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Harm Reduction ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷

bndxxo

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2013
Messages
13
Brief Background

When i was 10 i smoked weed for yhe first time, but never really got into it.. When I was 14 I drank and smoked weed, did e, coke.. But i was a party user.. it really started when I was 15, I was in an extremely abusive relationship, which lead to depression and anxiety. I began using coke alot and closer to 16 I began with the Oxys, and I loved it the first time I did it, When the Oxys here in Canada went to gels I began iv'ing heroin, that's where I made my biggest mistake..

Substance(s)

weed, Coke, E, Oxys, hydromorph contin, fentanyl patches, heroin, dilaudid, MDMA, mushrooms.. Not really an "upper" person and didn't really experiment much before I was introduced to opiates..

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

4-5 years

Adverse Effects

I recently got arrested for the first time when mine and my boyfriends apartment was raided, and it really was a wake up call.. Once I started using needles my addiction evolved into a monster, I am currently trying to clean myself up cause it's just too much now. I can never find any veins that work, I have scars and track marks all over my arms. My family only recently started talking to me again, now that I'm cleaning myself up.. Well atleast in the process of doing so. In the process of my addiction, I've lost almost everything, including myself. the only good thing that came out of everything is now my boyfriend of 3 years, he's now 2 months sober and I'm in the process of catching up to him:)

Warnings and Advice

No matter how good the "rush" or euphoria sounds, PLEASE do not let using needles consume you.. Once you go there, very few ever return. I was supposed to just try it once, and that once turned my whole life upside down because I became consumed by the high and rush of it! Be extremely cautious if you do choose or already have shot, and oh dear god.. Be clean about it! Can't stress that enough!

Miscellaneous

Umm not very much else to say, didn't want to get into every detail. I came from a good home, good family.. no dad around though, him and my mom split when I was 2 and he began iv'ing heroin, didn't have a relationship until I was older.. And I did drugs with him so not a very stable parent he was..
 

tricomb

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jan 21, 2012
Messages
13,084
Location
السلام عليكم
I just wanted to pause for a minute and say thank you for everyone who has contributed / will contribute to this thread.

Too often I get the feeling, just by reading thread titles on the front page of OD, that our readers are here to get higher, even those who are aware that such philosophy directly contradicts the Bluelight User Agreement, the OD Guidelines, and basically everything that this forum was created to stand for.

I am glad that this thread exists and essentially has replaced the OD Social. The OD Social is/was/has been many things over the years, and such is the case in many similar scenarios, dynamic leaders come and go, leaving traces of their dynamic styles of leadership behind while the current administration might adjust, modify, re-word, review, etc, the rules of this forum, Other Drugs.

I think that this is a major reason why people get the wrong idea about Other Drugs, and I'm glad that this thread serves as a reminder that drug abuse is nothing to be admired or fascinated with, it's a black hole of pain and misery that most, given the chance, would make better choices if they were given a time machine... But we don't have time machines, and now, all of us, have to live with the lives that our choices have lead us to, to where we sleep at night, to where we eat, to what we do for fun.
 

tricomb

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jan 21, 2012
Messages
13,084
Location
السلام عليكم
I just wanted to pause for a minute and say thank you for everyone who has contributed / will contribute to this thread.

Too often I get the feeling, just by reading thread titles on the front page of OD, that our readers are here to get higher, even those who are aware that such philosophy directly contradicts the Bluelight User Agreement, the OD Guidelines, and basically everything that this forum was created to stand for.

I am glad that this thread exists and essentially has replaced the OD Social. The OD Social is/was/has been many things over the years, and such is the case in many similar scenarios, dynamic leaders come and go, leaving traces of their dynamic styles of leadership behind while the current administration might adjust, modify, re-word, review, etc, the rules of this forum, Other Drugs.

I think that this is a major reason why people get the wrong idea about Other Drugs, and I'm glad that this thread serves as a reminder that drug abuse is nothing to be admired or fascinated with, it's a black hole of pain and misery that most, given the chance, would make better choices if they were given a time machine... But we don't have time machines, and now, all of us, have to live with the lives that our choices have lead us to, to where we sleep at night, to where we eat, to what we do for fun.
 

Bambooshoot

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 23, 2012
Messages
439
I just wanted to pause for a minute and say thank you for everyone who has contributed / will contribute to this thread.

Too often I get the feeling, just by reading thread titles on the front page of OD, that our readers are here to get higher, even those who are aware that such philosophy directly contradicts the Bluelight User Agreement, the OD Guidelines, and basically everything that this forum was created to stand for.

I am glad that this thread exists and essentially has replaced the OD Social. The OD Social is/was/has been many things over the years, and such is the case in many similar scenarios, dynamic leaders come and go, leaving traces of their dynamic styles of leadership behind while the current administration might adjust, modify, re-word, review, etc, the rules of this forum, Other Drugs.

