Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

[n3ophy7e]

This is the new thread in which to discuss all things related to excessive drinking and alcoholism. This thread is for serious discussion only about alcohol: your past experiences, what you are currently going through, strategies for quitting or cutting down your drinking, or to just bitch about a hang over. Feel free to say whatever you need to, there are plenty of alcoholics/binge drinkers here who can relate, such as my self. We are not here to judge. Your problem no matter how large or small is serious to you, and to us as well

We are here to listen and to learn, and to provide support for those in need, not to glamorize or condone drinking. Please keep in mind content which might be triggering to those who are trying to abstain from drinking, and refrain from posting any such comments.

The old thread can be found here.

I was aware of the fact that Wellbutrin can cause seizures. I was probably lucky enough to have the 24hour release brand which I think is not available in Australia. I have also been taking heaps Valerian to ease the withdrawls. '
I'm doing pretty good though, havent been drinking much (relatively) lately and even skipped a day or two (So proud lol).

bipolair, that is definitely something to be proud of!! I know from YEARS of personal experience that during a binge, even going for one day without drinking is a huge achievment, so don't play it down at all. Be proud
And use your experiences from those couple of days here and there that you didn't drink, to remind yourself of how good it felt to NOT be hungover the next morning, and how proud you felt getting to the end of the night without having had a drink that day.

That is also a good idea about taking the valerian, as it will also help you sleep AND help with the hangover-anxiety.

Are you going to continue to attend the AA meetings, or try somewhere else?

 

[Cyc]

bookmarked for my searching.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ In what context?

 

[SubDude]

Still working on a strategy to stop this nonsense...

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Just keep trying SubDude. It takes a long time to change habits that some of us have had for basically our whole (adult) life.
Where are you at with your drinking at the moment?

 

[footscrazy]

How have you been going with cutting down Bipolair?

I've managed to stick to only one drink a day on weekdays which I'm very happy about. The baclofen I'm on to reduce alchy cravings really seems to be helping.

Hope you're going well too n3ophy7e

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Hun it is awesome to hear you're keeping your daily alcohol levels down, that is really cool

And I am doing well thanks love! Aside from a relatively large-ish binge on Friday night for my best friend's birthday (but still nowhere near my "old" binge levels), I have been abstaining from alcohol on most weeknights and have seriously reduced my alcohol intake on weekends.

As an example (just gloating here for a sec cos I am proud, so bear with me ) last night (Saturday night) I delayed my first drink until 9pm, and then only had 3 drinks after that and went to bed. Tonight I delayed my first drink until 10pm and currently I've only had one standard drink which was half a glass of red wine, and might have one more then go to bed.

And tomorrow is a public holiday so traditionally I would be getting as wasted as possible right now....but not this time

I attribute my success with reducing my alcohol intake to the Wellbutrin that I've been on for a month now, and also the 2 months of therapy I've been parttaking in. Oh, and I suppose I can also blame it on the massive amounts of uni work I've had to do over the last couple of weeks. It is impossible to study effectively and to do worthwhile assignments when drunk

 

[AfterGlow]

Yea n3o, how are you doing? I seem to recall you were beginning a new program a little while back. I'm interested in whether or not it's helped you.

I'm still doing good myself, now 8 years alcohol-free. And I honestly don't miss it at all. The thought of a drink at the end of a difficult day occasionally crosses my mind, but then I remember how awful I always ended up feeling the next day and the desire for alcohol quickly disappears. It was hard to break that cycle of drinking, feeling awful, and then drinking again to deal with the awful feeling. But it was well worth the effort.

 

[footscrazy]

That is great news neo. I'm so happy you're going so well.

And AfterGlow, 8 years, that's amazing and a hopeful story to me. How long being abstinent did it take til you were happy without alcohol more often than not?

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Thank you lovely

Yea n3o, how are you doing? I seem to recall you were beginning a new program a little while back. I'm interested in whether or not it's helped you.

Cool, thanks for asking man
I have had a lot of ups and downs, and slip-ups during the therapy program, as is to be expected. I have made goals and then reformed them many times throughout the last 2 months, because I have had to learn and appreciate that I can't fix my alcoholic tendancies overnight. It's a work in progress, and I am definitely progressing well so I am happy with that. I haven't been as rapidly-successful as I initially hoped but I have to remember to celebrate small victories in order to progress

I'm still doing good myself, now 8 years alcohol-free. And I honestly don't miss it at all.

