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ADDICTS: Are you livin a secret double life? Secret addiction? Post here

Khadijah

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 18, 2003
Messages
16,372
Location
Hell
Well, the title says it.

TO THE HEROIN AND OTHER OPIATE, CRACK, AND METH ADDICTS ,
This one is for you. Not to exclude anybody , or say that others aint as "hard", becuz that aint it at all. But the life that comes with hiding your weekend E or acid use from your mom , is a lot different than the lifestyle of constantly coverin up a serious addiction to physically addictive , illegal "hard drugs."

who here is a just mild mannered do-nothing unemployment-collecting slacker to their family and friends, but magically transforms into a junkie superhero with the ability to slam massive shots of heroin in their secret time! Ta-da! Dope(wo)man is here!

Or maybe you are a top acheiving high schooler or college student with the good grades, the good family, with your lil ipod and backpack who nods away their nights after all the work is done. Maybe you a upper class private schooler with all the cars money jewelry in the world but cant stop drivin the ghetto to cop out of your Lexus. Or maybe you got a good job where everyone thinks you are a great guy/girl but got no idea of your private struggle. Or maybe you party like your average 14-25 year old, and your friends know it - ya know, some bud, some drinks, a line here or there, and they all cool wit that, but aint got no clue that you are livin day to day with your addiction. Well here is the spot to come clean about it.

Most dopeheads/other opiate addicts all been discovered at some point, but thats a story for another thread *Stores in memory bank for later thread.* But not everybodys mom knows not to leave their Percocets out on the counter. Not everybodys dad knows that when you are borrowin that 10 dollar for gas, it aint for gas. Not everybodys friends know that when you go out to "See your boy" and they say "Oh, yo, can you grab me some bud too" and you say "Uh.....not today" that you aint talkin about bud at all.

some of us who been thru the loop, got parents, family, friends, who know we been junkies and see it as somethin of the past, but youre "good" now. Or your friends that you talk to just a little bit about it, with no idea that all the struggles you talk about, you kno..."Back then when i was on shit" is actually what you are goin thru right now.

So to everybody here who leads a double life, with a secret addiction , Tell us somethin about yourself. What do you do as a job? Do you got a job? Does your family know? Does your friends know?How secret is it? Is it 100% private? Do your close friends have some idea, or do you keep it even from them?

Anything you got to say on the topic of your private struggle is welcome in here.
 

FDRinTRINIDAD

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 23, 2005
Messages
437
Location
California
First I'd like to say what a great topic.

Living a double life can be tricky at times. I got a job go to school get good grades and have been riding the gal train(heroin) for the past few years. It's a sometimes very difficult life to sustain. Sometimes I feel like my life is on the verge of imploding and I should come clean but then I come to my senses and know that would only make life worse. Especially with parents who are out there minds already(they've been poisoned by religious nonsense) and anything like this would warrent me getting disowned so I'm left to keep it to myself.

My friends don't agree with it and they think I don't do it now, or do it very rarely. O if they only new. Sometimes late at night when I'm catching a nod or just fiending for a hit or a shot or anything to get me well, I think my god why I am still doing this to myself, why dont I just stop now cut my loses and start a new life, but like all junkies the lure of another hit usually beats out my consciences. Of course there are also the times when you think about quitting and you just laugh cause imagining life without gal is like imagining a life with little meaning.

I dont really know where I'm going with this, someone usually gets the point out there in Bluelight land. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go do my morning shot. And today at least, I'm loving it.
 

Tbird921

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 2, 2008
Messages
145
Just small bouts with opiates, so far I've been able to get off each time.
 

chinacat311

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 6, 2003
Messages
1,036
Location
giant spoon.
shit lacey just about every paragraph you just wrote had something true about me in it. ive been daily IV H user for what seems like forever, but my family has no idea, my friends have no idea, only my girlfriend of 5 years who is really close to me was able to figure it out (by coming on bluelight of all things :X )

but anyway yeah i pretty much gotta hide it from everyone and all my family and shit just thinks im a broke ass motherfucker with empty pockets all the time. if they only knew the half of it they would shit themselves.

it sucks, sometimes i wish i had some junkie friends, but that would lead me deeper and deeper into this hole and i can barely even see the light at the end of the tunnel as it is right now. so ill keep things the way they are and just come on here when i need support and shit..this is the only place i can be completely honest about what i do.
 

awakeallnight

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 3, 2008
Messages
16
Location
I'm lost and can't find my map
Wow. The double life I lead surprises and scares me sometimes. I'm a mother, a business owner, fairly prominent in the community, etc, etc...........

And I do anywhere from and ounce to two ounces of coke a month. I have the money to do it without it affecting other areas of my life. I have an out of town supplier, so I'm not known to the locals as someone who stops in at the local 'houses'. I have a clean record, not even a speeding ticket. I take care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually and other than the occasional runny nose, it has not affected my appearance. So if anyone knew, it would blow their little minds.

