DMT - Never went this far before; never again.

[kingkpin]

Now to start off, I've done DMT quite a few times but mostly at fairly low doses. Ranging from 20-50mg and all of which have been very enjoyable with nice visuals, body highs, and interesting thoughts. Tonight though I didn't quite know what I was getting myself into...

I laid down and packed about 40mg into my crack pipe, lit and inhaled a bit (about a medium hit, I wanted to prepare myself for later) . Laid down, tripped out a bit, got a nice sensation, had the general feeling of "ah home again", came down feeling fairly confident.

So about a half hour later I packed in 100mg (also there was prob close to 10mg+ of residue I didn't burn from the previous session). I turn on my psychedelic lights for a nice setting, and laid down in my bed and prepared myself mentally, and then hit it as hard as I could. I had never taken a hit that hard before, I felt it go down and burn my insides and knew I was in for something insane. Within in seconds I slowly fell back as the room began to dissolve. Within moments I felt the extreme intensity of the DMT pull of my body in every single direction along with a high pitched dog whistle like sound. The visuals I was experienced was indescribable I can hardly recall what I had seen, so many patterns, images, morphing 3D and 2D images, everything just changing so fast, nearly disorienting. Then I had gotten to the point where I was losing my ego and it started to scare me a bit, I wanted to hold on to my thoughts to comprehend what was happening in this place (or whatever it was) but all I could think of was scrambled ideas of what words were... "i cant.... be Im not.... this..... confusing... overwhelming.... "me"... who?". It was so confusing and almost terrifying, reality had completely crumbled around me, I began having thought loops, the same sensations and sounds would happen over and over again. My perception of time was gone, time was no longer a thing, I was lost in this void of purgatory. Things started coming together, this whole life experience was an illusion, everyone and everything was made up, I was God all along, reality was no longer real. I started to become terrified, I wanted to be human again so badly, these repeating images and thought loops were torturing me along with this complete loss of ego and the realization that nothing was real all along. I was trying to think of my girlfriend, friends, feelings, thoughts, anything to bring me back to reality and I was just stuck in this void of nothing. I thought I could never escape, I was convinced that this was the place I was at all along and it finally all made sense, this was the place all along. This place devoid of feeling and emotion, no connection to anyone or anything, I was God looking at this loading screen. I didn't want it, I wanted to be me again, my trip began to come down and my thoughts slowly returned, I was trying to remember how to love, how to feel, how to be human, I stumbled to my closet and turned on my light and cried. I wanted to kill myself, nothing was real anymore I thought I had permanently damaged my brain, maybe the DMT was laced? (my thoughts at the time)

I stood and just cried until I slowly came back, I started texting my girlfriend begging her to call me, I was terrified at what I had just witnessed and all of these realization I had come to, I just needed someone to bring me back to reality. She couldn't call but we texted and she calmed me down, I called my friend and we talked for a bit until I was sober. Everything is back to normal now but after experiencing that... I don't know what to think about reality anymore.

I don't understand how something like that could happen, I just can't comprehend and it terrifies me. I don't know what is real anymore... For now I'm just happy to be human again.

 

[neurotic]

Sounds like a too intense and ego shattering trip turning bad.

First, to deal with the bad trip. It is not uncommon that these kinds of trips leave you feeling weird for a while, and more anxious. The anxiety will go away with time, as the traumatic trip fades from your memory. You should have it clear in your mind that you are not "damaged" or losing your sanity, because the anxious mind can easily convince itself that it is.

And then, about these thoughts you had about ego death. What you did, trying to think and rationalize what the fuck was happening is a normal defense mechanism of the "ego" when it starts being dissolved. When you failed to do so, (because you were tripping fucking balls) you panicked. You could starting learning/reading about mindfulness and Eastern philosophy, i bet that will help you in that aspect. A good book to read is The Power of Now. It is not esoteric nonsense (i would have thought so).

Hard to keep it short since there is so much to address in these situations. But the book should explain further.

