^^She works out of a hub in another state. I've seen this woman maybe once a month throughout my entire time there.
Went in this morning and thanks to Mother's Day, I just lost my weekend. So that combined with this bullshit, and now I've got it cemented in my head that it's not happening (I never claimed to be the most rational person.) If it does, that's wonderful, fucking fantastic, but I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. I've done what I was supposed to and talked to the people I have access to, and I'm still not closer to having a single clue as to what the next step is or even if I correctly handled the initial steps. Everyone I spoke with this morning says I need to talk to her, but I don't understand how that's possible when I never see the woman at work, she never answers her phone or responds to texts, and her voicemail inbox is filled to capacity and won't take any more messages.
I'm just done with it, man. I mean... I want it, and I want it badly, but not badly enough to work myself into another panic attack like I went through last night. I got it in my head that I'd finally redeemed myself for past fuck-ups and put in the work to make good money and lead the life that I actually want to lead for once, you know? I was literally envisioning the day-to-day as a driver, like.. once the process started the idea just solidified in my mind. I just got ahead of myself and now I'm mentally paying the price for it, once again and pretty much like always.