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Tapering Benzo withdrawal: Losing my mind

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I think people do it out of obligation. I don't feel like anyone really cares about me. It might just be "the depression talking" though so I might be wrong.
 
I can't sleep or even get comfortable and it sucks. I ran out of seroquel and mirtazepine.
 
I found a couple mirtazepine yesterday. After a couple hours I felt much better and was able to sleep. I'm guessing that's what the withdrawals are being caused by.i swear to god I'm never taking another anti depressant in my life. None have ever done me any long term good. In fact the opposite is true. I'm trying to ration but I only found 4 pills. I'll be full on sick again by Friday. Why are things so stupid right now?
 
Doctors should warn people about how destructive Snri withdrawal can be. I've become a psychotic recluse since stopping mirtazepine. This shit is awful.
 
cj said:
Doctors should warn people about how destructive Snri withdrawal can be. I've become a psychotic recluse since stopping mirtazepine. This shit is awful.
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Indeed, the addictive nature of drugs (whether it be benzo, opiate, stimulant, antidepressant, antipsychotic, or something else) is often underrepresented by doctors.

It's very important to do your own research. I knew skills 4 thrillz and she told me how bad SNRI withdrawal was for her, and ever since hearing that I knew never to get on them (albeit I wasn't going to in the first place).

Hang in there buddy! <3
 
I'm starting to feel better. I really think mirtazepine pushed me into a manic episode. I've never been diagnosed as bipolar officially but the older I get the more I think I might have a mild case of it that certain drugs make worse. I don't even know where my head was for the last 2 months. It sucks.

All I want to do now is figure out a way to stay on methadone. If I can't do that then I figure I'll be back on heroin soon enough.
 
cj said:
I'm starting to feel better. I really think mirtazepine pushed me into a manic episode. I've never been diagnosed as bipolar officially but the older I get the more I think I might have a mild case of it that certain drugs make worse. I don't even know where my head was for the last 2 months. It sucks.

All I want to do now is figure out a way to stay on methadone. If I can't do that then I figure I'll be back on heroin soon enough.
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That might just be a deep-seated fear, that you'll return to heroin man. You say that a lot, and the thing is, you don't know that for sure.

If you do relapse on heroin, just go back to the methadone clinic and they'll take care of you, right? It's not like you only get one chance at sobriety.
 
I think doctors know exactly what they are doing when they prescribe stuff. They just don't care. Here in the US its one giant money making mill that uses and abuses. From pain management to detox and maintenance its all about the cash cow ( YOU!!!! ).

R13

cj said:
Doctors should warn people about how destructive Snri withdrawal can be. I've become a psychotic recluse since stopping mirtazepine. This shit is awful.
Click to expand...
 
Reanimator13 said:
I think doctors know exactly what they are doing when they prescribe stuff. They just don't care. Here in the US its one giant money making mill that uses and abuses. From pain management to detox and maintenance its all about the cash cow ( YOU!!!! ).

R13
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It's hard to deny that as it's been my exact experience. The drug treatment market is run by uncaring assholes who don't give a fuck about there clients long term well being. Hell you can see that just by checking the success rates of most of these rehabs. Don't even get me started on how crooked opiate maintenance has become since the heroin epidemic took off. Especially down here in the south where people are inclined to believe drug addicts have a moral failing that endangers society. It often seems like everyone wants me dead or in prison. The sad part is after awhile I started agreeing with them.
 
I took and one mg of xanax everyday for a couple weeks. And I was planning on keeping that up for a while because I love the benzo feeling. I had no idea about benzo withdrawal, and I would still be clueless if not for this site. Fuck I almost royally fucked ky self. I still have about 7 bars left but fuck I'm scared to take them now.Maybe make it a Saturday thing or something? Idk but thank you guys.
 
cj said:
Im sitting here in my bed paralyzed with anxiety. I am afraid of robbers, blood clots, and a million other things that didn't bother me before. I am starting to doubt my own resolve. Maybe I should just get back on benzos? Or heroin? Or maybe I should stop the roller coaster myself while I still can. After my last suicide attempt I had a recurring nightmare that I was really in a coma waiting to be declared brain dead. I cant stomach another failure like that.

