I'll try to keep this brief, I want to know how to proceed here, any input or suggestions would be great.
Long story short I believe I've been suffering from pretty severe panic disorder for about 5 months now, since late august although I've always had moderate social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I went to see my GP and told him my symptoms which were/are basically when I'm out in public, waiting in lines, going to the store etc I feel borderline like I'm going to pass out, get dizzyish, generally feel like I'm going crazy and losing my mind, get confused. My GP drew a few viles of blood, did an EKG and listened to my heart and all that. bloodwork all came back normal, EKG was fine. He didn't hear anything off with my heartbeat. He then referred me to a cardiologist which I never followed up on. I'm a 28 year old male and workout 5-6 days a week I don't believe I have heart issues.
Now, I have really crappy insurance through my job. Very high deductibles it costs me $170 to go see a Dr. No idea what a specialist would cost if I could find one in network. After suffering through the last few months barely functioning at work, on the verge of freaking out all day. I had become very depressed, to the point where I was considering just driving my truck into a tree on the way to work more days than not and then coming home drinking a bottle of wine and getting horrible sleep and waking up with worse anxiety for the first half of the day and repeating this with very few days off drinking. After doing research for a few weeks I sourced some etizolam and have been self medicating myself for the last 10 days using .5mg 3x a day for a total of 1.5mg. I've been taking one when I wake up, one late afternoon, and one about an hour before bed.
My life has done a complete 180 from where I was at just 2 weeks ago, for example I went out shopping with my girlfriend today for an hour to various stores and didn't want to just run out the door and get home. I went and got my haircut which I had been wanting to do for months but was honestly too freaked out to do, I was worried I would have a panic attack in the barbers chair and the stylist would hack my hair off and I'd be running outa there looking like god knows what. I am not using etizolam recreationally at all, I just want to be able to be a functioning adult again I have no desire to get high from them.
I guess my question is, how badly am I gonna screw myself if I continue to take etizolam. I've used phenibut in the past and gone through the withdrawals from that subtance a good 3-4 times. Not pleasant but manageable. I have read benzo withdrawal is similiar but lasts longer which I really don't want to deal with, but I feel like I am at the point where I'm choosing between being thienotriazolodiazepine dependent and functioning well in my daily life, or going back to being an anxiety ridden mess and wanting to off myself everyday. Ideally I know I should see a psychiatrist about this, but that costs money I honestly don't have right now so I'm making due the best I can.
Thoughts or suggestions would be fantastic.
Long story short I believe I've been suffering from pretty severe panic disorder for about 5 months now, since late august although I've always had moderate social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I went to see my GP and told him my symptoms which were/are basically when I'm out in public, waiting in lines, going to the store etc I feel borderline like I'm going to pass out, get dizzyish, generally feel like I'm going crazy and losing my mind, get confused. My GP drew a few viles of blood, did an EKG and listened to my heart and all that. bloodwork all came back normal, EKG was fine. He didn't hear anything off with my heartbeat. He then referred me to a cardiologist which I never followed up on. I'm a 28 year old male and workout 5-6 days a week I don't believe I have heart issues.
Now, I have really crappy insurance through my job. Very high deductibles it costs me $170 to go see a Dr. No idea what a specialist would cost if I could find one in network. After suffering through the last few months barely functioning at work, on the verge of freaking out all day. I had become very depressed, to the point where I was considering just driving my truck into a tree on the way to work more days than not and then coming home drinking a bottle of wine and getting horrible sleep and waking up with worse anxiety for the first half of the day and repeating this with very few days off drinking. After doing research for a few weeks I sourced some etizolam and have been self medicating myself for the last 10 days using .5mg 3x a day for a total of 1.5mg. I've been taking one when I wake up, one late afternoon, and one about an hour before bed.
My life has done a complete 180 from where I was at just 2 weeks ago, for example I went out shopping with my girlfriend today for an hour to various stores and didn't want to just run out the door and get home. I went and got my haircut which I had been wanting to do for months but was honestly too freaked out to do, I was worried I would have a panic attack in the barbers chair and the stylist would hack my hair off and I'd be running outa there looking like god knows what. I am not using etizolam recreationally at all, I just want to be able to be a functioning adult again I have no desire to get high from them.
I guess my question is, how badly am I gonna screw myself if I continue to take etizolam. I've used phenibut in the past and gone through the withdrawals from that subtance a good 3-4 times. Not pleasant but manageable. I have read benzo withdrawal is similiar but lasts longer which I really don't want to deal with, but I feel like I am at the point where I'm choosing between being thienotriazolodiazepine dependent and functioning well in my daily life, or going back to being an anxiety ridden mess and wanting to off myself everyday. Ideally I know I should see a psychiatrist about this, but that costs money I honestly don't have right now so I'm making due the best I can.
Thoughts or suggestions would be fantastic.
