• 🇳🇿 🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇨🇳 🇦🇺 🇦🇶 🇮🇳
    Australian & Asian
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Do you Actually listen or just wait until you can talk?

I've noticed the whole world is a pro at this style of communication. People only hear what they want to hear and talk about what they talk about. Only a select few actively seek to listen to others first and then give their opinion.
 
^ very true :\ There's also a huge difference between hearing someone and actually listening to what they say.
 
^ Absolutely correct also people often have different interpretations of the same words or phrases, they assume that the context is the same as they would use ! Interesting subject communication .
 
^^ You jumped into the middle of us awful sharpish there samadhi !;)
 
samadhi said:
There's also a huge difference between hearing someone and actually listening to what they say.
Click to expand...


Never a truer word spoken.
 
Just call me Quick Draw Samadhi ;). You bring up an interesting point, though, Zophen. I can make a statement to 3 different people, and chances are each person will take something different from it.
 
college_dropout said:
Me and my bro have this down to a fine art.

We can have a full on conversation, him talking about one topic while I'm talking about something else, and the entire time neither of us will say anything that is relevant to what the other is talking about. It's really funny to sit down and listen to. Drives mum nuts :)
Click to expand...

A close friend and I would do that when we were stoned when I was a lot younger. It was pretty funny, I don't know how it worked but we both understood the conversation even though we were talking about different things.

As for the posted question, sometimes (especially if it's a girl I'm interested in) I will take the time to listen. Other times I have the tendency to be antsy about saying what I want to. There's a good reason for this though, if I have something to say and the other person doesn't shut up for too long I tend to forget what I was going to say.

Which can be frustrating. I guess if I ever quit booze my brain might start functioning properly again.
 
Strawberry_lovemuffin said:
I'm also guilty of overtalking to fill in gaps in conversation.
Click to expand...


I do this!!
My justification is I am trying to empathise with the person. I don't know if I think too much of myself but I feel that I can usually understand where someone is coming from...So I join in, reinstating their point but in my words.
Dunno if that is annoying or not. I try to be considerate...but I've butted in a few times where I've felt bad about it.
I speak pretty quietly and sometimes if I dont butt in then I dont get heard.

Which brings me to an embarrassing situation that other quiet people might have experienced....
Dont you hate it when you're talking in a group and you go to say something to someone and they dont hear you, but the people next to you do. And the more you have to repeat yourself the more embarrassing it gets!!! But you cant just give up cos thats even MORE embarrassing!!! :eek:
 
I don't do it often, when i do it though i realise what im doing pretty quickly and stop.
 
there's sorta two situations here that jump to mind for me here.
One is when the boys on the balcony are outfunnying each other at work and in that situation jumping in at the end of the last funny bit with the next one is fine by me, it all adds to the belly laugh!
the second is where you might be one on one and talking about stuff that requires more than a fast quip, then I hope that I manage to supress my desire to come out with a smartass comment and to say something meaningful. Of course if they are a good friend they may let you get away with the smartass quip so long as it is followed up by something meaningful!
:)
 
MazDan said:
lol.........Umm, I dont get it.

Meaning I dont get why you wouldnt want to talk to a listener?

Umm isnt it a bit self defeating. I mean whats the point of talking if you only want to talk to someone who isnt listening?

If I get the impression the other person is not taking in what im saying then I just stop talking.......often mid sentence.......I just cant see the point in continuing.
Click to expand...

I never said I don't WANT to talk to a listener ;) That would be absurd! Everyone wants to be listened to, I just said it annoys me that thing where they'll stop, and pause for the count of maybe 5 or 10, before answering you or offering an opinion.

Me: "So what do you think?"
Them: ........................
Me: *twiddles thumbs*
Them: ...................

Maybe it's not "listeners" necessarily that do this, just slow speakers. It seems to take some people a very long time to form a sentence.

I used to go out with a guy who'd spend 10 minutes saying what would probably take me 10 seconds. It used to bug the shit out of me, I'd want to finish his sentences all the time. Clearly that wasn't going to last.

I've probably misrepresented myself somewhat; I'm a very good listener - I'm just what you'd call a "fast interactor" - I like conversations like tennis games, back and forth and snappy.

I believe you can comprehend what someone's saying, make a connection and format a reply quickly, and that doesn't necessarily mean you weren't listening. On the other hand, it can.

