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Are you happy with your life?

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No.

But not always. I'm undecided. I have not done anything worthwhile. I feel like I should have a calling. But I don't so far.

I'm relatively young. Maybe it's not the best thing to be overly happy with everything in your youth.
 
I am happier now that I am making changes...

Getting my own apartment, no more living with roommates
Eating and taking vitamins consistently
Riding my bicycle more, getting good exercise
Getting an internship in my career field
Becoming more sustainable and hurting the Earth less
Distancing myself from negative people and surrounding myself with positive, optimistic people

I think people get stuck in a rut. Changes should be made all the time to improve your life or your mindset. If you hate your life it's because you haven't been doing what you love or surrounding yourself with loving people... those are changes you have to make.
 
Basically quite happy.

Need some serious downtime to myself.

Big projects ahead. Gotta gather my strength.
 
I used to be very happy. I used love my life, my job, my family, everything and everyone.

Not anymore. Things changed.
I love my life, my job, my place.

But I hate my life, the body god gave me, the problems I have.
Not drugs... the pain... makes everything shitty.
 
im going thru possibly the most challenging yr this yr that i will ever hav to go thru - ive already started the benzo reduction ive bn waiting on and its difficult as my biggest fear is having seizures, and before i was put on clonazepam i had seizures

i hav constant cravings for methamphetamine from the time i wake up to the time i go to sleep - it torments me (and ive bn largely clean from it for over a yr)

my beloved younger brother has become a drug addict (mainly meth) and sometimes i get awful thoughts like about the fact that hes always looked up to me and maybe he started using cos i did

a lot is going wrong with my horse atm - hes lame, he has a nasty virus and he needs a risky dental operation

my dog has become so dangerous with strangers im seeking help from a dog whisperer - i luv him and im constantly on edge that someones going to put their hand on our fence while walking past, ozzy will bite them and thatll b him.....hell get put down
none of my friends with kids come over anymore cos hes so vicious towards kids

theres rumours going round NA about me abusing my suboxone and using meth while in detox (i dont go to NA anymore but it disappoints me that my old 'friends' wud believe gossip like that)

no im not entirely happy

but i also hav many gd things happening in my life
-a wonderful bf, cudnt ask for better....were like best friends and lovers
-lots of supportive friends who r clean but not excessive (ie. they will smoke the odd bong with me, take the odd clean pill or trip...)
-many interesting hobbies and passions
-i still hav my dog, screwed up as he is, and hes loveable with our family and friends who r confident round him (hes bn my fav dog ive ever owned)
-i still hav my horse, even tho hes not well atm....plus i hav a foal and valuable mare im training for horse of the yr (which means money)
-i hav a gd relationship with liam even if he is sick with his addiction

wat JF said about the serenity prayer rang true
im not religious either but im definitely spiritual - i hav a higher power
and that prayer means a lot to me, much as NA turned out not to b my thing

the more we just accept wat we cant change, and work on changing the things we can the more content well b - and well get wiser at defining the difference!
 
absolutely, positively, hell fucking no i'm not happy with my life.

i broke up with my boyfriend/best friend/soul mate of 6 years almost 2 weeks ago, because he got physically abusive with me yet again while all fucked up on klonopin. i know i don't deserve that shit, trust me i know.... and the klonopin is no excuse... but i can honestly tell you that is the only time he's ever been violent. he's a gentle soul when not on those evil little green pills.

he also kept my newest dog, cotton, the 1 year old baby poodle, that i've had since september. he even called the cops on me to stop me from taking him when my mom and sister drove from out of state to get me, showing up at 5am.

as fucked up as it is what he's done to me over the last 2 years, i still love him with all my heart, and miss him and cotton so much i feel like i'm literally insane. i can't eat, i can't sleep, i can't do anything, but cry and remember...

my brain never stops remembering. good and bad... loving him and hating him. pissed off at the world because my little family was ripped away from me, and i'm the one who pulled the fucking cord!

my head and my heart are so fucked up right now i can't numb the pain no matter how many fuckin pills i take... and to be totally honest... if it weren't for my other dog, pierre, the 12 year old poodle, who is so attached to me he never leaves my side... depends on me for everything... i'd pump myself full of so many drugs i'd never wake up to my heart breaking into a zillion fucking exploding painful pieces ever again. i can't deal with this shit. seriously. :|
 
I am sorry to hear that Crasons Koolaid. That sounds like a lot to deal with.

It is odd that he gets angry and violent on Klonopin. I take that stuff to relax and fall asleep.

I do hope things get better for you.
 
Fjones said:
I am sorry to hear that Crasons Koolaid. That sounds like a lot to deal with.

It is odd that he gets angry and violent on Klonopin. I take that stuff to relax and fall asleep.