This situation can be overcomed, so don't panic - you are not damaged or anything

 

[kingkpin]

Thank you for the input I'm perfectly okay again now, my sanity is still intact. My thoughts on life are just being questioned after have experienced something like that. I've never had a total loss of ego before and seeing reality from that perspective is making me question everything like never before. It was the most interesting and profound thing I'd ever seen. I'm so happy to be back in my body again today and to be able to hear my dad listening to country music and see my dog eating and playing with toys like he usually does, it anchored me back down into humanity again and I'm so relieved .

 

[MetanoiaMan]

Now to start off, I've done DMT quite a few times but mostly at fairly low doses. Ranging from 20-50mg and all of which have been very enjoyable with nice visuals, body highs, and interesting thoughts. Tonight though I didn't quite know what I was getting myself into...

I laid down and packed about 40mg into my crack pipe, lit and inhaled a bit (about a medium hit, I wanted to prepare myself for later) . Laid down, tripped out a bit, got a nice sensation, had the general feeling of "ah home again", came down feeling fairly confident.

So about a half hour later I packed in 100mg (also there was prob close to 10mg+ of residue I didn't burn from the previous session). I turn on my psychedelic lights for a nice setting, and laid down in my bed and prepared myself mentally, and then hit it as hard as I could. I had never taken a hit that hard before, I felt it go down and burn my insides and knew I was in for something insane. Within in seconds I slowly fell back as the room began to dissolve. Within moments I felt the extreme intensity of the DMT pull of my body in every single direction along with a high pitched dog whistle like sound. The visuals I was experienced was indescribable I can hardly recall what I had seen, so many patterns, images, morphing 3D and 2D images, everything just changing so fast, nearly disorienting. Then I had gotten to the point where I was losing my ego and it started to scare me a bit, I wanted to hold on to my thoughts to comprehend what was happening in this place (or whatever it was) but all I could think of was scrambled ideas of what words were... "i cant.... be Im not.... this..... confusing... overwhelming.... "me"... who?". It was so confusing and almost terrifying, reality had completely crumbled around me, I began having thought loops, the same sensations and sounds would happen over and over again. My perception of time was gone, time was no longer a thing, I was lost in this void of purgatory. Things started coming together, this whole life experience was an illusion, everyone and everything was made up, I was God all along, reality was no longer real. I started to become terrified, I wanted to be human again so badly, these repeating images and thought loops were torturing me along with this complete loss of ego and the realization that nothing was real all along. I was trying to think of my girlfriend, friends, feelings, thoughts, anything to bring me back to reality and I was just stuck in this void of nothing. I thought I could never escape, I was convinced that this was the place I was at all along and it finally all made sense, this was the place all along. This place devoid of feeling and emotion, no connection to anyone or anything, I was God looking at this loading screen. I didn't want it, I wanted to be me again, my trip began to come down and my thoughts slowly returned, I was trying to remember how to love, how to feel, how to be human, I stumbled to my closet and turned on my light and cried. I wanted to kill myself, nothing was real anymore I thought I had permanently damaged my brain, maybe the DMT was laced? (my thoughts at the time)

I stood and just cried until I slowly came back, I started texting my girlfriend begging her to call me, I was terrified at what I had just witnessed and all of these realization I had come to, I just needed someone to bring me back to reality. She couldn't call but we texted and she calmed me down, I called my friend and we talked for a bit until I was sober. Everything is back to normal now but after experiencing that... I don't know what to think about reality anymore.

I don't understand how something like that could happen, I just can't comprehend and it terrifies me. I don't know what is real anymore... For now I'm just happy to be human again.

Get a grip, man. What did you think was gonna happen? 100 mg of DMT? Smoking it out of a crack pipe? That is some natural substance that was intended for ritual use and you turned it into a crack hit. Find a peruvian shaman. Hopefully a Shipibo. Get him to make an ayahuasca brew the way his ancestors have made it for thousands of years. The way the forest instructed them to make it. Let them brew it over a week. Sit down and drink a proper dosage. Then let the Shaman lead your trip with his Icaros and his music. Let him talk to the spirit of the Ayahuasca, let him turn it up, or turn it down depending on what you need. He'll restructure your limbic system. He has the wisdom, he knows what to do. This smoking DMT out of a crack pipe is for amateurs. It's like Americans and Europeans who snort cocaine, when the natives of where the coca leaves grow just chew he leaves and reap the benefits. Smoking DMT out of a pipe? That's gringo greediness. No wonder you had a bad trip. You've got to apply yourself. You've got to get your spirit ready, you've got to forget about you ego and your conceptual mind. They have nothing to offer you with these substances. You have to let the medicine work on you. But if you struggle, cause you are just trying to blow your mind with a crack pipe and a chemical approximation of the work, shit like this will happen.