I think that this is a major reason why people get the wrong idea about Other Drugs, and I'm glad that this thread serves as a reminder that drug abuse is nothing to be admired or fascinated with, it's a black hole of pain and misery that most, given the chance, would make better choices if they were given a time machine... But we don't have time machines, and now, all of us, have to live with the lives that our choices have lead us to, to where we sleep at night, to where we eat, to what we do for fun.
Just want to say Tri, that was a lovely post. Everything you said rings so true... Contributing to this thread almost lifted a weight from my shoulders. To be able to write about how painful the journey has been, like most people have told in their story's here. Nothing is just black and white...This is a great community, maybe we could save some lives with this thread....
 

little_princess

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
2
Brief Background
I'm a 28 years old girl from a notmal family, I had a problem with alcohol when I was 17/19, I begun using drugs at age 23, and become addict to a several diferent drugs at age 26.
Sorry if I make some grammar mistakes, english is not my mothertongue.

Substance(s)
In order: alcohol, mdma, speed/amphetamines, weed, ketamine, cocaine, mushrooms, lsd, dmt and kratom.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence
Since I was a child I was fascinated by drugs, I had a lovely family but I was very shy. I suffered child abuse at age 5-7 from a member of my family (not my parents), and I didn't told anyone. At age 10 a
psychiatrist discovered I'd a very high iq for my age, and that was the reason for me to being isolated at school, at that young age I was very depressed and begun to binge eating, at 12 years I was 90 kg, all the kids from school mocked at me and beated me from age 12 to 16. I didn't have any friends. At that age I begun to drink alcohol every weekend until I passed out and developed a severe case of anorexia (I went down to from 85kg to 52 kg in less than 1 year) when I was 18-19 I got drunk almost every day. I wanted to try drugs but one of my bests friends got a ketamine overdose and destryed his life with ketamine and cocaine, he got arrested and that was a big shock for me, I stoped the daily usage of alcohol and at that point I was against drugs.
From 20 to 23 I only drunk twice a month, so I can say I was almost sober, I got psychological help and I recovered from my anorexia.
When I was 23 I discovered that my boyfriend was using mdma behind my back, at first I was a very mad, but little by little I got curious and decided to try it. The first time I tried mdma I knew it was the love of my life. At that time I had an huge depression due to a severe illness of my father and financial problems in my family (I'd to drop my career 'cause of that) and mdma whas my scape. Altought I wanted to take it a lot, my boyfriend was very responsible and we only did m like 1 time every two months for about 3 years. I'd become obsessed with the drug, I was always counting the days for the next time, and the comedown was horrible, my depression got worse and I relapsed on anorexia ( I went down to 48 kg)
At 26 was when all changed and I begun to abuse drugs. I meet a group o friends who used drugs twice a month, mainly mdma but sometimes coke too. One of them became my best friend in a few weeks, we where so alike and shared almost everything, that included the obsession for the drugs. I begun using mdma with my new best friend behind my boyfriend back, it went out of countrol, in a few months I was using it twice every week. That lasted for about 7 moths, and my tolerance grew so high I needed a lot of m for getting high, the same happened with my best friend.
My dealer had speed (amphetamines) too and he sugested to try it, and we did it, my best friend and I became speed adicts so fast, first every weekend, then 3 times every week, then every day. The comedowns where pure hell, I was awake for 3 or 4 days and then slept for 20 or 30 hours, finally I'd to choose between drugs and my boyfriend, and I chosed drugs.
I don't know how I managed to not get fired and mantain my job, I was always high or in a withdrawal, never sober. That lasted for about 6 months, and finally my friend and I decided to get help and get clean.
We got psychological help and we where able to get clean for some time. I recovered from anorexia and my depression went better, I was diagnosed ptsd and obsessive personality. I begun studying at university again, meanwhile I was still working at the same shop.
But that don't lasted very long, it was so painful to be sober, I felt detached from reality, numb.
The next summer my friend suggested doing weed, it seemed harmful, and we did it, we get addicted very fast, for 1 year I was smoking 3 or 4 joints a day, soon after we needed something harder, weed wasn't enough, we went on a cocaine binge for about 4 months until we begun abusing speed again. This last year I'd tried mushrooms, lsd, dmt, kratom and ketamine, but luckily it was only once in awhile.
Nowadays I use weed only once a week (it was a hell to stop but we managed todo do it), mdma like once a month, and speed like 3 or 4 times a month. I'm always fighting against my speed adiction and I had a serious relapse three months ago.

Adverse Effects
Depression (who led me to a suicide atemp), paranoia, anxiety, bad health (I fell ill all the time), I'd lost a lot of friends and I'm lucky to still have my family by my side (they only know about my weed use) and my best friend.

