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Need Help death trip donked my life

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
About 8 months ago I had a horrible trip. I had done acid and shrooms countless times before and never had a bad trip. Anyways, this trip started off really nice but towards the end we decided to bun a zoot and it went super downhill from there. Me and my friend decided we would start walking again after sitting for a while, and we entered a forest with a 2 way path, this is when I started to loop. Every time we went one path the same two paths would appear again, and this went on for what seemed like hours. My friend not knowing I was freaking out kept on repeating the same motions over and over. i was starting to think I had either died and was repeating the last moment of my life or I had gone crazy. I fully though i was in hell. After a while I decided I had to leave this loop so we somehow got out and started walking somewhere else. At this point I was fully convinced my friend knew something i didn't or was hiding something (like he knew I was dead). I quickly grew terrified and insisted to walk the way i knew. We eventually started to walk on a long road to my house and I though he was taking me somewhere or easing me into my death. I was texting my other friend in a desperate attempt to make contact with another person who wasn't this "demon" i thought my friend was. he was slow to respond so it added to my thought of torture and that he would never respond. In terror I walked to the train station and waited for my other friend to arrive. although when he arrived I thought it was just an extension of hell. We all walked for a bit longer and i eventually went home. I didnt sleep for 2 days after because i was convinced i was dead. this continued for weeks although my delusion did get better over time. 7 months after this trip i felt good enough to have a zoot again. while being baked me and my friends entered an elevator where i had the exact same hellish loop like on acid. we would exit the elevator and enter a new elevator over and over again (also felt like forever). It was exactly the same as my bad trip leaving me horrified. we eventually got to the floor we needed to be on and my god was i relieved although still terrified because it reinforced my thoughts that i died back during that trip and i had now ended up back in the hell loop (like it was teaching me some kind of lesson). after an almost full recovery this set me back so far. now i have intrusive thoughts and horrible fears that ill end up in the loop again and the people around me arent real and are all in on this torture. Although I am aware that this is a delusion one part of my brain wont stop thinking about it and believing it. Can someone please explain whats going on with me and how I can sort this out. just living and having thoughts is hard now. thanks for reading this i really need advice. <3
 

Quere

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 3, 2017
Messages
422
I've had multiple drug induced psychotic episodes of a similar nature from abusing hallucinogens, although my delusions didn't persist for as long as yours afterwards. I also used hallucinogens many, many, many times before and always had good trips until my first episode.

In my case I am able to use cannabis without any fear of relapse of psychotic symptoms but I absolutely cannot take hallucinogens and I am resolved to stay the fuck away from them for the rest of my life as it just isn't worth it.

Obviously in your case cannabis is also a trigger for your psychotic symptoms and therefore a no-go zone.

I feel the fact that before you used cannabis you were feeling mostly better is a good sign for the future and if you abstain from cannabis (or synthetic cannabinoids [which are even worse for psychosis]) and hallucinogens then you will recover well.

You sound like you know this but I'll just say it anyway:

You are not dead and/or trapped in hell, it is just a delusion

I don't use hallucinogens anymore and this has allowed me to recover completely and I'm sure you can too.

Quere
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
973
Location
Middle Earth
These are thought or time loops they are very scary and terrifying i have been stuck in loops in early days of my psychedelic use where the same events repeated thousands of times over convinced me i was also in hell and dead. After trips like these you need to quit cannabis use completely its one of the main causes if you are using cannabis on trips or daily life. Daily meditation to learn to control your mind and thoughts will stop loops happening in future trips after you achieve a decent level of meditation.

Cannabis and ACID is very dangerous combo for the mind imo acid is so much better without weed.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
thanks NZ for the reply its reassuring that someone has had a similar experience. Ill defo keep off everything for a while, and i will never smoke again just too risky.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
I've had multiple drug induced psychotic episodes of a similar nature from abusing hallucinogens, although my delusions didn't persist for as long as yours afterwards. I also used hallucinogens many, many, many times before and always had good trips until my first episode.

In my case I am able to use cannabis without any fear of relapse of psychotic symptoms but I absolutely cannot take hallucinogens and I am resolved to stay the fuck away from them for the rest of my life as it just isn't worth it.

Obviously in your case cannabis is also a trigger for your psychotic symptoms and therefore a no-go zone.

I feel the fact that before you used cannabis you were feeling mostly better is a good sign for the future and if you abstain from cannabis (or synthetic cannabinoids [which are even worse for psychosis]) and hallucinogens then you will recover well.

You sound like you know this but I'll just say it anyway:

You are not dead and/or trapped in hell, it is just a delusion

I don't use hallucinogens anymore and this has allowed me to recover completely and I'm sure you can too.

