The black side of it, I faced every morning and vice versa for the white one. It is hard to hadle things in that way, especially when you got addicted one. And this is absolutely what happens every time I started to think about giving up. Try handle it in hard way and fuck it up. What i am trying to figure out that if I ever save (not spend) just one day clean. I missed it a lot. And your style of thinking, the grey area, gave me stranger and more realistic point of view. Thank you for your share again. But I do not want to think about the "mixed feelings" part. Cuz as you say, as we respect that power more, the more I fear and hate it. And i guess "mixed feelings", that kinda highness, will make me think more optimistic (or pessimistic) about my situation next morning. But what i need is to be more realistic cuz two of the ways will end in the same point: Giving in. On the other hand, this sickness getting worse at every step that I take so I will keep continuing on the grey area and threat the drugs as what they really are: chemical substances not a way of sharing feelings or a way to hell.So many times, we see drug use in complete black-and-white terms, and it just is not so.