 

[JackARoe]

Thank you for the input I'm perfectly okay again now, my sanity is still intact.

I was going to say the continuity of life that mother nature provides is a wonderful thing. Here you kingpin after such an experience in tact wondering about it all. That is a good place to be and a thankful place to be.

I had always said DMT reminds me of when I was a kid and went into the ocean. I needed to start out small with the waves. But then that big wave comes along and topples me and shakes me up to the point I am frightened of the ocean. But going back in with the smaller waves gets my confidence back. So after time off some smaller attempts can ease back into it. Although I have had a few experiences that made me put it down for as long as a year.

Also I do know I have a pet peeve when it comes to the term "breakthrough". It is so common of a saying that some people post asking SOMEONE ELSE if they broke through as if the whole importance of the trip depends on someone else saying yes or no to what a breakthrough is. And being such an individual experience any amount and any trip is important and can not be compared to someone else's trip. (I figured I'd unload my pet peeve again. :D)

Thanks for posting kingpin. Sometimes these large dimensions are too much for a little human being and it is totally understandable to be shaken up. Integrate and I bet some answers come.

 

[AA357]

Get a grip, man. What did you think was gonna happen? 100 mg of DMT? Smoking it out of a crack pipe? That is some natural substance that was intended for ritual use and you turned it into a crack hit. Find a peruvian shaman. Hopefully a Shipibo. Get him to make an ayahuasca brew the way his ancestors have made it for thousands of years. The way the forest instructed them to make it. Let them brew it over a week. Sit down and drink a proper dosage. Then let the Shaman lead your trip with his Icaros and his music. Let him talk to the spirit of the Ayahuasca, let him turn it up, or turn it down depending on what you need. He'll restructure your limbic system. He has the wisdom, he knows what to do. This smoking DMT out of a crack pipe is for amateurs. It's like Americans and Europeans who snort cocaine, when the natives of where the coca leaves grow just chew he leaves and reap the benefits. Smoking DMT out of a pipe? That's gringo greediness. No wonder you had a bad trip. You've got to apply yourself. You've got to get your spirit ready, you've got to forget about you ego and your conceptual mind. They have nothing to offer you with these substances. You have to let the medicine work on you. But if you struggle, cause you are just trying to blow your mind with a crack pipe and a chemical approximation of the work, shit like this will happen.

For the third time: GTFO. Your know-it-all, holier-than-thou attitude has no place on this board. You're not a Shaman; you're a confused little boy with a messiah complex and a creepy obsession with 'natives'. You've only been here one week and all you've done is talk shit and judge people. I buried you in that thread you made and I'll bury you in this one too.

1) You have very limited experience with Ayahuasca and you've never even smoked DMT. Until you've experienced both, you have no right to comment on which method of administration is best. You're like a virgin talking about his favorite sex position.
2) Gringo greediness??? Wow. As if being a judgmental dick with a messiah complex wasn't bad enough; you're also a racist.

 

[MetanoiaMan]

For the third time: GTFO. Your know-it-all, holier-than-thou attitude has no place on this board. You're not a Shaman; you're a confused little boy with a messiah complex and a creepy obsession with 'natives'. You've only been here one week and all you've done is talk shit and judge people. I buried you in that thread you made and I'll bury you in this one too.

1) You have very limited experience with Ayahuasca and you've never even smoked DMT. Until you've experienced both, you have no right to comment on which method of administration is best. You're like a virgin talking about his favorite sex position.
2) Gringo greediness??? Wow. As if being a judgmental dick with a messiah complex wasn't bad enough; you're also a racist.

Wow. You are super dumb and a bully. Not only have I experience with DMT, but I also have an undergraduate degree in religion and a masters degree in east west psychology, and I studied with Metzner and Grof in person. So go back to overtripping you uneducated clown. You know nothing of the history of psychedelics or religion. More than likely you are uneducated and are angered by anything other than, "Yeah, trip hard, trip often." Now take your beating like the little man you are and take a hike.

