• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Day 1 of Hell

I haven't done any heroin in 3 years. I was addicted to pills. Heroin is always fentanyl now and the last time I did it - I literally died.
 
I would like to try some virtual meetings but right now I'm still in acute withdrawal and I'm pretty much staying stoned and I dont know if they'd be able to tell but I know they wouldn't appreciate that shit.
 
ok well just reread my question but replace 'heroin' with 'opiates' if it will make you more open to considering it. the drug itseld is irrelevant. drug use is a symptom of an underlying problem.

i have been on this sub forum for long enough to see people make threads just like yours, those that are resistant to reaching out for psychological help irl generally disappear coincidentally as soon as they were able to score again and we don't hear back. i don't want that to happen to you.

i have turned up to meetings nodding out in the chair. people having to catch me cuppa and shit. i have turned up to meetings and left every 10 minutes to smoke a pipe. or i'd have no crack but not have slept for days so conk straight out. i have ordered drugs during the break. i was never made to feel unwelcome. it was clear i needed to be there so i was accepted.
 
That's a good point. I've seen people at meetings like that but always experienced others talking shit about them. Though I would never judge anyone, personally. I guess I'm scared of them talking shit about me or humiliating me or kicking me out of the meeting.
 
To be clear, I'm not resistant to meetings. I'm resistant to meetings today. I really feel like shit and I just wanna be done with this detox before I start attending meetings ya know?
 
Just a few small things that sort of helped me slightly. I don't know if this will apply to you, this is just from personal experience. It's not the big stuff, just a few random pointers.

Definitely have a fan or something. You may get hot and sweat alot, but also make sure its easy to turn off cause you may get suddenly cold.

Also the background noise of the fan can help you kinda zone out if you try to nap.

Generally, with any detox keep a bucket or trash can handy. As in my case, my stomach would randomly decide to hit reverse with even Sprite sometimes. Without much warning.

Also, ice chips are better if nausea in an issue.

Tell your Mom or whoever else is close that your apologizing in advance, if the glass bones feeling sets in you may become a bit grumpy to put it lightly.

A light blanket, for the aforementioned temp shifts. But make sure it's easily washable cause you may wake up with it drenched in sweat.

Something that keeps in mind how much you want to do this. In my case it was my sons drawing. Cause when it sucks the most you may wonder why the hell you went thru with this. It helps to motivate. Only applies if its by choice.

Something to keep your mind busy, some form of entertainment. Just not something loud. Like short stories or something.

Biggest advice is, don't check or think about the clock or time at all. The more you check, slower it goes!

If you like to write, write. If you like to draw, draw. Expression can have an extra notch when experiences are tough.

So those are just a few small things that may or may not help. It is just from my own experience. They may not apply at all, it is just what helped for me. And keep your head up, it won't last forever. Good luck!
 
There's no easy way to put it, you have to tough it out.. there are medications and things that can make the process a little easier but there's no painless easy way out sadly.

Some things to look into:
Clonidine - helps to decrease adrenaline levels, can help you sleep
Cyclobenzaprine - muscle relaxant
Methocarbamol - same
Metoclopramide - Anti-emetic drug
Diphenhydramine - anti-emetic and sedative
Cannabis - anti-emetic, can help with general malaise
Melatonin at night
Hot baths/showers
Plenty of gatorade/pedialyte
Bananas, rice, apple sauce, toast, tea, eggs, yogurt - easily digestable foods
Magnesium/calcium supplements
Multivitamin supplements
Exercising and stretching your sore muscles

These can help but should be used with caution:
Loperamide - this is an opioid that acts exclusively on the gut, it may make you feel better but it's may just end up delaying the gastro effects
Gabapentin or pregabalin - can be used to take the edge off, but ccould create dependence
Benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, Valium, Klonopin, etc) - same, these are even worse for dependance

Avoid these if you are truly detoxing:
Tramadol - it's an opioid
Kratom - it's an opioid
Stimulants - caffeine and anything stronger are liable to make you feel VERY poorly

Alit of this is helpful, just be careful not to develop one habit trying to kick another. Poster already stressed it, but i really wanna reinforce that in particular the xanax or clonazepam route is indeed a slippery slope in your current situation.
 
Thank you. That's good advice and I'm relieved to be mostly already doing those things. I was thinking of trying a virtual meeting today. Do you guys think it's too soon?

I feel like I may be starting to get past the worst of it.
 
