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Am I about to get addicted to heroin?

spacebean

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So been using IV for a month, about 3 or four times a week. It's great. I love it. I've kept dream journals for the part month and almost in every one I dream about H. I'm fucking scared. It consumes so much of my mental process, so much time spent thinking on it, the preperation, which vein I should use etc.?
Everything feels okay when I'm on it, like that patience and general appreciation I lack in every day life is finally there. Also after a shot im not chronically fatigued, it's a relief and I can finally move on and enjoy my life. Its been 3 days since my last shot and have no withdrawals. But I don't think I can do this semi regulary, it seems either or for me...

I don't have anyone I can talk to about this at all, which is the worst part. I'm so sick of lying about what I've been doing. It's like junkie behaviour is being projected onto me by other people's prejudices. Its the first thing I think about when I wake up, I say today no, it happens anyway.

Does this sound typical in terms of addiction development? I would love any insights from you guys I really need some help, what is actually bad about being addicted as well, assuming you have an infinite supply? In Europe so fentanyl isn't really a concern.

Thanks in advance for responses, really need the support right now
 

Zonxx

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Im extroardinarily familiar with this feeling. Heavy opiate dependent user for chronic pain, 100 mg morphine /9mg hydromorphone 20mg oxy3-6 30mg codeine per day once in awhile ill take my oxy, and morphine at the same time, and when the morphine kicks ill swallow my hydros and end up in bliss land, my reccomendation, from exp, since you say you have no withdrawal symptoms other than perhaps thinking about it, do yourself a favor, because ive told all my close friends and parents after i experienced my first real withdrawal ( extreme dysphoria, pain, anger, anxiety,) i mean the list can go on forever, that i would rather kill myself than go through it again, and during that period i drank 2-3 bottles of hard liquor everyday for 2 weeks and it didnt curb my feelings whatsoever, so if you feel youre ahead of that, keep running and never look back, im aiming to get clean, but my goals have led me to using 3-4g of crack cocaine per day to try and ween off opiates and then i know thats gonna be a problem on its own, so if you can beat it while youre ahead, smash its face in before you cant
 

Zopiclone bandit

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If I were you I'd stop right away as you are heading for a real disaster.

I take it you are based in Europe from what you said in the post?
If so I assume you were having a toot before you took up cranking? in my experience of heroin (over 15 years worth of experience) I know of one person that went right to cranking & I have known many addicts in my time.

what is actually bad about being addicted as well, assuming you have an infinite supply?
Even having access to that amount wouldn't help you, it would be impossible to have a poo for example, I dread to think the horrific pain of it for a start. Also you would die quite soon as the more you used the more you would need to get fixed & I mean just fixed, not even high (just enough to take your rattle off)
Maybe it is just me BUT that bit I quoted doesn't ring true with me & it sounds shady, anyone that has been on the gear for some time would know the answers to the questions you asked, I'm calling some weird troll-esque fool on this post now.

Good luck, I think you are gonna need it son.
 

spacebean

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Jun 1, 2014
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11
If I were you I'd stop right away as you are heading for a real disaster.

I take it you are based in Europe from what you said in the post?
If so I assume you were having a toot before you took up cranking? in my experience of heroin (over 15 years worth of experience) I know of one person that went right to cranking & I have known many addicts in my time.



Even having access to that amount wouldn't help you, it would be impossible to have a poo for example, I dread to think the horrific pain of it for a start. Also you would die quite soon as the more you used the more you would need to get fixed & I mean just fixed, not even high (just enough to take your rattle off)
Maybe it is just me BUT that bit I quoted doesn't ring true with me & it sounds shady, anyone that has been on the gear for some time would know the answers to the questions you asked, I'm calling some weird troll-esque fool on this post now.

Good luck, I think you are gonna need it son.
I wouldn't waste time trolling, I'm very serious. Went straight to IV with the H because I already had IV expirience. I don't find smoked to be very satisfying, not only in terms of effects but also I have developed a thing for needles. I must say (and to my surprise) that shooting 10mg morphine sulfate ampuoles I found to be much better in terms of rush/overall intensity and duration. Aaah God I miss those.

