Crowned King by a Hero's Dose - Mushrooms Solo

[zelmoswift]

I have demons to face. I've been reading and researching about the benefits of psychedelics. Guided journeys are expensive. And then you have to deal with the weirdness of a stranger holding your hand and cooing to you while you're trying to see God. No matter how gentle, experienced and generous they are, there's always that bit of social pressure of dealing with another consciousness. I needed to face my demons alone.

The mushrooms sat on my shelf for a month while I waited for the house to be empty long enough for a deep trip. The day was coming and I ate clean, stopped drinking and smoking pot, got lots of rest and exercise in preparation. I had two and a half grams of Penis Envy and a gram and a half of I don't know what but I'd done a light dose and they were potent and pleasant.The Penis Envy is said to be about one a half times more potent than average so, I don't know, I was about to take five grams. I ground up the shrooms put them in tea and drank, hands trembling, praying the wife wouldn't return until I was somewhat normal. She does not approve and I didn't feel like a fight about this. I figured I had five hours.

I put on my sleep mask and my playlist and reclined in the dark and waited. It didn't take long. Geometric patterns formed and swirled in vaulted chambers. Faces and bodies poked out here and there. A sexual presence entered and I said "HELLO" but it went. I waited in readiness for my demons to appear. I just wanted to talk to them. Maybe fight if I had to but was ready to heed the advice of friends, accept what was shown to me.

My demons didn't show but Death came along in a hurry, announcing himself quite loudly. The patterns and the chamber turned black and I was told in no uncertain terms that I was going to die. I informed him that I was well aware of this fact but I wasn't likely to die tonight so kindly let me get on with what I came here for. Death shrugged and nodded but made himself known a few more times.

Amidst the psychedelic chambers I heard a voice and I felt compelled to listen. It may have been me in another form, it may have been a spirit guide, I don't know. But it knew the truth. There was a path of language and brambles of bullshit that it helped me to cut away. I was there for a reason and ironically, the reason I was there was to find solid ground back here at home. The voice was very firm with me and would not suffer any excuses or rationalization. When I drifted it would say, LISTEN AND ATTEND! which is really beautiful but also practical. Attend has multiple meanings and is a call to action, to be there, to look after things. I heard this all night. It was stern but reassuring. it gave me strength and comfort throughout the trip.

I'm in the vaulted pattern watching the geometry and faces and a voice (the voice?) told me that I created all this, everything. This was one thing I would not accept. It smelled like a trap. I asked if we could move on and we did. To practical matters.

The phrase LISTEN AND ATTEND ... TO THE PSYCHEDLIC BULLSHIT came to my head and I laughed. it was all wonderful and glorious and entertaining but again, the guide told me I had to sort out things at home. Everything I need is right here. All that matters is the look in the eyes of your loved ones, your friends and family. Behave in a manner that will allow you to look them right in the eye without shameful secrets. They love you and they want you to be with them. Just as I was lifting of even more, I tried to change the music on my phone and saw that there was a voicemail from a potential employer. I'm an artist and perhaps an entitled prick in that I want to create all the time but I do need a steady paycheck. Anyway, the sight of this message set me off into a bit of a panic. The voice told me to calm down, call back first thing in the morning AND TAKE THE DAMN JOB. Provide for your family. Despite the flaws in your marriage, your wife wants a nice home and she loves you. Provide. The voice was loud and clear and immovable on this matter. There was no financial miracle in the pipeline. Bear down and go to work. This is a gift. I quickly made peace with that. Skip ahead to today and I ace the interview. Will hear by Friday. It also doesn't mean the end of my art.

I was hydrating frequently and thus had to go to the bathroom every ten minutes, annoyingly. But the voice told me to LISTEN AND ATTEND to everything. Don't ignore your bladder. We'll wait here but don't turn on the light in the bathroom and DO NOT LOOK IN THE MIRROR. I obeyed except to turn on the light to clean the litter box. The room was vibrating. I saw shit and mold and cracks and death was there, grinning. Hey, buddy! Don't forget me. I smiled and winked back as the cat shit swirled down the toilet. The scoop left a sparkling trail and yes, there were flashes of blue light sparkling all around. This was really the only externalized hallucination aside from the trails and crawling patterns.