That is amazing AG. I still honestly can not fathom 8 years alcohol-free You are an inspiration to me!!

 

[SubDude]

^^ Just keep trying SubDude. It takes a long time to change habits that some of us have had for basically our whole (adult) life.
Where are you at with your drinking at the moment?

Not good... about 8-12 oz of vodka daily. I do wait till work is finished which I do online out of my home. So rarely do I drink before 5-6pm. I know I'm not totally out of control but it's not good to drink on top of BMT and prescribed benzos. The VA gives those of us with PTSD about anything we ask for and it's free. so no financial motive to quit... IDK. I can't tell them I'm drinking or else they will cut me off both and my Dr says liver enzymes are OK which totally baffles me.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Ahhh yes, isn't the liver an amazing organ.
I have had my liver function tested 4 times in the last few years because I'm so worried that it's going to start packing in, but it's always perfectly fine. Of course I know that might not always be the case but it's nice to know that it's going okay so far. I'm sure you feel the same way SubDude.

Okay, so you're still drinking every day. What reasons do you have to cut down your drinking? You're obviously concerned about it, at least even a little bit, otherwise you wouldn't post in this thread about it. Could it even help to make a list of all the pros and cons of you drinking? I did that in like, the 1st week of my current therapy program and it helped to put things in to perspective, and helped to remind myself WHY I was aiming to cut down my alcohol intake.

 

[SubDude]

Ahhh yes, isn't the liver an amazing organ.
I have had my liver function tested 4 times in the last few years because I'm so worried that it's going to start packing in, but it's always perfectly fine. Of course I know that might not always be the case but it's nice to know that it's going okay so far. I'm sure you feel the same way SubDude.

Okay, so you're still drinking every day. What reasons do you have to cut down your drinking? You're obviously concerned about it, at least even a little bit, otherwise you wouldn't post in this thread about it. Could it even help to make a list of all the pros and cons of you drinking? I did that in like, the 1st week of my current therapy program and it helped to put things in to perspective, and helped to remind myself WHY I was aiming to cut down my alcohol intake.

The main reason is both mental and physical health. I have 6 terrific kids 16-33 and I'm sure they know things aren't right but they might also chalk it up to being dependent on Pain meds... which is partially how I ended up on ORT. I used to like to drink and party with friends but most of them have either moved away or ended up on one of the 3 bad roads which no sane person wants to go. I know the pros outweigh the cons... but I abstained for about a year after switching from Methadone to Bupe and ended up divorced [20 yr marriage] and of course she got my "dream home". So I bought a gated and private patio home about 1 mile away to be close to kids but was bored sick.

Anyway, I still have a couple of friends and a large family so things aren't all bad. If I was stronger, I'd quit the bupe but every time I try I start hallucinating after after about 48 hrs no sleep and have panic attacks. Feel like I'm in a 'catch 22' because dr says I shouldn't even try to quit [va won't detox addicts in-patient in this district] because of PTSD and length of dependence. Yet if I'm totally honest with them about booze... they would kick me off both Bupe... and benzo's which I need for panics/anxiety. Most people think war related PTSD gets better over time but it's just the opposite for many of us. Heavy thunder storms, car backfires, 4th July, New years, and dreams are the worst part.

Yes the Liver is an amazing organ... one of my old friends [whom I can't be around anymore] buys a half gallon about every other day and has done this for years. It's taken it's toll but he's still kicking around. He get's about $1200 a mo pension and spends most all of it on $9.99 per half gallon of cheap vodka, cigs, pot, and crack. Shares 1 BR in "crime town". It's all relative though because he's doing OK compared to how some other old buddies ended up.

Anyway I guess I'm just venting.... thanks for listening.

 

[blahman8000]

Thank you to OverDone for linking me to this thread from the post I made a few days ago. I couldn't find it.

I don't eat very much anymore. I am at the point where I have to be sufficiently buzzed in order to stomach food. I don't know if that's normal. Even water makes me nauseous unless I have enough alcohol in me.