Warnings and Advice
I think I'm one of the lucky ones, I have been using drugs for 5 years and abusing them for 2, and I'm still studiyng and uni and mantained my job. Drugs can be fun but they're never the answer, I was a gifted child and all the people tought I will achieve anthing I wanted, now my mental habilities had been mermed and I find difficult to concetrate and study, I had a mediocre job that mantains my addiction and I don't know when I'll be able to graduate. I'm always thinking about letting the addiction win, but I'm a fighter. Never give hope, listen to your loved ones and get help. Altought I still consider me a drug addict, my psychiatrist saved my life, witouth her I'm sure I will be dead right now from an overdose or suicide.
 

thizFreckles

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 17, 2009
Messages
91
Location
805, California
Brief Background

Throughout elementary school, middle school, & the beginning of high school I was always a good kid, I got good grades, was in advanced classes, listened to my parents, had a huge supportive family & had a lot of friends. I had self-confidence, a sense of humor, I had everything I could have dreamed of and then some.

Growing up I always had big dreams & aspirations and always reminded myself of what I DIDN’T want to become - one of those things was being a drug addict. My dad has smoked pot my whole life, & growing up he and the rest of the family hid it from me. But even as a naïve 4 year old child, I wasn’t stupid. I knew what he was doing in the garage when I would walk in on him tokin’ it up, I knew what that skunky smell was.

In high school my open-mindedness started to grow & I wanted to make sure I was making the most of life, living it to the fullest. I wanted everyone to not only accept me but to LIKE me (& for the most part, they did).

All throughout my adolescents/young-adulthood I wanted nothing more but to have a serious boyfriend. I wished for that one person to come into my life that I could call my “high school sweetheart” - be careful what you wish for, learned that the hard way.

The summer of sophomore year I started partying & drinking alcohol. It was fun, I was a party girl so I did whatever it took to have a good time &, of course, to get everyone to like me. After I had started drinking (though it was never a problem) I was open to trying smoking pot & from there - anything was game. I started reading up on different drugs & became fascinated. I immediately started a mental check-list of the different substances I wanted to try.

The beginning of junior year this mysterious boy, one grade level ahead of me started to show interest in me. He was super cute & we hit it off. We started texting, talking on the phone, the whole pre-date game. He asked me to prom - I said yes & that was our first time actually hanging out. He brought 2 tabs of ecstasy, one for him & one for me. It was both of our first time doing E.

I fell head over heels for this boy. He was the “high school sweetheart” I had been searching ‘so long’ for - & who I soon after lost my virginity to. As I came to know him better I learned he dabbled in opiate pills, mostly vicodin, percocet, soma, stuff like that. Heck, I didn’t care - I was game!

When I would first try to do vicodin with my boyfriend, the pills would make me really sick & nauseous so I didn’t do them much. Then he started getting into oxycontin - the original OC 80’s. Those too made me sick, but not quite as bad as the vicodin - regardless of how it made me sick, I loved the way it made me feel. I would even wake up high the NEXT day. It was wonderful & I wasn’t addicted (man I wish I could go back to those days). My boyfriend, however, was addicted & unemployed. So who else supplied him with the cash for drugs - yep, ME (I worked 2 jobs with good pay). He was my ‘everything’ I was willing to do anything for him.

I got tired of not getting much out of the money I was spending so I started using as much as he was so that I could actually benefit from MY money. & the rest is history...

Substance(s)

I’ve tried most mainstream drugs at LEAST once (with the exception of meth & shrooms) and most of the psychoactive pharmaceuticals - oxycontin, vicodin, morphine, fentanyl, dilaudid, tramadol, soma, xanax, ativan, valium, adderall, etc. etc.

Opiates were my weakness – oxycontin specifically & then ultimately, heroin.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

From the age of 17 till now, I’m 21. So, about 4 ½ years using mostly everyday. & I just recently quit all drugs and have been clean for almost 60 days… again.

Adverse Effects

I was always real careful & knowledgeable with what I was doing & putting into my body so the only time I can think of that I came close to overdosing was during my senior prom (sad to think I didn’t go to a single high school dance sober) Anyway, I had taken tooooo many somas. I can’t remember the amount, but it was abusrd & I’m only 5’3 and 110lbs. I blacked out, was shaking/seizing, & can’t remember a thing. But when I snapped out of it (boyfriend threw me in the shower before we headed to after prom) I felt completely fine, good even. Weirdest thing…

Anyway… I was a functioning addict for the first 1 ½ - 2 years of my addiction, I would go to work, school, etc & still have money in the bank. When the money ran out, that’s when the problems started. I would do anything it to took to get mine & my boyfriend’s next fix - pawn shit, forge my parents checks, steal money from my jobs, etc. & then I got arrested. My entire family found out. I had burned every bridge and hurt the people who loved me most. All because of not only my addiction to drugs, but my addiction to my boyfriend.

Warnings and Advice

Addiction DOES NOT discriminate. It can & will happen at any time and to the best & worst of us. I never thought I would be a junkie - but look at me now. I am & forever will be an addict.

