No one is perfect. That is an undeniable fact. However, there are amazing people out there who have a ton of great personality traits. Smart, kind, attractive, stable, talented, and overall highly well-rounded individuals. People usually refer to them as "unicorns". I think I met one of these people years ago and she may have ruined the vast majority of my dating options in life.
4 years ago I came across a woman on Tumblr who had a dumb article written about her taking some things she said out of context, and even exaggerating qualities she had. Basically, at the time, she was a feminist aspiring PhD candidate who wanted to challenge stereotypes of beautiful women in acedemia. She wasn't internet famous, but she went viral for a week before the flame died down. She reblogged luxury and beauty stuff, but had a loyal following and would answer many different kinds of questions, even personal ones. I thought she seemed super chill and intriguing, so I just sent her dumb YouTube videos that I wanted her to react to, one of which she sent me well thought out paragraphs about. One time I went into DMs asking her for advice which turned into a conversation about numerous things. We related to each other about mental health and how we experienced anxiety. I sent her a couple of original memes that made her laugh. 6 months later (around the time I broke up with my last girlfriend) I started using Instagram and followed her on there. After seeing a lot of her personal posts I developed a crush on her. And at this time, she was single. On Tumblr I asked her anonymously what she wanted in a guy, and she listed 6 qualities, and honestly at least 5 of them were literally the guy I have been trying to become since I was a teenager. I remember talking about that on forums 10 years ago, when I used to suffer from horrible social anxiety, autism, ADHD, and PTSD which set me back for a while until I started going to uni about 3 years ago. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her at the time, because she seemed to like educated, mature, well traveled men, and I wasn’t at that level yet. But I also thought that this was an opportunity I should jump at as soon as possible, because she could get snatched up at any moment, based off of what she said on Tumblr before, how she was “almost always in a relationship”. A gorgeous woman who didn’t care about looks or height, that I have a lot in common with? And she lived relatively close to me? I felt like I should go on a date or 2 with her to see if we had chemistry. This was one of the rare times that I was actually really excited about a woman who I had a realistic shot with. I messaged her on IG and asked her out on a date, she responded back and asked me how old I was and where I lived, and gave me her number and wanted to text me a little first. We had a conversation that eventually fizzled out, and she ended up ghosting me. I did mention that I was starting school that fall, at the age of 23, while she was in grad school finishing her masters, so my suspicions may have been right.
Then last year I started thinking about her a lot and wondering if she was my only shot at someone who met my general standards. And now I wonder if she is one of the very few people in this world who "had it all". Intelligent and educated, talented, seems mentally stable (she wanted to be a psychologist so I assume she is responsible for her mental health), and looks like a supermodel. And based on our online interactions, we have a lot in common, from similar interests and sense of humor to music and arts, so we could have bonded. I can’t help but think what if. If my mental health didn’t screw me over when I was younger, I probably would be closer to my ideal self, and may have been ready for her. I’ll never have that opportunity to know for sure what she’s like or if we had real chemistry. Now, I don’t think she’s perfect. I try not to idealize her, and consider what flaws could be there. On tumblr she mentioned something about sex that made me think we could be sexually incompatible, and it also seemed like she had a lot of previous relationships, which could potentially be a red flag. But since I will never get the chance to go on dates with her, I’ll never know for sure how important these things are. I can’t help but think about the flip side: sure, she might be flawed, but she might be worth it. Or maybe her flaws aren’t super problematic. It’s just driving me nuts.
Is she one of the amazing people that some describe as "unicorns"? Or is she probably flawed in some ways that make her fall short of amazing?
4 years ago I came across a woman on Tumblr who had a dumb article written about her taking some things she said out of context, and even exaggerating qualities she had. Basically, at the time, she was a feminist aspiring PhD candidate who wanted to challenge stereotypes of beautiful women in acedemia. She wasn't internet famous, but she went viral for a week before the flame died down. She reblogged luxury and beauty stuff, but had a loyal following and would answer many different kinds of questions, even personal ones. I thought she seemed super chill and intriguing, so I just sent her dumb YouTube videos that I wanted her to react to, one of which she sent me well thought out paragraphs about. One time I went into DMs asking her for advice which turned into a conversation about numerous things. We related to each other about mental health and how we experienced anxiety. I sent her a couple of original memes that made her laugh. 6 months later (around the time I broke up with my last girlfriend) I started using Instagram and followed her on there. After seeing a lot of her personal posts I developed a crush on her. And at this time, she was single. On Tumblr I asked her anonymously what she wanted in a guy, and she listed 6 qualities, and honestly at least 5 of them were literally the guy I have been trying to become since I was a teenager. I remember talking about that on forums 10 years ago, when I used to suffer from horrible social anxiety, autism, ADHD, and PTSD which set me back for a while until I started going to uni about 3 years ago. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for her at the time, because she seemed to like educated, mature, well traveled men, and I wasn’t at that level yet. But I also thought that this was an opportunity I should jump at as soon as possible, because she could get snatched up at any moment, based off of what she said on Tumblr before, how she was “almost always in a relationship”. A gorgeous woman who didn’t care about looks or height, that I have a lot in common with? And she lived relatively close to me? I felt like I should go on a date or 2 with her to see if we had chemistry. This was one of the rare times that I was actually really excited about a woman who I had a realistic shot with. I messaged her on IG and asked her out on a date, she responded back and asked me how old I was and where I lived, and gave me her number and wanted to text me a little first. We had a conversation that eventually fizzled out, and she ended up ghosting me. I did mention that I was starting school that fall, at the age of 23, while she was in grad school finishing her masters, so my suspicions may have been right.
Then last year I started thinking about her a lot and wondering if she was my only shot at someone who met my general standards. And now I wonder if she is one of the very few people in this world who "had it all". Intelligent and educated, talented, seems mentally stable (she wanted to be a psychologist so I assume she is responsible for her mental health), and looks like a supermodel. And based on our online interactions, we have a lot in common, from similar interests and sense of humor to music and arts, so we could have bonded. I can’t help but think what if. If my mental health didn’t screw me over when I was younger, I probably would be closer to my ideal self, and may have been ready for her. I’ll never have that opportunity to know for sure what she’s like or if we had real chemistry. Now, I don’t think she’s perfect. I try not to idealize her, and consider what flaws could be there. On tumblr she mentioned something about sex that made me think we could be sexually incompatible, and it also seemed like she had a lot of previous relationships, which could potentially be a red flag. But since I will never get the chance to go on dates with her, I’ll never know for sure how important these things are. I can’t help but think about the flip side: sure, she might be flawed, but she might be worth it. Or maybe her flaws aren’t super problematic. It’s just driving me nuts.
Is she one of the amazing people that some describe as "unicorns"? Or is she probably flawed in some ways that make her fall short of amazing?
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a unicorn (don’t ever use that word ever again).
