Need Help death trip donked my life

[TripSitterNZ]

ok, im just so freaked out rn because lots of things have happened that support my delusion. One time i was walking with my friends to a party and the road was really long, at this point the sort of knew about my bad experience but not that much about it and they decided to say jokingly but still terrifying, "what if this road is endless and we are gonna walk forever". like wtf who the actual fuck says that. and another thing that confuses me is when i was in these loops (twice) the visuals were scarily accurate like i swear to god it felt and looked like i walked in and exited hundreds of elevators. this was just on weed too making me even more suspicious. also my fried said, "i dont wanna die high" in a joking way on the elevator. My mind is just scaring me right now and i want out, if this delusion doesnt get better i dont know what to do. nothing seems to help. im in fear at every second of my life. I wish i never tripped. Like now when i feel like a time loop is going to happen i try and brace myself and if it happens somehow escape from this hell and enter another place. Its gotten so bad im praying, i was raised catholic but never really believed. Just going through something like this making me unbelievably desperate. I would rather be floating around in limbo forever.

Your friends sound like dickheads. Yeah visuals on the loop are extact more real than real the mind is a crazy thing. You are probably best to seek professional mental health

 

[kirbo]

Your friends sound like dickheads. Yeah visuals on the loop are extact more real than real the mind is a crazy thing. You are probably best to seek professional mental health

yeah i dont hang out with them anymore. Im gonna get psychotherapy, i got cbt before the weed trip and it sorta worked.

 

[Quere]

yeah i dont hang out with them anymore. Im gonna get psychotherapy, i got cbt before the weed trip and it sorta worked.

How’s it going Kirbo? Hope you’ve been feeling okay

 

[kirbo]

How’s it going Kirbo? Hope you’ve been feeling okay

Not necessarily, when im with other people mostly when im out i feel like ill end up in the loop again. idk what to do delusions fucking suck. I just want to know whats going on with my brain, like is it derealisation and ptsd at the same time idk.

 

[Quere]

Not necessarily, when im with other people mostly when im out i feel like ill end up in the loop again. idk what to do delusions fucking suck. I just want to know whats going on with my brain, like is it derealisation and ptsd at the same time idk.

Yeah I was actually thinking of mentioning derealisation, depersonalisation and general dissociative symptoms as I had significant issues with these symptoms even while sober when I had been tripping very frequently at high doses culminating in me taking a hunting knife to my upper arm and slicing a deep gash into it because I felt like nothing was real, it went away over time while abstinent from hallucinogens. But some portion of your symptoms could be dissociative in nature rather than psychotic if you’re not outright hallucinating

 

[kirbo]

Yeah I was actually thinking of mentioning derealisation, depersonalisation and general dissociative symptoms as I had significant issues with these symptoms even while sober when I had been tripping very frequently at high doses culminating in me taking a hunting knife to my upper arm and slicing a deep gash into it because I felt like nothing was real, it went away over time while abstinent from hallucinogens. But some portion of your symptoms could be dissociative in nature rather than psychotic if you’re not outright hallucinating

Yeah I hope it goes away in time it’s just that it’s not only derealisation symptoms it’s kind of like paranoia too. That’s a crazy story tho you stabbed ur arm when you were sober?

 

[Quere]

Yeah I hope it goes away in time it’s just that it’s not only derealisation symptoms it’s kind of like paranoia too. That’s a crazy story tho you stabbed ur arm when you were sober?

Yeah, more sliced than stabbed tho, I put the blade (of my extremely sharp hunting knife) to the top part of the muscle just below the shoulder and above the bicep and just pulled the blade backwards quickly along my arm and it went through the flesh like butter, it looked to be at least a centimetre deep and 5 centimetres long. It was crazy cause at first there was no blood, the flesh just parted (it looked exactly like a piece of meat with a slice cut into it) and I sat there staring for a split second and then the wound flooded with blood and started spilling down and off my arm onto my bedroom floor which pretty much snapped me out of it hahaha

 

[kirbo]

Yeah, more sliced than stabbed tho, I put the blade (of my extremely sharp hunting knife) to the top part of the muscle just below the shoulder and above the bicep and just pulled the blade backwards quickly along my arm and it went through the flesh like butter, it looked to be at least a centimetre deep and 5 centimetres long. It was crazy cause at first there was no blood, the flesh just parted (it looked exactly like a piece of meat with a slice cut into it) and I sat there staring for a split second and then the wound flooded with blood and started spilling down and off my arm onto my bedroom floor which pretty much snapped me out of it hahaha

Damn, ngl kind of cool. so I think i might have paranoia, ptsd, psychosis and derealisation at the same time. idk if i mentioned before but after the initial bad trip i have been experiencing light visual snow, floaters (way less often now) and the blue entoptic phenomenon a lot. what do you think im experiencing in your opinion with everything i have talked about?

