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Stimulants Adderall: My cycle of dependence, looking for reassurance?

jm97208

Greenlighter
Joined
May 31, 2015
Messages
2
Well, for my first (non-introductory) post on here, I wanted to talk about the hand I've been playing for the better part of 6 or 7 years.

I've been prescribed Adderall for years for legitimate ADHD, and it's always worked wonders on my attentiveness, motivation, etc. My problem lies in the fact that I've always had a terribly addictive inclination/personality, probably owing to both of my parents' former addictions. Since I was first prescribed it, I've been abusing it. It started out just snorting it every now and then, progressed to taking quite a bit more than I needed to help me clean, do HW, etc., and then to a point of recklessly taking it using several different ROAs. I've even IVd it (only once - I didn't untie after registering & shooting, ended up blacking out COLD from the sight of blood spurting out of my hand).

In addition to the Adderall, I've tried a multitude of other substances, most notably opiates. I have a sweet spot for hydrocodone, which has always been difficult to balance, but that's for another post. My point being that my poly-drug use has always been problematic and reflective of just how difficult it is for me to be completely sober of everything.

As far as the Adderall goes, I'm definitely past a point where I'm questioning my use with it. It's become so much more than just taking it when I need to cram or get stuff done. I physically need it every single day. I experience an intense period of withdrawal when I don't take it. I have a pretty high tolerance for it, and redosing is invariably something that is always difficult for me, despite the zero euphoria I get from it after this long. Currently I'm a week's worth of Adderall short this script for precisely that reason. I used to pull all-nighters binging on it; I'd clean & get shit done during the night, take some more & go to school, then come home and craaaash with the help of some herb and Xanax. I've used it to cope with a lot of emotional issues as well, especially during the times where my depression would relapse.

I know that what I'm doing isn't healthy, but I've always been hesitant to do anything about it. A lot of this comes from the fact that I don't feel like it's worthy of being named an "addiction." Amphetamine is certainly not the most euphoric or addictive drug out there, and sometimes when I look at my best friend who's seriously hooked on oxy I feel guilt or like it's unfair to call what I have an addiction. This is why I haven't reached out to anyone or even considered myself an addict, I always feel like it could be worse. After all, addiction to Adderall isn't exactly as common or as devastating as addiction to opiates, other substituted amps, benzos, etc.

I don't know what to do at this point. Even if what I have is considered a problem, I'm terrified about getting clean. I got taken off of it once for a year after it came to light that I was abusing it. My grades plummeted and I gained over 80lbs. I switched drs and sweet-talked my way to getting my script back. After a continuing battle with self-harm and eating disorders I managed to lose all the weight, but it terrifies me more than anything to gain all of it back. I'm not sure if I even want to get clean, or how I'd go about doing it (inpatient therapy, attending meetings, ...). I was hoping you guys could share your own experiences, give me some insight, just something to help me put things into perspective. I'd greatly appreciate it, and sorry for the length, I'm still pretty geeked out. :) 8(
 
im sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I think if you have an eating problem ....or weight gain problem Adderall is a great choice for you. It is prescribed for eating disorders and also prescribed for depression. I take Adderall xr 60 mg...well that's my prescription. When I do take it I only do 1 pill 30 mg and I take it for school. I have an addictive personality and I love being on it rather than off so I know how you feel. I am a lot less depressed when I take it. I think that you should think about it helping your weight/eating problem and depression which comes along with weight/eating problems...lol rather than a euphoria drug. If you start to build up a tolerance which is normal just take a week off and drink coffee and chill out. You will be fine :) ok I need to do my hw rather than mess around on here BAWHAHHA
 
I would also also try not to snort it or shoot it....then you would feel less like an addict just saying ;)
 
Adderall dependancy

I'm new to this site and this my very first post. I wanted to find people who are in the same position as me, regarding Adderall. I, too, have been legitimately prescribed it for ADHD for well over ten years. Although, it's questionably if I actually have ADHD. I basically had my own agenda when I first went to my shrink. I wanted to get a script for stimulants for recreational use, as well as weight loss. I've battled bulimia since I was very young, and even though I was never over-weight, I wanted to curb my desire to over-eat. So, I went to a doc and got a script for Adderall. It was quite easy and I totally loved being on it. I still do.

That said, I've been taking about 80-120mgs a day for almost 12 years. A couple of years ago, I stopped for about 2 months, when I went to rehab. But, I only did that to appease other people and never planned on staying off it. As soon as I had the chance, I went right back to my doc and got another script. Every month I run out early because I've developed a pretty good tolerance and always take more than prescribed. My problem with Adderall is not when I'm on it, but when I run out. It's absolutely terrible! I'm basically useless for an entire week. I get excruciatingly tired and depressed. It also effects those around me, because all I do is sleep all day. After about a week, my energy starts to come back, but the depression still remains. My enthusiasm for life is just gone when I don't take it. I'm also dependent on ambien to help me crash, but that is another story. My real problem is the Adderall. Without it, I wouldn't need the ambien and I'd probably rarely drink alcohol. Though, it's hard to say what I would be like without Adderall, because it's such a big part of my life.

My concern is that I'll never be able to kick this addiction. My brain chemistry is completely out of whack due to the chronic use of stimulants. I've heard that it's one of hardest drugs to kick because your brain will not be able to produce dopamine on normal levels, after being on this type of drug for so long. I want to know if there is any hope for that? I'm tired of being dependent on a chemical substance just to function as a normal person. If anyone can offer some advice, I'd love to hear it!
 
Can't handle seeing blood, but tried to IV? Ouch. Reading the rest. I also regretfully relate to stupidly looking at amphetamine addiction as somehow not on the same level as addictions to benzos/opiates/alc.
 
