Damn, walking in unannounced? yeah i'd have a major problem with that- or maybe not because I keep my doors lock and don't answer unless I'm expecting someone... old habits I guess lol... you def need to put up some boundaries betweeen you and him at least. Maybe that will save her from having to be the bad guy. If it's your house, I'd tell him he had at least better call first if he expects the door to be unlocked. But hey, maybe I'm cold hearted. I won't even answer for my own dad unannounced when I had my own place, at least I didn't in the past. I'd probably talk to him through the screen door now just to make sure he's not dying or anything..
I was a lot like your gf for a while, and still can be at periods of my life. I try my best not to let it get that bad though and always maintain hope. Lately I've been really pushing myself physically and finding it helps a lot with just keeping my emotions balanced. But even on days that I don't and can hardly get myself out of bed for food or water, I try to still hold onto hope that there will be better days ahead, and to not fall into negative self-talk but still allow myself to hurt or feel whatever. I do still get moments or days where I go back to thinking i'm hopeless, which usually ends with the way this thread starts.
Honestly, I feel kind of jealous about your gf getting offered some of the best treatment for free. I was in tears wishing I could get a decent therapist the other day. Then again, I've never been through that side of the "system", so maybe she's jaded for a valid reason. That's too bad she feels so hopeless... I remember feeling similar, when I wasn't planning on living past 30 or so. I wanted to die young to be honest, and didn't care if my lifestyle killed me because I was so depressed, unhappy, and hopeless that it or anything would ever change. I still remember hearing the words of my counselor saying "it doesn't have to be that way though" when I was talking about how I'll always be depressed. I still get depressed and what not, but I try to keep that in mind, that emotions are temporary, and that there are things I can do to help change the way I feel and think. I don't have to be a prisoner of my own mind and body. I try to reframe parts of myself that I used to look at as weakness as challenges I need to overcome, or work on. Even though the problem hasn't changed, my mindset about it completely does, going from hopeless to hopeful.
And yeah, as far as my dad, my current focus is on re-establishing boundaries between us- which since he doesn't really respect anything but being next to cut off, that's how it stands. Not talking though isn't really a big change for me in our relationship. He's a complete narcissist, and all our conversations have been basically me listening to his lectures about whatever tf he wants to rant about. Then when given a chance to speak, I'm usually so put off by being interrupted and ignored that I couldn't care to open up or start a discussion. Currently I'm not sure what i'd want our relationship to look like, or if I even care for one with him. Visits tend to only lead to problems, either arguments between the two of us, and/or me feeling shitty and depressed about the situation. Currently living as if he didn't exist until I can process all this a little more, and I'm not resentful or bitter... but the problem is, one bad visit can bring it all back. I'd like to work with a family therapist with him, but he's completely closed off to the idea completely, so decided to just focus on self-care for now. My taper is no longer a taper, I've just found a dose I'm stable at and staying there until I can finish some jobs I've started. I'm going to try to taper down a little more before then, but it becomes too problematic... more so than dealing with the side effects of using currently. I'm going to have to just take advantage of my off days to suffer it out and lower my dose maybe. idk.this taper def didn't go as planned as i would be off by now or close to it. frustrating to think about....
I was a lot like your gf for a while, and still can be at periods of my life. I try my best not to let it get that bad though and always maintain hope. Lately I've been really pushing myself physically and finding it helps a lot with just keeping my emotions balanced. But even on days that I don't and can hardly get myself out of bed for food or water, I try to still hold onto hope that there will be better days ahead, and to not fall into negative self-talk but still allow myself to hurt or feel whatever. I do still get moments or days where I go back to thinking i'm hopeless, which usually ends with the way this thread starts.
Honestly, I feel kind of jealous about your gf getting offered some of the best treatment for free. I was in tears wishing I could get a decent therapist the other day. Then again, I've never been through that side of the "system", so maybe she's jaded for a valid reason. That's too bad she feels so hopeless... I remember feeling similar, when I wasn't planning on living past 30 or so. I wanted to die young to be honest, and didn't care if my lifestyle killed me because I was so depressed, unhappy, and hopeless that it or anything would ever change. I still remember hearing the words of my counselor saying "it doesn't have to be that way though" when I was talking about how I'll always be depressed. I still get depressed and what not, but I try to keep that in mind, that emotions are temporary, and that there are things I can do to help change the way I feel and think. I don't have to be a prisoner of my own mind and body. I try to reframe parts of myself that I used to look at as weakness as challenges I need to overcome, or work on. Even though the problem hasn't changed, my mindset about it completely does, going from hopeless to hopeful.
And yeah, as far as my dad, my current focus is on re-establishing boundaries between us- which since he doesn't really respect anything but being next to cut off, that's how it stands. Not talking though isn't really a big change for me in our relationship. He's a complete narcissist, and all our conversations have been basically me listening to his lectures about whatever tf he wants to rant about. Then when given a chance to speak, I'm usually so put off by being interrupted and ignored that I couldn't care to open up or start a discussion. Currently I'm not sure what i'd want our relationship to look like, or if I even care for one with him. Visits tend to only lead to problems, either arguments between the two of us, and/or me feeling shitty and depressed about the situation. Currently living as if he didn't exist until I can process all this a little more, and I'm not resentful or bitter... but the problem is, one bad visit can bring it all back. I'd like to work with a family therapist with him, but he's completely closed off to the idea completely, so decided to just focus on self-care for now. My taper is no longer a taper, I've just found a dose I'm stable at and staying there until I can finish some jobs I've started. I'm going to try to taper down a little more before then, but it becomes too problematic... more so than dealing with the side effects of using currently. I'm going to have to just take advantage of my off days to suffer it out and lower my dose maybe. idk.this taper def didn't go as planned as i would be off by now or close to it. frustrating to think about....