Listening
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2009
- Messages
- 821
Set: My partner & I decided to take a day off from work to trip together, while my mother watched our kids. I went into this feeling a bit hesitant for a few reasons:
Dose: 9AM (T0) I had a handlful of psilacetin trips over 10 years ago, but nothing recently so I had no fine sense of what the dose should be. I settled on 28mg oral for myself (and 21mg for my partner).
Onset and comeup: I had planned for about 45 minutes to an hour of stuff to deal with while I waited for the effects (ex message work people that I'm taking off for the day, clean up the house, etc). At about T+10 minutes I realized I had made a timing error! I have never had an oral psychedelic dose come on so fast. At first I thought I must have weighted out my dose incorrectly and accidentally taken a massive dose, but not so. Instead I think my metabolism must have been sped up because that morning I did an intense spinning class?
The comeup was exactly as I had remembered: It felt exactly like the non-breakthrough portion of a DMT trip. There was some of the typical discomfort that I always feel on psychedelic comeups, but interestingly there was almost no gastric discomfort which is *extremely* rare for me. I had taken two ginger capsules beforehand and perhaps that helped. The entire trip had fewer physical side effects (pretty much none) than almost any other trip I've ever had.
T+1h - The universe took a rest from its incessant stretching and squishing and we were both fully up. At this point though laying on the ground. I'm feeling very good, but I'm also feeling like I could, just possibly fall asleep if given the chance. This is a really weird feeling for me as I find most psychedelics to be more or less stimulating. I actually enjoy that energetic push, but I knew that it wasn't called for during today's trip, which is another reason I chose psilacetin. Still, at this point I was worried that I wasn't up for too much chatting with my partner, but that would soon change.
T+1h30 - As my body gets used to things I start to move around more and, in spite of the lack of stimulation, I will be pretty much walking non-stop (and talking a bit too much) for the rest of the trip. My mind is awake and I'm open and ready for whatever.
There was not the same geometrical distortion that I get on mushrooms (and others), but Psilacetin makes me feel like I'm living in a holographic universe. Depth perception is way off: Standing at the top of two wood steps, above a wood floor, it was easy to have everything blend together and it looked like there were no steps at all. Still, I felt very confident and secure in my body and space. I kept practicing controlled "falls" down said steps. As I rapidly paced around and chatted, my partner kept saying, "be careful you're going to step on the cats," which somehow made me go as close as possible to them.
T+2h - I recently finished reading Already Free: a fantastic book by Bruce Tift. My partner had recently just started it herself. The ideas in this book, which resonated with me already, structured our whole way of thinking during this trip and what we talked about. We explored my partner's style of connection (ex. how she pushed us to do this trip together) and my own style of disconnection (ex. how I resisted and wished from something for just myself). Conversely we explored how each of has disowned the opposite energy and how we conveniently (and unconsciously) use our partners to hold the energies that we have disowned (ex. even though my style is disconnection, like all humans, I need connection as well and my partner provides it while simultaneously allowing me to blame her for not giving me what I "really want"). We saw clearly the codependent mechanics of coupled neurosis. We felt horrified and amazed at how clear our patterns are and, simultaneously, how impossible it seemed to step out of those patterns.
Lots of time distortion. If I didn't look at the clock I couldn't tell you if 10 minutes or 1 hour had passed by.
Lots of giggling on the part of my partner. Everything is funny.
T+3h - More of the same! Interestingly both my partner and felt like psilacetin had less emotional intensity to it than other psychedelics (at least at our dose). This seemed to lend it to long discussions that didn't wear us out. We continued chatting on the same theme. We explored how our parents consistently failed to "meet us" emotionally where we were, and started to see how we may be doing the same with our relationships in many ways (friends and children). We saw clearly that we are so hard on each other probably because neither of us knows how to take care of ourselves! We both walk around in a continuous state of feeling like we don't have what we need, and blaming each other for not providing it. If we knew how to properly care for ourselves, we would be naturally more secure and less selfish and more giving to each other. This is something I've been aware of for a while (that I don't know how to give to myself, or take for myself), but what became clear was how this lack of self-care was not only harming me, but also the people around me.
T+3h30 - I make some home-made ginger ale (first time trying to do so).
T+4h - My wife reveals something from her youth (not going to go into details) and I feel everything she feels. I'm devastated on her behalf, and I feel more able to be compassionate toward her imperfect behavior. She, like me, has disowned huge parts of her own self and now I can see why. No wonder everything is so hard. We both have a lot of work to do. If we can keep that in mind and keep respect for each other, even when we each act less than ideally, perhaps we can continue to grow together. Perhaps we can reintegrate those disowned parts of ourselves and become whole, together. There is a path and we are both walking it.
T+6h - (3PM) Mostly down. I've been moving and talking without much of a pause.