So I'm back in the room with the headphones on listening to Bach, my guide, my solace, my entertainer, my preacher, my friend (I'm a bit grandiose, sorry) and the vaulted moving geometry starts up again. It moves with the music. The word WORSHIP echoes. Oh, there's some tentacles! I've heard about this guy! But he didn't show himself much. I was led on questions on the nature of reality and tried to call out what sounded like lies and contradictions and would be led down a path towards nothing. I'd begin to realize "nothing". Then the patterns would flare heavenward and I'd feel a little rush of euphoria. And then I'd come back down to earth. That's not what I was here for. Ego dissolution is not for tonight.

Then, on to my intention. TO FACE THE DEMONS. So I went looking in the geometry for the devil and found shadows that went nowhere. I dug for trauma but it wasn't there or hidden from view. I opened my eyes. There was a representation of my demon, an artifact in my room. It's not a hallucination but an actual physical thing. It's a strong representation of what's killing me. Maybe you can piece it together to an extent. This thing that I had built up into a demonic, parasitic force that wanted to kill me was reduced to a little inanimate object. Just a thing. It's not alive. It doesn't want to eat me. It's just there.

My guide and Death seemed to team up at this point. They said if you want this path, take it. If you want to die, then commit, fully go for it. I realized this is not a supernatural monster. I have imbued it with power and that power is mine to take away. I have done so and I hope the effect lasts. I have no conscious desire to die. I was struck by the irony of the inevitability of death and our overwhelming urge to keep it at bay. And decided to embrace survival.

The aliens and gnomes and elves and gods were hovering about but despite the dose I'd taken, it wasn't time to see them. I had to sort my shit out here. Except for one thing. I felt I was sane enough to look in the mirror. I did and promptly turned into Jesus Christ, of course. We both burst out laughing at how ridiculous this seemed. But it was a beautiful moment.

Poetry started coming to me as I finally started to wander the apartment. I stood tall in the corner of our suite and thought I AM KING but in a melodramatic, kind of funny, theatrical way that also had meaning. I am the steward of this household. My wife is my queen and my kids are heirs. it sounds lofty but it was sweet and fun, like a shabby but heartwarming play. I felt like a king for the rest of the night and I'll go on and live by it. Not as a dictatorial monarch, but a kindly, if harried, steward.

LISTEN AND ATTEND. I did the dishes because my queen would come home and would be displeased. LISTEN AND ATTEND O KING, do the dishes, make sandwich, take a shower, smoke a joint. It was wonderful.

Ah poetry, some nice things came to me. Allow me to indulge my pretentiousness:

LISTEN AND ATTEND
For death awaits
In the psychedelic bullshit
Listen and attend
For it is glorious
And humble.

So much ineffability
down the toilet.

A wave collapses underfoot
In search of a subject
The dying king
in his tattered lawn chair.

Let us drink to illicit purposes
And pray that we have not been poisoned.

There is only breath,
Until there is not.

The rest is poetry
Sad and terrible
To behold.

 

[SunriseChampion]

My demons didn't show but Death came along in a hurry, announcing himself quite loudly. The patterns and the chamber turned black and I was told in no uncertain terms that I was going to die. I informed him that I was well aware of this fact but I wasn't likely to die tonight so kindly let me get on with what I came here for. Death shrugged and nodded but made himself known a few more times.

I love this! It speaks to me.

 

[kingmilo]

Thank you for sharing your experience, these journeys are always extremely personal and it’s such a privilege to have insight into other peoples trips.
We all have demons, every single one of us, it is a part of being human and the human experience. We cannot have the light without the dark.
You have the power from this day forward to move towards the light.

