• Bluelight HOT THREADS
  • Let's Welcome Our NEW MEMBERS!

February 12th is Black Bluelight Day

It has now been 19 years since Bluelight first went “black,” in remembrance of one of our members. Ryan Haight, who many knew as “Quicksilver,” was an exceptional young man and a friend to many here at Bluelight. He was not the first loss this community suffered, and sadly, he has not been the last. It’s for this reason that we take this day each year as a solemn opportunity to remember all whom we’ve lost and reflect on our mission of harm reduction.

Over these past 19 years we’ve watched the world transform in the wake of the opioid epidemic. Few families can now say they have not been impacted in one way or another. As a result, society and medicine have increasingly rejected outdated stereotypes and misperceptions around drugs, drug use, addiction and overdose. As a community we feel our mission is as critical and timely as ever.

Whether you’re a longtime member or new to our community, Bluelight invites you to be part of this important ongoing dialog. We do not condone or condemn drug use, but seek to provide access to information and open discourse designed to encourage wiser choices. In this way we deliver our message of harm reduction where it is most likely to be received.

On behalf of the entire Bluelight community, I hope you join us in taking this time to consider what drug-related harm reduction means to you. We are always looking for new ways to improve the health, safety and well being of those who visit our forums and the greater world around us.

Sincerely,

SG
 

Comments

Lost a friend I met on here in 2012. I had a gut feeling when or Around it happened. We talked on the phone more recent or face book messenger. So i forgot his bluelight name. Happened Around my bday July 31st. Etizolam and a relapse of just one time heroin.... He told me not even weeks before how lucky we are to be alive. The year before that methadone took another BLer but one i knew in person.... Opioids are no joke.

Both i knew somehow a gut feeling.... That they were no longer alive. Its messed up how I knew.... I swear Ice (this is a joke but not) makes me feel things i can't explain. I was tweaking when i had a feeling of both of their deaths....

I was just texting friends today about this and life appreciation and to log on BL randomly (again yes on what i was on when i had my intuitions of their deaths which isnt super common for me to use) and see the black light remembrance thing is earth shaking.

We arent promised tomorrow.
Both died from benzos plus the opioid.

Harm reduction was not followed clearly.... But addiction is a beast and strikes hard. This thread hits home for me right now. I barely am on here anymore.

I am sending personal pms to a couple of you. My latest loss knew a mod very well. Sorry if my post is in anyway inappropriate. Its the first thing i saw before attempting searches.... Now a change of plans. Its what he would have wanted.....good men old fellow bluelighter... Both of them.

Again this timing after a convo tonight about them is crazy.... Be safe all of you. I don't post much... Been around lurking for over a decade though.
 
  • Like
Reactions: CFC
Unfortunately I have lost many friends to drugs. Overdoses, accidents, and suicide due to using drugs or the effects of using. I think this forum is a way people can get information, and feel safe while doing it. No matter who tells people that drugs are bad, or not to do them, people will , and hopefully with these forums and the members in the forum they can do so more safely. I was told by a wise man once that it’s not the drugs that are bad, it’s the amount. Everything is OK in moderation. Food, shopping, exercise, internet, alcohol and drugs. When any of those things become dangerous is when you start doing them in excess. I have two children that are teenagers, I was once a teenager I know the things I did, and I know the things they are going to do. I felt that Drinking and doing drugs were more exciting because my parents told me they were bad and evil! So I’ve definitely told both of my kids that drugs Are out there and you will have friends who will ask you to try something or to have a drink. And as long as you remember moderation and to be responsible. You can say no it doesn’t make you a bad person, but trying it doesn’t make you a bad person either. Both of them have told me when they had smoked weed the first time, drank alcohol the first time and my oldest son told me when he ate some mushrooms. But I’m a proud mom they’re honest with me they were very good students in school. My son has a great job and makes good money and my daughter is enrolled in a good college! Maybe parents should try a different approach, maybe society should try a different approach... maybe they will have a different outcome . So today I think about all of the lives lost all the family suffering and all of the people out there battling demons. God bless u all!
 