Haven't read this whole thread or know your story at all, but sounds like you are getting close to being through the woods and I'm happy for that. The shit sucks but progress is progress.

Meetings are great for some, I've always had a difficult time with them, and I have definitely felt awkward and/or judged at times, it was hard to keep a sponsor. But it's definitely worth a shot, the important thing is to try and stay open and process your bs, whether it's through a meeting/friend, therapist, bl, family, etc.
 
I want to shout from the roof tops my gratitude for each every one of you. Strangers, some of you on the other side of the world from me - Angel's behind keyboards taking time from your day to help someone you've never met because you've been where they've been.

Thank you so much for everything. If I get through this completely, it will be because I know I'm not alone. ❤
 
I've never been too much for meetings because of sicial anxiety. But i did have a giod support network of friends that served the purpose. Meetings are great if you feel comfortable and ready. Its more about if you are ready physically and mentally. But yeah, it couldn't hurt, they would all surely understand the rough period you are in.

And i cant speak for everyone here, though i think they agree when i say you are more than welcome.
It is because we know what its like that we are more than happy to offer what advice and support we can.

Personally i know i didn't give any great revelations or real advice but am happy to try. It's not an inconvenience, and your openess when asking was inspiring. I feel like you got a good handle on what to do, and sounds like you're kinda getting through it relatively well. Just wanna say, I am proud of you stranger! Keep it up! You can do it!
 
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I would like to try some virtual meetings but right now I'm still in acute withdrawal and I'm pretty much staying stoned and I dont know if they'd be able to tell but I know they wouldn't appreciate that shit.

There nothing that says you cant be intoxicated at a meeting, a group rmto try and get addicts off drugs wouldnt last very long if it turned people away for being intoxicated!

I used to go to NA meetings and smoke crack in the toilets all the time because I couldn't even get through an hour or 90 minutes without having a smoke. Of course I thought I was being super sly and going unnoticed but once I got clean and admitted to what I was doing of course loads of people were like yeah we know of course.

Now I'm not suggesting this is the right way to go about things and taking substances in to a meeting absolutely IS against the rules, but people could see that I was fucked and obviously thought it was worth turning a blind eye to give me a chance.

So yeah, dont use having used as a reason to not go to a meeting if that's what you want to do. You could even share about it if you felt comfortable. Just say you used this morning and were apprehensive about coming to the meeting because you were worried about upsetting the apple cart if you turned up intoxicated. Perhaps then say that you felt you really needed a meeting and so came anyway and just wanted to be honest about the feelings you were going through in relation to that.

If you do that I bet you have a load of people reach out to you and offer support. Just a thought, it would make an interesting share because I bet loads of people go through the same thing. Theres also a train of thought that would say those feelings are really a manifestation of your 'addict brain' trying to stop you from getting clean. When you think about it theres potentially a subconscious process going on there.....get high in the morning so you have an excuse to not engage with the process of trying to stop getting high without feeling guilty because you've converted the act of not attending a meeting in to an act of altruism towards other people in your head ( I wont ruin their meeting by turning up intoxicated...).

Not saying that is necessarily what is going on for you but certainly what you are experiencing is a common theme and can be explained/viewed in a number of different ways that provoke constructive discussion.

Maybe you going to the meeting and being honest about what you are feeling is just what that meeting needs to have a positive impact on the people who are attending it today and you could help others by telling them your truth?
 
Oh....just read your posts underneath the one I quoted!

Go to meetings as and when you feel ready, but certainly never dont go if you want to because you have used.

Keep on pushing through! 💪
 
That's the only thing I really dont like about NA. Their belief that ANY drug is forbidden. In my opinion, addiction is a spectrum. At one end you have the lucky folks who dont get addicted to anything ever and at the other extreme you have the people who cant take ANYTHING without it becoming life ruining for them. What about the rest of us in the middle? Why are our victories not good enough? So I'm not clean because I smoke pot? But BECAUSE I smoke pot I've been able to stay off my kryptonite, opiates.
 
And how they look down on the people on maintenance meds. Suboxone, subutex, methadone- as long as those folks are following the doctor's advice to the letter and passing their drug tests, they're clean IMO.
 
I struggled with the total abstinence thing too. Imo harm reduction is a better path forward for some people, so taking away your kryptonite is key. Taking maintenance drugs or safer alternative to get over an extremely powerful addiction is not a weakness.

There'll be people at meetings that help you and offer advice I'm sure. Keep the good stuff and ignore the bs you hear that doesn't help
 
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