• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Mental Health Eating disorders support thread v.2

^
this is an ed support thread not a diet thread, if you want support because you're suffering i'll give it to you but i don't think you'll get support to do this here, and i find it quite triggering.

you obviously have an ed, get help, don't go back to a candy diet, don't fast, get help. throwing up bile is not a good sign and just shows you need to get help.
 
your right, i am trying to eat healthy at least semi healthy, but everyonce in awhile i get these stupid ideas in my head. I guess i should keep them to myselve though. sorry
 
don't keep them to yourself, as i said (well not exactly but its what i intended to communicate) if you want support for the feelings that make you have these stupid ideas, then you'll get it, but not for the ideas themselves cos no one wants to help you kill yourself! so maybe just phrase them so they don't sound so 'pro-ed'.
 
your right, i am trying to eat healthy at least semi healthy, but everyonce in awhile i get these stupid ideas in my head. I guess i should keep them to myselve though. sorry

No hun, that's what this thread is here for, to voice your thoughts and seek advice, so please don't feel inhibited from doing so at any time. But we do have to keep in mind the certain aspects of some comments which might be triggering to people who are trying to abstain from their old eating disorder habits. If you're in any doubt if what you want to say might be triggering, feel free to PM one of us mods to check if it's okay <3
 
Last edited:
P&B cycle strikes! HARD! Two weeks of everything going in improper quantities (serving size plus a bit on occasion, in the speedy haze I go into when I binge) and everything going out. Swollen throat, dizziness changing high from laying/sitting/standing... GROSS. I just want to shrink my stomach again and HAVE CONTROL!!! I know I am going to have to up my daily, yet restricted calories to avoid this is the future but I feel like I just cannot stop now.
 
I've kinda avoided TDS mostly since joining here, but I popped in (as you might see in the social thread) because of something that upset me today, and I just noticed this thread.

I really don't know what's wrong with me because I'm not sure what kind of specialist to see about it, and what to say to them, but basically, I can't eat 99% of food. For the last 6 months, every day for dinner I've had a margherita pizza. I can sometimes eat different foods that I don't normally eat if they're very well prepared, but it seems I'm a picky eater to the extreme. Most food makes me gag, and after eating I often feel very sick (never throw up though), I'm unable to force myself to eat the food I don't like, and even eating the food I like is tiresome for me.

One thing I've noticed is that I can generally eat very plain foods, e.g. a cheese sandwich, margherita pizzas, pasta, veggie cutlets (I'm veggie if that didn't give it away) etc

So I was wondering, does anyone else in here have the same problem, and have you had any success in battling it? It's gotten to the point for me where sometimes I just give up and skip meals, and I hate myself when I do that.. :(
 
^^ JG, I can definitely relate to what you're sayin .. I have never considered myself to have any sort of "eating disorder," not even sure how I got into this thread (curiosity I suppose).
I've always been quite skinny and about 40 lbs under ideal weight (I've been about 6'3 / 135 lbs, or ~ 1.9 m / 61 kg for those of you with a sensible measurement system). I am not now, and with a few days' worth of exceptions, have never been a stimulant user.

Over the last couple years, though, I've found it progressively harder to eat anything more than one full meal with a few supplements throughout the day. Huge swaths of potential food/meals I used to eat/enjoy have been scratched from the list as too unhealthy/complex/whatever.

Right now for breakfast/lunch I'm eating a can of peaches (which I won't be able to finish). Yesterday it was 6 oz. of milk, with some organic tomato soup and carrots.

I'm no health nut (unfortunately); I try to eat healthy, but for dinner usually binge on something unhealthy like too much pizza or burritos .. then always feel bad about it and restrict what I eat the next day.

I've been teased my entire life about my weight, even now when I'm well into adulthood. From this I can definitely relate to all those who treat such chastising as further motivation to resist gaining weight .. my skeleton frame has become a personal identity of sorts; when others give me crap it only re-enforces in my mind that I'm better as a result.

Just recently I've experienced some minor-to-moderate, random/unexplainable stomach/G.I. issues, which has only inspired me to eat even more sparsely. I swore to myself I'd start eating healthier, but I'm rather stuck in my habits, so we'll see how that turns out.

For the past ~7 years I've really wanted to gain weight, but I think I might have dropped to about 130 this summer (not sure, just how I feel).
Probably has something to do with why I've never been in a relationship :|

I really wanted to convert to vegetarianism (for ethical reasons), but after struggling on and off for a couple months I abandoned it; I don't lack the creativity or food resources to come up with enough meat-free food to keep me alive.