Conclusion: Both of us wished we had dosed higher. I guess I would try 40mg next time, but I have a feeling that even higher would great. I had dismissed psilacetin, but I got the flavor this time. A very forgiving and supportive chemical, at least at our doses. Excited to explore this one further.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_4acodmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
roacode_oral
- I'm at the tail end of a cold, and would always prefer that my body is in perfect shape for a trip
- Work is busy right now (but then again, it always is) and it's hard for me to justify taking time off (which became relevant during the trip)
- I'm really due for a serious trip on my own (which is a very different thing from tripping with someone else) and so there's a selfish part of me that says, "well what about my trip"
Dose: 9AM (T0) I had a handlful of psilacetin trips over 10 years ago, but nothing recently so I had no fine sense of what the dose should be. I settled on 28mg oral for myself (and 21mg for my partner).
Onset and comeup: I had planned for about 45 minutes to an hour of stuff to deal with while I waited for the effects (ex message work people that I'm taking off for the day, clean up the house, etc). At about T+10 minutes I realized I had made a timing error! I have never had an oral psychedelic dose come on so fast. At first I thought I must have weighted out my dose incorrectly and accidentally taken a massive dose, but not so. Instead I think my metabolism must have been sped up because that morning I did an intense spinning class?
The comeup was exactly as I had remembered: It felt exactly like the non-breakthrough portion of a DMT trip. There was some of the typical discomfort that I always feel on psychedelic comeups, but interestingly there was almost no gastric discomfort which is *extremely* rare for me. I had taken two ginger capsules beforehand and perhaps that helped. The entire trip had fewer physical side effects (pretty much none) than almost any other trip I've ever had.
T+1h - The universe took a rest from its incessant stretching and squishing and we were both fully up. At this point though laying on the ground. I'm feeling very good, but I'm also feeling like I could, just possibly fall asleep if given the chance. This is a really weird feeling for me as I find most psychedelics to be more or less stimulating. I actually enjoy that energetic push, but I knew that it wasn't called for during today's trip, which is another reason I chose psilacetin. Still, at this point I was worried that I wasn't up for too much chatting with my partner, but that would soon change.
T+1h30 - As my body gets used to things I start to move around more and, in spite of the lack of stimulation, I will be pretty much walking non-stop (and talking a bit too much) for the rest of the trip. My mind is awake and I'm open and ready for whatever.
There was not the same geometrical distortion that I get on mushrooms (and others), but Psilacetin makes me feel like I'm living in a holographic universe. Depth perception is way off: Standing at the top of two wood steps, above a wood floor, it was easy to have everything blend together and it looked like there were no steps at all. Still, I felt very confident and secure in my body and space. I kept practicing controlled "falls" down said steps. As I rapidly paced around and chatted, my partner kept saying, "be careful you're going to step on the cats," which somehow made me go as close as possible to them.
T+2h - I recently finished reading Already Free: a fantastic book by Bruce Tift. My partner had recently just started it herself. The ideas in this book, which resonated with me already, structured our whole way of thinking during this trip and what we talked about. We explored my partner's style of connection (ex. how she pushed us to do this trip together) and my own style of disconnection (ex. how I resisted and wished from something for just myself). Conversely we explored how each of has disowned the opposite energy and how we conveniently (and unconsciously) use our partners to hold the energies that we have disowned (ex. even though my style is disconnection, like all humans, I need connection as well and my partner provides it while simultaneously allowing me to blame her for not giving me what I "really want"). We saw clearly the codependent mechanics of coupled neurosis. We felt horrified and amazed at how clear our patterns are and, simultaneously, how impossible it seemed to step out of those patterns.
Lots of time distortion. If I didn't look at the clock I couldn't tell you if 10 minutes or 1 hour had passed by.
Lots of giggling on the part of my partner. Everything is funny.
T+3h - More of the same! Interestingly both my partner and felt like psilacetin had less emotional intensity to it than other psychedelics (at least at our dose). This seemed to lend it to long discussions that didn't wear us out. We continued chatting on the same theme. We explored how our parents consistently failed to "meet us" emotionally where we were, and started to see how we may be doing the same with our relationships in many ways (friends and children). We saw clearly that we are so hard on each other probably because neither of us knows how to take care of ourselves! We both walk around in a continuous state of feeling like we don't have what we need, and blaming each other for not providing it. If we knew how to properly care for ourselves, we would be naturally more secure and less selfish and more giving to each other. This is something I've been aware of for a while (that I don't know how to give to myself, or take for myself), but what became clear was how this lack of self-care was not only harming me, but also the people around me.
T+3h30 - I make some home-made ginger ale (first time trying to do so).
T+4h - My wife reveals something from her youth (not going to go into details) and I feel everything she feels. I'm devastated on her behalf, and I feel more able to be compassionate toward her imperfect behavior. She, like me, has disowned huge parts of her own self and now I can see why. No wonder everything is so hard. We both have a lot of work to do. If we can keep that in mind and keep respect for each other, even when we each act less than ideally, perhaps we can continue to grow together. Perhaps we can reintegrate those disowned parts of ourselves and become whole, together. There is a path and we are both walking it.
T+6h - (3PM) Mostly down. I've been moving and talking without much of a pause.
Conclusion: Both of us wished we had dosed higher. I guess I would try 40mg next time, but I have a feeling that even higher would great. I had dismissed psilacetin, but I got the flavor this time. A very forgiving and supportive chemical, at least at our doses. Excited to explore this one further.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_4acodmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
roacode_oral
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