Hi all, partner here.
Thank you for taking the time to post such heart felt messages in tribute of a man who I am proud to have known and changed my life beyond comprehension. I'm glad to know he's been letting some of you also know his spirit is still around and looking out for you. It freaked me out a few times at first, but now I find it comforting. You all must need him more than me at the moment as I've not felt him with me for any length of time for a good few days now. I'm pleased he's looking out for you and that his kindness touched your lives. He is very special to me and it's good to see how many people thought of him as uniquely special too.
It's taken me all this time, since I broke the news to Herbavore about Sepher's passing on this life, to come here and read this thread. It's had me sobbing, and a couple of smiles of recognition (moose, bumblebees, pervy pics and women's underwear - you've no idea how to explain the size 10 pink lacy pants are his... to a relative!) even now I can't stop the tears as I type. I never thought I'd post here as I was a lurker to make sure he was OK on the quiet, and he knew deep down I was in the background here as he sent me some posts he'd made. In checking in on him, I began following some of your journeys too with their peaks and troughs, silently celebrating your successes and feeling proud for you, knowing Sepher would be there with a post. He was at his best when helping people and sharing information. I'm incredibly proud of him.
I was his partner of 9 years and have known him for 10 years. Some of the best and worst 10 years of my life which we rode together. I miss him deeply and can't tell you all how privileged to say he was my world. I love him even now and don't really know how I can go on without him. We had some really complicated times and sometimes you give tough love to get someone to where they need to be. I didn't like his addicts behaviours but I never stopped loving him. I'm so very glad that we kissed and made up before he died as I don't think I'd have ever forgiven myself for not telling him I loved him, I just hope he knew in those final moments of his sudden unexpected death just how much I love him and forever. Please take comfort in knowing that his death was not intentional.
I never got tired of his hugs, laughter, the smiles, the quick witted retorts, our 'in jokes', him holding me when I was crying, me holding him when he sobbed his heart out over many mistakes and demons past. The fun and laughter, dancing around our living room or kitchen, going out and cutting up the dance floor, nights in the village, walking the dogs, raising our ferrets, him whispering I love you into my hair when I fell asleep on his chest in the nook of his arm, the rows when we'd both stand our ground and then cuddling or cracking up laughing after we'd made up. Snuggling watching favourite programmes together, reading internet forums over shoulders and laughing or crying (or crying laughing sometimes) and generally sharing our lives. He taught me so very much, the list is endless... mainly general 'domestic god' things like how to cook (though it was never as good as his efforts), politics, history, social movements, how to love and unconditionally.
It so difficult typing this out as there is so much I want to put but I don't even know where to begin with what a hole it's left. I'm getting increasingly desperate to speak with him and the finality is so hard to handle.
Big hugs to you all, love and light. x