The person I lost wasn't on BL, but he was my everything and his death was drug-related.
I have severe Borderline Personal Disorder and because of that and being mentally and sexually abused as a child I always felt so all alone in the world.
I was socially isolated and my brother invited to to the beach with him and his friends (there's only a 16-month age difference) and I for some reason (fate, if you believe in that sort of thing) P was one of his friends that went.
I wasn't physically attracted to him right away but thought he was cute and we talked A LOT as we had so manner opinions and interests in common. We sit together talking (drinking vodka) so much of the time the others kinda made fun of me for acting really "gay" with him. P basically told them to fuck off because we had epic banter and he didn't give a shit if I was gay, straight into bestiality (lol).
Anyway, we got really close really quickly and I saw so happy not to feel empty and alone anymore.
We went to a movie with other friends and as soon as the lights went out he held my hand and didn't let go until the end of the movie.
We started holding hands in public and he's put his arm around my shoulder or waist a lot.
Now the thing is, P is completely straight.
He kissed me once (like full-on with-tongues kiss) and then apologized. I was like "Don't apologize; I think that was literally the best moment in my life"
We hugged and kissed a lot over that and when I slept at his house we would spoon in his bed.
He started crying once saying how he loved me and wished I was a girl (he was't attracted physically to guys at all.

It's very hard to put a label on what we had. We'd occasionally give each other handjobs but it wasn't really a sexual relationship. But we had very strong romantic feelings for each other that want WAY beyond even best friends or a bromance.
I used to call him a part-time lover and a full-time friend until he mentioned "soulmates" and i knew that was the perfect word for us.

Fast forward a few years and we're both alcoholics (we could drink 2 gallons of wine a day between us). We get this idiot idea to cold turkey together. So we rent a hotel room and decide to ride the withdrawal out sleeping/watching TV etc.
Even in severe alcohol withdrawal I wouldn't have traded that time for the world. He was my soulmate (and told me I was his) and every moment with him was perfect. I would happily have gone through invasive genital surgery without anesthesia if he was there to hold my hand.

On the morning of day 3 of our cold turkey I woke up and found him dead on the floor. Apparently he had gotten up in the night to go t the bathroom and had just had a sudden, massive grand mal seizure and died.

There aren't even the words to explain the grief...

After that I tried to kill myself but they didn't even keep me in hospital overnight, just handed me EVEN MORE prescriptions on top of what I got off my regular doctor, my psychiatric doctor,and the pain clinic. I didn't leave my bedroom for 4 months after that just either slept or sat in front of my TV so high I couldn't even speak or walk or communicate with people. I sometimes took over 200 pills a day.

It's a few years later now and I'm coping better but I still think about him every day.
 
Last edited:
The person I lost wasn't on BL, but he was my everything and his death was drug-related.
I have severe Borderline Personal Disorder and because of that and being mentally and sexually abused as a child I always felt so all alone in the world.
I was socially isolated and my brother invited to to the beach with him and his friends (there's only a 16-month age difference) and I for some reason (fate, if you believe in that sort of thing) P was one of his friends that went.
I wasn't physically attracted to him right away but thought he was cute and we talked A LOT as we had so manner opinions and interests in common. We sit together talking (drinking vodka) so much of the time the others kinda made fun of me for acting really "gay" with him. P basically told them to fuck off because we had epic banter and he didn't give a shit if I was gay, straight into bestiality (lol).
Anyway, we got really close really quickly and I saw so happy not to feel empty and alone anymore.
We went to a movie with other friends and as soon as the lights went out he held my hand and didn't let go until the end of the movie.
We started holding hands in public and he's put his arm around my shoulder or waist a lot.
Now the thing is, P is completely straight.
He kissed me once (like full-on with-tongues kiss) and then apologized. I was like "Don't apologize; I think that was literally the best moment in my life"
We hugged and kissed a lot over that and when I slept at his house we would spoon in his bed.
He started crying once saying how he loved me and wished I was a girl (he was't attracted physically to guys at all.

It's very hard to put a label on what we had. We'd occasionally give each other handjobs but it wasn't really a sexual relationship. But we had very strong romantic feelings for each other that want WAY beyond even best friends or a bromance.
I used to call him a part-time lover and a full-time friend until he mentioned "soulmates" and i knew that was the perfect word for us.

