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Break Up After 9 years

I’m doing OK and making the list of fucked things he said/does really helps. We have so many mutual friends and that’s hard because I’ve seen some of them and I haven’t said anything about him, except to say that he’s visiting his stepmom. I’m not one to air dirty laundry to our friends. I’ll leave that up to him.
I’d definitely have drinks with you! Wish you weren’t in a different city but know that you have support here.
I hope your guy starts to see the light about this situation and sees his kids but returns to you. It may just take a bit of time. 💗
 
I’m doing OK and making the list of fucked things he said/does really helps. We have so many mutual friends and that’s hard because I’ve seen some of them and I haven’t said anything about him, except to say that he’s visiting his stepmom. I’m not one to air dirty laundry to our friends. I’ll leave that up to him.
I’d definitely have drinks with you! Wish you weren’t in a different city but know that you have support here.
I hope your guy starts to see the light about this situation and sees his kids but returns to you. It may just take a bit of time. 💗
Thank you. I hope he comes home too. The fucked up things he has said aren’t really him. The good things and the love are what I remember.
 
Oh, I don’t want to seem whorish but I haven’t had sex since losing my housing after losing my job due to COVID. I don’t want to wait forever but I don’t know how to go about that as bars are closed...
Could you go on Tinder or something? And that's not "whorish", you shouldn't say that. You're a grown woman, a sexual being, and you have needs. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be careful, and correct me if I'm wrong about this, but you don't seem to attract the best guys. I agree with what everyone has said on here. Block the toxic fuck, not only for your sake but for your daughter's as well. Keep your chin up Bella :)
 
I’m doing not so great with my health and you are totes right; I have neither the time, interest nor energy to devote to his numerous issues. I don’t even miss him at this point. It’s 100% about the sex.

At this point I’m dealing with some acute renal failure that we are working to correct. I’m seeing my urologist 1-2 days/week and I have ureteral stents in place, which are super uncomfortable.
 
I’m doing not so great with my health and you are totes right; I have neither the time, interest nor energy to devote to his numerous issues. I don’t even miss him at this point. It’s 100% about the sex.

At this point I’m dealing with some acute renal failure that we are working to correct. I’m seeing my urologist 1-2 days/week and I have ureteral stents in place, which are super uncomfortable.
Is that dialysis? Are you on the list for a transplant? Forgive me if Im being ignorant, just wondering whats going on. Are you for sure going to live?
 
BF is an alcoholic without a car or job who moved about 600 miles away to live with his sister when I lost my job due to COVID-19 and I had to give up my condo by the beach. I’m an Oxy person, I’m prescribed 3 20mgs/daily for chronic headaches. I’m back in town, I bought my first house and he thought he could jump on a plane, get back here and live with me again. When I told him I wasn’t ready to live with him again he lashed out, texting my daughter to say I am a junkie in withdrawals and texting me pictures of myself that were not very flattering. Yesterday he texted me to say that I have a problem and he can’t be with a junkie who’s not going to change. I kinda feel relieved. He can’t support himself, and I would be stuck paying the entire mortgage by myself. But I feel badly and wonder am I really a mess with my Oxy use? I tend to think he’s a very bad drunk, and that he’s just lashing out. But then again maybe I’m a big mess and I’m in denial. And he keeps texting saying he loves me but that I have a problem I need to address. I think maybe I should just block him so I never have to hear from him again.

I'm gonna be a bit blunt, but that's only cause I've seen this kind of situation several times before, and I've the bad outcome several times.
It come from a place of caring and love.

Erase you fucking EX-boyfriends number. And from now on, that's how you talk about him - an ex. A washed-out-no-good-wetbrain deadbeat.
Everything you wrote about you ex, leads to one conclusion and one only - he is a fucking cunt. A dick. A toxic, leech of a person.
But then again maybe I’m a big mess and I’m in denial.
NO. NO. NO. Please, stop. Just stop. Don't you, you're going (mentally) exactly where he wants you to. Add manipulative fuck to his list of traits.
You're not in denial. Anybody telling you that (from what you've told here), fuck themselves.

Shit. You got through covid with a daughter. You bought your first house, you'v,e got a prescription and medical issue.
From where I'm standing, you just steamrolled COVID.

Text that mongrel fucker back that he wouldn't know what love is, even if it was asphalt and he fell on it - if he loved you, he wouldn't be acting like this.
Being a drunk is no excuse. That motherfucker just wants somewhere to crash.
Tell him you faked it for nine years and fucked the mailman
Or just block him. I'd berate him until he was crying., but hat's my sadistic tendencies against no-good motherfuckers.

My point is;
You're good. You're great. Sure, being off Oxy is better than being on it, but as long as you take care of your daughter (kids come first) and yourself, it's not an issue. It's not even something to discuss.
Erase that prolapsed rectum from you phone now, and enjoy your new house.

<3
 
My daughter is college age and doesn’t live with me and she is so used to his fucked up alcoholism that she recognizes it for what it’s worth.

It is my fault that I only date drinkers and wouldn’t know what to do with someone who didn’t drink but he was at the extreme right end of the bell curve. I’m actually trying to cut down on the Oxys.