Anyway is this going to be something I have to watch out for for the rest of my life? Outside of opiates, I haven't really had problems. Even IV crystal, it's awesome but daaamnn demanding Id go insane taking it daily. Heroin to me seems like a terrifyingly viable option for everyday life
 

Xorkoth

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If you're asking, then yes. Yes you are. ZB wasn't trolling you.

Everything about your post screams slipping into addiction. It's good you have enough oversight of yourself to start thinking about this now, before you're using daily. The following are really strong red flags:
  • It's the first thing you think about when you wake up
  • " It consumes so much of my mental process, so much time spent thinking on it, the preparation, which vein I should use etc. "
  • You dream about H in every dream
  • You're lying about it
  • You're scared
In all honesty, you're on the precipice right now. What you have going for you, and this is big, is that you have no physical dependence. Stopping now will be much easier than it ever will be in the future. At some point you're going to give in and make the jump to daily, or almost-daily (you're almost to almost daily now - by that I mean, 2 or 3 days in a row, take a day off, repeat). Almost-daily will result in dependence, and will progress to daily, then multiple times a day. Once dependence sets in, quitting is SO MUCH harder. Not only will you feel unimaginably horrible when you don't use it, physically, the changes it makes in you mentally and emotionally are even more insidious. Heroin starts to be your coping strategy for everything. Which means if you DO manage to get off, you have to rebuild your entire life, figure out how to deal with everyday stresses again. It's a long, hard road I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

You're at a crossroads, my friend. If you can't stop doing it now it means you're already mentally addicted, and the mental addiction is the part that's truly tough to crack (if it was just physical a whole lot more people would be able to quit), but at least it hasn't produced all of the physiological changes in your brain yet. Look for help if you can't stop, try NA meetings perhaps, or drug counseling. It's important because if you choose to keep going down this road you're going to look back at this moment with regret and anger.
 

Mafioso

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Have you tried stopping? I'd say if you are already having dreams about it then there is at the very least some psychological addiction. The relief from lethargy seems to be relief from dope sickness/the beginning signs of physical dependency.

Just because you haven't started pawning off your items or stealing things to get a fix doesn't mean your not addicted. I never had to steal or sell my stuff for a fix. People get addicted long before it ruins their life/they ruin their life for the drug.
 

JessFR

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This sure sounds like the start of an addiction to me. Heroin or opioids consuming all your thoughts, being unable to control your use, it's classic addiction.

As for what the downsides are if you had an infinite supply. Im not sure what the point of asking is. Cause you don't, nobody does. Even if you can easily afford it now, tolerance will increase, and addiction is very effective at draining your money. So this idea of an infinite supply sounds more like addict thinking to me.

But, to answer your question, yes a lot of the problems of heroin addiction are lessened if you had an unlimited supply. Less, but not all. It can still cause you to get into situations where you can get blood borne diseases and legal problems.
 

chinup

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i'd say you're already addicted unfortunately. but its not so bad now. you still have an element of choice. if you can choose not to use again now, then do.

i was like you for the best part of a year, not IVing but using very regularly and just consumed by it mentally. all my thoughts were about when i could next use heroin. so i has to use it in order to be able to concentrate on anything else.

as Mafioso said, the lethargy is likely light withdrawals. i guess about 6 months in i started smoking gear every evening. the nights i had off i'd fall asleep almost as soon as i got home from work, and i'd feel shit til i used the next day. i never put 2 and 2 together and realised i was rattling til i got deep enough in to know that for me at least, a rattle always starts with extreme lethargy (going to sleeplessness very quickly i might add).

don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that cos you haven't obviously lost control, it isn't controlling you, so its ok.
 

Factualist

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I say today no, it happens anyway
Story of my fucking life

Is that really a common thing? Dreaming about it?
I do, all the time. It's way worse when I'm going clean for a while. I'll shoot up awake and go to find the drugs I dreamed about and then remember it was a dream and then want to cop more than anything in the world. Major reason I'm not clean as we speak.
 

