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Recovery 8thday done with Poppyseed Tea/Wash! Week of Hell!

everyone is different but I didn’t sleep well for 6-7weeks. I took Xanax, trazadone and Melatonin. It’s been close to 90 days and I’m just getting the energy level back. It’s a ride but things will get better. Hang in there! You are doing great. Life is better without opiates. I was worried too about the Xanax. I split mine also.
 
8thday said:
Day 29! Still suffering with insomnia. I ordered some 5htp and gaba...kinda nervous about taking it. Any advice and help would be wonderful! I went off of the Buspar. It did kind of help with anxiety but bloated me up so I had so much gas in my guts that I could hardly walk around and it just hurt all of the time. I got on the scale this morning after stopping it 24 hours ago, which means it is out of my system because of its short half life. I was down 4 pounds!!!!!! I could hardly get my pants on and it would hurt! I looked 5 months pregnant with that stuff. I wanted to give it over a week to see if the side effects would stop, but they didn't! It didn't help a whole lot and I am a bit crazy about my weight so being up 4 pounds about did me in and made my anxiety worse! I am so OCD with fat and weight. Wish I wasn't, but I am.

I am wondering about taking Zoloft? With this help with anxiety and sleep? I have Trintillex, Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro......my doc gave them all to me but I kept changing my mind on what I wanted to take and now I have all four. What do you advise? I am afraid to take anything because I took a small dose of Lexapro over a week ago and was up all night shaking with sweats and hot flashes and sick! I don't know if it really was the lexapro or just a really bad night, but I had not had the sweats for days and I always have the hot flashes, even this morning. This is really kicking my butt. The only thing that makes me feel any better is exercise. It is so hard to get myself to get out, and hard to keep pushing myself because I have ZERO energy and my legs burn, but I do feel better and it takes the anxiety away.

Please help. Still suffering. I won't take anything illegal, although I know some of it helps. I would like to do it as natural as I can, in hopes my brain will start to function on its own. I don't want to be addicted to anything else. I have about 4 Xanax left and I am going to taper and maybe take some Gabapentin to help sleep. Those have been the only things to help. I did read a couple of articles about Kiwi's and sleep. I ate two before bed last night along with an orange and two tomatoes that I had for dinner and a bunch of vitamins and a melatonin and I actually slept last night, but I don't know if that is because I didn't sleep at all the night before and my body actually slept. I still haven't gone to sleep on my own in a month now. I have had to have Xanax or Gabapentin. I have less than a week of them because I break them in half. It has been over two weeks since I have been taking Xanax and I am nervous about getting off of it. I hope I don't have withdrawals from that too. I've never had Xanax before and my doc prescribed 24. Will that cause a withdrawal from 3 weeks and 24 pills?

It is a beautiful and sunny day here today. I wish I had the desire to do something. I have nada! I am going to make myself put on makeup and go for a walk and do laundry. I am lucky I don't have the added stress of having to go to work today to provide for my family. My husband has been so incredibly sweet to me and keeps telling me how proud he is of me and wishes he could do something to help. Not sure how I got so lucky to have the most wonderful husband in the world, but I do.
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I would not advise starting an antidepressant like Zoloft or lexapro until you are done with withdrawals. Every time I change up my SSRI regimen my sleep is fucked!
 
No that little xanax won't cause withdrawal
 
Debbie, Trapzepm CJ, Thanks for the info. Taking Xanax has been worrisome since I was afraid of becoming addicted. I have been taking it for three weeks, but this last week was a taper and I'm now down to a quarter of a pill a night and I tried to not take it last night but at 1 in the morning, I took a quarter of a pill because I thought maybe that his why I couldn't sleep....I'm sure it wasn't and probably didn't help but I did fall asleep after taking it.
 
DAY 33! Still not sleeping great or feeling back to normal but it is a tiny bit better every week. Not a lot better, the hot flashes, insomnia and anxiety are still there plus some depression, but I am working my way through it. I have been taking a 300 Gabapentin at night for sleep to get off of the Xanax. It had been helping this last week, but not last night. I might have had 4 hours, but that is better than the zero I would be getting on nothing.

I went to the gym this morning after dropping kids off to school. Didn't want to, but I did. I need to go exercise before picking kids up and I am procrastinating! I'be been cleaning the house and doing everything but what I know I should. It is actually a really pretty day outside and it isn't supposed to be tomorrow or the rest of the week, so I really need to make myself go out and get it done. I hate feeling like this.

I have a million things to do and I am sitting here on the forum. Time to get going and discipline my lazy self.
 
You're doing great. And getting closer, with each passing minute to feeling like yourself again. This is the easy part, I know that sounds like utter bullshit, but it's true.

For now, just focus on getting through the day to the best of your ability You're kicking ass 8th day. You truly are ❤️
 
Thanks 8thday !!!
OMG, I have a hydocodine problem ( lol addiction Haha)
Want to and can’t stop ??
Legit reason to have them and take less than prescribed , but am now dependent on them
Took 10 years , and was Oxy in the beginning.

