Anybody ever feel like they don’t deserve to be sober?

[FresnoSun]

It’s strange, I don’t know if it’s my mind just trying to give me another excuse to keep using.
I want to quit but sometimes when I’m trying part of me says I don’t deserve to be happy and sober and I should keep using.

 

[December Flower]

I don't know what substance this is about,
but this is your mind trying to give you another excuse to keep using.

Do not underestimate yourself, or what you could do.
Past and future are insignificant concepts of time, focus your mind on the now, it's the only moment that exists;
and don't let your mind tell you that you don't deserve to stop, or that you are too weak to stop. If you want to stop, you need to stop now, not tomorrow.
When drugs are involved, the mind fights dirty.

 

[dragonix]

I go through ups and downs like an insanely twisted rollercoaster I don't get yet but it is more like feeling so entitled or just not being honest with myself to keep using drugs

 

[darvocet21]

That's possibly the saddest question I've ever heard asked by anyone ever in any forum. According to every great spiritual tradition that ever existed on this planet hidden inside your soul in fact concealed within your very heart is the greatest mystery of all. Guard your heart

"Religiomania is the cure for dipsomania" (alcoholism; any drugs addiction colloq.)
- letter from psychiatrist CG Jung to Bill Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous

 

[thought-artist]

Hmmm... this is very interesting as I wonder if there is anything I could accomplish completely sober for months that I could not accomplish otherwise. I wonder if sobriety isn't enough but we need better environments..........

I feel I deserve a better environment for sure and not sure if just being completely sober is overrated, since I really have freed my mind to enjoy buzzes with no guilt as long as it's not too unhealthy.

 

[December Flower]

Hmmm... this is very interesting as I wonder if there is anything I could accomplish completely sober for months that I could not accomplish otherwise. I wonder if sobriety isn't enough but we need better environments..........

I feel I deserve a better environment for sure and not sure if just being completely sober is overrated, since I really have freed my mind to enjoy buzzes with no guilt as long as it's not too unhealthy.

If you're talking opiates then yes,
changing your environment/location can do wonders.
If you don't know where to get something, you might just follow through with sobriety.
But this addiction is patient. It waits for the right moment, for the right situation.
It might wait for months, and suddenly you have the chance to hook up,
and before you know it you're deep into addiction again

The best spot would be somewhere out of reach. Maybe a very small village?
Or you just camp out in the forest.

If anyone has issues with self-worth, try to do good things, it helps like a fucking miracle.
I always referred to myself as a piece of shit, until I started doing musical therapy & psycho-social care.
This really helped me so much. Doing good things makes you understand why all these do-gooders run around with a big smile all the time.
It's amazing.

 

[JTemperance]

More like I don't deserve to be high -- sobriety always entails misery for me, and plenty of it.

 

[thought-artist]

If you're talking opiates then yes,
changing your environment/location can do wonders.
If you don't know where to get something, you might just follow through with sobriety.
But this addiction is patient. It waits for the right moment, for the right situation.
It might wait for months, and suddenly you have the chance to hook up,
and before you know it you're deep into addiction again

The best spot would be somewhere out of reach. Maybe a very small village?
Or you just camp out in the forest.

If anyone has issues with self-worth, try to do good things, it helps like a fucking miracle.
I always referred to myself as a piece of shit, until I started doing musical therapy & psycho-social care.
This really helped me so much. Doing good things makes you understand why all these do-gooders run around with a big smile all the time.
It's amazing.

I think we'd need to do a whole new thread about these better environments unless there is already one. Psychedelics helped with unhooking the desire to get "fucked up" from my desire to "explore my mind". But even then a wrong environment can bring it all crashing down and then there is that liquor store on the corner not too far away. I know I can vape pot everyday and not fuck myself, but alcohol...... if I let myself go on that then I feel that non-worthiness for sure. I never feel non-worthy with things I know won't fuck me, even if they are habit forming. Got to have that coffee every morning, just don't be mixing it with the booze or the cocaine!

 

[dragonix]

Now that I think about it maybe.

My job I am willfully employed at (only cuz I am poor and want to please my parents by working even if I still don't pay my bills like a child) makes me feel like dirt even when they are all very nice.

I don't deserve better? I don't know what I think entirely but I do know the longer I refuse to find a more wholesome work environment (the irony of how toxic a plant nursery can be in product line and people intoxicating and selling drugs to me on the job) the less I will want to stop using like today the closer to when I have to leave for work the less I wanna be clean woke up in a good mood and meditated fully too fug this job.

So I guess I do deserve to be clean despite whatever scum that tries to exploit and hold me down

Rambled there a bit astray from your original post I am done in this now thank you for that be well

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

The hell? Deserve to be sober?.....

Id just say "drugs" are like universes gifts that only some get to enjoy... those some ofthen just happen to enjoy them too much...

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

It’s strange, I don’t know if it’s my mind just trying to give me another excuse to keep using.
I want to quit but sometimes when I’m trying part of me says I don’t deserve to be happy and sober and I should keep using.

I have had thoughts like that before when life’s possibilities came to a dead-end. The thing that I do enjoy about currently being on opiate replacement therapy is that unlike active usage, I don’t feel so wildly unbalanced from day to day and having my thoughts consumed by trying to score. My life hasn’t improved much at all. I’m struggling, but staying away from using I’m not so unbalanced which is really no way to live.