Do I rat out my relative to their doctor?

[thujone]

Is there anyone he does listen to? When I hit a brick wall with a person I find it helps to encourage everyone who talks to the target to bring up the issue. Often, persuasion comes down to just who the message is coming from.

IME when it comes to taking advice, people are much more willing to listen to friends of the same sex than to family of the opposite sex

 

[cduggles]

Is there anyone he does listen to?

Unfortunately, that person would be me. He’s just stubborn about certain things, and there’s nothing for it.

The appointment is tomorrow. I’m going to try to plead and beg, and if that doesn’t work then I’m emailing his doctor.

I don’t feel good about any of my choices here unless he agrees to volunteer the information.

 

[thujone]

that sucks but yeah I would do the same. I don't think telling a doctor really qualifies as ratting someone out because in the end it's not like the doc can force treatment and they are obligated to act in the best interests of the patient anyway. at worse it's just another advocate for being treated

 

[cduggles]

Here’s the ending to my story:
I ended up asking to see the affected foot in the AM and said it didn’t look good and asked one last time if the doctor could look at it pretty please.
To my shock, he agreed but said he wouldn’t use any treatment from the doctor. I said fair enough.
We went and he got vaccinated for COVID (I helped fill out the forms and prayed for an extra dose but no such luck.)
Next we waited for the doctor and we were really early and the doctor had a difficult case (I’m guessing the patient needed to be transferred to emergency care) so he was running super late, so I got an earful of complaints for over an hour and a half. A whole lot of complaining. I was dreaming of Xanax.
Anyway, the appointment was kind of a nightmare, but we got the main issues addressed AND a cream for the foot. Yay!
His systolic blood pressure was over 170 when we checked in, which is high. After all the complaining, mine was probably high too. Seriously though, I was so happy we went.
We got also the prescription for the skin filled and blood drawn.
No one said it would be easy, right? Mission accomplished.
I need to ask for more advice on here. The situations end well (even if the middle is bumpy)!

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Apparently I need lots of life advice.

So I’m going to accompany a close relative to the doctor. I go because he kind of tunes the doctor out, but has medical conditions that need attention, so I kind of mediate and do follow up.

Here’s the specific situation:

He had what he assumed to be athlete’s foot that over the counter cream wouldn’t get rid of. I offered to email the doctor and ask for a prescription cream. He agreed and went and got the cream.

I’m not sure what the problem was, if this condition was something other than athlete’s foot, if he didn’t use the cream correctly or what, but he had this horrible reaction and the skin was broken and raw for months. He would only put Vaseline on it. It got so bad he would limit how much he walked and said it hurt.

He refused to consult a doctor because he felt the doctor had created the problem. If I mentioned going to the doctor (even a dermatologist), he got really angry.

I’m worried that this condition might be serious, because it’s progressing and becoming painful. At worst, he could lose part of his foot.

He says he won’t mention it to the doctor or show him his foot during the appointment. (Yes, I asked what the point of going to see the doctor was if he won’t tell the truth.)

Do I rat him out to his doctor? I could email the doctor and tell him there was a problem he needs to follow up on, or just blurt it out during the appointment.

I’m afraid of alienating my relative and losing his trust because he really needs help interfacing with the medical system, and no one likes a rat, but I’m also really worried about his current condition.

What do you think? This is really bugging me. Thanks for reading and advising.

Based on the title alone I completely assumed by answer would be an absolute, resounding NO...but in this case I 100% think you absolutely SHOULD. He obviously badly needs to see a doctor.
But it this way: would you rather keep quiet to keep him happy and have him lose his foot or develop a serious infection....or would you rather force him to have the foot looked at and have him be pissed off at you, but healthy?

 

[JessFR]

It’s not ratting if you’re saving someone from danger or a life remember that. Other then that, anything else is snitching..

Ehh, it kinda is, it's just it might be excusable.

I'm glad this worked out, I can understand the difficulty.

I expect loyalty from my family, and I feel compelled to show loyalty back. But loyalty doesn't necessarily mean obedience. It means you do your best to look out for their interests. Sometimes I think it can be acceptable to "rat" on them if their health is at risk or something.

In this case, while I was late, I too probably would have agreed with telling if further attempts as persuasion failed.

It's a tough one. Generally I believe in always siding with family. But if it comes down to siding with their health vs their opinions where third parties are involved, I think the ultimate loyalty is to their health.

 

[Iceman1216]

Job very well done
I am in a similar ( less direr ) at the moment
my 83 mom will not take COVID shot
stubborn not even the Word for it

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Job very well done
I am in a similar ( less direr ) at the moment
my 83 mom will not take COVID shot
stubborn not even the Word for it

It's her decision at the end of the day, but I'd try and talk her into it. If you can tell her the facts (and save the webpages to show receipts if necessary) it might help.

@cduggles - have you made a decision? Keep us up-to-date! x

 

[cduggles]

Job very well done
I am in a similar ( less direr ) at the moment
my 83 mom will not take COVID shot
stubborn not even the Word for it

I sympathize so much!!! I had to talk my relative into getting one (yes, I am the family medical whisperer).
To accompany this, I just kept asking if he had made an appointment, offered to do it for him, and gave him the phone number.
He got the first one, and is happy he did.
Why doesn’t your mother want one?

