I had a dream, and in it, I guy named swim appeared to me, I'll let him talk, from now on in the first person, (it aint me, but its easier than switching perspective off and on so ill just talk in first person and explain )
Well, swim took 35-40mg of 2ct2, not appreciating that 2ct2 is a subtler pea, and not listening to his increasing sleepiness lately as being a result of possible serotonin releasing properties of 2ct2 (I thought it was cuz I'd been drinking warm milk and eating lots of fish, in essence, trying to get all my good amino acids, as well as exercise, basically trying to undo all the shit peas do to me, I should mention 'm on a 25mg daily dose of paroxetine), and ended up praying to god not to take me, not for any particular benefit of my own, but just so my folks wouldn't have to put up with that kind of thing, had a disconcerting oobe, several times wanted to go to sleep to try and let my unconscious take a shot at breathing (there were chest pains throughout this, prolly as a result of laying wrong, spacing out and forgetting to breathe), but knowing that in cases of excess serotonin, sleep leads to coma leads to ... so I continued to breath, pinching myself and whatnot but the body becomes used to discomfort and produces endorphins and whatnot leading to relaxation and sleep, so I had to come up with new and inventive ways to produce pain to keep me awake but not become so accustomed to it to lapse, all the while trying to appear that I was sleeping (after awhile I just gave up on this and assumed a posture of undisguised prayer, which I was trying to hide before). I did this for awhile, keeping in watch the clock, which is a familiar experience for me, and for anyone else who's ever dosed too high, keeping in mind what time I had to eat (scarfed down my hot meal, savoring the blinding pain, and the blinding pain of scalding tea to keep me awake, feeling the searing in my gut), washed dishes and scrubbed them for my mommy (if I went, I wanted her to find me passed out in the sink, her saying bless his heart i told him i'd get that pan later not to worry about it, just get the dishes, which is a trend I've noticed lately, me trying to overdo all my chores around the house, engage in conversation whenever I can, in attempts to compensate for my drug usage/get them not to notice/overlook the occasional signs cuz they knew I smoked pot and did DXM (they thought DXM was a stimulant, but I didn't care to get into a discussion about the particular intricacies[sp?] of my drug use), but thought I stopped 9 weeks ago (which my grades have 'shown' since then, but really all I've done is stopped my 10-11g a week of chronic habit)
Ill finish this later but I gotta finish cleaning up this vomit and then call back my excuse for a significant other these days, who is the best friend of my ex-girlfriend who I dated for close to three months which ain't much but it was my first.
So... I'll be back, with luck since I'm over the worst of it.