bigzip44
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2009
- Messages
- 94
I'm 29 and I've been addicted to opiates since I was 18. I was on 16-32 mg of subutex for a long time and in the last few years, I successfully got off of it after multiple morphine titrations and horrific ibogaine sessions (I did this like 7 or 8 times, no joke). Now, I'm back dealing with the same depression, anxiety, and cravings that led to me get on subutex in the first place and I'm seriously considering getting back on it, as I, once again, have gotten addicted to morphine (someone in my family takes it and it's constantly available- the same morphine I used to get off subs).
Basically, having my one foot in the door of addiction and the other out, being in this constant state of withdrawal while trying to be clean is just killing me, emotionally, physically, everything. I recently ALSO got off the 4 milligrams of klonopin that I'd been on for years but I can't seem to figure out how the fuck to stay off of opiates, esp when they're so fucking available. I guess what I'm hoping to see is if anyone has found themselves in the position where they've successfully gotten off subutex or methadone, and while knowing how incredibly difficult it is to get off and how hard you worked to do that, have had to get back on it. I'm dealing with a lot of guilt, regret, pain and shame, thinking about the fact that I may need to get back on it and I'm really not sure what to do. I hope someone out there can relate or give me some advice about what they did.
Thanks people.
Basically, having my one foot in the door of addiction and the other out, being in this constant state of withdrawal while trying to be clean is just killing me, emotionally, physically, everything. I recently ALSO got off the 4 milligrams of klonopin that I'd been on for years but I can't seem to figure out how the fuck to stay off of opiates, esp when they're so fucking available. I guess what I'm hoping to see is if anyone has found themselves in the position where they've successfully gotten off subutex or methadone, and while knowing how incredibly difficult it is to get off and how hard you worked to do that, have had to get back on it. I'm dealing with a lot of guilt, regret, pain and shame, thinking about the fact that I may need to get back on it and I'm really not sure what to do. I hope someone out there can relate or give me some advice about what they did.
Thanks people.