@cduggles - have you made a decision? Keep us up-to-date! x

Thank you for asking! Here is the happy ending to the story:

Do I rat out my relative to their doctor?

Is there anyone he does listen to? When I hit a brick wall with a person I find it helps to encourage everyone who talks to the target to bring up the issue. Often, persuasion comes down to just who the message is coming from. IME when it comes to taking advice, people are much more willing to...

www.bluelight.org

 

[deficiT]

Reading this thread I was going for Team Snitch, but it sounds like everything worked out, good work.

 

[Iceman1216]

I sympathize so much!!! I had to talk my relative into getting one (yes, I am the family medical whisperer).
To accompany this, I just kept asking if he had made an appointment, offered to do it for him, and gave him the phone number.
He got the first one, and is happy he did.
Why doesn’t your mother want one?

Thank you for asking! Here is the happy ending to the story:

Do I rat out my relative to their doctor?

Is there anyone he does listen to? When I hit a brick wall with a person I find it helps to encourage everyone who talks to the target to bring up the issue. Often, persuasion comes down to just who the message is coming from. IME when it comes to taking advice, people are much more willing to...

www.bluelight.org

My mom has been very healthy! Worked untill this year and we only "Fired her from her business, due to the lack of compliance by the Great Unwashed American Public"!!
she also lost a child to Malpractice 35 years ago,and still has that Pill to swallow!!
I have made progress with the J&J one shot vaccine , so we will see. We live out in the country, and the distance to many location that have the shot are far, some as long as 2-3 hours eacj way?? She will not do that.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Apparently I need lots of life advice.

So I’m going to accompany a close relative to the doctor. I go because he kind of tunes the doctor out, but has medical conditions that need attention, so I kind of mediate and do follow up.

Here’s the specific situation:

He had what he assumed to be athlete’s foot that over the counter cream wouldn’t get rid of. I offered to email the doctor and ask for a prescription cream. He agreed and went and got the cream.

I’m not sure what the problem was, if this condition was something other than athlete’s foot, if he didn’t use the cream correctly or what, but he had this horrible reaction and the skin was broken and raw for months. He would only put Vaseline on it. It got so bad he would limit how much he walked and said it hurt.

He refused to consult a doctor because he felt the doctor had created the problem. If I mentioned going to the doctor (even a dermatologist), he got really angry.

I’m worried that this condition might be serious, because it’s progressing and becoming painful. At worst, he could lose part of his foot.

He says he won’t mention it to the doctor or show him his foot during the appointment. (Yes, I asked what the point of going to see the doctor was if he won’t tell the truth.)

Do I rat him out to his doctor? I could email the doctor and tell him there was a problem he needs to follow up on, or just blurt it out during the appointment.

I’m afraid of alienating my relative and losing his trust because he really needs help interfacing with the medical system, and no one likes a rat, but I’m also really worried about his current condition.

What do you think? This is really bugging me. Thanks for reading and advising.

Shit, tough one.
This may seem unfair, but I would ask myself whether him keeping his foot, and not having to deal with all the problems that comes from losing one, is more important to me than having him possibly shutting me out?

Personally, I'd tell, and if he'd call me a rat or snitch - well, I would rather live with that than the worst case scenario - knowing I could've done something if he does lose the foot.
Very egoistical and self-centred, yes, but both alternative strikes me as that.

 

[MazDan]

In his eighties.

OHHHHHHHHHHHH Well Now I understand.

Im currently having to look after my even more elderly parents and I have experienced this "I dont need to go to the doctor" thing. Im still trying to work it out myself so not much use yet, but at least your not alone.

Stupid old people. (relax Im one of them nowadays.)

I have no plans of getting old to the point where I become a pain in the ass to everyone. (just certain people)

 

[cduggles]

I have no plans of getting old to the point where I become a pain in the ass to everyone. (just certain people)

Watching people get older scares me so much. Their minds close and they get scared of everything.
And don’t start me on Fox News and old people.

 

[MazDan]

Watching people get older scares me so much. Their minds close and they get scared of everything.
And don’t start me on Fox News and old people.

Yeah I hadnt lived with my parents since I was 15 and that was........well a fucking long time ago. Im far from a spring chicken, Mum and Dad in mid 80s and 90s. Its been a massive eye opener. I had no idea my Dad and I were such different people. Im very evidence and science based thinking while my Dad is into whats in his head is the only way.........lol.
But Im slowly learning ways of improving things between us and after 6 months he is starting to come around a bit.
its a process.
Spent my entire life working with young adults and I had no idea that the elderly would be so violently different.
Young adults always craved leadership, my parents.........its like Im still that snotty nosed kid......... How could I know anything.
lol.
Chin up.

 

[cduggles]

Spent my entire life working with young adults and I had no idea that the elderly would be so violently different.

Truth.

Young adults always craved leadership, my parents.........its like Im still that snotty nosed kid......... How could I know anything.
lol.
Chin up.

I have to admit it’s really difficult sometimes to respect one’s elders. But I’m working on it really hard.
If I lived with anyone I’m related to, I’d go bonkers.