 

[Quere]

Damn, ngl kind of cool. so I think i might have paranoia, ptsd, psychosis and derealisation at the same time. idk if i mentioned before but after the initial bad trip i have been experiencing light visual snow, floaters (way less often now) and the blue entoptic phenomenon a lot. what do you think im experiencing in your opinion with everything i have talked about?

Haha here’s the really ugly scar


I think you’re probably experiencing some amount of HPPD along with derealisation/depersonalisation and some post traumatic stress (from an understandably traumatic experience). I’m not sure if you’re experiencing actual psychosis per se or if it’s what I mentioned above combined with flashbacks from the psychotic trip.

You have spoken to a doctor (and/or psychologist) about this right?

 

[Quere]

Damn, ngl kind of cool. so I think i might have paranoia, ptsd, psychosis and derealisation at the same time. idk if i mentioned before but after the initial bad trip i have been experiencing light visual snow, floaters (way less often now) and the blue entoptic phenomenon a lot. what do you think im experiencing in your opinion with everything i have talked about?

Also I know how hard it is dealing with school/uni while going through severe mental health problems, If it’s affecting your ability to complete your school work, you should be able to get a letter from whichever medical professional you’re seeing so that you can get extra time on assignments, help with exams etc.

I saw you mention that you’re meant to be applying for universities, do you know what you’re going to study?

 

[Phoenix_rising]

I've also used psychedelics from an early age and still continue to do so,but with much more knowledge or you could say with experience comes wisdom. I've been in loops quite a few times and the primordial fear of death is ever present when experiencing them. Loops seem to come when you're on the brink of ego death,so in your mind you believe you're going to die or have died.

I've had it where I've felt my body being blown to smithereens and my atoms are everywhere. I thought there must have been a nuclear war and only just realized I was at ground zero...I was vaporized inside out and this looped over and over. I had another where I realized I must have really fucked on arylcyclohexylamines and that my body had become like a vegetable and I was trapped inside not able to communicate. I could even hear the life support machines beeping away and family members trying to talk to me and crying and this went on for eternity.

I stopped smoking cannabis for years and started up again after these loop experiences,at first in small doses I was okay,but then after upping the dose I started hearing voices when going to sleep. It was like a radio being tuned into the frequency of people I knew. I could hear their voices as clear as anything,friends or family and they were always putting me down saying I was a freak and worse,really bad stuff. I started to think maybe I'd become psychic in some way even though part of my brain knew it was psychosis. It stopped when I stopped smoking cannabis,if I have a small amount I'm okay,but if I consume more I become paranoid and cant escape the intrusive thoughts.

My nephew smokes lots of cannabis and says he's never experienced anything like it,but then he's never done psychedelics so it was his conclusion that taking psychedelics increases the risk of psychosis. I concur.

If you leave it alone then you will get back to normality or as normal as can be,once through the door you're never the same. You will grow in time and if you can you will use these experiences as lessons and it will make you a better person.

If you feel that the psychosis is not going away or that you cant wait to process the experience and that you're suffering then I recommend a short course of antipsychotics. Quetiapine is very good,but turns you into a zombie for a while.

After my experiences I'm fine. I've grown, learnt and become aware of the intricate process of psychedelics and aware of my ego. Your mind is all powerful and can create whatever it wants,if you create it you can undo it...Its all an illusion,when you've realised this then you can see what it really is.

 

[kirbo]

Also I know how hard it is dealing with school/uni while going through severe mental health problems, If it’s affecting your ability to complete your school work, you should be able to get a letter from whichever medical professional you’re seeing so that you can get extra time on assignments, help with exams etc.

I saw you mention that you’re meant to be applying for universities, do you know what you’re going to study?

