• Welcome Guest

    Forum Guidelines Bluelight Rules
    Fun 💃 Threads Overdosed? Click
    D R U G   C U L T U R E

Confess Your Drug Sins Here, 1 at a time.

juansalar said:
For whatever reason - probably something to do with how my brain is wired - in the entire time ive had an addiction to heroin (10 years +) I've done nothing shameful or which I regret as a result of drug cravings, withdrawal or my attempts to acquire more heroin. This includes never lying or stealing to feed my habit. When I've run out of smack and started to cluck, I've always accepted my situation and resigned myself to the pain of cold turkey.
I'm not trying to portray myself as some sort of saint... I've lied and misled plenty to hide my habit from my girlfriend and friends. I've just never considered drug cravings justification enough to scheme and go against my principles to acquire drugs.
My actions and behaviour under the influence of alcohol however, is an entirely different story. I'm not a pleasant drunk and have a strong propensity to alcohol misuse and dependence. There are many shameful things I've done whilst drunk.
In fact, it was because I hated how alcohol affected my personality that I turned to heroin. Drunk me was a disgusting, aggressive and obnoxious person, but on heroin I am usually pleasant, considerate and interesting company.
I believe there's a genetic / hereditary factor to how alcohol affects me: my father, his brothers and male cousins are all similarly negatively influenced by alcohol and are all susceptible to alcoholism.
Click to expand...

I stole and lied in the first few yrs of my addiction but once the fear and surprise of addiction subsided. I soon started to handle things the same way by just accepting that I was sick and this was what it was.
 
This is my first ever post on a drug chat. What it is: our lass has got herself a little habit by me eventually giving in to her and giving her the odd bit of gear, as everyone knows this can only end one way. So, because I feel guilty for not being strong enough to keep her clean I've feel I've got to keep her away from the less salubrious aspects of getting hold of the necessary, So I'm out waiting in pissy stair wells waiting for 'THE MAN' who invariably turns out to be some 14 year old kid drunk on powder power, who keeps you hanging around for hours 'till he decides there's enough sweating, desperate punters to make it worthwhile for him to saunter down the landing, then dodge the cops to get home so it's there for her with no grief had. should I be making it this easy for her?
 
juansalar said:
For whatever reason - probably something to do with how my brain is wired - in the entire time ive had an addiction to heroin (10 years +) I've done nothing shameful or which I regret as a result of drug cravings, withdrawal or my attempts to acquire more heroin. This includes never lying or stealing to feed my habit. When I've run out of smack and started to cluck, I've always accepted my situation and resigned myself to the pain of cold turkey.
I'm not trying to portray myself as some sort of saint... I've lied and misled plenty to hide my habit from my girlfriend and friends. I've just never considered drug cravings justification enough to scheme and go against my principles to acquire drugs.
My actions and behaviour under the influence of alcohol however, is an entirely different story. I'm not a pleasant drunk and have a strong propensity to alcohol misuse and dependence. There are many shameful things I've done whilst drunk.
In fact, it was because I hated how alcohol affected my personality that I turned to heroin. Drunk me was a disgusting, aggressive and obnoxious person, but on heroin I am usually pleasant, considerate and interesting company.
I believe there's a genetic / hereditary factor to how alcohol affects me: my father, his brothers and male cousins are all similarly negatively influenced by alcohol and are all susceptible to alcoholism.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry but I find it a bit hard to believe you were physically addicted to heroin for 10+ years and that you have never been really bothered by withdrawals, no cravings, and during all this period you've done nothing wrong or inappropriate to obtain the drug?

How about your tolerance. Since you only used it when you had it, did you ever increase your dose?
 
Last edited:
If i eat benzos i black out and destroy my kitchen. When i wake up there is food out and i have mixed different sauses or jellies and spilled them everywhere. I have eaten almost everything or plated it and let it go to waste. Good times.
 
I regret that sometimes when I was high I wouldn't hold myself when I had something to say. I could have been nicer, more delicate but me being too sincere may not have been a good thing as I wouldn't be more patient or diplomatic. I am now much more balanced but the consequences of being who I was made people around me change too. I often feel I'm now discussing with people who still think I am still like that.

I guess the worst things you do to your image and reputation when you are using will hardly be forgotten. It's a constant reminder that I am not there yet. Even though most people believe I got it right this time, I guess deep inside they all think it's temporary.
 
I've severely damaged a few friendships from the end of HS all the way up into my time here on BL which is a span of 21 years. The one correlating factor in all of them was heavy opioid use and what I guess could be considered a complete loss of temper and tact turning little disagreements into verbal combat. Too bad there is no "edit post" function in life.. :\ Looking back it was like setting fire to years of investment in social bonds with some good people over what could be considered nearly nothing to fight over.

Like alcohol, opioids seem to blunt the capacity for compassion & restraint sometimes, even if you possess it in great quantities when clean.
 
Not like a moral issue, but I eyeball doses... I know I really shouldn't, but it's never worked out badly for me, so I keep doing it.
 