Always educate yourself on what it is you are taking, how much, in conjunction with other drugs, etc. Google is your friend! USE IT. It could save your life -

Miscellaneous

Sorry for the novel - I dug deep for this one, but I tried to break it up into paragraphs to make it easier to read and skip around if need be.

<3
 
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donttort

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 29, 2013
Messages
2
Brief Background

I was 14 when I started experimenting, I'm 21 now. I habitually smoked marijuana until I was 20, and I used heroin in a recreational manner from age 15 to 20. I thought I was one of the few who could fight the urge to keep using, and stop my use every time I came close to addiction. At 19 I overdosed, and stayed clean for six months. When I started again I concentrated on not overdosing and lost sight of not becoming addicted. This is when my plight started, I've been physically dependent for a year now.

Substance(s)

Heroin my love, my maiden of mayhem.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

For 6 years heroin has been the only thing in my life that's made me feel happy.

Adverse Effects

I've overdosed once, and lost two friends in the game. I've spent my life savings three times over, that's 10 grand in the past year. My family and non drug related friends have stopped talking to me. Recently, in a clearer state of mind I left my home and moved many miles away. Part of me wishes I could still find drugs, but part is glad I'm through withdrawals and no longer physically dependent.

Warnings and Advice

Remember that you are not immune to addiction, and that at some point (even if it takes five years) you will find that the voice in your head telling you to use is stronger than what used to be your will. For suffering addicts, withdrawals suck, but they only get worse so if you're ready to quit; then quit while you can.
 

tricomb

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jan 21, 2012
Messages
13,084
Location
السلام عليكم
just wrote my life story, and it never posted correctly, what a waste of time.
?I think that the internet just saved you from making a huge mistake.... Read the OD Guidelines, we don't want people's life stories, as in, we don't want you to post enough information that could be viewed as incriminating, for your OWN PROTECTION, it is best to try your best not to include extraneous details.

I don't mean to assume that your post was extraneous, it could have been the full 10,000 character limit of the best ANTI-DRUG-ABUSE posts that got lost for some bullshit computer reason, just saying for like... if you decide to re-write your post in here. I'm sure that there is at least one, likely way more than one person reading this thread out there, who could relate to your post, and your post could be their breaking point, or it could otherwise help them overcome their addiction.... Anways, I'd love to read your post if you were willing to retry posting it....

If you have a computer setup where you are liable to lose content from typing directly into the Reply to Post section of Bluelight right away, write your post in Microsoft Word or better yet, support open source software like OpenOffice, which is a free, different but powerful OPEN SOURCE attempt at recreating a better Microsoft Office, just give it a Google Search. I don't know whether your running Windows, OS X, Linux/Unix, or some other flavor of Operating System or I'd have given other examples, but most computers come with a quote unquote, "stock" word processing, however basic... like some form of notepad / textedit...

$0.02
 

itsALLfake

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 22, 2007
Messages
619
Location
where i live
I was part of a good family, and I was always into ice hockey. Played with competitive travel teams as a goalie for most of my life. I started smoking cannabis at about 12..it became an everyday thing to smoke headies when I was about 16. I was always strongly against pharmaceuticals in high school. I couldn't tell you why. I just was. I was really into psychedelics though. LSD and school was a fun time for me...I wasn't doing school work, really just watch the little dots race each other on the ceiling, among other things. I went to about 82 days of school my senior year, but I guess they wanted me to get the fuck out, so I graduated. My senior year was the first time I experienced opiates after wisdom teeth removal and oral implant surgery. I only had 20-30 Percocet 10's. I remember yelling at my Mom, like she took them, when I ran out of the prescription. I continued my psychedelic use, and research chemicals started showing more prevalence. I had experience with a lot that were available at the time, being marketed as liquid LSD.

Some people that graduated before I did started to try to get me to sell oxy-powder. Which was oxy-codone stolen from a plant before it was pressed into generic oxy's. I started out with small amounts, and I worked my way up to having pounds of it and this fluffy white powder. They were calling it hydro-codone powder, but some were preferring it over the oxy.

I started to suspect it was diesel, but the concrete proof was friends getting pulled over with both in paper folds that I would divvy small amounts in. One tested as oxy-codone, and the other tested as china white heroin. At the time I was a "social user." I would randomly get some brown dope at a festival, or I would do insane amounts of what I was selling for a user of my experience. I noticed a fire in me when I would jam, particularly with electric guitar. It seemed like I was more connected to the feeling of the music. It eventually got busted, and the china white stopped coming around at the same time. I figured they marketed it as HC for cover. I continued with LSD use with random MDMA use. One day I was staying at a friends. Some custi kid came by and said he could get oxy 80's. I immediately thought how I never got hooked on what I was selling, so how could this be any worse? I immediately started at 1-3 80's a day. After the third day, I was dope sick. My use sky-rocketed to about 5 80's a day or more. It wasn't even after a month that I would gurgle bile up if I didn't have anything. This continued for about 4 months total, after putting about $80,000 up my&my girlfriend's nose. I was then broke from everything I made as a "tour kid." I was offered help from a doctor with Suboxone.