Quere
thank you quere for your insight all of this is very helpful, feel more down to earth now. %)
 

Anabasis

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 17, 2015
Messages
237
The same, exact basic description of my "infinite loop" trip on super-potent skunk in 2014 that rocked my world for weeks.

The basic components were
1.) everything was looping and I couldn't hold my concentration long enough to break it,
2.) time super-distorted - "the minutes seemed like hours" (Metallica) and
3.) paranoia off-the-charts and the sense that everyone I encountered "knew" something I didn't.

I was very fortunate that my business was doing good at the time and I could spend days in bed putting my brain back together. I'd literally go hours at a time not being able to fathom anything existed outside my room. I kept getting these memories that were like profound revelations of the world outside that I had totally forgotten about.

I went months without cannabis, then while drunk did it with friends and after one toke heard a voice not-my-own sneeringly say "here we go again!" Got super paranoid and left immediately. Went about a year without cannabis, got given what a friend described as a super-mild beginner joint, kept it for about a week, finally smoked the whole thing and this time had an absolutely incredible experience while listening to Aerosmith live.

Fortunately for me, I've since gotten married and lost all connection to drugs and partying and it's been a real blessing for me. I'm better without it. I highly recommend you stay off that shit.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
The same, exact basic description of my "infinite loop" trip on super-potent skunk in 2014 that rocked my world for weeks.

The basic components were
1.) everything was looping and I couldn't hold my concentration long enough to break it,
2.) time super-distorted - "the minutes seemed like hours" (Metallica) and
3.) paranoia off-the-charts and the sense that everyone I encountered "knew" something I didn't.

I was very fortunate that my business was doing good at the time and I could spend days in bed putting my brain back together. I'd literally go hours at a time not being able to fathom anything existed outside my room. I kept getting these memories that were like profound revelations of the world outside that I had totally forgotten about.

I went months without cannabis, then while drunk did it with friends and after one toke heard a voice not-my-own sneeringly say "here we go again!" Got super paranoid and left immediately. Went about a year without cannabis, got given what a friend described as a super-mild beginner joint, kept it for about a week, finally smoked the whole thing and this time had an absolutely incredible experience while listening to Aerosmith live.