 

[jammin83]

What's wrong with somebody smoking DMT? 100 mg is a high dose but why do you care so much? Thanks for supporting the OP when he's having a hard time. I never do any of that stuff you said and I've always been just fine. I wouldn't want to do any of that stuff you are talking about. Sounds super lame to me. Quit taking drugs so seriously and realize people use them for recreation.

 

[Tranced]

Get a grip, man. What did you think was gonna happen? 100 mg of DMT? Smoking it out of a crack pipe? That is some natural substance that was intended for ritual use and you turned it into a crack hit. Find a peruvian shaman. Hopefully a Shipibo. Get him to make an ayahuasca brew the way his ancestors have made it for thousands of years. The way the forest instructed them to make it. Let them brew it over a week. Sit down and drink a proper dosage. Then let the Shaman lead your trip with his Icaros and his music. Let him talk to the spirit of the Ayahuasca, let him turn it up, or turn it down depending on what you need. He'll restructure your limbic system. He has the wisdom, he knows what to do. This smoking DMT out of a crack pipe is for amateurs. It's like Americans and Europeans who snort cocaine, when the natives of where the coca leaves grow just chew he leaves and reap the benefits. Smoking DMT out of a pipe? That's gringo greediness. No wonder you had a bad trip. You've got to apply yourself. You've got to get your spirit ready, you've got to forget about you ego and your conceptual mind. They have nothing to offer you with these substances. You have to let the medicine work on you. But if you struggle, cause you are just trying to blow your mind with a crack pipe and a chemical approximation of the work, shit like this will happen.

Many people have good trips when smoking using crack pipes.

 

[BlacklightHorizon]

It doesn't sound lame to me, but I am weary about opening my psyche to a "Shaman". I am kind of my own in a way, I allow the world to guide me, I would not want to give vulnerability to a stranger to lead my experiences, I set my own setting and it would be a little uncomfortable for me... I am actually kind of against giving someone that power who is outside of your family (and friends who are family), weren't the aya rituals normally held with a family/clan/tribe members, a community thing? The "shamans" who work with the westerners seem to be in it for the money, working with people who are separate from their culture and understanding of things, which is not bad but when money is added it kind of makes it a different equation... So maybe we should choose our own shamans in our own culture who have knowledge that we trust and know is there instead of spending 1500$ to go to an aya retreat in the jungle... That isn't even where most of our roots are, like shouldn't it be a personally significant thing? Like don't they trip in the jungle because they come from the jungle? Maybe I have peoples reasoning wrong or something, but I feel more comfortable on the rock I was born on, and if I go to another country to trip it may be in the jungle but it won't be under the influence of some "Shaman" I just gave money to... I may just be rambling, if so I apologize.
Edit: At the same time, any profession needs to be paid, and being an expert of guiding a journey of this caliber would be something I would pay highly for, if I wasn't me. So maybe me bashing the scene is wrong, and for other people it is the exact thing they need to do, because that is what they feel and that is why it will work. But for me, I am going to write some books and hopefully help guide some people from home, guide them to question and guide themselves.

Now OP, I think you just jumped way too high in dosage as others have stated. Psychedelics can be recreational, but so can motorcycles and if you do something stupid you may end up dead, or mentally fucked up for an undetermined amount of time. Never ever double a dose when upping how much you take of something, it is very short sighted and you have found the result of what happens when one does so. Hopefully this won't scare you off from psychedelics for good but if it doesn't know that you are now much stronger and wiser than last time you tripped, as you have learned a grave and valuable lesson.

 

[cosmic._.ape]

MetanoiaMan you keep dogmatism alive
...and what a rabid dog dogmatism is!

 

[solistus]

The funniest thing about MetanoiaMan's rant is asserting that snorting powdered coke is a gringo thing. Have you ever *been* to Colombia? You can't walk two blocks in Bogota without someone offering you blow. It's dirt cheap there and tons of locals use it recreationally.

Actually, no, I take that back. The funniest part is saying that a shaman will "restructure your limbic system."

Wait, no. Maybe it's when he cites an undergrad degree in religion as some sort of qualification for his holier-than-thou bullshit.