Suboxone started well, but when I tapered down to about 2mg's, I started noticing horrible effects. I was switched to Subutex, and he doubled my dose for one month. He also gave me a prescription for the second month, with the intention for me to immediately go back to 2mg's. Well, the Subutex was clean feeling, and it reminded me of the clear headedness I would get on agonist opiates, so that didn't work out. He then, lied and said I was doctor shopping. So I was on the search for a doctor. This kind of bullshit went on for about 4 years or so, until I went to rehab. I don't think I needed to go, honestly, but I have a problem of being too honest. So when my girlfriend's step mom came over to ask why I wasn't at their family Christmas, I pretty much revealed my whole past life to her. Being normal...as far as illicit drug use goes, she's actually bat shit crazy...it probably freaked her out, and three days later an intervention happened.

1 month in in-patient..and then, 3 months in transitional living. While in transitional I was forced to go to AA meetings, but it wasn't bad because the town I was in, just about everyone was in recovery, so there were a lot of young dope-heads in AA that I could relate to. I found a sponsor that is a good friend now, and he also turned out to be the only tour kid that lived there, so I took all the signs and decided to stay there for the minimal 3months, instead of getting a bus ticket home. I worked the steps, and I continued going to meetings once I got back home, but now, I don't plan on going back. If I was back where I was before, I would probably enjoy them, from the connection to the people I had there, but here, it has that cult feel that I always though AA and other programs had before getting involved.

Being sober is easy, you just don't get high. Not being miserable is the tricky part. I have been stupid and have sold some Subutex that remained at a pharmacy, and I've even watched them be snorted in front of me. I didn't have urges, but I'm sure it didn't make it any easier when I have to deal with my parents bullshit afterwards..staying with them is the hardest part, hopefully that will change soon. I'm also planning on joining the military, because the only way I have fun is thrill seeking, and that is very expensive, so I'm going to go get paid to jump out of planes, scuba dive, and blow shit up.

Like the first post said...there is a fine like between experimenting and being consumed. I feel like I was made to abuse substances...I've never been an occasional user...always all or nothing kind of thing..with the exception of when I first tried dope, but I'm sure if I wasn't looking at it as an investment the way I did, my addiction would've developed a lot faster...

Sorry, for not doing the bulletin/format deal..I've already bullshitted a lot today at work:)

*edit*-I forgot to input practically the most important part of my story....duh...I just randomly thought about it some how laying down last night..for some odd reason..
Towards the end of being on Subutex and Xanax, I would do beyond the amount that would produce effects. I would snort 32-40mg's of Subutex, coupled with Xanax, a day. I would run out of my Subutex prescription, and then, I would go into my girlfriend's, and I would dip into her side of the Xanax prescription. She was the only able to get prescribed it, so she would split it with me, and then, I would constantly tap into hers after burning through mine. So I would use like this for two weeks, make us both withdrawal for two weeks, and I would continue this cycle for about a year+. Regardless that I knew I would feel like shit, and I would get nothing out of going overboard like this, I would still do it.
 
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beezwax

Bluelighter
Joined
May 4, 2004
Messages
27
Location
SW Florida
Brief Background

I grew up in Tennessee and south Mississippi, had a rather normal childhood other than the fact that my mother remarried 4 times. I first tried marijuana at the age of 16 and it was a love affair that lasted until i was 21....At 21 I was going to college and working at a hospital when a friend of mine had a 15mg roxi and asked me if I wanted to try it...That began a daily grind of spending all of my paycheck on oxycodone and still managing to do good at school. Eventually I realized I was going downhill... In desperation I joined the Army as an escape. My longest stint of sobriety was during my 12 months in Iraq as a combat medic assigned to a convoy/vip protection platoon in 1st cav. It was torture because as a medic I was assigned 5 syrettes of 2mg morphine and 1 actiq fentanyl lollipop... I had never IV'd drugs but everyday before settling to bed in my hooch I would think about those drugs but I knew that there would be serious consequences if I did. While I wasn't deployed, the army didnt stop me from using drugs. I would just drive home from base every couple weekends and binge on oxy then drive back to base. I was just lucky I never got caught. Fast forward to 2011. I am honorably discharged from the army and I begin going back to college. It wasnt long before I picked up my old oxy habit which turned into an intranasal opana habit, which turned into a IV dilaudid habit which turned into a IV dilaudid/heroin habit and lately ive been picking up a few rocks to smoke with my H..sad.. Obviously this is not sustainable to a college student with no job. that is when shit hit the fan.