I really fucked myself this time I think. I feel like I am on a bad LSD trip that will not end. I just took a Seroquel so I can hopefully sleep.
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CJ, didn't you relapse after some time sober? If that's the case, it's true that it's worse every time. So, if I understand you correctly, you are currently on methadone maintenance but kicking benzoes? And the clinic won't help you taper off the benzoes, why? Even if they knew, or found out, that you had been using benzoes to excess for a long time, any doctor worth his weight in paper clips would put you on a taper schedule. It's dangerous! Do you have a PCP doc? Or a shrink you have access to? I know with Medicaid it sucks, but you should be able to find someone. You know that what you're doing isn't safe. Do you have a Crisis Response or something similar there? That was how I got back into the system to get back on psych medication. If you aren't taking an SSRI, one might help you, at least in terms of panic attacks and anxiety.

You don't owe anyone anything, as far as your life and recovery go. Family and friends who are not educated about these things kill people by shaming them about their medication. Hopefully you won't get kicked off your clinic--that would be the last straw. If you don't, I wouldn't worry about tapering off the methadone until you are completely recovered from the benzo withdrawal. I had to do it once--all alone, because nobody in my family knew about them and I wasn't going to tell them. I didn't sleep--with no stimulants on board--for over 23 days. I must have caught a couple of catnaps here and there, but I really don't remember sleeping at all. And I felt like I was on a bad LSD/meth trip. I didn't just have tremors--I vibrated. It was one of the worst times of my life.

So keep up the good fight. There are a couple of supplements and herbals (legal) that should help you--SamE, melatonin (for sleep and anxiety) fish oil, and more. If you can find a gentle yoga class, that helps the body to heal, or plain old exercise. I know how horrible that must feel trying to do when you've been up all night and can't sleep, everything is too bright and too real and hurts your eyes, but it really does help. I had to begin exercising just to exhaust myself so I could get ANY sleep. Good luck to you--let us know how it goes. ~namaste~
 
LopLover said:
CJ, didn't you relapse after some time sober? If that's the case, it's true that it's worse every time. So, if I understand you correctly, you are currently on methadone maintenance but kicking benzoes? And the clinic won't help you taper off the benzoes, why? Even if they knew, or found out, that you had been using benzoes to excess for a long time, any doctor worth his weight in paper clips would put you on a taper schedule. It's dangerous! Do you have a PCP doc? Or a shrink you have access to? I know with Medicaid it sucks, but you should be able to find someone. You know that what you're doing isn't safe. Do you have a Crisis Response or something similar there? That was how I got back into the system to get back on psych medication. If you aren't taking an SSRI, one might help you, at least in terms of panic attacks and anxiety.

You don't owe anyone anything, as far as your life and recovery go. Family and friends who are not educated about these things kill people by shaming them about their medication. Hopefully you won't get kicked off your clinic--that would be the last straw. If you don't, I wouldn't worry about tapering off the methadone until you are completely recovered from the benzo withdrawal. I had to do it once--all alone, because nobody in my family knew about them and I wasn't going to tell them. I didn't sleep--with no stimulants on board--for over 23 days. I must have caught a couple of catnaps here and there, but I really don't remember sleeping at all. And I felt like I was on a bad LSD/meth trip. I didn't just have tremors--I vibrated. It was one of the worst times of my life.

So keep up the good fight. There are a couple of supplements and herbals (legal) that should help you--SamE, melatonin (for sleep and anxiety) fish oil, and more. If you can find a gentle yoga class, that helps the body to heal, or plain old exercise. I know how horrible that must feel trying to do when you've been up all night and can't sleep, everything is too bright and too real and hurts your eyes, but it really does help. I had to begin exercising just to exhaust myself so I could get ANY sleep. Good luck to you--let us know how it goes. ~namaste~
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This thread is old but yeah I was kicking benzos at the time. The withdrawal lasted a couple weeks followed by a couple months of off and on symptoms. Those have mostly ran there course at this point. Thankfully. I've currently put together 6 months of something akin to sobriety with a few slips here and there. I feel better not back to normal but better. I'm back on remeron and celexa for depression.

Overall it was an awful experience. The methadone clinic was useless in helping with the benzos. They basically just said it was an outside issue and my problem to deal with. Luckily I had a ton of family support.

So yeah I'm going to close this thread and hopefully this part of my journey.
 
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