stop the comfort meds, but not tonight.......
 
One thing at a time, no rush to stop everything. Happy you'll be going on vacay soon!!! So proud of you Deb and I hope you have a great day my friend!

Love,
Ash.
 
Don't stress about the xanax but your probably going to experience some unavoidable insomnia when you stop
 
Trying not to stress but don’t have many benzos left. I HATE the edgy, tired, wired feeling coming off them. It sucks.
Kicking ass? So sweet to have support, but two weeks ago I’d say it was kicking my ass. It is so much better now. Finally! I’ve had days with no muscle, joint pain. I can deal with adversity without feeling shaky. I have had a couple days were I wasn’t freezing. Somewhat normal. Just gotta get head in the right place.
having problems dealing with my mom and her mental state. dementia. She is very mean, cruel. Then has no memory of saying or doing. I suppose she is using anger to hold on to her mind. I try to remind myself, she is not herself but it gets so frustrating. She has told me to leave the premises twice now cause I’m not being perky, happy. I just want to be me. I can not be “on top” all the time. I can be kind though. We all work a family business. It’s complicated.
Its Friday! Need to find things to do that I enjoy. Like really bad. I’ve worked for the past 20 yrs. two jobs. Not use to free time.
 
I wanted to say hello Debbie. You really are "doing" something, even when you're just being. You're kicking a very long lasting opiate t hat makes every last bit of it's presence known. To the bitter end.

You're doing something a majority of people cannot do. Only a small percentage get to where you are.

You should be proud of the incredible strength you've got. I truly admire your strength.

When you're in the midst of it all, it's very difficult to believe it's temporary. That's where support, NA and therapy come into play. You need to be reminded every day, by people that have been there, it's temporary.

We're all cheering you on, and pulling for you. Noone quits a marathon in the middle. It's the end, right when you're just about to taste victory that's it's the most difficult.

This WILL pass. Your vacation is perfect. You deserve and need it. Hang on. It's almost over. Hope you're well today.
 
I can’t believe the kindness of the people on this forum. I’m truly touched. (Sounds sappy, but hey it’s how I feel).
I do feel well. It’s been this way for a week or so, although mentally I get derailed at times. Trying to focus on the present, not the past or future, but what is here right now. It helps. Breathing. Listening. Being observant of surroundings.

Question...........I’m not a big drinker. I did have a couple mixed drinks at dinner last week. I felt nothing but a hangover the next day ( it WAS a hangover, not PAWS, I could tell) . Usually one drink would have me feeling tipsy. I read somewhere on BL tolerance for alcohol can be impacted with opiate use. I was trying to find it again, but I can’t find in advanced search. Is there such a thing? I would hate to have a umbrella drink on cruise, not feel all warm and fuzzy and be sick the next day. Would not be worth it at all.
 
I haven't read any studies but in my experience I turned into a straight up alcoholic when I quit Suboxone. I could drink way more then normal I enjoyed getting drunk more and I got only very mild hangovers. I was polishing off a liter of Jim beam a day every day for awhile. I wouldn't worry about it.
 
Good for you with mild hangovers. I get hideous hangovers. The reason I quit drinking much. Cause I thoroughly enjoyed going to a bar, mingling and playing pool, listening to music, dancing. It wasn’t worth it anymore. The older you get, harder it is.
I did my share of drinking between 1996-2005 for the rest of my life.
BUT
can say drinking on a cruise ship seems different. I understand how people can drink one or two, stop have some fun, take a nap, shower have wine with dinner followed by a coffee and have a night cap at a comedy show. An “AH-HA” moment this is how to drink the right way.
I do look forward to vacay. Taking time off work the first of January has cut into extra funds. If it wasn’t for this vacation, I’d still be at a methadone clinic. I hope everything goes smoothly and we see some sun. It’ll be a treat to feel some warm humid weather. I’ve never felt a chill in Belieze, but with body core being cold I’m definetly packing a jacket.
 
You can have fun without drinking. Far as hangovers I think preloading fluids helps me not get them as severe
 
Day 54
Drag this morning but this evening..........
i did not wear a coat, and I had energy! Yes!
still sneezing.
 
Days are much better. Body has regulated body temperature. I?m not freezing cold anymore. Energy level, MEMORY, thinking clearer, attitude all better. The pain I started taking opiates for is still there. Somehow I could still feel it while taking so it?s seems the same. Strange.
It surprised me.........the body ache after the acute phase. Lasted so long, but it?s better. Can?t believe I worked through it, but if I was going to feel shitty at home, just as well be working.
I do have cravings. I?ll not act on it. I get extremely bored. I isolated myself for so long, being social is hard. Anxiety still sucks at times, it is situational.
Decided to work on the body after vacation. I need physical movement. It was something I did before, 20 some years ago and enjoyed it. Join a gym. I need to get out there. Do something for someone else now. It?s time! Ride my motorcycle, fish, enjoy my grandkids, plant a garden, swim, golf, I love spring/summer!
Thank everyone who commented, gave advice or even read this. It helped much to come on here and get support. Is a great tool for anyone trying to kick opiated.
 
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