Fast forward a few years and we're both alcoholics (we could drink 2 gallons of wine a day between us). We get this idiot idea to cold turkey together. So we rent a hotel room and decide to ride the withdrawal out sleeping/watching TV etc.
Even in severe alcohol withdrawal I wouldn't have traded that time for the world. He was my soulmate (and told me I was his) and every moment with him was perfect. I would happily have gone through invasive genital surgery without anesthesia if he was there to hold my hand.

On the morning of day 3 of our cold turkey I woke up and found him dead on the floor. Apparently he had gotten up in the night to go t the bathroom and had just had a sudden, massive grand mal seizure and died.

There aren't even the words to explain the grief...

After that I tried to kill myself but they didn't even keep me in hospital overnight, just handed me EVEN MORE prescriptions on top of what I got off my regular doctor, my psychiatric doctor,and the pain clinic. I didn't leave my bedroom for 4 months after that just either slept or sat in front of my TV so high I couldn't even speak or walk or communicate with people. I sometimes took over 200 pills a day.

It's a few years later now and I'm coping better but I still think about him every day.
I'm so sorry. :(
 
I lost my brother almost six years ago. He was an occasional heroin user and was very careful, but he must have got a strong batch. He was also alone. They found him the next morning with a needle still in his arm.

My consolation is he was down the beach, fishing, which he loved. It’s a beautiful beach near where we grew up.

I chose this for his funeral. My parents protested it was too heavy but he loved Faith No More. He was a bass player for 20 years and music was a huge part of his life.


 
  • Sad
Reactions: CFC
Unfortunately I have lost many friends to drugs. Overdoses, accidents, and suicide due to using drugs or the effects of using. I think this forum is a way people can get information, and feel safe while doing it. No matter who tells people that drugs are bad, or not to do them, people will , and hopefully with these forums and the members in the forum they can do so more safely. I was told by a wise man once that it’s not the drugs that are bad, it’s the amount. Everything is OK in moderation. Food, shopping, exercise, internet, alcohol and drugs. When any of those things become dangerous is when you start doing them in excess. I have two children that are teenagers, I was once a teenager I know the things I did, and I know the things they are going to do. I felt that Drinking and doing drugs were more exciting because my parents told me they were bad and evil! So I’ve definitely told both of my kids that drugs Are out there and you will have friends who will ask you to try something or to have a drink. And as long as you remember moderation and to be responsible. You can say no it doesn’t make you a bad person, but trying it doesn’t make you a bad person either. Both of them have told me when they had smoked weed the first time, drank alcohol the first time and my oldest son told me when he ate some mushrooms. But I’m a proud mom they’re honest with me they were very good students in school. My son has a great job and makes good money and my daughter is enrolled in a good college! Maybe parents should try a different approach, maybe society should try a different approach... maybe they will have a different outcome . So today I think about all of the lives lost all the family suffering and all of the people out there battling demons. God bless u all!
Glad to hear you're doing better! I haven't been on this site in ages, but I've always kept the login info just in case. Today when I signed on your story was the first one and damn, it hit me. I'm so sorry for your loss, I know that's just what people say, but I feel called to say it too. Not just the words though, I'm sending virtual hugs to you. Sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry that you're still hurting. Lots of hope & love sent your way, keep on keeping on! I know it's not always easy, but you're still here for a reason. Remember the best of him and carry on. ❤❤❤
The person I lost wasn't on BL, but he was my everything and his death was drug-related.
I have severe Borderline Personal Disorder and because of that and being mentally and sexually abused as a child I always felt so all alone in the world.
I was socially isolated and my brother invited to to the beach with him and his friends (there's only a 16-month age difference) and I for some reason (fate, if you believe in that sort of thing) P was one of his friends that went.
I wasn't physically attracted to him right away but thought he was cute and we talked A LOT as we had so manner opinions and interests in common. We sit together talking (drinking vodka) so much of the time the others kinda made fun of me for acting really "gay" with him. P basically told them to fuck off because we had epic banter and he didn't give a shit if I was gay, straight into bestiality (lol).
Anyway, we got really close really quickly and I saw so happy not to feel empty and alone anymore.
We went to a movie with other friends and as soon as the lights went out he held my hand and didn't let go until the end of the movie.
We started holding hands in public and he's put his arm around my shoulder or waist a lot.
Now the thing is, P is completely straight.
He kissed me once (like full-on with-tongues kiss) and then apologized. I was like "Don't apologize; I think that was literally the best moment in my life"
We hugged and kissed a lot over that and when I slept at his house we would spoon in his bed.
He started crying once saying how he loved me and wished I was a girl (he was't attracted physically to guys at all.

