Jumprope85
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2019
- Messages
- 31
Help!
i’ve been struggling with this shit since I was 9yo.. classic story really; bright kid, high functioning but struggled badly academically despite trying so so hard; impulsive and lashed out at the system, constantly fidgeting and blurting out in class despite best efforts to keep my mouth shut.
Was treated as a problem child, no help offered and some 4-5 expulsions ultimately.
Fast forward many years and the hyperactivity has died down slightly although I’m still a fucker for interrupting people but I find myself a good, exciting, high pressure and respectable job which I’m good at. Only thing is my good work is always overshadowed by my social interactions with peers and bosses and I’m just constantly blurting out my first thought without consideration of others’ feelings or thinking about my delivery.
My paper work is crap or non existing and always extremely late. I can’t do it no matter how hard I try and constantly start new projects before finishing the old.. I could genuinely lock myself in a room with no phone or other distractions for a week and with only the work I have a deadline for and odds are i would still come out without it being even started let alone done.
The funny thing is one could argue my career had been pretty successful but I KNOW I’m capable of so much more and I am grossly underperforming always.
In short, many at work have had enough of me and I’m on thin ice. My Partner is getting sick of me and my perceived apathy or lack of attentiveness and I can just feel everything falling apart. Trying to man up but I can’t. Gp can’t offer me any help - I’m referred to a specialist adult psychiatrist for ADHD assessment but they have a 5yr waiting list. I’m honestly desperate and sad thing is even if I wanted to seek illicit Ritalin/adderall (which I don’t) I have no contacts and wouldn’t know where to begin. Besides, I smell like government from a mile off.
I’ve reached the point where I’m thinking maybe my best option is to die and let partner and daughter get the insurance payout!
Is there anyone out there who can relate / provide me with advice or even just share coping strategies I’m just out of ideas and feel defeated. I know I could achieve so much more if I had some help. Anyway.. sorry to waffle and waste time I just don’t know what else to do.
nice meeting everyone / thanks for listening to my intangible rant and thanks in advance for any help
EDITTED TO CORRECT MANY MANY SPELLING ERRORS
i’ve been struggling with this shit since I was 9yo.. classic story really; bright kid, high functioning but struggled badly academically despite trying so so hard; impulsive and lashed out at the system, constantly fidgeting and blurting out in class despite best efforts to keep my mouth shut.
Was treated as a problem child, no help offered and some 4-5 expulsions ultimately.
Fast forward many years and the hyperactivity has died down slightly although I’m still a fucker for interrupting people but I find myself a good, exciting, high pressure and respectable job which I’m good at. Only thing is my good work is always overshadowed by my social interactions with peers and bosses and I’m just constantly blurting out my first thought without consideration of others’ feelings or thinking about my delivery.
My paper work is crap or non existing and always extremely late. I can’t do it no matter how hard I try and constantly start new projects before finishing the old.. I could genuinely lock myself in a room with no phone or other distractions for a week and with only the work I have a deadline for and odds are i would still come out without it being even started let alone done.
The funny thing is one could argue my career had been pretty successful but I KNOW I’m capable of so much more and I am grossly underperforming always.
In short, many at work have had enough of me and I’m on thin ice. My Partner is getting sick of me and my perceived apathy or lack of attentiveness and I can just feel everything falling apart. Trying to man up but I can’t. Gp can’t offer me any help - I’m referred to a specialist adult psychiatrist for ADHD assessment but they have a 5yr waiting list. I’m honestly desperate and sad thing is even if I wanted to seek illicit Ritalin/adderall (which I don’t) I have no contacts and wouldn’t know where to begin. Besides, I smell like government from a mile off.
I’ve reached the point where I’m thinking maybe my best option is to die and let partner and daughter get the insurance payout!
Is there anyone out there who can relate / provide me with advice or even just share coping strategies I’m just out of ideas and feel defeated. I know I could achieve so much more if I had some help. Anyway.. sorry to waffle and waste time I just don’t know what else to do.
nice meeting everyone / thanks for listening to my intangible rant and thanks in advance for any help
EDITTED TO CORRECT MANY MANY SPELLING ERRORS
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