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Am i fucking my Recovery up?

RRJ31337

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
55
Alright so i tried heroin in 2016 for the first time and did it off and on thru 2016 and stopped early 2017. Never withdrew because i spaced it out. Didnt consume any narcotics in 2018 and in 2019, started making money- Back to the heroin

This time i sustained my use, it got bad around april and come may, i was smoking it every day. In july i started shooting it, every day.

I recently got a second and third job just to afford heroin. Last saturday i purchased from a new dealer, better shit at a cheaper price but instead of bags, its sold in gel caps.

Saturday i had half a cap left i was saving for that night. That evening i was shooting coke with my buddy in a parking lot and a cop pulls to the lot, we freak out and start shoving our shit back into our junkie kits. Well my dumbass put in a bottlecap half filled with water and it got the cap wet.

I get home 2 hours later and the heroin is all coagulated to the cap so i said fuck it and disolved the whole cap and shot it then went out to my car to smoke a bowl. About 25 minutes in my head starts POUNDING, Hard and fast. Every heart beat my head would throb. It was so bad i couldnt lay down. I ate 5 advil and managed to lay and told myself that if i woke up from this, fine, id never shoot smack again.


Started going thru wds on sunday and called outta work, both jobs yesterday and today.

Tomorrow i have 3 jobs i CANNOT call out from and im gonna be working from 6am all the way to 1AM the next night.

Would i fuck this up if i just did a little line tomorrow morning to get be back in the game a little? Its a task even walking 25 feet and i gotta POWER WORK tomorrow. Would one line completely restart the withdrawl process?
 

nuttynutskin

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2011
Messages
8,347
I'd do what you gotta do to keep your job if you care about it... Maybe not really hr advice but you can deal with the heroin problem whenever you want. Same can't be said for losing your job cuz you're dope sick.
 

RRJ31337

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
55
Is this your first time physically addicted and trying to stop?
Yeah it is. The physhological aspect i can deal with, its just the physical feeling. Ive been using trazodone for sleep and a 0.5mg xanax plus lots of pot. Ive got several people looking for gabapentin too.
 

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2013
Messages
23,802
Location
babysitting the argument in my head
Hey.. you can do this!!

I'd consider looking Into lowering your work load by lowering your consumption.

Thier was an anti drug commercial from the 80's I think.

It said I have to work more so I afford more drugs to work more. fuck that trap. Your just loading the ride with everything. How do you make it to sustainable use.. what happens if you don't make it?
 

RRJ31337

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 24, 2016
Messages
55
Hey.. you can do this!!

I'd consider looking Into lowering your work load by lowering your consumption.

Thier was an anti drug commercial from the 80's I think.

It said I have to work more so I afford more drugs to work more. fuck that trap. Your just loading the ride with everything. How do you make it to sustainable use.. what happens if you don't make it?

Exactly this. I was using opiates for fun until i actually Needed them for work. Hell man i got a Second and THIRD job JUST for heroin. I legit stood in the mirror and told myself you make too much money for this.

In about a month or two in quitting my firsr job(the most physically demanding) and taking on my second job full time
 
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