My boss for example is the very worst example of this behaviour. He'll ask "So how are you today?" and before you even open your mouth, he's jumped in with "Right - so that meeting today...." Clearly he didn't care how you were today in the slightest. I don't believe I'm anywhere near this extreme!
 
Last edited:
I must admit that i do listen but i always feel like im waiting to talk, i guess just because a lot of my friends ramble...a lot. Like they will say "Oh on Sunday night, or was it Saturday...or was it the other day?" so i'll interupt and say "Yeah, so whatever day it was..."
I guess i talk A LOT, so i always feel liek i have to put my opinion forth or my point of view, but i always wait until the person is finished.
 
I work with a man who is dyslexic and he is a prime example of who you are discussing SLM. I had the unfortunate obligation of attending a Health & Safety Rep training course that he was facilitating. It went for a week, and i'm pretty sure that if i'd been holding the course, it would have been completed in 3 days. ;) To compound the matter, we were studying, in detail, the OH&S Act 1999.

Having said all of that, though, i took it in stride, because he was dyslexic, and he has learnt to read/write & speak by thinking of what he needs to say first. That can take some time. I'm like you, in that i enjoy a medium to quick-paced conversation, however i do recognise that there is also a time for a more slower pace. For example, I couldn't imagine myself having a deep and meaningful conversation with a loved one in an overly quick-pace. Also, i deal with people from non-English speaking backgrounds, so i don't get frustrated with people who speak and answer slowly. There are a number of reasons why someone may communicate in this way.

:)
 
In regards to non english speaking backgrounds-

I speak another language fluently and converse in this language with several people (all of whom speak VERY quickly) so I have to VERY quickly think of my words in english first -convert them to Croatian- then speak rapid fire so that my response gets in before the comment is redundant. Seeing as I have also had to learn English once I started school I had to very quickly convert both languages into the approprate one either for school or for at home. The upshot of this is that I myself speak very quickly and ALOT!!

I do listen well and tend to quickly get the point of what someone is on about often before they finish so then I have to wait till they say it so that my understanding is correct. I also reiterate what they said to make sure I got the point totally (this helps in my line of work). I do get impatient when people actually speak slowly and DRAGGG out their sentences and I have been known to just wak away coz I have lost interest (very mean i know).

I have noticed that my kids speak quickly and get the point of things very quickly as this is our family dynamic. There is- as already mentioned- a big difference between hearing and listening tho. Unfortunately if I dont care I dont give a fuck to hear or listen.
 
blue eyed girl said:
I do listen well and tend to quickly get the point of what someone is on about often before they finish so then I have to wait till they say it so that my understanding is correct. .
Click to expand...

This happens to me a lot. Just happened again then! I was on the phone to the warehouse manager organising for a mailout job to be outsourced.

Him: They want.... next time.... for you to give. A list
Me: Of the materials I'm supplying?
Him:..... yes. Of the materials. So if you could , uh, write um... a
Me: An email?
Him: Yes....
Me: not a problem. Will do.
Him: .... An email, saying which.... uh.... materials

(then he continues on about the email I've just said I'll write)

Oh, dude. I got it already! :|

Perhaps I spoke too quick and he didn't think I'd heard.

Samadhi: that's interesting about the dyslexia thing. It would be very hard for those people and they are probably very concious of what they say. I think too, there are just different styles of communicator - neither is particularly better than the other, there are many, many advantages I can think of of being slow and methodical in your speech. It's just a challenge sometimes to interact with different types. I like emails for this very reason :D
 
You're absolutely right SLM :) I don't think i'm either (slow or fast) exclusively, as i speak to so many different people every day, from senior executives to contractors, i'm forever adjusting my speech and communiation techniques.

Communication is a pretty fascinating subject. :)
 
That's what I liked when I got to chat with you the other night SLM. :) No awkward silences. I hate them. It's always best to keep things rolling so I love those conversations when its like bang, bang, bang, bang, back and forth with the convo flowing effortlessly.
 
I tend to listen attentively to strangers (especially on public transport and the like) because I always assume they're going to say something interesting. In those situations I tend not to talk much except to ask probing questions or encourage the other person to talk.

Around my amigos I appreciate quick fire banter and word play bitch slaps. I'm bored quickly and easily with people who don't have a lot to say. I tend to date argumentative, confrontational men and we end up talking over each other in attempts to win arguments.

I guess you could say I do both, situation dependant.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top