Fortunately for me, I've since gotten married and lost all connection to drugs and partying and it's been a real blessing for me. I'm better without it. I highly recommend you stay off that shit.
Yeah its nice to hear similar experiences, sadly im still in highschool so things are pretty stressful
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
About 8 months ago I had a horrible trip. I had done acid and shrooms countless times before and never had a bad trip. Anyways, this trip started off really nice but towards the end we decided to bun a zoot and it went super downhill from there. Me and my friend decided we would start walking again after sitting for a while, and we entered a forest with a 2 way path, this is when I started to loop. Every time we went one path the same two paths would appear again, and this went on for what seemed like hours. My friend not knowing I was freaking out kept on repeating the same motions over and over. i was starting to think I had either died and was repeating the last moment of my life or I had gone crazy. I fully though i was in hell. After a while I decided I had to leave this loop so we somehow got out and started walking somewhere else. At this point I was fully convinced my friend knew something i didn't or was hiding something (like he knew I was dead). I quickly grew terrified and insisted to walk the way i knew. We eventually started to walk on a long road to my house and I though he was taking me somewhere or easing me into my death. I was texting my other friend in a desperate attempt to make contact with another person who wasn't this "demon" i thought my friend was. he was slow to respond so it added to my thought of torture and that he would never respond. In terror I walked to the train station and waited for my other friend to arrive. although when he arrived I thought it was just an extension of hell. We all walked for a bit longer and i eventually went home. I didnt sleep for 2 days after because i was convinced i was dead. this continued for weeks although my delusion did get better over time. 7 months after this trip i felt good enough to have a zoot again. while being baked me and my friends entered an elevator where i had the exact same hellish loop like on acid. we would exit the elevator and enter a new elevator over and over again (also felt like forever). It was exactly the same as my bad trip leaving me horrified. we eventually got to the floor we needed to be on and my god was i relieved although still terrified because it reinforced my thoughts that i died back during that trip and i had now ended up back in the hell loop (like it was teaching me some kind of lesson). after an almost full recovery this set me back so far. now i have intrusive thoughts and horrible fears that ill end up in the loop again and the people around me arent real and are all in on this torture. Although I am aware that this is a delusion one part of my brain wont stop thinking about it and believing it. Can someone please explain whats going on with me and how I can sort this out. just living and having thoughts is hard now. thanks for reading this i really need advice. <3
In addition to this I often experience extreme anxiety with certain triggers. These range from people saying certain things like mentioning death or just acting a certain way. today was terrible in regards to this when i was walking through a large palace for a field trip. One section of the palace had almost identical rooms and as i was walking through them i felt like i ended up back in a loop. This experience was very nerve wracking and caused me to be anxious, overanalyse things and feel like I was in a dreamlike state for the whole day. Idk if I have ptsd and a kind of psychosis but this seems to happen quite a bit for me. Ive read that if psychosis symptoms last for more than a month it could be schizophrenia although i do doubt this as i dont experience any kind of hallucinations. i just want to be back to normal again. (also i forgot to mention that im 17 dunno if that makes a difference tho)
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
973
Location
Middle Earth
Don't worry its just the after effects of the heavy trip i had that at age 19 when i first did acid and felt off for a over a year due to loops kicking in on cannabis your still young and should take a heavy break from cannabis and psychedelic drugs. Revisit psychedelics around 20-21 instead. The anxiety triggers will last a while but it will eventually fade i believe its a form of ptsd but it will go away. Feeding delusions are what can make them worse so when you do feel it recognize it for what it is a delusion and that your alive and well and no ones has died from ingesting psychedelics directly but more indirect e.g jumping multiple stories. Sounds like its the cannabis making you paranoid. Cannabis is psychedelic in its own right and after you open your mind with shrooms and acid especially so young cannabis will become a very strong psychedelic trip for the duration of its effects.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
Don't worry its just the after effects of the heavy trip i had that at age 19 when i first did acid and felt off for a over a year due to loops kicking in on cannabis your still young and should take a heavy break from cannabis and psychedelic drugs. Revisit psychedelics around 20-21 instead. The anxiety triggers will last a while but it will eventually fade i believe its a form of ptsd but it will go away. Feeding delusions are what can make them worse so when you do feel it recognize it for what it is a delusion and that your alive and well and no ones has died from ingesting psychedelics directly but more indirect e.g jumping multiple stories. Sounds like its the cannabis making you paranoid. Cannabis is psychedelic in its own right and after you open your mind with shrooms and acid especially so young cannabis will become a very strong psychedelic trip for the duration of its effects.
alright thanks im super glad that it will fade, its hella hard to convince myself tho
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
In addition to this I often experience extreme anxiety with certain triggers. These range from people saying certain things like mentioning death or just acting a certain way. today was terrible in regards to this when i was walking through a large palace for a field trip. One section of the palace had almost identical rooms and as i was walking through them i felt like i ended up back in a loop. This experience was very nerve wracking and caused me to be anxious, overanalyse things and feel like I was in a dreamlike state for the whole day. Idk if I have ptsd and a kind of psychosis but this seems to happen quite a bit for me. Ive read that if psychosis symptoms last for more than a month it could be schizophrenia although i do doubt this as i dont experience any kind of hallucinations. i just want to be back to normal again. (also i forgot to mention that im 17 dunno if that makes a difference tho)
WELL it fucking happened again, basically i was in a sainsburys and we were walking through and a wave of fucking vivid death loop came over me, it seemed like my friends were getting nowhere with buying stuff and we were walking around the store for what seemed way longer than we actually were. I thought I was never going to leave. Idk if this is a flashback or what but now that its happened 2 days in a row its weird. And when this happens everything seems too look different not like tripping different but kinda more intense looking, im pretty sure thats the anxiety tho. Im kinda convinced that im not alive and i dont know how to increase my awareness that i am alive.
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
973
Location
Middle Earth
Sounds like anxiety triggers HPPD. I suggest doing some guided meditation. This is a good one i used in the past. Psychedelics open your mind to alot of things processing what all these things mean is what is needed. If it gets worse you might need to go see a doctor and tell them about your drug use to see what they can do to help.

 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
Sounds like anxiety triggers HPPD. I suggest doing some guided meditation. This is a good one i used in the past. Psychedelics open your mind to alot of things processing what all these things mean is what is needed. If it gets worse you might need to go see a doctor and tell them about your drug use to see what they can do to help.

Alright thank you, I am definitely going to try this i really need to get better. I just dont have time for this psychosis shit I have to apply to universities.
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
973
Location
Middle Earth
If it does not get better and starts to decline please seek professional help from a psychologist or a doctor and explain your psychedelic use. Your quite young to have dabbled and is a possibility of been susceptible to delusions anyways stressful trips can trigger things. Some psychedelic users from the 60s took around 10 years after they quit using to finally feel they were back in normal time and space.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
If it does not get better and starts to decline please seek professional help from a psychologist or a doctor and explain your psychedelic use. Your quite young to have dabbled and is a possibility of been susceptible to delusions anyways stressful trips can trigger things. Some psychedelic users from the 60s took around 10 years after they quit using to finally feel they were back in normal time and space.
yeah ill see how i feel today, I mainly just have to recognise my triggers.
 