It's very hard to put a label on what we had. We'd occasionally give each other handjobs but it wasn't really a sexual relationship. But we had very strong romantic feelings for each other that want WAY beyond even best friends or a bromance.
I used to call him a part-time lover and a full-time friend until he mentioned "soulmates" and i knew that was the perfect word for us.

Fast forward a few years and we're both alcoholics (we could drink 2 gallons of wine a day between us). We get this idiot idea to cold turkey together. So we rent a hotel room and decide to ride the withdrawal out sleeping/watching TV etc.
Even in severe alcohol withdrawal I wouldn't have traded that time for the world. He was my soulmate (and told me I was his) and every moment with him was perfect. I would happily have gone through invasive genital surgery without anesthesia if he was there to hold my hand.

On the morning of day 3 of our cold turkey I woke up and found him dead on the floor. Apparently he had gotten up in the night to go t the bathroom and had just had a sudden, massive grand mal seizure and died.

There aren't even the words to explain the grief...

After that I tried to kill myself but they didn't even keep me in hospital overnight, just handed me EVEN MORE prescriptions on top of what I got off my regular doctor, my psychiatric doctor,and the pain clinic. I didn't leave my bedroom for 4 months after that just either slept or sat in front of my TV so high I couldn't even speak or walk or communicate with people. I sometimes took over 200 pills a day.

It's a few years later now and I'm coping better but I still think about him every day.
 
  • Like
Reactions: CFC
just so sad at many lives have been lost to the curse of drug addiction the forgotten generation of my age group in Edinburgh of the 1980s are mostly gone now rip and god bless
 
  • Sad
Reactions: CFC
It has now been 19 years since Bluelight first went “black,” in remembrance of one of our members. Ryan Haight, who many knew as “Quicksilver,” was an exceptional young man and a friend to many here at Bluelight. He was not the first loss this community suffered, and sadly, he has not been the last. It’s for this reason that we take this day each year as a solemn opportunity to remember all whom we’ve lost and reflect on our mission of harm reduction.

Over these past 19 years we’ve watched the world transform in the wake of the opioid epidemic. Few families can now say they have not been impacted in one way or another. As a result, society and medicine have increasingly rejected outdated stereotypes and misperceptions around drugs, drug use, addiction and overdose. As a community we feel our mission is as critical and timely as ever.

Whether you’re a longtime member or new to our community, Bluelight invites you to be part of this important ongoing dialog. We do not condone or condemn drug use, but seek to provide access to information and open discourse designed to encourage wiser choices. In this way we deliver our message of harm reduction where it is most likely to be received.

On behalf of the entire Bluelight community, I hope you join us in taking this time to consider what drug-related harm reduction means to you. We are always looking for new ways to improve the health, safety and well being of those who visit our forums and the greater world around us.

Sincerely,

SG
I am a new member to BL, but I want to send my condolences for the loss! Wish I had the chance to have a chat with him. Rest in sweet peace.
 
  • Like
Reactions: CFC
Just lost one of my best friends to heroin/fentanyl on 2/20/20 .. I had just recently had told him about this site and encouraged him to look into it. I wish I would’ve pressed harder and sooner on the notion of him to do so and maybe he would have still be alive today. I encourage everyone that has friends that use but do not use this site to do so even if they all end up telling you they’re not interested (like most of mine did). You never know you could’ve had the chance to save a life until it’s gone.
 
