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Heroin Finally got off H again after a very very long time. (My story)

TheBlackCrayon

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
Messages
9
On the 18 of Dec I began what would be my worst most intense detox to date. I'm a long time user of over 20 years and have only had more than a year clean once in all that time. Most other times I'd be months if not only weeks or days clean.

Dec of last year was tuff, and the months before that weren't any better. I would fly out to Atlanta about 8 months ago to try and get clean at a friend's...I live in Los Angeles. It didn't work out and I was kicked out for having smack mailed to get place. She took it personal because she's in recovery. I had to take the Greyhound to Texas after that. My buddy who was on Suboxone offered to help. Let's just say that didn't work out either and I spent 6 months using with him in San Antonio. Next stop El Paso at a cousins, with tons of Suboxone and no want or will to take them. I just wanted to come back to Cali. Which I finally made it to a few months ago.

It was all bad but Dec was by far just awful though. I hadn't been homeless since I was in my 20's, and only for a few months then. I found myself and my little dog on the street at 42 with nowhere to turn. The H in LA was getting old, was getting weak, and the people I used with disappearing. Long story short...I reached to my sister for help. She offered help right away. I took a Greyhound bus up north with only enough dope to get me there and decided to quit cold. I arrived on the 17 and on the 18th woke up in the mountains up north in a small house , far from any city with no car and no money. My sister dropped me off at her little house and left me there. It was the best thing she could've done for me. In the past every family member has budged when I've freaked out and asked for help. She did not, she stood her ground and stayed away, letting me kick cold turkey. I spent that first night just tired and slept as much as I could not wanting to wake for fear of the sickness. Next few days I rolled around in the bathroom in my own puke, crying and praying to the heavens for relief. I slowly climbed out of the bathroom each day only to pour water into my dogs bowl and lazy like dump dry dog food in his other bowl. Covered in vomit I'd crawl back into my lair breaking out of my own skin waiting for a rebirth of some sort. Day 5 I got some much needed relief. One of my sister's old tweaker drug friends drove two towns away to get me .2 of H, it did just enough to let me sleep and eat. Around day 7 I had no strength and was dangerously dehydrated. I forced myself to eat soup and drink water. Christmas came and went, I felt suicidal and alone. My little dog saved my life 😍. Fear of leaving him alone kept me going.

Just before New Year's my sister returned, it was like a knight in shining armor coming to my rescue. She helped me clean up, did my laundry and got me out of the house. We went to her lake house and got take out dinner...I barley ate but the company was much needed. The change of scenery was also nice. What came next was there return of the nightmare! A few weeks in I began getting weaker and couldn't sleep. I was not eating daily nor drinking water. The lack of sleep was the worst though, so tired but unable to sleep and so anxious I can't sit still. We went on a drive to pick up her daughter, and in town another of her old drug friends who still uses took mercy on me and have me a 8mg Suboxone... It held me for two days and I got some relief. Then back to withdrawal symptoms. A few days later my sister found another Suboxone. I then went about a week and a half with nothing and just felt awful. But just after 30 days her friend came through with 4 subs, then a few days later found 6 more. Those 10 subs have been a godsend for my recovery. They've helped me get sleep, which helps me recover and eat. I started with 8mg for a few days, skipped 2 days with nothing, dropped to 6mga few days and again took two days off. Now I'm down to 4mg this morning. I have 6mg left. Gonna skip another 2-3 days and drop to 2mg then use the rest as needed with as much time skipped as possible. What a long fucked up road it has been, but I'm happier and not on the street. My dog is ok and my sister is my hero.

I'm now living in a beautiful late house up in the mountains where it snows some days. I'm about to help my sister with my niece which I love so much. I pray this is there last time I have to do this! I'm tired... So tired of the drug game... It's all I know but I'm tired of it and afraid to go back. Wish me luck.
 
FYI if this doesn't work (and i hope it does) you might consider methadone or at least suboxone maintenance. Hope you stick with it.

Methadone worked for me, sort of. I was on a massive dose for years (380mg) that essentially resulted in me getting sick/bored of being high all the time (380mg of methadone had me high 24/7, i loved the stuff and id still rank it as my all time favorite opioid). I have been off of methadone for over 10 years now, and still fool around with opioids sometimes, but ive long stopped intravenous use. Ive had a few readdictions since i quit methadone, but none of theme severe (unless you consider 1000mg/day tramadol, or poppy pod tea addiction severe, which it is for some, though I'd classify these as moderate).