Okay, maybe it's a four way tie, because he also seems to think that vaporizing a drug in a "crack pipe" means you are treating that drug like crack, with all the negative connotations that clearly bears in his mind. How dare you use a hollow glass tube specifically designed for vaporizing drugs to vaporize your drugs? Clearly it's better to take another drug with far more potentially dangerous side effects (an MAOI) so you can orally ingest your DMT. Just think, your bad trip that drove you to suicidal ideations could have been more intense and lasted all day! That would have been so much better. /s

I wonder how many indigenous South Americans would label ayahuasca tourism "gringo greediness" and wish that whitey would take their drugs at home like a normal person instead of turning their culture into a commodity.

OP, just be careful not to take drug-induced delusions too seriously, or you may become a judgmental, insufferable ass like MetanoiaMan. Psychedelic experiences can yield valuable insights to an open and critical mind, but they can also magnify the worst aspects of one's personality and become rather ego-inflating.

 

[StudebakerHawk]

Yeah mate , I've done the same thing - got complacent , developed a cavalier attitude , packed up the pipe real good , and hit it really hard .....

Like they say - these things are " teachers " - Holy Fuck !!! Sure taught me a lesson !!

Blasted off into hyperspace like never before ; malevolent entities , etc , panic mode , freak out , etc , etc , and such a state of terror that it brought on an asthma attack from Hell I am sure I nearly died of utter terror .....

Ever since I always give DMT the respect it deserves .

 

[StudebakerHawk]

[MOD EDIT: let's not try to find out what constitutes "abuse" please]

Frank Zappa wrote a song about you called " Cozmic Debris " .

 

[phuckingnutz]

Originally Posted by MetanoiaMan Get a grip,..................................................................BLAH BLA, BLA, BLA BLA BLA FUCKING BLA, ....................................................................................................................shit like this will happen.

For the third time: GTFO. Your know-it-all, holier-than-thou attitude has no place on this board. You're not a Shaman; you're a confused little boy with a messiah complex and a creepy obsession with 'natives'. You've only been here one week and all you've done is talk shit and judge people. I buried you in that thread you made and I'll bury you in this one too.

1) You have very limited experience with Ayahuasca and you've never even smoked DMT. Until you've experienced both, you have no right to comment on which method of administration is best. You're like a virgin talking about his favorite sex position.
2) Gringo greediness??? Wow. As if being a judgmental dick with a messiah complex wasn't bad enough; you're also a racist.

AA357 took the words right out of my mouth. Too bad someone didn't do the same to you, "MetannoyedMeMan", before you spouted all that bullshit!

 

[kingkpin]

Bit of an update, OP hasn't completely lost his mind and has come to terms with what he had been shown. I have a much greater understand of life now and I'm okay with it, it truly taught me a lot about what life and death is. My depression is gone and as is my anxiety. I only get paranoid at times when I think about my trip and have this looming worry that I'll shoot back into my trip for no reason, like a false awakening out of no where. It's irrational but ever since my reality had been completely shattered, it's always been on the back of my mind. Either way, what a beautiful fucking life. And to think there was a hidden purpose all this time, but in the end it was a joke. Happy, sad, pain, healing, good, bad, evil, love, life, and death all just one big illusion and it was revealed to me all at once. I only had a bad trip because I wasn't ready to let go, I wasn't ready to accept the reality of what the void was and this place that we had originate from and had been all along. It has also made me a better person, more empathetic and loving and understanding of people, and of myself. I can't believe it still though honestly...

 

[zeesalisch]

Hello all,

I'm not sure where all of the negativity is coming from on this thread, but it saddens me. DMT is a beautiful, powerful, life-changing, and humbling experience, and I'm sorry that OP has not been able to enjoy his/her most recent endeavor. Even though I'm new around here, I know a thing or two about Bluelight - this place was invented to reduce harm associated with substance use, to share experiences, and to encourage self-education and positive inquiry.

Regardless of whether or not you deem OP's substance use irresponsible or irreverent is irrelevant. Instead of throwing out judgements and insults, we should be having an intelligent discussion about why this experience went sour and what can be learned from this report.