TripSitterNZ

Bluelighter
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
973
Location
Middle Earth
I would also suggest getting a book from stanislov grof hes a LSD psychothepraist and in his 80s now he has done thousands of sessions of acid with people and has seen it all. His insights are on other level the way of the psychonaut volume one is his latest work. The cosmic game is also really good. I would suggest what you are experiencing is a spiritual emergency from the psychedelics and is a time of integration and learning to transform yourself and psyche into a more whole and get to the core of your existence.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
I would also suggest getting a book from stanislov grof hes a LSD psychothepraist and in his 80s now he has done thousands of sessions of acid with people and has seen it all. His insights are on other level the way of the psychonaut volume one is his latest work. The cosmic game is also really good. I would suggest what you are experiencing is a spiritual emergency from the psychedelics and is a time of integration and learning to transform yourself and psyche into a more whole and get to the core of your existence.
Sure ill check him out, i havent experienced any major anxiety today so thats a good sign. Although im kindof distancing my self from socialising to keep away from any potential loop anxiety. like I feel like the people im with want me to be in the loop (total delusion i know)
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
Don't worry its just the after effects of the heavy trip i had that at age 19 when i first did acid and felt off for a over a year due to loops kicking in on cannabis your still young and should take a heavy break from cannabis and psychedelic drugs. Revisit psychedelics around 20-21 instead. The anxiety triggers will last a while but it will eventually fade i believe its a form of ptsd but it will go away. Feeding delusions are what can make them worse so when you do feel it recognize it for what it is a delusion and that your alive and well and no ones has died from ingesting psychedelics directly but more indirect e.g jumping multiple stories. Sounds like its the cannabis making you paranoid. Cannabis is psychedelic in its own right and after you open your mind with shrooms and acid especially so young cannabis will become a very strong psychedelic trip for the duration of its effects.
when you felt off did you worry that the loops were more than just something that happened when you were high. also even when you werent high were you worried that the loop might happen again?
 

TripSitterNZ

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Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
973
Location
Middle Earth
when you felt off did you worry that the loops were more than just something that happened when you were high. also even when you werent high were you worried that the loop might happen again?
I felt that i had never been alive and that life was all a dream that one day i will wake up again at any moment. Well i never did loop or anything while sober the first time i had a flash to the trip was 3 months later and smoked alot of weed and then everything broke down tiem stopped and looped over and over and then i saw big bang happen over and over. I felt like i was trapped in a illusion that i was acutally god and that there was a anti god force a duality war through infinite dimesions and it had trapped and sealed me in this physical world and i had to wake up from it all. This delusion was strong and lasted me over a year it only stopped when i revisted acid again and didnt smoke weed on it. But loops would still pop up from trip to trip til i got my mind under control. A break is needed to integrate back into the real world from psychedelics and ground yourself more enough time and it will all pass.
 

kirbo

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
26
I felt that i had never been alive and that life was all a dream that one day i will wake up again at any moment. Well i never did loop or anything while sober the first time i had a flash to the trip was 3 months later and smoked alot of weed and then everything broke down tiem stopped and looped over and over and then i saw big bang happen over and over. I felt like i was trapped in a illusion that i was acutally god and that there was a anti god force a duality war through infinite dimesions and it had trapped and sealed me in this physical world and i had to wake up from it all. This delusion was strong and lasted me over a year it only stopped when i revisted acid again and didnt smoke weed on it. But loops would still pop up from trip to trip til i got my mind under control. A break is needed to integrate back into the real world from psychedelics and ground yourself more enough time and it will all pass.
ok, im just so freaked out rn because lots of things have happened that support my delusion. One time i was walking with my friends to a party and the road was really long, at this point the sort of knew about my bad experience but not that much about it and they decided to say jokingly but still terrifying, "what if this road is endless and we are gonna walk forever". like wtf who the actual fuck says that. and another thing that confuses me is when i was in these loops (twice) the visuals were scarily accurate like i swear to god it felt and looked like i walked in and exited hundreds of elevators. this was just on weed too making me even more suspicious. also my fried said, "i dont wanna die high" in a joking way on the elevator. My mind is just scaring me right now and i want out, if this delusion doesnt get better i dont know what to do. nothing seems to help. im in fear at every second of my life. I wish i never tripped. Like now when i feel like a time loop is going to happen i try and brace myself and if it happens somehow escape from this hell and enter another place. Its gotten so bad im praying, i was raised catholic but never really believed. Just going through something like this making me unbelievably desperate. I would rather be floating around in limbo forever.
 
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