Alex, no worries, I still have 40% function in my right kidney, 100% in my left and the stent placements + replacements are helping. I don’t need a transplant at this point or hopefully ever.
 
I am glad you reached out here, I think you are getting sound advice. You sound like an amazing person.

Dating right now is very tough, and I don't think it is "whorish" for you to be craving some sexual gratification. I don't think you will be without sex for very long, when you are ready, it has this tendency to come and find you. Tinder, OKCupid, and PlentyOfFish are at your disposal and crawling with horny alcoholics. :D

Ciao!
 
Yes, I’m not about to go on any one of those websites to find another drinker. I don’t do dating sites, I prefer to meet people wherever they show up.

I have a weakness for guys who drink, having grown up and taken care of an alcoholic father. I’m not looking for my ex-boyfriend, a 5’11” guy who topped 175lbs on a fat day because all his nutrition was of the liquid sort. Drinkers are fun, but drinkers of his genre are a fucking liability, if nothing else. I much prefer the drinkers that share their drink with you and we enjoy a good buzz together.
 
As of a few minutes ago, I believe my ex-bf is now on BL. He used his IRL last name + nickname as his username. And he’s talking about music (he’s a bass player that likes all types of music, tho he never fancied opera much) and he’s talking about trying to quit drinking.

The past few months have been nothing short of a men migraine. I met a Swedish guy (living here) a few months ago and I had to block him after he started talking about “our love”, which was obviously one-sided, way too soon, if ever.
He sent me this below, I think it’s a lyric, and it freaked me out:

All the colors that you fill in my life,
All the love you give, the sunshine you bring in, makes me feel so blessed, having you in my life I feel so good, may our love stay this way forever, touch wood. Baby I love you so much and I’m longing for your touch


I wrote him and told him I barely knew him, much less loved him, and I was not the girl for him. Then I blocked him. We never even kissed, thank God.

Then I met another guy a few weeks ago that lives in So Cal part time but mainly lives in London, UK. 4 days ago I told him to fuck off because he asked me 3 times for skin pics and I don’t take a lot of selfies, much less nudes. I used to pose for a sculptor nude, but that was all for art’s sake. I wish I knew where the pics of his sculptures were now; that was about 11-12 years ago.

Anyhow, it seems to be raining all the wrong sorts of men lately. Why couldn’t I just meet a nice drinker and/or light drug taker instead of these creeps?!
 
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Just keep realizing you are better than these twerps, and keep trying. It’s tough because a lot of men are truly morons, especially when pursuing a female. There is a good one or two of them for you out there somewhere, I am sure.

Keep your chin up!
 
As of a few minutes ago, I believe my ex-bf is now on BL. He used his IRL last name + nickname as his username. And he’s talking about music (he’s a bass player that likes all types of music, tho he never fancied opera much) and he’s talking about trying to quit drinking.

The past few months have been nothing short of a men migraine. I met a Swedish guy (living here) a few months ago and I had to block him after he started talking about “our love”, which was obviously one-sided, way too soon, if ever.
He sent me this below, I think it’s a lyric, and it freaked me out:

All the colors that you fill in my life,
All the love you give, the sunshine you bring in, makes me feel so blessed, having you in my life I feel so good, may our love stay this way forever, touch wood. Baby I love you so much and I’m longing for your touch


I wrote him and told him I barely knew him, much less loved him, and I was not the girl for him. Then I blocked him. We never even kissed, thank God.

Then I met another guy a few weeks ago that lives in So Cal part time but mainly lives in London, UK. 4 days ago I told him to fuck off because he asked me 3 times for skin pics and I don’t take a lot of selfies, much less nudes. I used to pose for a sculptor nude, but that was all for art’s sake. I wish I knew where the pics of his sculptures were now; that was about 11-12 years ago.

Anyhow, it seems to be raining all the wrong sorts of men lately. Why couldn’t I just meet a nice drinker and/or light drug taker instead of these creeps?!
Wow. Sounds creepy to me. A good man will never spill his guts out to you on the 1st date. And will not be forceful for you to accept his love right off the bat. And your smart enough to know if your dealing with a decent man or dealing with a stunada. (Italian for idiot!) Take your time. You deserve the best.
 
As of a few minutes ago, I believe my ex-bf is now on BL. He used his IRL last name + nickname as his username. And he’s talking about music (he’s a bass player that likes all types of music, tho he never fancied opera much) and he’s talking about trying to quit drinking.

The past few months have been nothing short of a men migraine. I met a Swedish guy (living here) a few months ago and I had to block him after he started talking about “our love”, which was obviously one-sided, way too soon, if ever.
He sent me this below, I think it’s a lyric, and it freaked me out:

All the colors that you fill in my life,
All the love you give, the sunshine you bring in, makes me feel so blessed, having you in my life I feel so good, may our love stay this way forever, touch wood. Baby I love you so much and I’m longing for your touch


I wrote him and told him I barely knew him, much less loved him, and I was not the girl for him. Then I blocked him. We never even kissed, thank God.