JessFR

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I've been off heroin for 2 years and I still frequently dream about it.
 

nznity

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I wouldn't waste time trolling, I'm very serious. Went straight to IV with the H because I already had IV expirience. I don't find smoked to be very satisfying, not only in terms of effects but also I have developed a thing for needles. I must say (and to my surprise) that shooting 10mg morphine sulfate ampuoles I found to be much better in terms of rush/overall intensity and duration. Aaah God I miss those.

Anyway is this going to be something I have to watch out for for the rest of my life? Outside of opiates, I haven't really had problems. Even IV crystal, it's awesome but daaamnn demanding Id go insane taking it daily. Heroin to me seems like a terrifyingly viable option for everyday life
[/QUO
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I wouldn't waste time trolling, I'm very serious. Went straight to IV with the H because I already had IV expirience. I don't find smoked to be very satisfying, not only in terms of effects but also I have developed a thing for needles. I must say (and to my surprise) that shooting 10mg morphine sulfate ampuoles I found to be much better in terms of rush/overall intensity and duration. Aaah God I miss those.

Anyway is this going to be something I have to watch out for for the rest of my life? Outside of opiates, I haven't really had problems. Even IV crystal, it's awesome but daaamnn demanding Id go insane taking it daily. Heroin to me seems like a terrifyingly viable option for everyday life
Too bad,the only opiates i have access to right Now are 20mg/ml morph amps. Xd
 

Xorkoth

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Is that really a common thing? Dreaming about it?
Oh yeah, I had dreams focused on opiates for 4 years or so after 10 years of addiction (using or trying to use, or more often for me, fortunately, ones where I had started slipping again and knew I was going to have withdrawals again - those are better because you wake up thankful you didn't slip which makes you not want to slip). Dreaming about it for a long time afterwards is really a difficult experience for some people because it makes them want to use so much even after they've totally moved on and changed their lives.
 

Zonxx

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Oh yeah, I had dreams focused on opiates for 4 years or so after 10 years of addiction (using or trying to use, or more often for me, fortunately, ones where I had started slipping again and knew I was going to have withdrawals again - those are better because you wake up thankful you didn't slip which makes you not want to slip). Dreaming about it for a long time afterwards is really a difficult experience for some people because it makes them want to use so much even after they've totally moved on and changed their lives.
Let's be real, the drugs always stay with us no matter how long it's been the only thing that changes is whether we use or not ^^
 

Derschieber

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@Factualist @JessFR @Xorkoth
Reg. dreaming about it... it really imprints it's self on the mind then. Even years later?? Damn.
It is unusual to remember dreams for more than a minute or two after waking up, if at all. I get the impression that these dreams stay with you - where you retain a memory of the dream during the day?
Thanks for sharing that detail with me.
 

Factualist

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To me they feel so real that I wake up genuinely thinking that I've done the drugs and come down, so I almost think to look where I left them in the dream and then realize it was a dream. Leaves you craving like nothing else.
 

Mafioso

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@Factualist @JessFR @Xorkoth
Reg. dreaming about it... it really imprints it's self on the mind then. Even years later?? Damn.
It is unusual to remember dreams for more than a minute or two after waking up, if at all. I get the impression that these dreams stay with you - where you retain a memory of the dream during the day?
Thanks for sharing that detail with me.
Many drugs, well pretty much all drugs with potential for addiction, stimulate the same part of the brain that sex, food, and other things necessary for survival does. Drug dreams are really similar to sex dreams, ime, they seem so real and are extremely seducing. Then you wake up in almost a panic from the sense of urgency. It's pretty troubling and confusing for people in recovery, especially early recovery. I still get drug dreams 2 years since daily use, but they are far less common and more of a rarity now. I've had a few relapses in those 2 years, but they were with weed and benzos, while my drug dreams tended to be about opioids. Makes me wonder if it has to do with the fact that benzos are comparatively far lesss euphoric. I don't really hear people talk about getting drug dreams about alcohol, so maybe it's a neurochemical thing, but then again most the people I know who drink also drug.
 

KS78

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It sounds like you're already addicted but not dependent yet. I hope that you don't get cocky and stop using heroin. If you decide otherwise, just know that it'll be in your life (not in a romantic, rosy way) for the rest of it. Good luck.
 
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