I'm not gonna invest a crazy amount of time in this one, but I just want to make one thing really clear to you OP. When you decide to undergo a regimen of antidepressant or general psychiatric treatment in the goal of slowly starting to improve your life in certain ways, you really need to stick to it. The only way that these things work is if you follow the regimen responsibly over a (sadly) really long time. When you start throwing immediately-powerful feel-good agents into the mix, it can be very difficult to tell where you're even at. One therapy is very long, with a lot of frequent assessment and the other is fast, hard and unassessed. If you truly wish to consider a long-term treatment of antidepressants, I would really just consider trying to cut the powerful recreational chemicals out, at least for a short time.