But until we met on this forum, I would have thought that PST was totally ok
Wow
 
Day 36! Still having hot flashes every single day for most of the day. They just come on and sometimes they are really bad all night. I am not sure why I am still having withdrawal symptoms. This is horrible!!! Still not sleeping well. I have to take Gabapentin at night or I don't sleep. I am wondering if I will ever feel good again.

I had two nights this week that I didn't sleep at all and was up all night with hot flashes and sweating almost like I went back in time a couple of weeks! It was horrible. I was so down and feeling so lethargic. Sweating and hot flashes didn't stop for two day and then my period started at day 30! I started my period on day 5 of withdrawal and it had been 30 days and then again it comes. I thought I could at least have skipped a month!!!! My brain must be working overtime to keep my crazy hormones going. I have had so many zits this month and I am older and should be going through the change, but my body is not going to let that happen. In my mid 40s and going strong.

I did get some sleep last night but I'm not feeling great today. My kids each have different stresses going on in their lives and it is hurting me. Why does being a mom have to hurt so bad? I need to get things done and I am so tired, I just want to curl up and go to sleep.......but, my body would never let that happen!! Will I ever feel tired and go to sleep by myself again? Have I permanently ruined my brain by going cold turkey? Tapering would have been smarter. Maybe I wouldn't still be suffering from this horrible stuff!!! PST is dangerous. No one should start taking it or how will they ever get off of the stuff? I am doing it because I have a family and kids and a wonderful husband and support group. How do others get through this? I am over a month and still suffering. This is unbearable! Still having anxiety and depression but I don't dare start an antidepressant due to the fact that I am still going through withdrawals and don't know how that would affect me. Feeling down today. I wish I felt better.
 
I used to think PST was mild,no big deal,etc. Until I've read the threads on BL

You're most definitely going to get better. It's a drawn out process w PST You're getting so close. You'll be back to normal to be the wife and mother you want to be. Mom needs a little time to be healthy. In the long run, you're doing the best thing possible for your family.

Keep your eye on the prize. Stay focused. You're going to break through soon. Just hang on tight 8th day. Always thinking of you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Yay. I got my original username back. It's 10Years. In case you forgot. It's me)
 
Hey lady, how are you? Hanging in there like the champion that you are?

Hope you stop in for an update. Thinking of you. ❤️
 
Hi 8th day,
Hope this finds you a little better ?
I have read your post all month ( more than once) fear is a great motivator to me!!
I am starting my tapper today from 30 mg of Norco ( with drawls already starting, last dose yesterday at 4pm
did not sleep well
stomach first to start for me ( I will pick up Imodium today, does help a little)
so damn tired and lack of motivation ( real bad case of the fuck its )
but I need to start , I am so tired of the pill Hell
All is Well
 
Stargazer, so glad you got your name back!! I love it. Thank you for checking on me, it means more than you know.

Iceman, I am pulling for you! The only thing that is keeping me from jumping back into the addiction is remembering how I didn't feel great and didn't want to do anything on the stuff! I am feeling a little better than that now, but it is still hard. I just have to keep telling myself that I wanted to stop for a reason, actually multiple reasons and there is no way I want to go back there because feeling good is not sustainable, it doesn't last and the constant worry about when you will take your next dose is so annoying. Addiction is horrible. I'm done!!! I'll keep checking on you!
 
DAY 40!!!! I felt like if I could hit day 40, I could be okay. It is that day today, and it is also the Boston Marathon today! 7 years since I ran it and 7 years since my first knee surgery in a couple of weeks. That was what started this whole addiction journey. My first knee surgery put me into a terrible depression because I couldn't run anymore. One year later, another knee surgery because my knee was still messed up. That surgery did me in. I had never had so much pain in my life and the pills kept coming for about two months, enough to really get me addicted since I have that type of personality. All I wanted was to feel good like I did on pain meds, but it doesn't last, that is the problem. I love how they made me feel, but it was because my brain was dependent on them, that is what I didn't understand at the time.

I am starting to sleep a little on my own. I didn't think it would ever happen, but it is. It feels good to not have to take anything to go to sleep other than Melatonin. I don't sleep great and am still up several times in the night and always up at 5, but it is getting better. I am still having hot flashes throughout the day and night, this is something I didn't think I would still be dealing with after 40 days, but I am. The depression and anxiety are still there and at times really bad, I keep thinking that I wish I had a pill to take them away. I do.....I have pain pills and Xanax, but I do not take them. I keep hoping my body will readjust and feel better soon. This is a long road, a lot longer than I ever thought it would be. I remember reading that it can take two to six months to get better, even up to two years. I thought that there was no way that would be me, but it looks like I am one of those that is not going to have an easy road at recovery and be feeling better after two weeks to a month. I thought I could do anything for two weeks to a month and that I am tough and can do this......wrong!!! This is so incredibly hard. I am still struggling. My faith and my family are what is helping me get through. I pray for strength every day, multiple times. There have been so many days when I felt like heaven was closed to me, I felt so alone. I knew if anyone could understand what I was going through, He knew. Looking back, I can see that I was not alone, not in any way. I wouldn't be at day 40 without Him. At church yesterday, one of our lessons was on trials and why we go through them. It was as if I had hand picked the lesson. You get stronger from going through difficult things, you have more empathy and concern for others, you are humbled and realize how everything you have is from Him. He helps through others, and I have had so much help from everyone on here, so thank you for helping me. Focusing on the positives and being grateful is what helps people to get though difficult times, I am going to be positive and look for the good in every day...every hour to help me. I need to quit focusing on myself and focus on serving others. Thanks to all who have been there to check on me and help me through this.