I do hope things get better for you.
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if he only takes a few he's relaxed, sociable, and everything is fine... but he can't just take a few. i'm prescribed them for my anxiety and panic attacks, and i don't use them recreationally. like you, they make me relax and put me to sleep. but he's gotten so bad on them that he takes 100+ pills in 3 days. once he's past 20 pills on the first day he's an absolute terror to be around. i've been dealing with this for 2 years now... and i finally left... but i'm just as miserable away from him as i was with him, so what the fuck do i do now?

he's begging me to come back, swearing that he won't take more than 6 a day, saying i can hold the bottle and dispense them... (ironic since the script is mine, eh?) but i just don't know if i can trust him to keep his word... he's promised this so many times before, but i've never left before. i want to run back to him so bad... i miss him so much. we talk on the phone every night, and we're both so lonely and miserable without each other to point we can't function.

i'm so fucking confused. i don't know what to do. i want my life back... just not the fear and physical abuse of the last 2 years. the first 4 were wonderful... that's what i want back... the man i fell in love with. klonopin stole him from me and i'm so angry about that!!!! :X
 
Much happier than i used to be....

i don't wake up thinking "damn, i didn't die in my sleep" any more....

im not exploding with joy but things could be worse, i have my share of problems but everyone does....

mom eats more prescription pills than anyone i know, and i know some fucked up people..... rehab/detox like 3 times, a couple DUIs, arrested for both but only charged with one. Multiple seizures resulting from benzo withdrawal, one of which i had to deal with.... its scary as fuck to walk in and see your mom face down next to the bed in convulsions....

little sister snorts more oxy than im comfortable with, and has shot heroin at least a few times.

lots of stress from school and work.

haven't seen my dad since Christmas...

Psychedelic drugs are the key to my happiness, i have been a happier person ever since my first acid trip.... Lately i have been going to a lot of raves, these people i can relate to. Some have just of a fucked up history if not moreso than me. For a night we can all just be fucked up together and happy despite it all...
 
Generally happy yeah, although moreso if I had a girl I could love and give flowers and presents too.
 
carsons_koolaid said:
if he only takes a few he's relaxed, sociable, and everything is fine... but he can't just take a few. i'm prescribed them for my anxiety and panic attacks, and i don't use them recreationally. like you, they make me relax and put me to sleep. but he's gotten so bad on them that he takes 100+ pills in 3 days. once he's past 20 pills on the first day he's an absolute terror to be around. i've been dealing with this for 2 years now... and i finally left... but i'm just as miserable away from him as i was with him, so what the fuck do i do now?

he's begging me to come back, swearing that he won't take more than 6 a day, saying i can hold the bottle and dispense them... (ironic since the script is mine, eh?) but i just don't know if i can trust him to keep his word... he's promised this so many times before, but i've never left before. i want to run back to him so bad... i miss him so much. we talk on the phone every night, and we're both so lonely and miserable without each other to point we can't function.

i'm so fucking confused. i don't know what to do. i want my life back... just not the fear and physical abuse of the last 2 years. the first 4 were wonderful... that's what i want back... the man i fell in love with. klonopin stole him from me and i'm so angry about that!!!! :X
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Forgive me because I am about to be very blunt.

Your boyfriend has been physically abusive and instills fear in you? And he has promised numerous times to change and hasn't?

And you are pasing off his violent shortcomings by blaming them on the KLONOPIN?

There are millions of men out there. I imagine the majority of them do not physically abuse their girlefriends or instill fear in them.

I haven't walked around in your shoes, so I am not sure what else I can say, because I jsut don't underastand why a guy would EVER be given a second chance after being physically abusive even once. There is no excuse. EVER.

As I said, I hope you can get this worked out, but as an outside observer, I think you are deluding yourself if you expect a different result.

Please do not take this post as unsympathetic. I do sympathize. Just because I don't understand doesn't mean I don't sympathize.
 
He and you are using the pills as an excuse.

There's a reason why the law states that if I person under the influence of drugs commits a crime, then that person will still be held responsible for what he did.
 
Amazingly, yes. Despite all the shit I've been through in the past 2 weeks (friends murdered, had a bad breakup, flat broke, unemployed, lost my wallet & everything in it, my passport, and not one, but two fucking cell phones).

Then, two days ago, I had a DMT trip that was essentially a ten-minute commercial for "Life is Such a Party. Reach Out & Grab as Much of it as You Can With Both Hands; It doesn't Last Forever."

When I opened my eyes, my face was wet with tears of joy. :)
 
No. I was happy, I used to be happy, but in the city and situation I'm in, I'm not. I realized the only thing that crosses the minds of the people my age here is "me". I have a couple close friends, but friends come and go like the wind here. I'm thinking of just shutting myself off from the rest of society until I move and go to college. Somewhere far.
 
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