I'm open minded about drugs. I have a respect for them and what they can do to a person. I feel that if a person wants to use them and they can maintain their life, then it should be up to them. I have always been of the opinion also that in many ways alcohol abuse has way more downfalls than drug abuse. It's just not as 'socially acceptable'.

Sometimes I wish that I could tell people about it, just to see if it would change their opinion of me, or of other people who use drugs.
 

'medicine cabinet'

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 14, 2006
Messages
7,216
Location
Baltimore
i maintained the double life for as long as i could, but after a while it gets hard to hide the sickness and sooner or later everyone had their suspicions, some knew for sure.

at both my jobs only a few ppl know that im on suboxone and used to be a junkie...its not something i like to put out there. i think i kinda look like a drug user, a stoner at least...prolly cause im always stoned haha..but heroin, i dunno. ive had ppl tell me before i dont look like i do dope. to which i say you should have seen me 2 years ago in a short sleeve shirt.
 

NikkiNumberNine

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 18, 2006
Messages
505
Location
Seattle
Most people have no idea that I do the amount of drugs that I do. My one boyfriend knows most of what I do, and I have one other girl-pal who knows some. But 99% of people who know me would be shocked.
 

Jake1er

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 19, 2004
Messages
297
im not addicted to anything but ciggarettes, however i do hide my drug using lifestyle from everyone but the closest of friends, and usually those friends never hear the true extent of it, i like it that way
 

burn out

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 11, 2006
Messages
7,281
Location
Michigan
my benzo use is secret, although if it became public it would not be a big deal because i have a legit script.
 

DemonXstreeM

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 8, 2008
Messages
362
Location
La
I never tried to hard overly hard to hid my pot use. Hell' when I was younger I was stoned like 24/7 so what was there to hide. My love for psychedelics I tried to keep hidden from my parents; I did not wont to scare my mom.

My addiction to opiates however is known to only some close friends and to what extent (IV use) is only known my by a phew that also use.
 

Khadijah

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 18, 2003
Messages
16,372
Location
Hell
Guys, I dont mean no disrespect to nobody in here, but hidin your weed smoking or weekend tripping, aint the same as leading a entire double life based around your addiction. This thread aint meant to discuss "Do people know you do drugs" it is specifically aimed at addicts who are forced to hide this part of their life, and its a huuge part of life to try and hide. I aint tryna leave nobody out, or be "harder" or whatever, its just that it is 2 different things. Burn out, i dont really see how you using your legit scripted benzos mean that you lead a double secret life. could you elaborate on that for us? i aint sayin that you cant be a addict if its a legit script. But my point is, you kinda made it sound like you use benzos recreationally out of your script, you didnt mention any part about addiction so maybe post back and let us understand a lil better becuz your answer was very vague.

Does everybody up in here understand the 'double life' concept.....? If you dont, let me re explain. Double life means that there is a secret, entirely seperate lifestyle you are leadin , right under peopels noses, while you hide it and keep it from almost everyone. There is a big difference between that and "Yea, omg, i smoke weed but my parents dont noe!" ;) This thread was directed at addicts, if you aint one feel free to read and comment but the point of it is asking addicts about their double life.
 

specialrelativity

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2006
Messages
1,520
Location
Mushrooms are boring.
^maybe you should have specified "hard-drug" or "hardcore" addicts. :)
 

felix

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
38,257
Location
❎ Scotland ❎
^ i'm not sure if you're kidding or not, but:
lacey k said:
TO THE HEROIN AND OTHER OPIATE, CRACK, AND METH ADDICTS ,
This one is for you. Not to exclude anybody , or say that others aint as "hard", becuz that aint it at all. But the life that comes with hiding your weekend E or acid use from your mom , is a lot different than the lifestyle of constantly coverin up a serious addiction to physically addictive , illegal "hard drugs."
 

Khadijah

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 18, 2003
Messages
16,372
Location
Hell
specialrelativity said:
^maybe you should have specified "hard-drug" or "hardcore" addicts. :)

You lose the thread. Fail yo. just fail. LOL. Get ya eyes checked!:)

Back to your regularly scheduled thread...
 

specialrelativity

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2006
Messages
1,520
Location
Mushrooms are boring.
^I love you, too, momma. :) :p
 

Khadijah

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Dec 18, 2003
Messages
16,372
Location
Hell
Haha, its aight, im just messin with ya. So, you got anythin to share on topic? Im all ears mah boy. LOL.

Ima post in here a lil later on wit my thoughts about it. Prolly when im nice n fucked up and can get all serious wit it heh.
 

thujone

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 31, 2006
Messages
10,120
Location
::1
coke was my thang up until recently. i didn't tell family, i downplayed it to friends, and i didn't (or did i?) even mention it to bluelight even tho i was close to busting out a fucking novel in TDS a few times.

i don't wanna talk about my job since everyone there already thinks im an addict extraordinaire and well i typically am anyway. but i do have a job and it does pay well for a student job.

i guess it was my way of dealing with sobriety from alcohol. if it was a more chilled drug i probably coulda kept up my double life for years like i did with booze but i have other shit in my life to focus on now so i decided to stop and save my money for better things.

but all in all... nullum desiderium!
 
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