nsa, I am going to be in heaven with this thread--THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! As I said elsewhere, you are the king of resources and information and the rest of us really benefit from your voracious reading!
Sitting on a pity potty is a more solitary exercise than going to a pity party, but both describe feeling sorry for one-self.
While sitting on the pity pot, the victim bemoans his or her own fate, usually only making comparisons with those more fortunate--those richer, smarter, funnier, sexier, and better looking. And in far less trouble!
"Oh, woe be me!" is a common thought, as is "Oh shit, oh damn!"
Any recovering addict spends a lot of time first sitting on the pity pot and will strongly resemble a baby or toddler at early toilet-training. When addicts finally start to work their twelve step program, they gradually learn how to accept responsibility for their own body functions and actions, do the right thing, and become productive members of society. At this point, the initial work is done, and the addict is able to get off the pot. Who flushes it, is irrelevant. At least the addict has stopped all that whining.
Pity pottier: "I'm such a lump of shit. Nobody likes me. Nobody loves me."
In attempting to regain the security of infancy, King Babies continue to function with the same feelings that gratified them so long ago. Tiebout says that "when infantile traits continue into adulthood, the person is spoken of as immature" and this immaturity is tied to the traits of feelings of omnipotence, inability to accept frustrations, and doing things hurriedly.'
King Babies share a wide range of personality traits. None of us has all of these traits, but we will probably find many that describe us. King Babies may show these characteristics:
1. often become angry at or afraid of authority figures and will attempt to work them against each other in order to get their own way
2. seek approval and frequently lose their own identities in the process
(Harry M. Tiebout, M.D., The Ego Factors in Surrender in Alcoholism (Center City, MN, Hazelden Educational Materials), p. 6, order no. 1270.)
3. are able to make a good first impression but are unable to follow through
4. have difficulty accepting personal criticism and become threatened and angry when criticized
5. have addictive personalities and are driven to extremes
6. are self-rejecting or self-alienated
7. are often immobilized by anger and frustration and are rarely satisfied
8. are usually lonely even when surrounded by people 9. are chronic complainers who blame others for what's wrong with their lives
10. feel unappreciated and think they don't fit in
11. see the world as a jungle filled with selfish people who "aren't there" for them
12. see everything as a catastrophe, a life-and-death situation
13. judge life in absolutes: black or white, right or wrong
14. live in the past while fearful of the future
15. have strong feelings of dependence and exaggerated fears of abandonment
16. fear failure and rejection and don't try new things that they might not do well
17. are obsessed with money and material things
18. dream big plans and schemes and have little ability to make them happen
19. cannot tolerate illness in themselves or others
20. prefer to charm superiors and intimidate subordinates
21. believe rules and laws are for others, not for themselves
22. often become addicted to excitement, life in the fast lane
23. hold emotional pain within and lose touch with their feelings
THE FRIGHTENED CHILD AND KING BABY Within many addicted people is a scared, lonely, shamed boy or girl who whispers self-defeating thoughts based on a lifetime of negative messages. We constantly compare ourselves to others and feel we don't measure up.
These feelings of worthlessness, self-blame, and I-don't-belong become a central part of our personalities. King Baby - a selfish, demanding being - emerges as a reaction to these feelings of shame and inadequacy. As we childishly strive to be accepted and to please other people, we begin to seek things from the outside to feel better inside. Designer clothes, fast cars, attractive girlfriends or boyfriends, drugs, and the excitement of life in the fast lane help salve our pain. We develop attractive, magnetic, charming exteriors to get our way. Pleasure-seeking, power-seeking, and attention-seeking devices are used to fill the void, but the void remains. No amount of love, status, money, or fame is enough for the scared little child in us.
Seeing this as a weakness, the King Baby part of us will try to destroy, attack, and push aside our scared little child. By denying these feelings, King Baby ultimately blocks out the fact that the scared little child exists.
The Inner Struggle
Understanding King Baby is difficult because things are never as they appear on the surface. There are two prime motivating factors: first, the scared, lonely, child who does not want to be hurt anymore and, second, the King Baby who is never satisfied.
When the frightened child in us hears the word no, an inner message tells us we are bad. We feel loved when we are pampered, and unloved when we are disciplined or scolded. When we are criticized, our immaturity insists on the right to have our own way and argues that if we are loved, others should give us our way. Often, our manipulations allow us to win.
Both of these drives - the frightened child and the demanding King Baby - are temporarily satisfied if we create the person we believe others want us to be. However, long-term recovery is based on the scared little child regaining self-worth and learning to control the King Baby behavior.
EDIT: in my opinion this actually represents the power the limbic system has gained over the conscious mind.. king being the limbic and baby being th conscious so it is necessary to take the tools power of the tules such as generated false thought and emotion away from the equation.
sitting on the pity potty
Is the process in which one goes through to receive attention and/or sympathy depending on the degree of drama one uses to achieve desired effect. Used as a form of manipulation. This process usually takes place at a party or gathering of some sort. It is performed by a drama queen or girl who feels threatened by: 1. Another female. 2. Boyfriends’ ex-girlfriend, also at the gathering. The first step in the process is pretending to feel sick. Second announces, “I am going to the bathroom.” She waits in the bathroom to see how long it takes for someone to miss her-preferably her boyfriend. While sitting on the pity potty the pity potty sitter will: 1. Feel sorry for herself. 2. Begin to question her relationships with the boyfriend and friends, also at the party. 3. Be fueled by jealously. 4. Possibly become paranoid. If missed, the pity potty sitter will be found crying in the bathroom for some insignificant reason that will be different depending on who finds her. The longer it takes for someone to find her the more dramatic the effects will be. Drugs and/or alcohol will also intensify these effects. If no one attempts to locate the pity potty sitter they will do one of two things depending on which story of the house the bathroom is located on. 1. Reenter the party with swollen red eyes and nose and demand to leave resulting in a very dramatic exit and much concern. 2. Perform the locked in the bathroom maneuver by crawling out the window and reentering the party telling everyone she was locked in the bathroom and make her friends and boyfriend feel guilty for not missing her or coming to her rescue or take on the rock star persona and win her boyfriends affection. TROUBLE awaits the bastard boyfriend who did not miss the pity potty sitter and will result in a huge confrontation and could later be means for a pity party.