Substance(s)

oxycodone, oxymorphone, dilaudid, heroin, crack

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

Ive been addicted off an on for the last 8 years.

Adverse Effects

Every effect of the drugs have been adverse. It really god bad when I started IVing..The desire for drugs drove me to pawn my families jewelry(which i finally got back) and not even think twice about it. Ive been to detox, frequent NA meetings. Ive done a lot of stupid shit. I overdosed shooting cocaine one night and it was so fucking scary. My chest was so tight and my tongue and eyes started looking blue. My vision was flickering black and I thought I was dead, I prayed to god to let me survive and I would never shoot coke again....He let me survive and I only shoot small bumps of coke now....Ive shot suboxone into an artery and somehow escaped any lasting damage even though I felt like my arm was going to explode from pain for a couple hours. Most drug addicts(me included) that I know just lead all around scummy lives, we all work as con artists for a paycheck to our next fix...it sucks...im trying to get better, im shooting D's everyday waiting for a room in a sober house....i know im so retarded... "

Warnings and Advice


Quit while you are ahead. I know this won't make you change anything and if the drugs have you in their grips then it will most likely take you hitting rock bottom to consider quitting. "NEVER PICK UP THE NEEDLE...My habit of snorting oxy was easily concealed and manageable and the moment i picked up the needle it spiraled downhill FAST."
 

WinterMute_

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
1
Brief Background

I didn't start using drugs until I was 18, in university (very large party school). Started drinking/smoking weed every couple of weekends and loved it. The allure of being 18 and being able to go out with friends, get sh**face drunk, come back to our apartment after a night out, and blaze up our eighth for the night was impressive. This went, frankly, very great. I had no problem keeping my scholastic affairs in order, and found that being around the MJ was a great way to meet some of the more "interesting" and "creative" types of people that I wouldn't normally be around (I'm an engineer). Landed a 6-figure job out of university (the year before I graduated), and yeah, things were great.

Except somewhere in the mix of killing it at school and partying on my free weekends, someone gave me a cup of pod tea once.

Flash forward, moved back home, became single again, and went to work. This is where things went bad. I of my own volition, decided that I wanted to try the pod tea again. Knowing full well what it is, what it can do, and what I was to be in for. I developed a manageable habit for about 2 years, before I decided to quit on a whim. The thing about the pods is when I was taking them, they made me into a super-person. I mean like I'd wake up, have a pod, go to work, and easily do 20 hours of work in a 10 hour day. Not exaggerating, in the beginning, I remember giving estimates that I thought at the time would be impossible to live up to, but only later to surprise myself that I alone could do the work in half the time I thought it would take 2 people. My mind was sharp, and my body felt great. All the time. Quitting was unpleasant, but at the time, I was so committed to just being healthy (I quit tobacco, MJ, alcohol, and the pods cold turkey, simultaneously, and miraculously, had no withdrawal that I can remember).

Flash forward again, I'm introduced to Bitcoins. Without knowing exactly what I would use them for, but considering the potential for such a novel approach to currency in today's day and age of global connectivity, I buy 100 of them at $5 USD a pop. 2013 rolls around and my $500 investment is now worth $10,000 USD. I ask myself what to do with all of these Bitcoins, and find a certain "anonymous marketplace" online that uses BTC as currency. Intrigued, I STUPIDLY order some heroin, just to try. Then again, then again, then again, then another kind of H, then yet another kind of H. All in all, I've ordered H from 4 different sellers. Don't know who they are or where they're from. I quit again 14 days ago. Even though I was *only* using the H (who needs anything else when H is around), the withdrawals this time around are a hundred times worse than the PPT WD I experienced a few years ago.

...which is why I'm here.

Substance(s)

Used: MJ, Alcohol (consistently, but not habitually), LSD (twice, awesome)
Abused: Opiates (PPT, 1x oxycodone script, and heroin, described above)

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

Well, since I consider this most recent withdrawal to be my "first" real withdrawal, then my duration would be from the time I started using again earlier this year until now--about 4 months.

But, *realistically* I've abused opiates before with the PPT, so the most truthful answer would be ~3 years, since that first time I made the decision to get some poppy pods again, after that first try.

Adverse Effects

Never IV'd anything, and never overdosed. The negative effects of my habit were more subtle. They slowly affected my personality. I guess in the beginning, I didn't fixate on the opiates giving me a good feeling, I would take the opiates, and my mind would *think* like it normally does about the things in my life. But slowly, the things in my life took a back-seat to the opiates in my brain. It took a long time for me to realize how much of my personality was being masked, daily, by my use. In hindsight, my PPT use went the same way, except I didn't realize it at the time. So, after quitting the first time and getting healthy again (i.e. pre-university healthy, didn't work out much in uni), I didn't stop to think about the addiction at all. Didn't realize it was there, didn't acknowledge it's hold on me, even after using for ~2 years.