I don't even like being drunk. In fact, I almost never feel the "euphoric" effects of alcohol anymore, because I become tired before I become what I'd consider drunk. I just get tired and depressed, then I wake up sick, and then I do it again because the one thing that helps when I'm hungover is alcohol.

I just get tired. I miss feeling drunk, but I don't anymore. I get tired and I simply get this feeling that I want to lay down. For some reason, the best feeling I get out of drinking is crying. It's fucking stupid.

But being sober is so much worse. All of this sounds very stupid, but I don't think I will ever be happy, thus I don't think that quitting alcohol will help. In all honesty, a large part of me wants to drink myself to death. I don't remember the last time I was happy when sober. Probably when I was a child. But I don't remember it anymore.

 

[n3ophy7e]

blahman, it doesn't sound stupid, it sounds like you've got a pretty severe physical addiction to alcohol. Is there any way you can do a medically-supervised taper/detox?? What country are you in? Do they have government-subsidised health care? I know you feel like you've lost hope but I think you've still got that spark inside of you that wants to get better. Please don't give up yet man



Meanwhile, my drinking is pretty badly out of control again too. Actually, I can't really remember when I did have control over it...so I shouldn't try to fool myself or others that I once had control :D 8) Last year I parttook in a 3 month alcohol counselling program, I'm not sure if anyone in here would remember that I mentioned it. Look, in all honesty, it didn't really work very well. I think the program was designed for people with mild alcohol addiction and no other concurrent mental issues. I on the other hand have many complex intertwined mental issues, so tackling the drinking on its own was a futile exercise from the beginning. I was still drinking a little bit during the 12 weeks of the program (it wasn't in-patient), and pretty much immediately after the program ended I gradually started drinking my usual amount again. That was back in November.

In December I started seeing a new psychologist and she is working really well with me so far, but we're still in the early days of therapy. I'm at that stage where shit is about to get real, we're really about to start delving in to my personal problems, why I am so fucked in the head, how I got myself in this mess etc etc. I'm really scared to be honest, I'm scared of what I might find out, what it will mean, and I'm really scared of being sober. So to counteract that I've been drinking fucking shitloads of wine I've even started hiding it around house again, which is something I haven't done for years. Yesterday I PROMISED myself I wouldn't drink...I kept repeating it over and over to myself as a mantra throughout the day, cementing it in my mind, "I'm NOT going to drink today". Yet, I got home, had 30 minutes to spare before my boyfriend got home, and before I even knew what I'd done I'd drunk a whole bottle of wine.
*sigh*

I don't want to drink today but I probably will. If I can go through a whole day of promising myself that I'm not going to drink, and then end up drinking anyway, what chance do I have of not drinking when I'm not really committing myself to being sober 8)

 

[blahman8000]

Yea n3o, how are you doing? I seem to recall you were beginning a new program a little while back. I'm interested in whether or not it's helped you.

I'm still doing good myself, now 8 years alcohol-free. And I honestly don't miss it at all. The thought of a drink at the end of a difficult day occasionally crosses my mind, but then I remember how awful I always ended up feeling the next day and the desire for alcohol quickly disappears. It was hard to break that cycle of drinking, feeling awful, and then drinking again to deal with the awful feeling. But it was well worth the effort.

8 years! Congratulations. I really hope I get there. Good for you.

 

[Cyc]

n3o, I have so much love and respect for you. You give so much back to BL. I know it's so easy to slip back into old habits, especially when you start to feel good again. I think that's the toughest part about alcohol, is that it's such a slooow descent back into oblivion, that you barely realize that you're becoming a mess.

The holidays also did a number on me too. I was doing very well in Oct. and Nov. largely due to a very bad night where I went overboard. I've since slowly phased alcohol back in, although not to the extent of before, still more than I'd like.

I find the best remedy is to be busy and have obligations that prevent me from drinking. I'm at the point in my drinking where certain consequences are starting to outweigh the benefits. If I drink heavily and go to sleep, I will wake up a few hours later and have trouble getting back to sleep. If I have obligations the next day (school, work, meeting, event) then it will wreak havoc on my ability to perform the next day. This is enough to make me leave it alone.