I have to run kids to school. Im hiking with my siblings this morning in the rain and I'm going to love it and be positive. Have the best day! XO
 
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DAY 40!!! ??? You are amazing. My God 8thday. A weak person does not take getting their ass handed to them for 40 F'in days!! Winning.

Opiates, when used appropriately, short term are great. But, there's a very insidious side to them.

Satan created fentynal. I'm convinced. Here's another interesting fact about it: when you OD on it, not only does it take insane amounts of Narcane soometimes to bring someone back, but here's the kicker- it makes your chest muscles very rigid, making CPR (chest compressions) ineffective. Being that you can't push on the heart.


How well thought out was that? Every sinister detail, down to a rigid chest to make CPR ineffective.

8thday- my husband OD'd a few days ago. He came out of the bathroom, mumbled something, then collapsed to the floor. Omg. Omg. I jump up, he's turning pale death white, then his lips are turning purple. I'm screaming, "wtf did you do John??!!".

By God's grace, I had 2 ampules of Narcan nasal spray. I tried really hard to make him come to w/o Narcan because it's a very very miserable feeling to get Narcaned.

I slapped his face, threw water on him, started CPR....clocks ticking. Nothing. I said "I'm sorry", administered the Narcan. Nothing. I couldn't believe it. He wasn't responding. I hit him w the second one, then grabbed a bucket, he finally came to, vommited, was screaming "Why??!!". Omg. It was horrible.

If I didn't have Narcan, this story would have had a different ending. You're doing the best thing you can do getting off of opiates.

After you're done this leg of the race, talk to a therapist about your emotional issues. Neurontin is what helps me to not live in a state of anxiety and panic. You're doing fantastic! I truly hope you enjoyed hiking w your siblings. I am so proud of you. ❤️
 
Hey Iceman!

You got this. After all you've been through, this is a small thing for a giant like yourself.

Take your time with your taper. This isn't a Sprint, it's a marathon. There's no rush. Go at a pace that's the most comfortable for you.

There's always some discomfort involved with coming off opiates. But it doesn't have to be walking through the fires of hell.

My 2 detoxes were extremely traumatic - and dangerous. I should've been in the hospital. Not naked on the floor of a cell. I was seizing, hallucinating, vomiting. It proved nothing except giving me PTSD.

Slow and steady wins this race. Indeed, all is well. ❤??
 
8th Day You are amazing.
So nice to hear, of your strong Faith ?
Yes God is Good and he is always here for us, we just need to listen for him.
Gods will not Mine be Done

STAR : thanks for that visual :sick::cry:o_O:poop:
I will continue down a slow long taper, and see how low I can get, and what other meathods of dealing with long term Radiation pain I can find?? At least i have turned the train around
was headed for IV H use most likely???
Not sure how I would have started at 60, but where there is a will there is Always a WAY ???
 
Iceman,

Are you looking for more holistic ways of dealing with pain? What reason do you want to stop the Norco?

Valley Forge Medical, in PA, deals with chronic pain patients that either want to come off their meds, or they get meds to more reasonable levels, which isn't the problem you're having.

My roommate, came in with 3 100mcg fentynal patches on, and on top of that was on methadone, Dilaudid and a couple benzos. They got her off meds, and pretty painlessly. She was the only person I met, that had a higher opiate dependence than me.

Look Valley Forge Medical up. You might find help there.
 
Iceman, how are you today? Do you have your own recovery journal? If you do, I will post to you on there. I am pulling for you. This is so incredibly hard!

Stargazer, how are you holding up? How is your husband? I can't imagine what you have been dealing with and still giving incredible love and support on here!! You are WonderWoman!!!
 
DAY 41..... DID NOT SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!! Horrible night. I was up with hot flashes and mild sweating all night. My brain was wide awake just like it was a couple of weeks ago. Is this how the rotten process goes? You think you've turned a corner and the same withdrawal symptoms hit you up again? I am done with this. I cannot believe I am still having physical symptoms of withdrawal from PST after this long! I must be one of those that have really messed up their brain chemistry and it will take months to years. This is horrible. I am wide awake, yet have anxiety, depression and a horrible feeling inside that won't leave me. I have not had a day without hot flashes on and off throughout the entire day and night!!!

I can do this. I can. I am going to. I need to focus on some positives even though it is raining cats and dogs today. I need some sunshine and some dopamine running through my brain. Will this ever end? Not feeling hopeful today but trying to turn my negative thoughts around. Wish me luck!!
 
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