I thought i would post again here because I am having similar troubles with subs and even my own advice of lowering or skipping doses doesn't seem to help in my case.
After 5 years of being on bupe at various doses, I would have to say all of the positive effects i use to get it from it are pretty much gone. No matter what dose I take. This is incredibly unfortunate. I know that subs are not meant to 'get you high'.. but honestly, they did provide at least a semi-buzz to keep me from seeking out other drugs for the first year or two I was on them. This was good for 'cravings'. And in my opinion, I don't see how a medicine can help with cravings if it doesn't at least provide some sort of feeling reminiscent of heroin or other opioids.
I feel very stuck and lost at the moment. The only other option our draconian and scary country offers is methadone, which if you do not live ontop of a methadone clinic, then you can pretty much rule that one out. I would really love to become some sort of activist to get other opioids approved for opioid use disorder because the two we have in America are incredibly limited and it would only make sense that in order for this type of therapy to work, you would need to either switch up the opioids used once in awhile or refrain from using the 60+hour half life opioids. I wouldn't even know where to begin with doing something like that though. I don't think the rest of society takes opioids or opioid addiction as seriously as I do. The average person is not a heroin addict and therefore doesn't understand half of what I try to convey, nor do they have the passion about it that I do. Most people truly believe heroin is a deadly life wrecking drug (which is far from the truth, if you look into the facts). They assume that because you fuck with it, that you deserve whatever it is you get and that you should strive to be 'clean'. Places like Switzerland are on track, by giving out heroin to addicts legally. Nothing will ever solve heroin cravings except for well, heroin duh. It's sad that our country chooses to continue with it's 'drug war' instead of being progressive.
Anyone have any advice? Ideas? Words of encouragement? I have been a drug addict for most of my life. I really don't care to live up to societies moral standards of being 'clean'. Opiates have truly been miracle medicines for me. Yes they're euphoric and will get you high, but for me, they also relieve me of my darkest feelings and fears. They use to motivate me to take care of things and be a productive person. I can honestly say the only time I have truly felt at peace was in the midst of a good opiate-buzz. I've managed to cut out alcohol for the past 5 years and I try really hard to stay away from other things. But I don't think I can go my whole life without some kind of opiate daily and at this point, subs might as well be sugar pills because they feel nothing like opiates and no longer provide any of the antidepressant and inner peace that I once use to get. In fact, it has been a very long time since i have felt anything 'opioid-like' from my medicine, no matter what dose. It is almost like my mind/body has become completely immune to even any slight euphoric or mood lifting feeling I use to get from buprenorphine period. I have started turning to worse non-opioid drugs just to feel something different and make life interesting, which is not where I wanted to be. Perhaps an extended break might help? Although it is incredibly hard to go the whole day without at least taking something. I have no idea what to do anymore or how to get my magic back. Sticking to low doses doesn't seem to help anymore either. In fact, lower doses cause me to be incredibly drowsy about 2-3hrs after I dose, which can be incredibly inconvenient and annoying It's no where near the same feeling as genuine 'opiate sedation' or a nod. It's more like a feeling of "omg i haven't slept in 10 years, I need to lay down" type of feeling. No euphoria. No mood lift. No pain relief. Nothing. Just the shitty side effects of a strong opiate, but none of the good things.
Will we ever see change when it comes to drugs in America? I always prayed in my life time that we would. But i'm starting to feel much more doubtful. I know that a full agonist opiate would bring back my happiness. I thought we had a right to pursuit of happiness in this country?