I’d like to share some of my experience over the years in a hope to enhance potential future journeys you might embark on, free of judgement

I’m sorry to hear that your partner does not approve. Having your loved one support you through these journeys by either being in the same physical space or from a distance helps a lot with anxiety and any guilt you might feel. My suggestion would be to start a dialogue with them about your interest in exploring psychedelics, your intentions, the research and of course the potential benefits. It will make the journey all that much more rewarding and meaningful. No doubt it’s a difficult conversation to have, but the pro’s outweigh the cons.

I would also recommend listening to a few Terence McKenna talks, specifically those on how to approach taking mushrooms, set & setting, which you have no doubt done but I noticed you had a playlist going with Bach specifically. Terence actually says in one of his talks “Find complete silence, no music. It’s amazing to listen to Bach and he will seem like a God after, but it takes away from what you are trying to achieve”. In other words there’s no doubt Bach is incredible to listen to while tripping, but you aren’t doing yourself any favors.
Some people can’t stomach it but the recommendation is to eat the mushrooms raw without blending them into a tea, obviously if you can’t stomach it then tea is a decent delivery mechanism.

I’ve had five heroic doses of 5g or more, one of which was 7g and only because I’m a large human, 6ft2 and 240lb.The only time I didn’t get up to pee was on the 7g dosage and I think the reason for that is because the dosage was high enough for me not to be present to notice that I needed to pee, in other words a heroic dose for my body size is around 7g. So it’s worth thinking about going for a slightly higher dosage or ensure that you are actually getting 5g by weighing it yourself, don’t rely on whoever sold it to you. 5g is a lot of mushrooms, most people get it wrong and are appalled at just how much 5g is, so like Terence preaches, get yourself a scale
To me a heroic dose means about 40min - 1hour onset at which point I might pee once, and when it comes on I am oblivious to the outside world (as long as set and setting are right), for hours, usually 2 - 3 hours.
You might also not be able to fully submerge yourself in the experience if you are constantly worried about being interrupted, you need to free dive off of the cliff into the water below, no strings attached.

Terence recommends the following:

• Do it on an empty stomach (not fasting), stop eating around 4-6 hours before.
• Take them at around 8:30pm which will mean they come on around 9:30pm and last until midnight.
• Hydrate before and after.
• 5g dried mushrooms that you have weighed, eat them just like that, wash down with water.
• Do them in a dark and quiet setting, somewhere safe and secure and stay there, fight the urge to go anywhere.
• No music.
• While you are waiting for them to come on deal with all the negative stuff about yourself, acknowledge it and let it go so that you don’t have to deal with it again during the trip. You don’t want to be beating yourself up during your journey.
• Intention. Why are you doing this, what do you want to gain from the experience.
• Terence also rolls a couple of joints, he smokes one just as the wave hits him. It intensifies the experience so I would say use this cautiously.
• Once you are done go an eat a large and satisfying meal, it will help you feel better the next morning.
• Smoke some weed before you go to bed to help calm you mind and get you to sleep.

I look forward to hearing about your future journeys.

Go well my friend.
milo

 

[zelmoswift]

Thank you for the kind suggestions, Milo. I will take them to heart.

 

[December Flower]

• 5g dried mushrooms that you have weighed, eat them just like that, wash down with water.

If I ate 5g of Hawaiian mushrooms I'd call Hell and tell them I'll be home for dinner.

In all seriousness, that's too generic of a number. Psychotrope mushrooms differentiate a LOT in psylocybin / psylocin ratio and amount. Where for Cabrerana I like around 4g, Thai I'd take only 2g, and Hawaiian 1.5g for the "same" level of high

 

[Kaleida]

Theta:

I appreciate you sharing your experience, zelmoswift, and it was a good read. I can certainly relate to your experience and your desires, and think you're on the right sort of path for achieving the sort of work you want done. I'm glad this was a useful and enjoyable experience for you and wish you luck in future endeavors as well.