Just to be clear, I consider myself a functional addict if such a thing can exist. Never missed work because of my habit, or neglected work, or family that I love. Never got "too deep" either. Never hit rock bottom, and to this day, I believe that no one, even those who know me very well, suspects me to be addicted to drugs.

BUT--being a functional addict is NOT a good thing in any sense. It's a drain on my mind and my wallet. And it's a path to darkness, I can tell. The sober alternative is much better than addiction any day--it's not even a question.

Warnings and Advice

If you're just starting to try any kind of opiates, or any addictive substance, just stop now before it grabs you. If you're currently addicted to opiates, then you probably know you should stop now. In the past few months, I've had a few mild withdrawals, and most recently, a moderate withdrawal. IMO, stopping cold turkey after a moderately rapid taper is the best way to get your brain back on track. From what I've read, heard, and seen, doing Sub or Meth for tapering or maintaining is asking for trouble, and will turn 5 days of hellish sickness into months-years of slightly-less-hellish sickness. Plus, it seems to me that part of the recovery process is enduring the "tough love" of your brain getting back into balance, rather than feeding it more opiates.

NOTE: for the sake of harm reduction, one should consult a physician before rapid cessation of any opiates or benzos. Pre-existing medical conditions can potentially make such withdrawals fatal to the subject.

When I withdrew from the pods first time around, I guess I got lucky but I think my brain was so hellbent on just "health" in every form, that the WDs must have been pushed into my sub-conscious. But again, I assume that it was just good timing in my brain. This time around, I'm glad I did the CT, because I have no craving for any opiates, just thinking about how badly they will make me feel, and the thought of entering another addiction cycle repulses me.

Miscellaneous

I am not the most outgoing, social person. Never was. Which is part of the reason I began seeking drugs online anonymously. It's easy, relatively safe, and I had made a decent amount of "drug cash" basically for doing nothing. I still do have $1000s USD in bitcoins still. I find the idea behind the currency to be a work of genius, and I see it as yet another way our world is becoming more connected and global. I mean it's still young. It's not taxed, so naturally governments around the world do not want it to become "useful" in the real world. But the idea of instant* anonymous decentralized (P2P) digital cash intrigues me. Especially with QR codes and smartphones, I see it as a novel way for businesses to accept mobile payments.

*It's not really instant--it relies on confirmations by a number of peers in the P2P bitcoin network before it can be agreed that the transaction is legitimate (i.e. that the same funds were not sent to more than one recipient, called "double spending"). Confirmations ensure that funds sent to one recipient will not be confirmed if the same funds are sent to another recipient. But the unconfirmed transaction itself does occur instantly, so both sender and recipient know right away when the transaction is sent to the network.

Okay that was a bad tangent--but as a result, I'm still tempted to point-click-getHigh. It's difficult to cut ties with a source that can and will follow me around the world to get me my drugs, if I only sign on and order them. That's the biggest downside. Since I've found this online marketplace, I've been burdened by the fact that anywhere I go, the drugs are a few clicks away. It would be akin to 20 years ago, someone moving overseas, calling their guy from back home, and having their guy *immediately* hop on a plane so he can deliver.

I'm not trying to glorify it. If you're prone to addiction, don't go anywhere near any online marketplaces for drugs. It's too easy to fall into and it's that much harder to break away from. The simple act of being online (which I am every day for my job), is a trigger for me to reorder a supply. I wish I never heard of that marketplace, and I really wish I never made the dumbass decision to buy H on there.

I was lucky, though--many others, I'm sure, are not so much.
 

jimmyy

Greenlighter
Joined
May 12, 2013
Messages
12
Brief Background

I first started smoking weed and drinking when i was 13. we drank every weekend usually and smoked pot nearly everyday. when i was 14 i got into pills and cocaine on very rare occasions. when i was 15 i started doing pills more heavily and doing mushrooms and acid about once or twice a month. at 16 i was doing a mass amount of pills quite often and continued to smoke weed everyday. at 17 i quit smoking weed, due to PO, and began snorting heroin and smoking K2(spice, fake weed). from 17-21(current age) i smoked K2 and have been doing heroin(started IV use at eightteen). i have been to 4 rehabs and about to go to my 5th here in a few days.

Extended Background

NSFW:
Brief Background
Hey guys, im 17. I'm gonna explain what happened with me and drugs.

I was in 9th grade and got shipped off to military school, i met this nerdy ass senior, but we became friends almost instantly for some reason. & he was always smoking ciggs. I thought it looked bad ass and gave it a try a few times, and thought eh.. they taste like shit and don't care for them. but kept smoking them, and got addicted fast, now smoking a pack or two a day.

Then, after a few weeks, he told me about how he was a big dope dealer back home where he lived, and he pulled out a pen, and made a one hitter. He pulls out a bag of weed, and packs a little bowl. i took a hit, and got super high, automatically fell in love with weed. At the military school they were doing a lot of random drug tests, so he introduces me to "K2" "space" "spice" whatever you wanna call it. I LOVED IT. It would get me super high, and i felt like there was a strobe light going on inside my head, and i would laugh my ass off.

