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February Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread, v oh my! What happened to January?

Back in the same place I was last month. Pretty much no dope until Sunday. WDs ain't gonna be fun. Got plans to quit long term just so I can start travelling again. So sick of being in this position.
 
hey guys it does get better. just know that you have caring people here on bluelight that only want the best for you. no one here will judge you, or look down on you for previous mistakes, we only want to see each and everyone here live happy joyous and free!

Have either of you tried collecting your thoughts enough to start a blog? I have to admit that blogging does come in handy because it will always be there, and you can always go back and read it later down the road. Maybe give it a shot?
 
Back in the same place I was last month. Pretty much no dope until Sunday. WDs ain't gonna be fun. Got plans to quit long term just so I can start travelling again. So sick of being in this position.
I felt the same mate any family holidays with me had to be to India where I could get my Indian black tar and had to be direct flight in case a delay happened and I started wd.Once you made your mind up it can be done it took me 13 years
 
I'm struggling with meth addiction and using it way to much and any way possible. My fiance is as well. I want to wait and have wanted to for months because it's ruining my life and health and our relationship. I feel like she is not going to quit with me and it is very hard to break the addiction while she is still using. I'm going tomorrow to start a rehab program and I hope I beat this and that my fiance follows my lead. Wish me luck and any advice would be greatly appreciated being since I have no support other than my fiance.
 
3 days sober..

Got absolutely shitfaced the other night. For whatever reason I made justifications on why it would be ok (sound familiar?); In the end I felt ashamed the next day, not only because I was extremely hungover, but I essentially flushed 53 days of sobriety down the toilet. I had a trigger the day before and I even worked through it just fine. So i'm kind of mad at myself, but at the same time it's just another reminder that me and alcohol really don't go well together and I'm capable of living a sober life.

Hey PD, I can relate.
Alcohol was/is my doc and I have recurring cycles of use surrounding my triggers. My latest was after >2 months without, which led to about a months worth of use.

I know most of us have this compulsion with sober time and as important as that is, remember its just a number. To me whats important is the lessons we learn throughout this journey we call recovery. And given it was only 1 night of use and now its been three days Id say youre learning.

So keep your head up, you should be proud you were able to recognize the error of your ways so quickly.
 
I'm struggling with meth addiction and using it way to much and any way possible. My fiance is as well. I want to wait and have wanted to for months because it's ruining my life and health and our relationship. I feel like she is not going to quit with me and it is very hard to break the addiction while she is still using. I'm going tomorrow to start a rehab program and I hope I beat this and that my fiance follows my lead. Wish me luck and any advice would be greatly appreciated being since I have no support other than my fiance.

You might have to end up leaving her if she doesn't want to quit.

Stay strong. <3
 
I'm struggling with meth addiction and using it way to much and any way possible. My fiance is as well. I want to wait and have wanted to for months because it's ruining my life and health and our relationship. I feel like she is not going to quit with me and it is very hard to break the addiction while she is still using. I'm going tomorrow to start a rehab program and I hope I beat this and that my fiance follows my lead. Wish me luck and any advice would be greatly appreciated being since I have no support other than my fiance.

That's a tough one. I agree with CH that you are likely to finding recovery extra challenging if you are involved with an actively using partner. Though maybe the two of you could put things on hold for a couple months with plans to revisit the viability of the relationship then?
 
I didn't feel hard to quit benzos and Lyrica although my fiancee used those daily until she went to detox for few weeks. I stopped those last spring and her detox was this year.

Also I have quitted opiates and my fiancee is in Suboxone ORT so those are always available but I haven't relapsed atleast yet and I have currently 29 days of opiate free life.

Imo you need to keep rehabilitation and veing sober separate from your closed ones as it really is lonely journey but of course it is easier to talk about cravings for a person who has used or still is using those drugs than for someone who have never used drugs.
 
You might have to end up leaving her if she doesn't want to quit.

Stay strong. <3

I can't do that, she will die or get hurt. We are all alone, have an infant daughter and if I leave I will be on the street. She made some dangerous people mad and if I'm not around they will take advantage and harm her. It's happened 2 times previously. I'm at a loss
 
toothpastedog: Boss gave me a confused nervous laugh and said to keep up the good work.


To anybody who relapses (which is most of us):
I disagree with the notion that we "lose" clean/sober time. Any time not in active addiction is time well spent. Learn from your mistakes and move on.


"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times." -- Mark Twain
 
You might have to end up leaving her if she doesn't want to quit.

Stay strong. <3

I can't do that, she will die or get hurt. We are all alone, have an infant daughter and if I leave I will be on the street. She made some dangerous people mad and if I'm not around they will take advantage and harm her. It's happened 2 times previously. I'm at a loss .

I went to my first appointment and it went ok. Grabbed a book from the library about a guys recovery so maybe it will help me. Just worry about what I'll do when I'm home
 
^ Sounds like a tough situation and I hope everything will end up well eventually
---

Today is the 30th day for me as opiate free! The RLS is killing me tonight though as it is nearly 3AM and I haven't slept at all yet.
 
Hey PD, I can relate.
Alcohol was/is my doc and I have recurring cycles of use surrounding my triggers. My latest was after >2 months without, which led to about a months worth of use.

I know most of us have this compulsion with sober time and as important as that is, remember its just a number. To me whats important is the lessons we learn throughout this journey we call recovery. And given it was only 1 night of use and now its been three days Id say youre learning.

So keep your head up, you should be proud you were able to recognize the error of your ways so quickly.
I definitely agree, and thank you. That is a good way to look at the situation; learning something from it instead of focusing on the amount of time sober. Have you currently been drinking? Wish it wasn't so ingrained into our society sometimes.
 
Dont get me wrong, sober time is a critical part of recovery haha .. But simply not drinking does not guarantee Ill be in a good place.
I can sometimes manage to be quite functional. For a day here or there, if I dont stop there though itll regress pretty quickly to what it used to be.
Thus Im usually much much better without it.

Friday marks 4 weeks without drinking, since my latest binge.
It began over the holidays and just continued into January, simply out of habit.
A family gathering on Sunday definitely tested my restraint as others were clearly drinking to escape. But I managed to refrain.

How about yourself though PD?
53 days sober sounds pretty good to me.
And you say your aware of some of your triggers? Thats really important too.
 
But simply not drinking does not guarantee Ill be in a good place.
Amen to that. People who only stop drinking without understanding what drives it only understand their addiction on a very superficial level. Abstinence≠sobriety.
 
^I understand where you are coming from and I suppose I agree to an extent. I've struggled with mental health issues (namely social anxiety and depression) since I was a pre-teen. Sure it comes and goes, but never truly goes away; regardless of me eating a healthy diet, exercising, drinking lots of water, getting social interaction, etc...so that is what drives me to abuse alcohol and other substances. I guess what I'm getting at is that I've never had an extended period of sobriety in 10 years of use.

With that being said I'm hoping that after a significant amount of sober time under my belt my underlying issues can resolve at least a little bit.

TOC: Well I'm on day 5 of no drinking..not impressive by any means but it's a start (over.) Triggers for me are social anxiety, stress from work, and being in a job where drinking is greatly encouraged, which can get annoying at times. I'm basically in a place where I legally shouldn't drink, so unfortunately this is not completely of my own free-will; although I certainly see why I need to abstain from alcohol for a while and kind of get my neurons back into a decent place if possible lol. Congratulations on 4 weeks too, that's no small feat.
 
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