Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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JoEhJoEh said:
'morning all. did you sleep well?

JJ 🌼
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i have not slept

it is not that late over here and i am going to try for sleep but it surely will not come

have had nightmares every night for at least a month + now

am not surprised THIS IS WHAT I FORGET for leaving mother behind THIS IS WHAT I HAVE EARNED...

i am trying to tell myself YOU HAVE COOL THINGS YOU CAN PLAN TO DO TOMORROW STOP PITYPARTYING but i can't help how I feel... I am going to DO THOSE POSSIBLE THINGS TOMORROW and hardcore work harder on getting my SHIT

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BLEEPBLEEPBLABLURPBLURPBLAAAP

btw you can play as covid19 in the new pacman and you always win

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in FRANCE macron is pacman [because it's like euro's answer to china over there] and all the fruit are actually day-old discounted baguettes

 
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for some reason u have to click the emptiness to see macron pacman


that's how much i suck at succing

this is ur FRENCH president on METH....

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for some reason I still feel like I am still stuck inside of a womb

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when I die I'll come out the deathgina of my life and re-emerge with a bbc

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yea I am fucked
 
i am so angry at the person who said they love me, it is a joke, a lie, a myth they cannot love anyone and don't love themselves

i at least love others even if i can't stand myself UGHhh

FUCK YOUR FEELINGS

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My continued existence is worse than death
Yet I still live on...
Trying to force apathy upon myself
To replace my depression with numbness
I tell myself that it’s worked…
That I don’t feel anything anymore…
But deep down, I know that I’ll never
Be anything resembling “positive”
Life is my coffin
And it’s time to shut the lid.
One final action
And this will all end…
One final action
And this will all end…
One final action…
I can’t fight the inevitable…
So I embrace it…
Embrace suicide…
I want to die alone and cold,
And hating myself for every moment of hope that I ever had
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i am having hot/cold flashes, i feel warmer than normal, lethargic/sleeping in a lot and LIFEISMYCOFFIN feelings. Probably covid round 7,634

it'll never go away and they are keeping us trapped in this hell

sigh

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it's not like I want to upstage him on being a THOT but two can play at that game

imma give it like 2 more days

i am so tired

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the trees bleed when they are cut too

just like me

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I'm a tightrope walker
I can't find my circus
and I'm damaged beyond repair...

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THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A SEX TRAFFICKING VICTIM NAMED MELANIA...

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I think the karen meltdown videos are like 2nd in my heart right next to jerry springer but jerry left me

I don't need a man in my life I HAVE KAREN NOW

lUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUl

I need like... a 9 hour video compilation of Karen meltdowns
i am going to entertain myself

w/ video of karens losing their fucking mind

because fuck yeah

 
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it's not his fault i'm starting to be sexually attracted to women again

but then again maybe it is because he could lose a few lbs and try harder

lul

i would totally tell him that

just to see the look on his face lol

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totes tell him that no hard feelings but you have gone back to women
it was good but you can get a skinnier chick with a tighter vagina
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I wonder if he would give me a dirty look, slap me, cry, look sad, or straight up start beating me... I can't imagine "I understand" Would be the words that come out of his mouth

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I think I probably would be too good at destroying his heart

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prolly just gonna move on and will try not to intentionally hurt his feelings... though he probably has none to hurt
 
you know what

i don't think i'll tell him i found a woman

i'll say i found a guy a few years younger and a dozen plus pounds thinner

and the PLUS part implying he could lose more than that (cuz he knows he can) will rub him raw

and then i'll say i came 7x in like a 3 hour window and it was hottest ever

i'm gonna murder 2 hearts with 1 lie

oh god

i can't sleep

i have been awake blank staring for hours

minus eating and karen videos

and, ugh

i get hot, cold, i can't get comfortable IT IS LIKE OPIATE WITHDRAWAL I HAVEN'T USED IN YEARS THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

i'm so sick of living, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE why can't I just get some downers I WOULDN'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF WITH DOWNERS IF I HAD DOWNERS HAHAHAHAH the irony oh oh oh the irony

oh god, four more hours of this decaying life

i could probably hit him up for booty right now but i'm too bitter and am trying to engineer a good evening not an early morning quickie

and quite frankly i should just move on and i know it

MY HEART HAS CONSPIRED AGAINST MY DICK AND BRAIN
AND IT WON
AND I WANT TO KILL IT WITH SEDATIVES SO IT STOPS BEATING
 
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