theabidingdude
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2011
- Messages
- 23
Team nod assemble - glad to see a few old school names here. Had to catch up on 2 years of the thread.
Been clean for nearly two years - I think I see a coincidence ;-)
I can't imagine what its like copping in Chi-town right now. Luckily, I had a great phone connect from the westside who always met me over by Rush Med Center area, that whole little italy hood. It was usually decent, always the little clear bags with stuff on them like spades or skull n crossbones, green dolla signs, the usual. never taped up on top or foil. And almost always 12 for the jab.
These days, I work with an offender re-entry program focusing on substance use and mental health treatment. I figured I should do what I know best, and for better or for worse, drugs are something I know far too well.
While there is sometimes that reminiscing about the drugging days, I would be far too scared to do a bag of Chicago D right now. I have had to give bad news to people the last couple of years, when their friend/child/significant other has OD'ed after treatment because of reverse tolerance.
As a counselor, I don't bullshit people. I had a lot of GOOD TIMES on drugs. But you all know how it goes, once you get caught up the fun goes away.
Was just telling a client a true story of mine from the Chicago days - I had picked up my usual connection to go and score. Nobody seemed to have anything. We were both sick, and our usual guy was off the map, no answer, no text, nothing. So we were cruising the west side and driving up some alleys and streets that we really shouldn't have. Right around Pulaski, we finally got a text from the man, and he told us he had re-upped and would meet us in 20 mins at the spot.
Right away, the great wave of relief and feeling good hit us both, and I pulled over to just wait for a while. i told him "shit man, If I could just bottle the feeling I have right now knowing we are gonna score for sure, I wouldn't need the damn dope!" He laughed and agreed with me.
There's some wisdom in that story. But the hard truth, and one that I know all of you can relate to, is that no matter what you do, there's a solid year of SUCK that you have to get thru. The brain chemistry takes at least a year to start producing the "feel good" chems again, the ones it stopped producing when we were putting that stuff in daily. And no matter how many meetings you hit, how much healthy food you eat, your spiritual condition, and vitamins and juice you take in, you still aren't gonna feel good. it comes back a little at a time. Time takes time. I try to be honest with everyone, and not paint too rosy of a picture.
I do miss the ritual - driving to the west side, getting my shit, heading to a local starbucks, and doing a bag in the bathroom and getting a nice cup of coffee and chilling, knowing I have a pocketful of happiness in a bag. But I don't miss the sick, don't miss chasing dealers all over the place, and don't miss getting ripped off and hiding from the law. Where I work now, I am respected by the law, am a contractor at the jail, and could never have believed that I would be where I am now after a few years off the stuff. If I can do it, ANY one you can.
Stay strong y'all......
Been clean for nearly two years - I think I see a coincidence ;-)
I can't imagine what its like copping in Chi-town right now. Luckily, I had a great phone connect from the westside who always met me over by Rush Med Center area, that whole little italy hood. It was usually decent, always the little clear bags with stuff on them like spades or skull n crossbones, green dolla signs, the usual. never taped up on top or foil. And almost always 12 for the jab.
These days, I work with an offender re-entry program focusing on substance use and mental health treatment. I figured I should do what I know best, and for better or for worse, drugs are something I know far too well.
While there is sometimes that reminiscing about the drugging days, I would be far too scared to do a bag of Chicago D right now. I have had to give bad news to people the last couple of years, when their friend/child/significant other has OD'ed after treatment because of reverse tolerance.
As a counselor, I don't bullshit people. I had a lot of GOOD TIMES on drugs. But you all know how it goes, once you get caught up the fun goes away.
Was just telling a client a true story of mine from the Chicago days - I had picked up my usual connection to go and score. Nobody seemed to have anything. We were both sick, and our usual guy was off the map, no answer, no text, nothing. So we were cruising the west side and driving up some alleys and streets that we really shouldn't have. Right around Pulaski, we finally got a text from the man, and he told us he had re-upped and would meet us in 20 mins at the spot.
Right away, the great wave of relief and feeling good hit us both, and I pulled over to just wait for a while. i told him "shit man, If I could just bottle the feeling I have right now knowing we are gonna score for sure, I wouldn't need the damn dope!" He laughed and agreed with me.
There's some wisdom in that story. But the hard truth, and one that I know all of you can relate to, is that no matter what you do, there's a solid year of SUCK that you have to get thru. The brain chemistry takes at least a year to start producing the "feel good" chems again, the ones it stopped producing when we were putting that stuff in daily. And no matter how many meetings you hit, how much healthy food you eat, your spiritual condition, and vitamins and juice you take in, you still aren't gonna feel good. it comes back a little at a time. Time takes time. I try to be honest with everyone, and not paint too rosy of a picture.
I do miss the ritual - driving to the west side, getting my shit, heading to a local starbucks, and doing a bag in the bathroom and getting a nice cup of coffee and chilling, knowing I have a pocketful of happiness in a bag. But I don't miss the sick, don't miss chasing dealers all over the place, and don't miss getting ripped off and hiding from the law. Where I work now, I am respected by the law, am a contractor at the jail, and could never have believed that I would be where I am now after a few years off the stuff. If I can do it, ANY one you can.
Stay strong y'all......
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