electreauxbella said:
I've seen guys at Pride literally meet & start fucking on the dancefloor, and no straight party I have ever been to has had a sex room like many of the gay parties I have attended. This would be a very rare, if not non existant issue at a straight club and I am still at odds to work out exactly why guys at gay clubs feel the need to fuck, suck and do other things that should be left in the bedroom in public toilets, saunas etc. Perhaps it's all about exhibitionisim, perhaps they have partners at home - I don't know.
It's a lot of things. It's cultural sexual repression, having it constantly reinforced that gay = wrong, and so when we find a place where that isn't the case, we go a bit crazy.
It's because of social conditioning that it's a big no-no for women to be sexually aggressive whereas men are expected to be.
It's that a lot of men don't consider themselves gay, are homophobic themselves because of the way they have been raised, and so they can only have sex in saunas, public toilets etc where they don't have to worry about anyone finding out. When I first came out 12 years ago, I didn't go to gay clubs and I had no idea sex-on-premises venues even existed. The only way I got sex pretty much was by using public toilets and meeting guys in parks, that kind of thing....I got over it once I realised there were other options that were safer for me and more respectful to both myself and the general public, but a lot of guys don't ever get that realisation.
Places like on sex premises should be banned. No if's, and's or but's - they are breeding grounds for disease - in my eyes should be banned because they encourage predators to infect the innocent.
I disagree. I think they should be forced to create a safer environment but there's no reason they shouldn't exist. Like I said before, guys who are obviously drunk/drug-fucked shouldn't be allowed entry...there's one place in Collingwood where they have a bar actually inside the venue and I think that's ridiculously irresponsible. They also shouldn't show bareback porn at these places.
Historically though the reason that sex-on-premises venues exist is because they
are a safe place for men to meet other men. You ban sex-on-premises venues and I guarantee you're going to get a lot more sex in public places where condoms
aren't handed out at the door, you're going to have a massive chunk of the community who will lose the only access they have to information on safe sex, and you're going to get more gay bashings and more problems with depression and anxiety because it'll mean one less place we can go to be normal.
I know personally that no matter how fucked up I have been I have NEVER EVER put myself in a situation where I have been so high that I have wanted to have sex with a random, and even more so unprotected sex.
Fair enough. When your family realised you liked men, did they warn you not to prey on your younger brothers/nephews/cousins? Did they kick you out of home and refuse to answer any of your calls? When people see you with your partner, do they assume that you're retarded and he's your carer, or that you must have been sexually abused as a child to be an openly heterosexual person as an adult? When's the last time you were physically attacked in the street, just because someone even
suspected you might be heterosexual?
From the minute you're old enough to understand the meaning of the word, it's drilled into your brain that being gay is wrong. FFS, one of my best friends in the world argues vehemently that gay couples shouldn't be allowed to raise children, and this is someone I know has the utmost respect for me otherwise. But gay people just aren't worth what straight people are in most of the world's eyes.
Given that, do you think you might be able to understand why gay men choose affection over safety when we've been raised to think that we're not worth keeping safe in the first place?
While I also understand your point about 18 year olds coming into the scene and being "naive", people have to take responsibility for their actions. People can't blame their actions on drugs or alcohol - it just doesn't cut it. If you can't handle yourself then don't do it, or do it less. I've met plenty of 18 year old country boys who have come to the city to be accepted for their sexual choices and they haven't been dickheads about it, they haven't screwed everything and anything and been so high that they haven't remembered how to put a condom on... I realise that there are guys out there like this, but that's their choice. No one is forcing them to go out, get high & have unprotected sex with a random.
I totally agree with you that people ultimately take responsibility for their own choices. Unless you've been raped, you're the one who chose to have unsafe sex. Nobody is suggesting it's anyone else's fault...but what's wrong with asking for the community which gleefully profits from our bad choices to help us make the right choice for a change?