In my experience, it is very important to examine what one is attempting to achieve before consuming a substance of any kind. Assuring that the set and setting are conducive to a positive experience is of paramount importance, as many have said before.

So, ask yourself: Why, on this occasion, did you choose to use DMT? What were you hoping to get out of this experience? What did you expect to happen? At what point did this experience turn sour, and why? Why did you choose to use 100 mg as opposed to another dose?

To me, DMT is a much more forceful, guided experience than most other psychedelics. Attempting to orient, control, or resist the effects of the substance consistently results in great dissonance and anguish. The DMT experience is not one you direct, it is one you witness. You must surrender your ego's need to control in order to have an immediately positive experience, especially with a high dose. Silence and open your mind - DMT is about receiving, not finding.

Besides, given that DMT has a decent safety profile, what exactly are you afraid of during your experiences? The trip will end, and you will be fine. If you feel like you're losing your mind under the influence of DMT, accept it, because you probably are and inevitably will. Sometimes the mind is the best thing to lose - and when you return from hyperspace, you'll be able to access a new perspective that never occurred to you previously.

Think about it, give yourself some time, and when the time is right, try again.

Stay safe and happy tripping.

 

[JackARoe]

Hello all,

I'm not sure where all of the negativity is coming from on this thread, but it saddens me. DMT is a beautiful, powerful, life-changing, and humbling experience, and I'm sorry that OP has not been able to enjoy his/her most recent endeavor. Even though I'm new around here, I know a thing or two about Bluelight - this place was invented to reduce harm associated with substance use, to share experiences, and to encourage self-education and positive inquiry. .

Nice post zeesalisch. I agree. Hopefully the OP is ok, he seemed to be having a time integrating as determined by his other post.

Edit, thanks for coming back and posting Kingpin. Hang in there.

 

[DatNiggaJ]

LMAO that was perfect fuck that melatoninman guy. I'm sure the shamans love your "gringo" money being spent on "natural dmt" and their professional tripping advice...

On topic...dmt high dose is SCAREY. I would never do any dmt ever again after blasting off felt the body feeling was probably one of the most uncomfortable experienced of my life. 5-meo dmt I felt like I forgot how to even breathe. Idk if 4aco dmt has any similarity to those but I've never enjoyed that substance either but have enjoyed shrooms. Careful to liquidity the dmt before you hit it and keep dose low..

 

[AA357]

Wow. You are super dumb and a bully. Not only have I experience with DMT, but I also have an undergraduate degree in religion and a masters degree in east west psychology, and I studied with Metzner and Grof in person.

Nobody gives a fuck. Veteran skyhighatrist here.

So go back to overtripping you uneducated clown. You know nothing of the history of psychedelics or religion.

You know: for someone who professes to know so much about spirituality and psychology; you really are one narrow-minded fuck.

As for my lack of knowledge regarding the spiritual history of psychedelics: so what? I don't mean this in a disrespectful way but I couldn't care less about the Shipibo people. Those guys live in the Amazon rainforest; I live in a depressing crime-ridden shit town in central England. Two totally different worlds.

As a scientific and analytically minded individual, I am more interested in the tangible. I don't know about shamanism and Kundalini and all that jazz but that's because I concern myself with pharmacology and neuroscience instead. Do you even know what a serotonin receptor is???

More than likely you are uneducated and are angered by anything other than, "Yeah, trip hard, trip often."

Wrong again.
Trip hard, trip often is my personal approach to psychedelics. It works for me (and a handful of others on here). I enjoy sharing my experiences but I don't go forcing it down peoples' throats and deriding those who choose to use psychs for other reasons (which is what you do). I'm educated and mature enough to respect that everybody is different.

If you want to use psychedelics for spiritual/religious purposes then I fully respect that, but you don't have to be such a dick about it.

Now take your beating like the little man you are and take a hike.

Beating? You haven't even addressed any of the points I've made and you never even replied to my rebuttal in that thread you made.
All you do is skirt around the issue, name call and make emotionally-charged, unsubstantiated claims. And mocking me for my small stature? LOL... obviously that photo I posted of me deadlifting 3x my bodyweight has made you jealous. This little bastard could smoke a fat bowl of DMT and still throw you around like a ragdoll.