Then I met another guy a few weeks ago that lives in So Cal part time but mainly lives in London, UK. 4 days ago I told him to fuck off because he asked me 3 times for skin pics and I don’t take a lot of selfies, much less nudes. I used to pose for a sculptor nude, but that was all for art’s sake. I wish I knew where the pics of his sculptures were now; that was about 11-12 years ago.

Anyhow, it seems to be raining all the wrong sorts of men lately. Why couldn’t I just meet a nice drinker and/or light drug taker instead of these creeps?!
I too am having love trouble. Going through a divorce. The girl I've been seeing recently is a heavy drinker and just brings all sorts of her own drama. To the point that I don't know if I even want to pursue her further.

It's almost better to just stay single right now and figure my own shit out.
 
I too am having love trouble. Going through a divorce. The girl I've been seeing recently is a heavy drinker and just brings all sorts of her own drama. To the point that I don't know if I even want to pursue her further.

It’s almost better to just stay single right now and figure my own shit out.

I’m so sorry to hear about your divorce, deficiT! Having been thru 2 divorces, I can relate. Neither divorce was fun, but my 2nd husband was super smart and concluded that he didn’t require the overhyped services of an attorney. I so wish I’d recorded his courtroom antics. His little bit of legal knowledge not only cost him thousands of $$, but his steroid abuse became apparent when his anger with the judge, my attorney and me, grew out of control, and the bailiff had to intervene. In the end, that old saying by Abe Lincoln was proven true. I hope not to butcher it, but it basically states that the lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client.

I don’t disagree w/ you about remaining single. It might be the easiest option. I’m living by myself for the first time ever. I’ve made a mental list of the things I do that make living w/ me a difficult endeavor. I’ve concluded that cohabitation w/ me is no picnic.

• I’m not a good cook. Due to my upbringing, we ate out a lot and my parents weren’t around physically, or mentally when they were here. I have taught myself to cook a few good things, but I’m embarrassed by my (lack of) cooking skills.

• I’m a bit messy, i.e., I’ll leave an empty cup of coffee sitting on my desk for a few days before I move it. I’ll leave things in the dryer for a day or 2 before emptying it.

• I listen to music very loudly. I have music on 100% of the time I’m home, unless I’m watching TV or on a phone call.

• I allow my cats to sleep w/ me, instead of setting boundaries. I love that they sleep w/ me—hearing their breathing and snoring is such a lovely sound and it helps me relax. I would be the same way w/ a dog, even a dog the size of a St. Bernard, if I had a dog.

• I tend to be a bit of a homebody. Netflix + food/drinks, with cozy blankets on my white leather couch, is my idea of a perfect date.

• I’ll walk places, but my tendencies lean toward inactivity. I’m happy with my weight, but I could stand to firm up a bit.

• I’m terribly nerdy. I always looked for 🐚s and washed up marine life when my ex wanted me to video him surfing. I needed to pick weeds and instead, due to recent rains, I found a number of 🍄s in my garden. I spent about 2-3 days identifying each of them on a mycology website while my garden weeds grew larger. I finally finished, but I find myself constantly distracted by things I encounter during the course of performing a necessary task, and I invariably get delayed in pursuing the actual chore.

• I run a few minutes late about 75% of the time. This is generally multi-factorial, but getting distracted by interesting things is responsible for lots of my tardiness. The remaining lateness is due to last minute decisions to wear a different dress, or do my hair differently than I’d planned, or other similar things. If I see something interesting while I’m driving, I tend to stop and check it out. This as especially true of interesting residential architecture or a fantastic garden.
 
As of a few minutes ago, I believe my ex-bf is now on BL. He used his IRL last name + nickname as his username. And he’s talking about music (he’s a bass player that likes all types of music, tho he never fancied opera much) and he’s talking about trying to quit drinking.

The past few months have been nothing short of a men migraine. I met a Swedish guy (living here) a few months ago and I had to block him after he started talking about “our love”, which was obviously one-sided, way too soon, if ever.
He sent me this below, I think it’s a lyric, and it freaked me out:

All the colors that you fill in my life,
All the love you give, the sunshine you bring in, makes me feel so blessed, having you in my life I feel so good, may our love stay this way forever, touch wood. Baby I love you so much and I’m longing for your touch


I wrote him and told him I barely knew him, much less loved him, and I was not the girl for him. Then I blocked him. We never even kissed, thank God.

Then I met another guy a few weeks ago that lives in So Cal part time but mainly lives in London, UK. 4 days ago I told him to fuck off because he asked me 3 times for skin pics and I don’t take a lot of selfies, much less nudes. I used to pose for a sculptor nude, but that was all for art’s sake. I wish I knew where the pics of his sculptures were now; that was about 11-12 years ago.

Anyhow, it seems to be raining all the wrong sorts of men lately. Why couldn’t I just meet a nice drinker and/or light drug taker instead of these creeps?!
Yeah, Swedes are fucked up - avoid them at all costs.




Sending nudes is a game for young pepole - adults tape all that shit with tape-recorders, VHS-tapes.

You take offence if I dick-slap your ex verbally when opportunity is given? 😬
 
Hey Tubbie,
You already know me, right? I mean to say I think you are a recently re-named BLer, yes?
I’m going to have to change my username now, as well.
 
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