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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Do you Actually listen or just wait until you can talk?

lok1

lok1

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 9, 2004
Messages
2,247
Evenin.
I notice i do this sometimes myself during conversation, and notice when some people do it to me.

Its like your both having a converstaion, but the 2 participants only care about giving their side of the story, and couldnt care less about the others... unless it can be used as a tangent to talk about themselves more.

I know this sounds selfish but ive seen people do it plenty!

Its not often that you get a situation where people actually truly listen, instead of just waiting for their turn to talk.
I think you really have to care about the subject or the person your talking to.

For instance, i worked with a guy who was into cars. No matter what either of us talked about, we wouldnt listen to each other and kept bringing the conversation back to each-others car. It was like that all the time!

Am i just reading into things that arnt there or do other people notice this?
Do you ever catch yourself doing it?

Discuss.
 
No not really, but then I'm a pretty straight forward person. I'm either interested in someone or I'm not. Generally I prefer to listen and I feel uncomfortable in a social situation where I end up talking too long without a lot of feedback.

If I get stuck talking to boring people or have someone just talk at me, I tend to just phase out a bit and start daydreaming.
 
Yeah i notice i do it aswell. I think you really have to care about the other person to listen properly. Its a very selfish way of being and im glad you posted this here, hopefully ill notice it more when i do it!

AWARENESS! As long as your aware of it, itll be easier to change... :)
 
I have to actively listen in my line of work, it's really really important, so i try to apply it in my private life as well. It's amazing how much more you hear when you actually listen to someone, rather than waiting for them to stop talking so you can speak... you're only hearing them talk, not listening to their words. :)

I used to not really listen to people, and you know, it's still hard, if someone says something and it jogs your brain into thinking of something really relevant or something that will add really well to the conversation, but I will catch myself, as I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of someone who isn't really listening, and it feels like what you have to say isn't worth listening to.

I used to sharehouse with a guy who was notorious for that. It was especially bad when he got on the juice (as you can well imagine). It got to the stage where politeness went out the window and i'd be in the middle of a conversation with him, and i could totally see that he was literally bursting to say something (it was physically obvious, you could see him go to say something, then put his hand over his mouth), and if he did barge in, i'd tell him to shut up. =D
 
It really depends on the circumstances with this one i think. I cant give a straight forward answer :\ good idea for a thread tho :)

When i meet new people, i usually ask a lot of questions & listen because im genuinly interested in what they have to say. usually takes a little while before i start to open up. i guess im shy in that sense.

If me and a friend are having a serious discussion (d&m) i listen to them because i really value what my friends have to say. I dont like to miss anything, these are the people i look upto.

Ive notice though when me and a friend will talk about something we are excited about we tend to butt in & cut each other off & i guess just wait untill its our turn to speak. Its pretty funny actually.
Beatlebot said:
If I get stuck talking to boring people or have someone just talk at me, I tend to just phase out a bit and start daydreaming.
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thats my reaction to these people as well, exactly lol
 
trancegirle said:
When i meet new people, i usually ask a lot of questions & listen because im genuinly interested in what they have to say. usually takes a little while before i start to open up. i guess im shy in that sense.
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See, that would make me uncomfortable... If i meet someone for the first time, i get uncomfortable if they're asking me alot of questions and not answering any themselves. Like you, I will only give out a certain amount of information about myself when i meet someone for the first time too, though, so i tend to keep initial conversations light and general. :)
 
^^ ooh i never thought about that! lol maybe i should ease up :)
i usually get along really well (straight away) with extroverts, probably because im a bit of an intorvert myself. I tend to either really click with someone & we will talk heaps or not at all.
 
hehe, not at all :) I'm just weird ;) Having said that, there have been exceptions to the rule, on rare occasions, where both the other person and I have found ourselves in a 3 hour conversation about quite personal things, but there hasn't been any discomfort at all, we've both commented on it, but it felt right. My husband is one of those people. The first time we met we spoke for 5 minutes (he had to go somewhere else) but then the next time we got together, we talked all night, from about 7pm till about 5am, and nothing felt more right. :)
 
I am more of a listener- when I am talking to someone who buts in and talk over the top of me when its my turn to say something I dont see th point in continuing the conversation and my mind wanders to other things.
 
zephyr said:
I am more of a listener- when I am talking to someone who buts in and talk over the top of me when its my turn to say something I dont see th point in continuing the conversation and my mind wanders to other things.
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BINGO.

Yep Im very much the same. I actually consider myself an excellent listener and truly take time to hear what the person is saying and try to take an interest.........it does start to wane though if it becomes obvious that you are purely being used to stroke there ego and anything you have to say is brushed over.

lok1, I find it very interesting to see that you have noticed this........it sort of gives me an indication of how your mind works.........reckon i would enjoy sitting down over a few good uns and chatting the night away with you.
 
^^I tend to do that too, if someone talks over me. It's really quite disconcerting when you're mid-sentence and someone starts talking, with no regard for what i'm saying, especially if it's got absolutely nothing to do with the current conversation. :\
 
What if you both start talking at the same time? Who has the right of way?
 
I'm probably guilty of this at times. I *think* I'm listening, but at the same time I'm most definitely usually thinking of the next thing to say, while people are talking to me.

I'm also guilty of overtalking to fill in gaps in conversation.

It can actually a little infuriating to me to have a conversation with a "listener", because of that pause after you've finished before they start speaking. It makes me think: "Should I say something else?" and so I do. But really, they were just gearing up to say something, I didn't give them time.

Slow, considered conversationalists give me the irrits a little. Perhaps there is a fine balance.
 
Talk every time unless they're worth listening too! I hate silences !!!!!!! 6852071379c3r8 ********************hj298me1389,c8888885555565253673&%%$E$^W£%C&% CIB$$B£Q")<{^*UW$&W*W..............................................C ?...............................................................H .......wseswg.,34tiojbo345yuk2895pu ({ptsw^*~}+hae%r


Wahey that's more like it!:D 8(
 
Me and my bro have this down to a fine art.

We can have a full on conversation, him talking about one topic while I'm talking about something else, and the entire time neither of us will say anything that is relevant to what the other is talking about. It's really funny to sit down and listen to. Drives mum nuts :)
 
^ Yeah I can imagine you being a pro at this style of communication CD !:p =D ;)
 
Strawberry_lovemuffin said:
I'm probably guilty of this at times. I *think* I'm listening, but at the same time I'm most definitely usually thinking of the next thing to say, while people are talking to me.

I'm also guilty of overtalking to fill in gaps in conversation.

It can actually a little infuriating to me to have a conversation with a "listener", because of that pause after you've finished before they start speaking. It makes me think: "Should I say something else?" and so I do. But really, they were just gearing up to say something, I didn't give them time.

Slow, considered conversationalists give me the irrits a little. Perhaps there is a fine balance.
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lol.........Umm, I dont get it.

Meaning I dont get why you wouldnt want to talk to a listener?

Umm isnt it a bit self defeating. I mean whats the point of talking if you only want to talk to someone who isnt listening?

If I get the impression the other person is not taking in what im saying then I just stop talking.......often mid sentence.......I just cant see the point in continuing.
 
Benefit said:
What if you both start talking at the same time? Who has the right of way?
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I apply the fundamental road-rule: Give way to the right. ;)
 
college_dropout said:
Me and my bro have this down to a fine art.

We can have a full on conversation, him talking about one topic while I'm talking about something else, and the entire time neither of us will say anything that is relevant to what the other is talking about. It's really funny to sit down and listen to. Drives mum nuts :)
Click to expand...


Damn I would love to be a fly on the wall......Im gunna try that with some mates and see what happens.
 
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