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Need Help 20+ year herion addict trying to get off.

BocaBitch

Greenlighter
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
3
When I 1at using in my early 20's it was fun and the thing to do in South Florida. I'm now 44, a widow raising 2 young teen boys, 13 & 14 and it has ceased being fun.
I'm fortunate that I have an income of $82,000 per year because I've been able to function work wise, plus I get societal security for my kids, but even with that higher than usual income come the weekend I'm always broke.
I've tried megadosing vitamin C, Thomas recipe,kratom, suboxone,which used to work, so I'm at my wits end.
This memorial day weekend I got my hands on some baclophan, Xanax, weed for brownies and trazadone, but if anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.
Trust me going into rehab would be a dream, but as my employer has less that 50 employees and I'm new I'd kiss that job good bye, plus the issue of what to do to with the kids.
I'm a fan of natural remedies.
Thanks
 

PtahTek

Moderator: NMI
Staff member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
2,931
Location
Onda Cona
... it was fun and the thing to do in South Florida.
Hi, and welcome to BL. Glad ya made it; maybe someone can give a little insight, a silver lining or a hand with what is going on.
That S Fla thing is something else... spent a lot of time and money in palm beach, dade and broward cos. Time before last trip there (work related) almost ended in my demise but did in fact wreak havoc on everything and lost it all sans SO. It was fun but dark/deadly as my friends were ODing and dying long before fent hit the streets.
Anyway, what is it that is being sought after? Reading the post a couple times and not sure if one wishes to do what one must to put down all substances or just get through a weekend.
Can I ask a couple questions?
1) What is it that one needs to come to grips with? Oxy, fent, benzos, RCs, H, crack/coke etc?
2) What dosages are you currently on and how often?
3) Any support system around you that could lend a little strength or help with what is going on?
No judgments here as this ol boy has done it all and will still do it if the time and place jive together. Just trying to understand what one is on ATM and what one wishes to do....
I am currently going through some mild WDs from aplrazolam so may be jumping in and out of the forums here and there: A bit erratic. LOL
Imma be here, though and there is a slew of MFs that are both willing and able to maybe helping one find a little peace.
Always best wishes and love,
Ptah

Edit:
My bad, it is in the thread title. H.
Maybe we should get one over to health and recovery for more precise information/response(s). Maybe start the thread there with the same topic for best responses. Sorry; like I said... I am going through a little WD so may and will miss things. =D
 
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BocaBitch

Greenlighter
Joined
May 23, 2020
Messages
3
Hi, and welcome to BL. Glad ya made it; maybe someone can give a little insight, a silver lining or a hand with what is going on.
That S Fla thing is something else... spent a lot of time and money in palm beach, dade and broward cos. Time before last trip there (work related) almost ended in my demise but did in fact wreak havoc on everything and lost it all sans SO. It was fun but dark/deadly as my friends were ODing and dying long before fent hit the streets.
Anyway, what is it that is being sought after? Reading the post a couple times and not sure if one wishes to do what one must to put down all substances or just get through a weekend.
Can I ask a couple questions?
1) What is it that one needs to come to grips with? Oxy, fent, benzos, RCs, H, crack/coke etc?
2) What dosages are you currently on and how often?
3) Any support system around you that could lend a little strength or help with what is going on?
No judgments here as this ol boy has done it all and will still do it if the time and place jive together. Just trying to understand what one is on ATM and what one wishes to do....
I am currently going through some mild WDs from aplrazolam so may be jumping in and out of the forums here and there: A bit erratic. LOL
Imma be here, though and there is a slew of MFs that are both willing and able to maybe helping one find a little peace.
Always best wishes and love,
Ptah

Edit:
My bad, it is in the thread title. H.
Maybe we should get one over to health and recovery for more precise information/response(s). Maybe start the thread there with the same topic for best responses. Sorry; like I said... I am going through a little WD so may and will miss things. =D
Therapy. Figure out why you're compelled to use and self medicate.
I've been to rehab too many times to count, and I figured out why I'm compelled to use, it is simple and probably the truth for most addicts, because I have a genetic predisposition to
Therapy. Figure out why you're compelled to use and self medicate.
Been there, done that too many times to count, and you know what I found out? Unlike most women I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I've sat through umpteen classes on them, never had a guy depend on me for their dope by prostituting me; wasn't abused an a child, in fact had a loving, supportive family who instilled morals and values i.e. I work honestly to support my habit unlike so many I know who consider boosting and pawning a career choice. I honestly had therapist tell me that they didn't believe me when going through the "trauma session" because EVERYONE on drugs is on drugs because of some horrible event in their life.
I know why I'm a drug addict, I like getting high, and I probably have a genetic predisposition to getting, but I'm not 100% about that, all I know is my Dad's bio-Mom gave birth to him at 16 in the mid-40's and that wasn't normal behavior back then so who knows....
But thanks for the advice. Oh and I don't really do the 12-step thing because I don't believe in God or any religion, I truly believe it was made up to keep people and especially women in "their place".
 

