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Mental Health Currently in withdrawals and not sure what to do!

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bainster1

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Joined
Dec 6, 2017
Messages
9
Hi folks, based in UK, suffered anxiety and depression most of my days and prescribed citalopram and propranolol but shit got f*cked up about maybe 8-9 months ago even I started buying diazepam and xanax bars online.
They were great, dragged me out of a hole, got me out of bed, kept me working and socialising and life was funky...... Until I stopped.... Was and still am a complete benzo newbie, didn't respect them enough.
Went through the most traumatic experience of my life when I stopped, couldn't breathe, constant panic, didn't sleep at all, couldn't eat and could barely walk.
Got involved with the local mental health team as I thought I was having some kind of 'episode' until it finally clicked I was hooked.
My problem is I don't even know how much I was taking, could have been taking 20-30mg a time several times a day... But my mind is blank and I honestly just don't know.
The mental health team said I had to 'just go through it' and not take any but quite simply that wasn't an option as it was unbearable and there was only one place that road would have led me if I'm honest.
Currently taking 15mg valium x 3 a day but the desire to redose coupled with the anxiety, extreme depression, muscle pain etc is very difficult. Unable to work right now due to it.
My question is, to people who no doubt know more than I ever will is, what should I do?
Should I up my dose, should i grit my teeth and will my body adjust to this dose?
Waiting on an appointment with a drugs counsellor who will probably taper me... But how will that work if I'm already feeling as bad as I do.

Sorry if I've rambled on and apologies if this is in the wrong place but any advice is appreciated thanks ?
 
Hey bainster1 - i think you should be honest with your doctor and explain how the valium just isn't doing the job. They don't need to know why, just explain to them how you feel. Doctors can pick up a lot just based on how you express yourself, and if anxiety, depression and muscle pain are evident they will most likely see it in how you behave.

Why are you afraid they will taper you off? Do they know you abuse drugs?
 
I'd ask your doctor to refer you to a drug addiction clinic to get a safe, medical detox. In the meantime just take what you feel you need. If 45mg/day isn't enough maybe try 20mg 3 x day. They'll taper you whatever dose you're on so a slightly higher dose isn't going to matter in the long-term.
 
Thanks for the replies folks, that was quick ?
Yeah I've had a couple of appointments with the local drug counselling team and a taper is what I'm looking for. It's the only way really, not afraid of the taper as such but if I'm already shaky, fatigued and depressed etc on the dose I'm taking then I think a taper might be doomed from the start as I wouldn't cope I don't think.
I may try the 20mg x 3, see if it makes a difference, its just I've a strong feeling they'll look down on me for doing it, a couple of them I've met can be quite judgemental I've found, which is strange considering they see it every day.
It was the doc who referred me to them.
I've only just switched back over to using valium in the last 2 days actually as the counselors had NEVER heard of xanax (or alprazolam) and implied I should switch.

Anyway I really appreciate the replies, I just wasn't sure if I'd be doing myself more harm than good really by taking a little more but if this tapers gonna work in thinking surely I need to be stable at least... So thank you ??
 
Well.... I tried the 20mg last night and again this morning..... Woke up as usual with that panicky, sweaty fear feeling.
I fear things are getting to a crazy level here, tried 30mg about an hour ago and I can feel that working a bit better although I'm scared as to me that's a crazy amount to take just to feel a bit 'normal', I'm so angry at myself for abusing these bloody things.
I'm not wanting to get high, I just want to function as I need to get back out into work at some point, or just even see my girlfriend as I've shut myself away for 2 weeks, like everyone else though I've got bills to pay.

I feel fine, just a bit relaxed at last and the shaking has lessened, although I wouldn't drive or anything so that tells me at least it's not made me lose my common sense. I'm just frightened.
90mg a day seems a huuuge amount and has shown me how deep im in, again I ask as you all know more than me, is that a stupid amount to taper from?
I'm just so tired of being nervous and fatigued from withdrawals, but I'm aware I may be making excuses to take more.
Just so confused.

Sorry if I've repeated myself, I'm just alone with this until whenever my counsellor appointment will be.
I hate what I've done to myself. Thanks in advance ??
 
Hey buddy, I hope you’re doing okay!

I just happened on your post and wanted to offer you some encouragement. I’m currently on a Valium taper— down from 60 mg a day last September to 2.5 mg a day now. The withdrawals are horrendous (they made opioid withdrawal look like a nice vacation to me), so you just have to be patient with yourself and your body. I felt terrified of absolutely everything in the beginning, but if you are honest with docs about wanting to get off the damn things, they will help you. Whatever the starting dose is that lets you feel normal, that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter if that’s 10 mg or 100 mg. I’ve read stuff in some of the withdrawal forums about people being on 160 mg a day for YEARS before they tapered.

Don’t go too fast, and don’t let docs force you to taper too quickly. No more than 20% of the dose every few weeks to start, see how your body does, and go from there. If you google “Ashton benzodiazepine withdrawal guide”, you can find some great info on withdrawal protocols and timelines.

You can get through this! We all fuck up with meds sometimes. The important thing is to know how to get back on track ?
 
Wow fuck that health team. I would show up to the hospital emergency room. It sounds like you would have a seizure if you just stopped. If you want to do a home taper dropping your dose 5mg a week would be reasonable. Also googe the "ashton manual" its a great resource on safely tapering benzos
 
Hey everyone. I think I might be hooked on the vallies too. I'm currently trying to kick codeine. Tapering. But tbh I'm kinda addicted to valium too.

Sometimes I don't have any, and may not have any for a few days, when this happens I rely upon codeine. Now I'm tapering codeine without the help of the vals.

I was taking between 10mg to 20mg a day. Today's the first day without vals for about 3-weeks. I've heard it's got a long after life so I probably won't experience WD tonight but I'm no expert.

Last time I went cold turkey on codeine and vals it was pretty awful.

Anyway, I'm just reaching out.

I'm an alcoholic and been sober 6 years. I know the 12-step program, I just haven't been totally honest. I've replaced alcohol. I still have an obsessive mind. I'm trying. I want this. When I'm clean and sober I feel great. I want that again and I'm gonna fucking get it.

Hope y'all are doing ok and in a good place
 
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