Good luck. I hope it works. If you start to struggle id recommend considering methadone or at least bupe maintenance before going back to heroin. Methadone is the junky gold standard but it can certainly be a pain in the ass given the hoops you have to go through to get it. Methadone works much better than buprenorphine for serious addicts but alot of people get tangled in the red tape.
 
just so u know from the moment you took. 2 of heroin u werent on day 7 anymore, you were back to prolly day 3. What you should do is get some gabapentin+loperamide+clonidine, that is the best combo for opiate wds. stop fucking with suboxone, everytime u use it that shit sets ya back.
 
Yea as hard as it is, your only setting yourself back a couple days of wd at least by taking the bupe. Your body has to go through the detox at some point. Adding a day of bupe only delays it in my opinion. Bupe and methadone stretch your wd out from my experience, which in my experience is not a good thing. Stretching out wd will only lengthen the amount of time you must endure wd, tempted the entire way to return to heroin. As ive said in other threads, if you do it right, you've only go to do it once. I salute your strength! (y)
 
Yeah that was sort of my point too. As everyone else is saying, you either stop, or as i was saying, get on bupe or methadone maintenance. Taking more stuff will just prolong it. If you aren't ready then get on maintenance. This sort of use (misuse) of buprenorphine will have you back on heroin quickly.
 
I've been ok for the most part, other than being really really tired. I completely stopped the subs 3 days ago. My skin tingles randomly, like every ten minutes or so for a minute or two then goes away. Yes I am bored and lack regular energy but it's nowhere near as intense as it was. I'm trying to get up and take hot showers throughout the day, stay hydrated, eat regularly, and do light walks and yoga to jumpstart my system. The only thing getting in the way the last few days is how tired I feel. I know I set myself back in the beginning when I shot that little bit of smack, and most likely with the short Suboxone taper. I post acute withdrawal symptoms were just kicking my ass though. My main thing in the past, the one thing that always has me running back to smack is the lack of sleep and anxiety that comes with it. There are a bunch of non traditional methods of help that have been helping overall throughout this entire experienced though. Things like Wim Hof breathing and cold shower therapy had been amazing - Epsom salt baths - meditating - multi vitamins and teas - & being of service where I can, to help get out of my head. I pray the Suboxone I took for that short while doesn't drag on my symptoms too long. Realistically it can't be all that bad. I'm the kind of junky that can't go hours without a fix. Here I am almost two months without it and days since I took any subs, and if some lack of energy is the worst... So be it. Wish me luck. I just can't go back on anything regularly ever again. This has to happen now.
 
Your not alone. Cold Turkey is horrible. What is your current situation? I enjoy reading through old threads and discovering success stories. Or even just finding out the story-tellers progress...
 
I mean its heroin, and I've seen two people struggle severely during relapses and just getting on the drug in real time. No matter what those using periods looked like for them--and it was the lowest I've ever seen them and probably will be able to see them reach--they did both eventually get off it fine and stay off it (for the most part). I don't really know how it works or how people are able to stop and move on after repeatedly being a sloth 24/7 high out of their mind for weeks to come lol. But eventually, people really do get off it. They still crave and fantasize about heroin, but it seems not strongly enough for them to relapse again thus far. I don't like when people relay the "terrible statistics that nobody ever gets off heroin" data because its absolutely obscure and it doesn't track users throughout elongated periods of their lifetime. If you're talking about the chance of someone becoming 100% clean sober during a single attempt to escape heroin addiction/withdrawal--yeah you're going to see very low statistics. If you follow those exact same users throughout the course of 10 years, I'd guarantee you'll witness the same notion that I'm referring to now: People do beat heroin.

If you're worried about "ever being happy again" or what life could possibly be like without the drug permanently in theory, its always fine. Your endorphins take a bit to redesign themselves to not shoot out of the brain unless you've done some rewarding activity like jogging, or accomplishing daily tasks--but its always fine. I think the hard part about keeping off heroin is the relapsing that almost everyone seems to do again inevitably at some point. The two people I know who got off it and currently are still off it were not perfect by any means. They did have brief periods of relapsing again, but seemingly never stayed on it again for over a week or two. A major part of overcoming heroin addiction seems to be keeping an open mind about the relapses if they do ever occur, and not fully going back into the lifestyle like before. The relapses feel as you would expect (probably amazing and then absolutely horrible), but in 2023 there's an ample means of anti-addiction specialists who are trying to reverse the opioid/opiate/now fent epidemic. There's more tools to stay off like methadone/subutex/suboxone/etc than there were 20 years ago. Worst case scenario you do ever hop back on H, there's more options available to you then to keep using > stay locked in stone cold heroin addiction.
 
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