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Father fraternizing with my Ex

telepathetic

telepathetic

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 16, 2010
Messages
2,287
So, this is only a piece of what triggered me so bad, but my first ex hurt me really badly, intentionally, and also left me a week before our wedding. That wasn't how she hurt me, and I dont care to get into it... but let's just say I suffered narcissistic discard for the first time and developed a complex from it.

Well anyway, turns out my father is friends with and talks to her to this day on social media. I mean she lived with us for 5 years when I was 15-20, but still.

Is that normal? Is that okay? My sister doesn't even talk to him because of how he got involved with some of her old friends who she isn't cool with.

He's also made comments during fights in the past and known things about others who are not in my life, as if he keeps in contact with them as well

What gives?

He isn't this way with all of my exes, he hates one of them rightfully. I guess he just had a bond of sorts with this one, but you'd think he would understand its inappropriate.
 
Sorry for fraternising with your father :(

On a serious note: yeah, he's being totally inappropriate. I was very, very close with my brother and his girlfriend a while back. Not in an weird way, but my brother and I got along really well then and she ended up being my best friend so the three of us hung out a lot. She had Borderline Personality Disorder (as do I) so unsurprisingly they had a very bad breakup. Remaining impartial, it was 100% her. As a fellow Borderline I can completely understand where she was coming from and I don't hold it against her, but the whole mess was entirely because of how unstable she was.
I found it very hard when they split that badly, but when it became obvious they couldn't even be civil and cut ties I had to choose, I stuck with my brother. I would have done that even if the breakup and fights were his fault (and this is a rare case where he at most had 1% of the blame) but I made my choice and I have not seen or heard from her in years.

My example is less serious than yours, but same deal in that your father should stick by you 100% with this.
At that time, too, I was badly alcohol dependant and socially isolated apart from the two of them (no other friends or family wanted anything to do with me). So if in that situation I could do the right thing, SURELY your dad should be able to, too.

My parents tend to do the same. My brothers most recent partner (they were engaged) was a spiteful sociopath (I mean an actual sociopath, I'm using that correctly, not as in insult) and lived with us for 18 months. I spent EIGHTEEN MONTHS trying to convince my brother and parents about her and they all took her side. It took THAT long before they saw her true colours and realised I was telling the truth but it was almost too late by then.
In "The Best Day" Taylor Swift sings (of her mom) "you were always on my side, even when I was wrong" and it used to make me cry because my parents NEVER took my side.

Sorry, this is your rant, not mine. But I empathise completely.
 
The idea of talking to your mother is probably the right idea.
 
schizoinfective said:
how should I approach him about that?
Click to expand...


Tell him how you feel about it.

My dad said "Why should I cut him off just because you two have split up?"

I said, "If any cunt treated my daughter and grand daughter exactly as he treated me. I would hate to have anything to do with him seeing what he has done".

It worked.
 
w01fg4ng said:
She probably wants a threesome.
Click to expand...
While my family is fucked up, it's not that bad...

Now did you mean my mother wants one with me and my dad? Or my ex and my dad and me? Or my ex, my dad, and my mother? :/

(And come on, I know your being facetious, but a threesome between a best friend and a wife especially with mdma involved, sort of likely IME)
 
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