Amazing how we can handle so many other personal problems, but at the end of it all, the most basic human survival item of food intake is still something we can't properly master.
 
Ironically I actually became vegetarian *because* of my eating trouble, I thought "Hell, I barely eat meat as it is, and in the past when I did, I always thought that if I could give up meat, I'd love to be vegetarian - so why not?" - and I did.

I don't have a healthy diet, but I didn't really before I turned vegetarian either, I usually didn't eat meat aside from the occasional ham sandwich, and I liked even less types of food than I do now.

My current daily intake is pretty much:

- Bowl of cereal for breakfast (Honey nut cheerios if that's of any relevance)
- Margherita pizza for dinner

And if I'm not feeling too lazy:
- Cheese on toast or a roll with cheese for supper

That's it..

I'm 5'9 and weigh 55.5kg last I checked.
 
i hate b&p'ing! at least its only ice cream, i just wish i could control these stupid fucking urges
 
*bump*

How is everyone going in here??

I've fallen off the healthy wagon. Started the b&p cycle again a couple of days ago. Haven't eaten yet today (it's nearly midday), and I'm dreading the moment when I have to eat something.

I look in the mirror and I see a fat person. I see it with my own eyes, I know it's not an illusion or only in my mind. I can see the fat. But then I remember back to a few years ago when I also saw a fat person in the mirror, and now I look at photos from back then and I was a stick.....so I have no idea what to believe.

I am dreading my future because I know I'm now at the age where my metabolism is only going to continue to slow down, therefore I'm only going to get fatter from here on in. That is extraordinarily depressing... :(

I just feel like crying, I can't stop obsessing over my appearance. I am seriously contemplating serious measures like liposuction or taking up smoking meth. Fuckin crazy.
 
Thanks for bumping this N3o, was thinking of posting an ED thread myself recently but was too ashamed to...Am full of Shame atm

It is fucking Crazy! Dunno what it is, ATM Im eating like Im going to die. I havnt been purging and because of this Im just in a non stop eating cycle. I just would love to take something to make me sleep for a few days so I could break the cycle. Ugh!
Im afraid if I purge that Il start to control my weight coming up to Christmas and i'l get into the Obsession again. I dont want any of my mates to see me with weight on so Ive been avoiding people.
Im so fuking stuck.:(

I just feel like crying, I can't stop obsessing over my appearance.

^Its so Cruel.

Thats the thing, Im rebeling against B/P'ing and fasting cause I know if I lose weight it wont Satisfy, and Il continue on the weight loss buzz all the while feeling miserable that its never enough.

When I do lose weight my face becomes wizened and I feel I look older and uglier, even though my body looks better. When I put on weight my face looks better and my body goes gross. WTF???????!!!!!!!! NO CONTROL OVER THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!:!
Really dont want to go back to OA meetings, there even more depressing and I end up competing to get as thin as people in there. 8)

Sorry to be so negative, am just sick of it!:(

Achieving some goal to deter from the obsessive compulsive stuff usually helps somewhat.
Am seeing a person next week dealing with Careers so it might refocus my mental objectives.
Need to Excercise. Need to get out and meet people(even if I feel like Jabba the Huts ugly twin!).
Prayers.<3
 
Oh honey I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment too :( <3

I know exactly what you mean by not wanting to see your mates because of your weight gain. Hun, they won't care!! And I doubt you've even put any actual weight on anyway. I think it will help you immensely to socialise with them actually, so if you can just bite the bullet and meet up with them, it might take your mind off your ED for now.

Do you do any exercise?


My boyfriend came home yesterday (he works away from home and he's on his break atm), and I told him what I've been doing......not sure why I told him, I had actually planned on NOT telling him. And he got angry :( I appreciate why it upsets him. I told him that him being angry at me wasn't going to help. I was desperate to purge after dinner but there is no way I can do it with him home, he knows my actions leading up to and after I've done it, even if I was to do it after he'd gone to bed he would know. Grrrrr!
 
Hey lovelies,

And you all better know that you are..

In addition to a 4 year opiate addiction, I've been fortunate enough to have had bouts of anorexic behavior in the past as well. It began way before my heavier drug use but simply became your typical poor nutrition that comes with the heroin chic lifestyle. Now that I have recommitted to my subutex program, I find myself controlling food once again. Without the complete focus it takes to sustain a proper addiction, I distract myself now with obsessive thoughts about food.

Despite the cold season, bundled up under five pounds of clothing, I am suddenly frozen with ridiculous insecurities. I feel shame when I eat and proud when I do not.

