wesmdow
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 4,016
fuckin a. son of a bitch. god damnit i think im STILL addicted to benzos.
last night i went to bed without any benzo or ambien. after a hard days work and 2 beers i was able to sleep on my own.. i even remember commenting to myself last night, "wow, i actually beat it, i can sleep without benzos!" it was a proud moment.
...anyway...
this morning when i woke up, something was OFF. i mean OFF. i went to take a shower and for some reason i couldnt... the thought of all that bodily contact made me shudder.
i went back to sleep and woke myself up about 5x, nightmares and hyperventalating... then i gave up and actually got out of bed.
thats when it hit me what was going on... benzo withdrawals.
i was on a fairly large amount of benzos.. my tolerance is straight up laughable. the last time i got high was sunday, i had 8mg of xanax to help with a crappy roll comedown.
before that, my final dose was thursday when i had 150mg valium, 50mg ambien, and 30mg ativan.
i went monday tuesday wednesday night sober, and i thought i was in the clear, but apparantly not.
i sucked ass at tapering, the temptation was always too great and i caved/got high.
now, im just gonna face it head-on. i dont crave xanax right now because i know THIS is the end result...
how long of a road do i have ahead of me?
last night i went to bed without any benzo or ambien. after a hard days work and 2 beers i was able to sleep on my own.. i even remember commenting to myself last night, "wow, i actually beat it, i can sleep without benzos!" it was a proud moment.
...anyway...
this morning when i woke up, something was OFF. i mean OFF. i went to take a shower and for some reason i couldnt... the thought of all that bodily contact made me shudder.
i went back to sleep and woke myself up about 5x, nightmares and hyperventalating... then i gave up and actually got out of bed.
thats when it hit me what was going on... benzo withdrawals.
i was on a fairly large amount of benzos.. my tolerance is straight up laughable. the last time i got high was sunday, i had 8mg of xanax to help with a crappy roll comedown.
before that, my final dose was thursday when i had 150mg valium, 50mg ambien, and 30mg ativan.
i went monday tuesday wednesday night sober, and i thought i was in the clear, but apparantly not.
i sucked ass at tapering, the temptation was always too great and i caved/got high.
now, im just gonna face it head-on. i dont crave xanax right now because i know THIS is the end result...
how long of a road do i have ahead of me?