I put 100mg morphine doses down my dickhole.













































Okay, I dont really do that
 
Jekyl Anhydride said:
I've severely damaged a few friendships from the end of HS all the way up into my time here on BL which is a span of 21 years. The one correlating factor in all of them was heavy opioid use and what I guess could be considered a complete loss of temper and tact turning little disagreements into verbal combat. Too bad there is no "edit post" function in life.. :\ Looking back it was like setting fire to years of investment in social bonds with some good people over what could be considered nearly nothing to fight over.

Like alcohol, opioids seem to blunt the capacity for compassion & restraint sometimes, even if you possess it in great quantities when clean.
Click to expand...

Yes, for sure. Interesting thought about not being able to editing things in life. I wish! I would probably delete about 10-15 years of mine. Or just start over lol..
 
When I was 17 I worked as a maid and would empty out everyone’s medicine cabinets of pain pills

I’ve also been arrested three times spent six months in jail Lost liscence for 12 years
And used to keep a written list of Who I slept with so I could remember how many

Sold acid in art school used to dose my roommates chocolates without telling her and go back to nj for weekend
Lol that’s not even half of my craziness
 
I never did it because I knew I’d like it to much probably the only good decision I’ve made
 
I have bought coke and booze purely so I could have a massive porn and jerk off session.

Many times...

Even when Ive been out with friends while on coke, i would normally leave early just so I could go home and rub one out!
 
consumer said:
Cheese is very good as is getting high.
Click to expand...
So...constipation is as good as getting high?
I'm a vegan now, but used to eat lots of cheese. I don't consume meat nor dairy products and no longer get daily chest pain.. I kind of miss it, but don't miss having to expell things larger than my arm from my rectum.. There's something about being stuck on the toilet for hours at a time that I just don't miss.. LOL
 
Kind of the counter-sin.. I no longer hang out with thieves and liars. When the entire crowd I once hung out with got sent off to the pokey I decided I didn't need that kind of company.
If ANYONE ever asks me if I want to boost anything they're automatically on my list of people to avoid at all cost. Rule 1.. If they'll steal from a store they'll steal from you. Rule 2.. See rule 1.
 
Basically my friend and I had planned on tripping, and my brilliant idea was to do xanax the night before. I must've woken up messed up and eaten the other bar I had stashed, and then apparently my friend arrived (I do not remeber any of this). He didn't realize how messed up I was, and so he takes a tab and we go to a field with my dog. He starts tripping hard and realizes that I'm incredibly xanned out and slurring my speech and acting like a complete retard. I drop my keys somewhere in the field and we have to return later to look for it (while he is tripping). I am constantly denying that I took something making things even worse. My dog throws up in his car and I was laughing about it at the time? I wouldn't have done that sober. But basically I ruined his trip hardcore because he had no idea what was happening.. as he has only done weed and acid. Keep in mind this was my best friend and I must be such an awful scumbag on xanax because he really considered not talking to me after that day. He always brings that day up despite me not remebering a single second.

There have been other times on xanax where I have eaten people's food, said absolutely dumb incoherent things to people, and embarassed my roomates. Out of all my addictions, I have never been addicted to xanax but it somehow ruins my life every time.
 
I've literally woken up while driving down the highway with no clue how I even got in the car so many times it's not funny...
 
Purposefull said:
So...constipation is as good as getting high?
I'm a vegan now, but used to eat lots of cheese. I don't consume meat nor dairy products and no longer get daily chest pain.. I kind of miss it, but don't miss having to expell things larger than my arm from my rectum.. There's something about being stuck on the toilet for hours at a time that I just don't miss.. LOL
Click to expand...

He said "Cheese is very good, as is getting high" (except there wasn't a comma in the original post). He's saying that cheese is good, AND getting high is good........not that eating cheese is as good as getting high. I agree, cheese is really good, and getting high is really good. I try to combine the two as much as possible.
 
One thing I used to do a lot whenever I git the chance was to very sneakily go into a friend's stash while they were nodded out pretty good and take a decent amount of their heroin for myself. Whenever they'd wake up I would never say anything about it and I would ask them for another shot or two in addition to that which they'd usually always give to me.

One time I stole a balloon out of a friend's lockbox while he was stepping out of the car to get something else. When we got to where we were going my other friend and I split the loon and left the dude waiting in the living room while the two of us went and fixed in the bedroom. I even fucking helped him look for his balloon, the balloon which I stole minutes earlier. When he accused me I told him how stupid that sounded when I was out there helping look. haha god damn I was a piece of shit sometimes.
 
Yeah I did that with an 8 ball of meth I sold a guy once... he lost it, while we were geeked and I found it, and just never gave it to him... even went to "hook-up" a half for him, and sold him a bit under a half of his own shit...

I was a real piece of work back then...
 
I OD'd in a friend's basement when his 5-year-old daughter was watching TV upstairs. I don't know how much she was aware of. But I've always felt really shitty about getting high with her around in the first place. The OD was just the jewel on that shit crown.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top