I have little advice to give but want to send well wishes to you all out there with these issues. Be easy on yourselves, and try to enjoy the holiday feasts with little guilt. You deserve the same comforts that everyone else is entitled.
 
If it helps any, there are a lot of guys out there who find women with a little bit of weight on them to be far more attractive than stick-thin skinny girls.

I love curvy women - they're a HUGE turn on for me. Partially because I'm an ass man I think. Thin models make me gag. Ick.
 
Last edited:
Oh honey I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment too :( <3

I know exactly what you mean by not wanting to see your mates because of your weight gain. Hun, they won't care!! And I doubt you've even put any actual weight on anyway. I think it will help you immensely to socialise with them actually, so if you can just bite the bullet and meet up with them, it might take your mind off your ED for now.

Do you do any exercise?


My boyfriend came home yesterday (he works away from home and he's on his break atm), and I told him what I've been doing......not sure why I told him, I had actually planned on NOT telling him. And he got angry :( I appreciate why it upsets him. I told him that him being angry at me wasn't going to help. I was desperate to purge after dinner but there is no way I can do it with him home, he knows my actions leading up to and after I've done it, even if I was to do it after he'd gone to bed he would know. Grrrrr!

Mass hugs. <3 <3 :(

I haven't been doing too well lately. It's been up and down. :\
 
^ME too hun! Be easy on you Hayzzz.<3


My boyfriend came home yesterday (he works away from home and he's on his break atm), and I told him what I've been doing......not sure why I told him, I had actually planned on NOT telling him. And he got angry I appreciate why it upsets him. I told him that him being angry at me wasn't going to help.

I find when people get angry I only react defensively and angrily back. Remember though it is the E.D. that he's pissed off at and not you. I know that sounds very ''Docter Phil'' lol, but personally when it's talked about in the third person I find it's easier to Addresse the issue without feeling like a complete failure! I am sure he does love ya, but doesnt understand the complexities...this can be really frustrating when pple dont understand!<3

It's very hard to be active with an E.D. and mantain close realtionships, which is a blessing to keep on the straight and Narrow but a curse when you are screaming for a release ie B/P. :(

I excercise more in the Summer N3o but often can take this too far. In the Winter I tend to get sluggish and just want to sleep all the time. Am trying to get walks in as much as possible ATM tho, it does help! :)

Despite the cold season, bundled up under five pounds of clothing, I am suddenly frozen with ridiculous insecurities. I feel shame when I eat and proud when I do not.
I have little advice to give but want to send well wishes to you all out there with these issues. Be easy on yourselves, and try to enjoy the holiday feasts with little guilt. You deserve the same comforts that everyone else is entitled.
^I hear ya girl, Guilt makes things worse.
Thanks for the kind wishes, right back at ya doll! :D<3

If it helps any, there are a lot of guys out there who find women with a little bit of weight on them to be far more attractive than stick-thin skinny girls.

I love curvy women - they're a HUGE turn on for me. Partially because I'm an ass man I think. Thin models make me gag. Ick

Thanks for the vote of confidence.:), My b/f tells me this too but I rekon its more to do with how you dont feel good about/cant accept yourself rather than just getting thin(although this can be part of it too). Feelings and perception about yourself or even your Character can be reflected by an Eating Disorder. I have been overweight and felt horrible about my shape and I have been severly underweight and felt awful about the way I looked so, I really rekon its more about Accepting whats out of your control more than anything. Personally I often feel my general shape is just off, sometimes I believe if I can get to a certain weight it will change my Face!!!! Sometimes I even feel I dont deserve Food because I'm not a decent person or othertimes I eat to Elevate my Mood. With me its all about wanting to sculpt myself inside and outside into what I think will make me appear better and I cant do this, yet drive myself demented trying and obsessing.:/
 
But what's the underlying drive behind trying to improve your appearance? What's the point of being more "physically attractive", at least in your own eyes, if you will? Is it to feel more confident? If so, then do you derive your confidence and self worth through how you think others view you? Or is it that you simply feel happy when your physical appearance matches the one you want? In that case, think carefully and see if you can identify why you even want your physical appearance to be the one that you want.
 
It's not a rational Problem that can be solved by rational answers alone, thats one thing I know. I think carefully all the time about it, Im a pretty intelligent person but thinking and trying to solve it, doesnt make it go away. Its not black/white. Dealing with something of this nature for 16 years you realise just how complicated it is and its also different for each Individual. The Media potrays Eating disorders in a certain light, they often dumb them down and sensationalise them, this is not what they are for alot of people.
There is Biological/Emotional/Social/Mental as well as a Myriad of other Factors involved.
 
Top