I'm fairly new here. I've gotten a lot of information from here and I tell nearly everyone I know that uses about bluelight. Like most of you I've lost friends to drugs and yet I still use. Almost 3 years ago I was supposed to go stay the night with a friend and watch Disney movies. Neither of us could find me a ride so I wasn't able to go. The next morning her parents found her face down in the fetal position on her bedroom floor dead. Apparently she got ahold of some heroin laced with fentynol and banged too much. I have borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, panic attacks, severe depression, add, PTSD, ocd, and probably everything in-between. Needless to say i feel guilty about not having been there for her. I know cpr, she would've had to hit me first (I can't hit myself) and im the suicidal one not her. And then just about a month ago my husband accidentally did too much and nearly died. I couldn't get him to wake up, his face wad gray, lips purple, he had a hard time breathing and his eye were rolled back in his head. He'd made me promise sometime before this that no matter what I wouldn't call 911. I paced the floors, cried, yelled, i was lost, I don't have friends so i had noone to call. Noone. It took him several hours to come to and even then he wasn't 'right'. The next day i told him about the entire nightmare. We are still both daily users,ice mostly but recently heroin has become part of our daily thing. We've been at it for almost 2 years now and he's all but run out of places to hit himself and although I didn't start banging until way after him, im running out of places he can hit me. He's got a court date for possession coming up on the 2nd and if he's convicted and has to serve time, I don't know what I'll do. I can't work and ive been denied disability twice already, so i have no income. I told him this morning that i was planning suicide on the 1st. Accidentally slipped out while i was between awake and asleep. I've got no insurance so i cant go to any doctor or councilor besides they don't really help me anyways. I just feel like sometimes we get through and sometimes we don't when it comes to warning others about drug use. I miss my friend. I misd the old me before all the ugly the world showed me and changed me. Im sorry anyone has to suffer, it makes it harder for me to believe in a higher power. Now I'm just on the fence. Sorry if i bored ya or posted in the wrong place.
 
I hate this.. I hope towns and cities decide that all lives deserve to be here and that people need to stop dying from this shit. There's so many ways to prevent ODs. I found my boyfriend ODd and he never came back..people loved him but to everyone else it's like he is dehumanized because of how he died..even my sadness is minimized by people because of how he died. It was all a horrible wakeup call to see how society treats drug related deaths. This was a little over two months ago and it's painful. I want to please beg everyone to watch out for your friends..heroin is Killing people left and right and it CAN happen. I am lucky that H was never in my life- I started catching on that my boyfriend was back on it but I didn't have confirmation until his cause of death was determined.

Edit-. I was napping when my boyfriend said he was walking to the store. I woke up like 4 hours later and went out to smoke a cigarette. I found him basically frozen to death in the snow on his walkway. I was very confused because it didn't make sense - I also use some things and I knew his routine for other types of things(trying to be a little vague) I had a hunch about what may have happened (and was right that he had gotten a ride with "friends"and it bugs me so badly that people didn't keep an eye on him. I blame myself sometimes too-not really blame but why was I sleeping, why didn't I get out there earlier. He was there the whole time I was sleeping, practically.. just keep an eye on your friends
- maybe the immediate consequences seem horrifying but living with that type of guilt is unbearable(i have the guilt but mine is probably minimal compared to anyone
else that may have been involved)

Anyways RIP to Quicksilver and also I hope everyone who has lost someone has found a way to grieve that is productive. My ways have been very damaging to my life.
 
Last edited:
It has now been 19 years since Bluelight first went “black,” in remembrance of one of our members. Ryan Haight, who many knew as “Quicksilver,” was an exceptional young man and a friend to many here at Bluelight. He was not the first loss this community suffered, and sadly, he has not been the last. It’s for this reason that we take this day each year as a solemn opportunity to remember all whom we’ve lost and reflect on our mission of harm reduction.

Over these past 19 years we’ve watched the world transform in the wake of the opioid epidemic. Few families can now say they have not been impacted in one way or another. As a result, society and medicine have increasingly rejected outdated stereotypes and misperceptions around drugs, drug use, addiction and overdose. As a community we feel our mission is as critical and timely as ever.

Whether you’re a longtime member or new to our community, Bluelight invites you to be part of this important ongoing dialog. We do not condone or condemn drug use, but seek to provide access to information and open discourse designed to encourage wiser choices. In this way we deliver our message of harm reduction where it is most likely to be received.

On behalf of the entire Bluelight community, I hope you join us in taking this time to consider what drug-related harm reduction means to you. We are always looking for new ways to improve the health, safety and well being of those who visit our forums and the greater world around us.

Sincerely,

SG
<3
 
Top