It's funny you mention liver enzymes. In November, I took a month off of drinking and had a full panel done because I kept having this strange dull pressure in my abdomen. My enzymes were also perfectly normal, and red/white blood cell count and glucose was normal too.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thank you so much for your love and support Cyc, right back at ya mate

Damn the holidays huh!! They get me every time. I totally agree with the strategy of "keeping busy"...but you know what? Sometimes that just gets exhausting for me, having to constantly have stuff planned to keep me out of trouble. I'd like to just be able to sit at home and relax and not have to worry about cravings etc. But (and this is something that is really making sobriety very difficult for me), my own house is my #1 biggest trigger for drinking, by far. What chance have I got?! I can stay sober anywhere else....except perhaps my best friend's house. But the instant I walk through the front door after work, I need a drink. *sigh* My therapist has suggested that my boyfriend and I change our furniture around and paint the walls a new colour so that it looks different, to try and trick my brain in to not being triggered by my own house. Sad huh 8) We're going to try that though, it'll be fun, and it will hopefully help.

Cyc that is great news that your liver is fine. Amazing organ, huh
Where are you at work your drinking now? Are you drinking every day? Or just more than you would like on the occasions that you do drink? Are you aiming for total sobriety?

 

[Cyc]

Hm. I'd say if you don't count the holidays (yeah, let's not count those..) then I'm still averaging about 3 nights a week, which is maybe only 1 less than before. What has changed however is what I drink, and how much. For about a year there, I was getting into a habit of picking up a 26oz bottle of vodka a couple/few nights a week, and supplementing it with beer.

I've cut down substantially on the hard liquor and instead I'll smoke a bit of weed, which helps me pass out quicker - rather than staying up and continuously drinking. Also, if I have anything remotely important to do, I need like a 48 hour sobriety window for me to feel completely dried out.

As for sobriety, I'm still kind of hoping that alcohol will just slowly lose its appeal, like it seems to do for most adults. I mean, I quit smoking tobacco 6 years ago and I've never really looked back. I can have oxycontin in the house for weeks without touching it. Ditto for benzos. A bag of weed will last me a couple months. I know that I can leave most things alone. I still don't really get why this should be any exception.

I've always maintained that alcohol is the ultimate boredom-killer. It's not being drunk, but the process of getting there that just makes the hours more enjoyable.

 

[blahman8000]

Hm. I'd say if you don't count the holidays (yeah, let's not count those..) then I'm still averaging about 3 nights a week, which is maybe only 1 less than before. What has changed however is what I drink, and how much. For about a year there, I was getting into a habit of picking up a 26oz bottle of vodka a couple/few nights a week, and supplementing it with beer.

I've cut down substantially on the hard liquor and instead I'll smoke a bit of weed, which helps me pass out quicker - rather than staying up and continuously drinking. Also, if I have anything remotely important to do, I need like a 48 hour sobriety window for me to feel completely dried out.

As for sobriety, I'm still kind of hoping that alcohol will just slowly lose its appeal, like it seems to do for most adults. I mean, I quit smoking tobacco 6 years ago and I've never really looked back. I can have oxycontin in the house for weeks without touching it. Ditto for benzos. A bag of weed will last me a couple months. I know that I can leave most things alone. I still don't really get why this should be any exception.

I've always maintained that alcohol is the ultimate boredom-killer. It's not being drunk, but the process of getting there that just makes the hours more enjoyable.

Smoking weed is definitely a much healthier alternative. I really wish I could handle pot like I used to but I can't. I get anxious, paranoid and horribly depressed. Basically the opposite of the beneficial effects that others enjoy about it, and that I used to enjoy. If I could still enjoy pot, I might not have turned out to be a drunk.

Alcohol does lose its appeal over time, in a way. After 3 years of heavy drinking, it sure as hell doesn't make me as euphoric as it did before I was a chronic drinker. It's kinda like how heroin addicts will tell you that you'll never again experience the magic of those first few highs. But an addict keeps reaching for it.

I think that, as opposed to pain killers and benzos, drinking is so reinforced by our culture and environment that it stays in the back of some people's heads. Not to mention it's generally more accessible than any other drug. And yeah, there is a process to it that distinguishes it from pills or powder. Personally I often wonder if I enjoy getting drunk more than I enjoy being drunk, if that makes any sense. So I hear ya.