Branggen

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 18, 2013
Messages
419
I recommend a taper especially after 20 years, personally I think I would want to taper for at least 2 years. I was on methadone and heroin for 6 years and just tapered off over a year recently, this is like day 6 with nothing. I don't think I could manage cold turkey, your brain needs time to heal or its likely withdrawal and the PAWS will just be to much IMO

I have got a genetic predisposition or addictive personality too, can be a positive thing when directed towards something positive, get addicted to quitting, cause it might take a while. I find myself getting addicted to doing anything I find really pleasurable, and will want to just do that same thing over and over, it always gets old but I just keep wanting to do it, and nothing else. It takes a conscious effort for me to just go and do something else, but once I do I always find the new thing so much more pleasurable than the thing I had been repeating if that makes sense. Basically, variety is the spice of life, is a good saying
 
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LadyAlkaline

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
2,288
Location
In a hot air balloon 🎈
I've been to rehab too many times to count, and I figured out why I'm compelled to use, it is simple and probably the truth for most addicts, because I have a genetic predisposition to

Been there, done that too many times to count, and you know what I found out? Unlike most women I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I've sat through umpteen classes on them, never had a guy depend on me for their dope by prostituting me; wasn't abused an a child, in fact had a loving, supportive family who instilled morals and values i.e. I work honestly to support my habit unlike so many I know who consider boosting and pawning a career choice. I honestly had therapist tell me that they didn't believe me when going through the "trauma session" because EVERYONE on drugs is on drugs because of some horrible event in their life.
I know why I'm a drug addict, I like getting high, and I probably have a genetic predisposition to getting, but I'm not 100% about that, all I know is my Dad's bio-Mom gave birth to him at 16 in the mid-40's and that wasn't normal behavior back then so who knows....
But thanks for the advice. Oh and I don't really do the 12-step thing because I don't believe in God or any religion, I truly believe it was made up to keep people and especially women in "their place".
It may not be trauma, it could be that you're easily bored, you're looking for something big and grand and mentally stimulating. A high is just that. Some people are seriously intelligent and its almost like their brain starts eating itself (figuratively) because there just isn't adequate stimulus.

Also a predisposition to addiction is very real and I have also seen this influence over my life.

My mother is a self destructive alcoholic, my father (who I recently met) is a type A, non addictive personality who has a large ego and is extremely intelligent.

I have always swung back and forth between these two. I self destruct and allow myself to wallow in addiction and then I pull myself up by my bootstraps and decide I'm better than what I'm doing. Later I rinse and repeat.
 

nznity

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 24, 2017
Messages
1,730
Location
Lima.
It may not be trauma, it could be that you're easily bored, you're looking for something big and grand and mentally stimulating. A high is just that. Some people are seriously intelligent and its almost like their brain starts eating itself (figuratively) because there just isn't adequate stimulus.

Also a predisposition to addiction is very real and I have also seen this influence over my life.

My mother is a self destructive alcoholic, my father (who I recently met) is a type A, non addictive personality who has a large ego and is extremely intelligent.

I have always swung back and forth between these two. I self destruct and allow myself to wallow in addiction and then I pull myself up by my bootstraps and decide I'm better than what I'm doing. Later I rinse and repeat.
I've come to realize that 99% of Is addicts have a comorbility that we treat it with addiction. i come from a loving family aswell, dont have any Sort of trauma from when i was a Child. But i have that predisposition to addiction that Ur talking about too, i noticed that when i was a kid AND would spend countless hrs playing with my Nintendo/Playstation bak in the day. Now that I'm an adult i got diagnosed with add, borderline AND possibly bipolar. But that's just my genetics. Seems like we were born for this type of life style, meh.
 
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