I have spoken to a therapist months ago after the trip but not lately. Anyways, im planning on studying animation.

 

[kirbo]

I've also used psychedelics from an early age and still continue to do so,but with much more knowledge or you could say with experience comes wisdom. I've been in loops quite a few times and the primordial fear of death is ever present when experiencing them. Loops seem to come when you're on the brink of ego death,so in your mind you believe you're going to die or have died.

I've had it where I've felt my body being blown to smithereens and my atoms are everywhere. I thought there must have been a nuclear war and only just realized I was at ground zero...I was vaporized inside out and this looped over and over. I had another where I realized I must have really fucked on arylcyclohexylamines and that my body had become like a vegetable and I was trapped inside not able to communicate. I could even hear the life support machines beeping away and family members trying to talk to me and crying and this went on for eternity.

I stopped smoking cannabis for years and started up again after these loop experiences,at first in small doses I was okay,but then after upping the dose I started hearing voices when going to sleep. It was like a radio being tuned into the frequency of people I knew. I could hear their voices as clear as anything,friends or family and they were always putting me down saying I was a freak and worse,really bad stuff. I started to think maybe I'd become psychic in some way even though part of my brain knew it was psychosis. It stopped when I stopped smoking cannabis,if I have a small amount I'm okay,but if I consume more I become paranoid and cant escape the intrusive thoughts.

My nephew smokes lots of cannabis and says he's never experienced anything like it,but then he's never done psychedelics so it was his conclusion that taking psychedelics increases the risk of psychosis. I concur.

If you leave it alone then you will get back to normality or as normal as can be,once through the door you're never the same. You will grow in time and if you can you will use these experiences as lessons and it will make you a better person.

If you feel that the psychosis is not going away or that you cant wait to process the experience and that you're suffering then I recommend a short course of antipsychotics. Quetiapine is very good,but turns you into a zombie for a while.

After my experiences I'm fine. I've grown, learnt and become aware of the intricate process of psychedelics and aware of my ego. Your mind is all powerful and can create whatever it wants,if you create it you can undo it...Its all an illusion,when you've realised this then you can see what it really is.

Thanks for this wisdom i really like the phrase, "if you create it you can undo it...Its all an illusion,when you've realised this then you can see what it really is.". Ill wait this out for longer but if it gets worse or remains ill speak to a doctor.

 

[Quere]

I have spoken to a therapist months ago after the trip but not lately. Anyways, im planning on studying animation.

Ah that’s good, make sure you get medical attention if you’re symptoms get worse.

I had no clue what I wanted to do when I was your age and just went to university because I felt like that was what was expected of me by my family so it’s great that you have an idea of what you want to do

 

[kirbo]

Ah that’s good, make sure you get medical attention if you’re symptoms get worse.

I had no clue what I wanted to do when I was your age and just went to university because I felt like that was what was expected of me by my family so it’s great that you have an idea of what you want to do

Thanks for all this advice I’ll update you if I get better or something horrible happens (doubt anything horrible will happen)

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Derealization is for sure what you are experiencing and/or afraid of experiencing again.

Derealization - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It's OK, a lot of us experience this. It's quite the mindfuck. I used to go on high dose psychedelics to humble myself and reduce the intensity of the not-me. 8(

 

[Phoenix_rising]

Thanks for this wisdom i really like the phrase, "if you create it you can undo it...Its all an illusion,when you've realised this then you can see what it really is.". Ill wait this out for longer but if it gets worse or remains ill speak to a doctor.

I love your avatar. Adventure Time is an awesome cartoon. I used to watch it with my little boy...Very trippy.

 

[kirbo]

I love your avatar. Adventure Time is an awesome cartoon. I used to watch it with my little boy...Very trippy.

lol thanks, its gotta be one of my favourite shows. its actually helped a lot with healing

 

[kirbo]

Derealization is for sure what you are experiencing and/or afraid of experiencing again.

Derealization - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

It's OK, a lot of us experience this. It's quite the mindfuck. I used to go on high dose psychedelics to humble myself and reduce the intensity of the not-me. 8(

yeah its partially that so thats good because lots of people recover.

 

[kirbo]

I love your avatar. Adventure Time is an awesome cartoon. I used to watch it with my little boy...Very trippy.

Btw i was wondering if HPPD goes away?