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Benzos Etizolam

You won't find judgment here, an please share all you want, consider it online group therapy, but you should seek help in some form IRL too, the importance of having a support structure in place can't be underestimated.
 
Thank you so much, the most worthwhile thing all evening? for some reason it brought a tear to my eye.
No I didn't take it but it was infront of me and I felt no escape, huge problems lately. I have gone through all the mental and drug counciling, I just still cannot seem to get over the fact I was told I cannot drink ever again.
So I keep drinking wine every other day or so, it's my birthday next week I will probobly drink, I mean not huge amounts... I'm improving myself, eating healthy, exercising, I just want to drink with my friends... why can I not drink, I hate this pancrititus diagnosis.

I run a very stressful business which is really getting to me, maybe I should just realise happyness is more than money and escape somehow, somewhere? Too many things going through my head right now I am not even sure if im making sense right now.
Thanks friends.... ugh your so nice, felt like I had noone for a second and signed up here and wow...

So many stories and reports I can share....
 
A long time ago a vendor on the OG SR told me he was leaving the business because "sometimes you're riding a horse that's at a gallop and you're just doing whatever you can to hold on, but I've realized I can get off and walk in the direction I choose" or something like that. My brain is fried from drugs and I am paraphrasing badly.

But I've kept that in mind as I've gone through my own disastrous 2 or 3 years here, and it's true. Sometimes we destroy ourselves trying to achieve some objective we think is so important, when the truth is that it isn't at all - but we can't see that until we let go.

Better to be a happy person with some degree of peace with the world than to be "successful" if it will cost you everything to get there.
 
I just find myself in a pradicament, taking over a family business, with huge anxiety to the point where I don't socialise or have any friends and have isolated myself from everyone since my primary school years. Due to this I abused alcohol to an extreme level mixed with large amounts of etizolam, this followed by my ICU severe acute pancritius which followed by hevay Xanax useage after the hospital gave it me to calm down. Since then I try to find anything to releave me.

Don't get me wrong though I have taken hundreds of chemicals before all of this, but trying to take care of my parents by running a very stressfull business while my employess (who are 3 times my age) seem to hate me for taking over the business, it just seems so much. Everything I do doesn't work. Huge anxiety, living in the country isolated, moving into my own house in the city just now, coming off alcohol and benzos and having pretty much no social experience... I feel like I am whining again, just all these things keep leading to me for example just trying to neck 500mg Etizolam, while right now I'm drinking awful tasting cooking cherry right now.... which could kill me if I get a pancritius falre up, which is possible.

Yes once again I am being selfish... life is too precious but sometimes we don't think straight and the pressure is awfull

Even drinking this cherry and white wine combined I feel paranoid I am being judged.. I have everything I need and I feel this way
 
No worries man, people (including myself) say and do much worse shit than tell a lie on a website.

Taking over the business and all the pressure that goes along with supporting your family is major stress. I know I couldn't handle the life I was living and I ultimately had to strip it to the bare essentials or I was going to die. You'll have to weigh your own decisions, figure out what's best for you, but if current circumstances are unmanageable, then something has to change.
 
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