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💀 THE ABYSS™ 💀 💀 The Abyss 💀 (Open 24hrs)

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mal3volent

Sr. Moderator: CEPS, TL, S&G
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That's how i am when i get stoned too i just shut down and look creepy.

I got too f'd up after like 24+ hours of being awake and looked all sorts of [creepy]

 

Captain.Heroin

Suicide Obsession
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94,014
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How's your morning going Mr Heroin?
I woke up. I guess that's something. I wanted to die IMO but you know I always have time to orchestrate that.

Yesterday at 0100 (not last night, when V day started) I FUCKED HIM RELENTLESSLY. Then AGAIN later that same night after he got off work.

I um... know he's toxic but LOVE TO FUCK and he can just WORK IT all night long as I'm doing my thing and it's hot.

I can't help myself. I'm even HONEST with my other sex partner about how hot this is, how I can't help myself. It's just TOO GOOD.

And HE STILL WANTS ME too like he tryin to bogard my time and shit and I actually like that (but he has his own life x 1 million) so it's like 2 dudes semi-struggling for this D

and um

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THAT

elated, turned on, frustrated? like a manho? mostly the latter? I don't know.

The more I ho the less I know.
 

Captain.Heroin

Suicide Obsession
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
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94,014
Location
Harvard University
MAL confessional time

I don't know what I'm doing.

I fucked up big time. I need to do some soul searching. There's something wrong with me. I'm working on it.
@mal3volent

what should I do

I'm spiritually/emotionally/mentally numb from sex and drugs and good times. Part of me just wants to give up and let DESTINY take its course.
inb4bootylicious


I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAttt

It's like a cross of digital televisions that I can't stop carrying around with me.
 

Captain.Heroin

Suicide Obsession
Staff member
Joined
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Location
Harvard University
U keep saying u fucked up. What u done?
I AM FUCKING SOMEONE VERY TOXIC
AND I'M MILDLY TOXIC ABOUT TO BE SALTWATER TURNED INTO REGULAR TAP WATER
I'M JUST A GLASS OF WATER
AND UH
I WANT TO FUCK THE TOXICITY OUT OF 2019
but you're toxic brah so whatever advice you do/don't give I'll probably do the opposite of.
 

Soso78

Temporary Ban
Joined
Aug 11, 2016
Messages
3,088
I AM FUCKING SOMEONE VERY TOXIC
AND I'M MILDLY TOXIC ABOUT TO BE SALTWATER TURNED INTO REGULAR TAP WATER
I'M JUST A GLASS OF WATER
AND UH
I WANT TO FUCK THE TOXICITY OUT OF 2019
but you're toxic brah so whatever advice you do/don't give I'll probably do the opposite of.
Why am I toxic?
if you not happy with what your doing stop doing it.
It might be hard to but depends how unhappy u are with what ur doing.
 

Captain.Heroin

Suicide Obsession
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Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
94,014
Location
Harvard University
LE'TS TURN THIS INTO POSITIVITY

I CAN say what I want to I AM CHOOSING NOT TO but MAL will get to know if he wants to.
AW FUCK

*cumgasm*

EVERYTHING IS ME it just IS and I'M QUITE HAPPY WITH MYSELF!!

look that lie was easy
 

Captain.Heroin

Suicide Obsession
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
94,014
Location
Harvard University
if you not happy with what your doing stop doing it.
It might be hard to but depends how unhappy u are with what ur doing.
So keep on keepin' on? AFFIRMATIVE

I'm unhappy with a situational configuration. I'm just a part of it and feel unable to change it.

Why am I toxic?
I don't know I'm just assuming brah.
 

Captain.Heroin

Suicide Obsession
Staff member
Joined
Nov 3, 2008
Messages
94,014
Location
Harvard University
if you must know I've been smoking marijuana then shatter for 15 fucking years. My CB-1 tolerance was totally blown. And now I have to quit MAYBE and it HURTS so bad I am going to self-harm a lot and quite possibly relapse into suicidal thinking.

I'm not one of those people that is ever supposed to STOP cannabis. I JUST NEED IT. IT IS MEDICINAL. I don't like the society or world I live in and I sincerely have a death wish.

You can't begin to know how terrible my life has been until you have walked a mile in my shoes.

I DON'T THINK I'M READY FOR MY OWN JELLY
and everyone else is telling me "yea u r" ok then...

i have 1 beer, benzos (WITH NO DESIRE TO TAKE THEM I'LL PROBABLY CUT MYSELF IN PUBLIC AND CRY MY EYES OUT) and uhmmm less than half a gram of BAD shatter like BHO level SHIT.

That's it.

I have antihistamines and NSAIDS. I tend to SWEAT PROFUSELY IN MY "SLEEP" if you can call it that.

I am having mild return of symptoms of PTSD i.e. intrusive nightmares.

I AM THINKING I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT SELF-HARMING FOR MONTHS and by the time summer comes around I'll be happy again and everyone is going to be like "why are you covered in scars"....

I absolutely cannot do this. Something is missing. "Other people" might be the component but I totally reject that and everything else I could possibly think about or consider.
 

✿Dai₷y✿

Bluelighter
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Jul 26, 2019
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2,485
Location
Fuck you
Being suicidal and tarnishing some kind of attrntion by posting suicidal shit is another, if you need to change and do better, perhaps find contentment and peace then you're smart enough to figure out how.

If you're happy just rambling then just do that, not really bothering anyone and fairly contained here.

I might watch the abyss movie.
 

madness00

Sr. Moderator: NMI, MH, CD, SLR
Staff member
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Aug 8, 2018
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13,336
Location
New England
I spent all but $35 of my weeks pay check on adderall and crack that I can't use for 4 months. IDK if I'm happy or not. I can't tell.
 
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