I had a problem with it in 2009 and decided to quit when I finished the bottle right before my birthday. I stayed in the house sleeping for about 2 weeks...plenty of random crying. I started to come alive...go for walks and be outside. I then moved to Greece for a year to get away from everything. I started running after that. It takes a little while to feel normal, but it will happen. I was clean for years until recently. I am prescribed pain meds now for an illness that'll never go away...so that's a new addiction. I still run though and pretty good at it now. I hate when I run out of my pain meds early because I get physically sick. There is hope...
 
OMG I am in the same boat as u only with 4 boys! 9,7,4,& 2! What the he'll do we do? Life sucks like this but I also been diagnosed with narcolepsy no ondines curse n some other stuff that all affects sleep I need a miracle!
 
Oh in response to hotmessjo also I'm on 120 mg daily in my husband gives me half his script which is another 40
 
I used to recoil in fear at the thought of having to rely on amphetamines to feel normal. Having to take something everyday just to function--what a nightmare. It would be like having a ball and manacle cuffed to my ankle.

Then I thought about all the other chemicals I rely upon everyday for normal functionality: water (that wretched dihydrogen monoxide is dreadful! Eight whole 8 fl oz glasses of the stuff a day just to get a fix!), vitamins and minerals, oxygen, etc.

Suddenly, the drug dependence didn't seem so appalling.
 
Amphetamine is toxic, it has all kinds of messed up side effects. Firstly you will notice changes in you mood, poor memory function, later many psychological problems. Of course tolerance develops and the dosage required increased, there are more toxic effects at higher doses.

I recommend taking a clean break. Your body and mind will thank you, and it's not the toughest addiction to quit.

If you're going to use amphetamines, keep your doses low, take breaks and don't redose.
 
I'm kinda in a similar situation although I've only recently started using adderall (about two months), I snort two or three 30mg caps a day. I like the attentiveness and concentration I have while on it, but I'm afraid of the effects of addiction and withdrawl. How should I use adderall without becoming dependent?? Should I lower my dosage?? I have a pretty low tolerance and smoke weed before i take it if that's helpful.
 
Well, for my first (non-introductory) post on here, I wanted to talk about the hand I've been playing for the better part of 6 or 7 years.

I've been prescribed Adderall for years for legitimate ADHD, and it's always worked wonders on my attentiveness, motivation, etc. My problem lies in the fact that I've always had a terribly addictive inclination/personality, probably owing to both of my parents' former addictions. Since I was first prescribed it, I've been abusing it. It started out just snorting it every now and then, progressed to taking quite a bit more than I needed to help me clean, do HW, etc., and then to a point of recklessly taking it using several different ROAs. I've even IVd it (only once - I didn't untie after registering & shooting, ended up blacking out COLD from the sight of blood spurting out of my hand).

In addition to the Adderall, I've tried a multitude of other substances, most notably opiates. I have a sweet spot for hydrocodone, which has always been difficult to balance, but that's for another post. My point being that my poly-drug use has always been problematic and reflective of just how difficult it is for me to be completely sober of everything.

As far as the Adderall goes, I'm definitely past a point where I'm questioning my use with it. It's become so much more than just taking it when I need to cram or get stuff done. I physically need it every single day. I experience an intense period of withdrawal when I don't take it. I have a pretty high tolerance for it, and redosing is invariably something that is always difficult for me, despite the zero euphoria I get from it after this long. Currently I'm a week's worth of Adderall short this script for precisely that reason. I used to pull all-nighters binging on it; I'd clean & get shit done during the night, take some more & go to school, then come home and craaaash with the help of some herb and Xanax. I've used it to cope with a lot of emotional issues as well, especially during the times where my depression would relapse.

I know that what I'm doing isn't healthy, but I've always been hesitant to do anything about it. A lot of this comes from the fact that I don't feel like it's worthy of being named an "addiction." Amphetamine is certainly not the most euphoric or addictive drug out there, and sometimes when I look at my best friend who's seriously hooked on oxy I feel guilt or like it's unfair to call what I have an addiction. This is why I haven't reached out to anyone or even considered myself an addict, I always feel like it could be worse. After all, addiction to Adderall isn't exactly as common or as devastating as addiction to opiates, other substituted amps, benzos, etc.

I don't know what to do at this point. Even if what I have is considered a problem, I'm terrified about getting clean. I got taken off of it once for a year after it came to light that I was abusing it. My grades plummeted and I gained over 80lbs. I switched drs and sweet-talked my way to getting my script back. After a continuing battle with self-harm and eating disorders I managed to lose all the weight, but it terrifies me more than anything to gain all of it back. I'm not sure if I even want to get clean, or how I'd go about doing it (inpatient therapy, attending meetings, ...). I was hoping you guys could share your own experiences, give me some insight, just something to help me put things into perspective. I'd greatly appreciate it, and sorry for the length, I'm still pretty geeked out. :) 8(

I am in the same boat as you as far as adderall. I was diagnosed and prescribed almost 14 years ago and over time my doctor lowered my dosage due to my age and it wasn't as effective so for the past 5 years I just self-dose to equal my old amount of meds. Besides that my tolerance is extreme. an XR wears off after 4 hours like clockwork. So I redose. By taking it more than prescribed I go through the same vicious cycle every month. I run out after 2 weeks and spend the next 2 weeks in hell. Can't stop sleeping and can't get anything done. Showering and laundry is a struggle! I need the meds to accomplish daily activities and to focus on ANYTHING. I've even realized I get distracted driving without them!
But I am terrified to go off of them because I need them to function.
My advice is to try another ADD med.
I would do this, but when I asked my doctor she said that if I switch that I cannot go back to adderall even if the new med doesnt work. So that scares me. And I can't talk about it or tell anyone because I've been doing it so long and acting like I'm not that I will lose my script!
 
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