Anyways, i stopped doing that, and the day after i stopped i got these weird symptoms (which did wear off eventually) couldn't feel certain parts of my body, like what they were doing. for example i would pack a lip of chewing tobacco, and it was hard because i couldnt feel my lips or tongue touching it .. TMI but another example, i would fart, but couldnt feel it.. but somehow i knew i was farting. idk it was super weird so i stopped messing with synthetics.
( sorry for the long ass post guys but got a lot more to tell)

I then came across vivance. AND once again fell in love with it instantly. i loved everything about vivance, i would love talking to people, not sleep, send super long texts to my girl, and she loved it. Everything just felt great. (dont have ADHD.) they were 75mg i believe, and i was only popping them.
Then i got kicked out of military school for tobacco violations, weed, and adderol.

Then, i moved back to Texas. I quickly fell into the wrong crowd and started ditching school. I started smoking weed so much i didnt even get high anymore. Then Molly came around, and i loved her soooo much.

I was selling, and snorting .2g capsules. every other day. Then quickly became an every day thing.

The guy i was getting from got cut off. So i had to find a new molly connect. I found someone, and he said there was .7g molly in each capsule. i didnt know wtf that ment, i thought it was just a normal dose. So like a dumbass i opened up the capsule and took a few small bumps, didnt feel anything... and could barely taste the drip, so i took a few more bumps. Still didn't feel much, so i just took all the crystally looking powder out of the capsule and made some lines, and snorted all of it. Then i took my friends .7g capsule and snorted a few lines out of there too. So it was a bout a gram of molly i snorted. I sat on the couch, and pretty much blacked out. Everything just went black, and nobody seemed to notice, ( had a few friends over watching movies) I wake up, and realize that im grinding my teeth waay to hard, so i stop but it was very hard to control it. I walked into the kitchen while my other friend was taking some bumps. I was holding my self, rocking back and forth, and i kept saying how i thought i was rolling too hard... It was very scary.

And it almost instantly gave me anxiety. The next morning, i wake up and my friend picks me up to go workout, and before i get out of his car to the gym, we smoke a bowl of some dank bud. I started working out, and i thought my heart was beating too fast. first time i ever really noticed my heart beat tbh. So i go outside and im freaking out, shaking, and i felt that i wasnt breathing on my own, i had to force it or i wouldnt breathe it was so scary i panicked and called 911 on myself. and they straight up told me that i was having a panick attack, and they said my pupils were so big they knew i was on something, but i denied it and they let me go.
( SORRY THIS IS SO LONG.)
After that, i was paranoid about smoking weed, about doing any kind of drug. then and there i decided i was never doing molly , or X again.
I still smoked but then i had a horrible Synthetic weed trip.
This spice called "venom" super potent. I took one hit of a bowl. and completely tripped out. it didnt even feel like real life. I couldnt see anyone around me, i couldnt see where we were. I was just like dead. And this horrible feeling inside me like i was dying, and it hurt so bad, but i had no idea what was going on, and i thought it would go away but it just kept hitting me so hard, i cant even explain it right, it was the worst pain in the world idk what the fuck was happening to me.
I apparently got out of the car without saying anything, took a few steps, started having a seizure, then fell face first into the cement, and sliced my chin open pretty bad.
they took me home and we smoked some ciggs and we talked about how we would never tell anyone what happened. I was very scared, and it only worsened my anxiety. I was still coming down off the molly also, and was very depressed, suicidal thoughts, thinking i couldnt go on in life living like this, felt dissociated, detached, blurry vision, dizzy, i always put my hand up to my heart because i thought it was beating to fast, and had panick attacks. If i wouldn;t have found my therapist i honestly probably would have commited suicide. I was dependent on molly. i was doing it almost everyday with the exception of recovery days. And if i wasn't on it, i would be super depressed, i needed it. It was apart of me. And after that OD or bad trip or whatever it was.. with the molly, and synthetic weed experience.. ive been drinking a lot. but i wont smoke weed or do any other drugs. Now I'm scared i might be getting into a drinking problem, i need to wind it down a little..
Sorry it took so long, i wasn't really sure how to tell the story, because i never have.. Hope i could relate to someone, or help someone out ..
Substance(s)
Weed, Molly, MDMA, Adderal, vivance, xanax occasionaly, and now alcohol.
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
2012-beginning of 2013
Adverse Effects
I OD'd twice on the synthetic weed bullsh. And im pretty sure i OD'd on molly.
It effected the way my family and friends think about me, everyone thinks im some kind of druggie now. Dropped out of highschool. going back next year hopefully. ( Im 17)
Got Anxiety, and i never had it before drugs, and it really sucks. The worst thing i've ever went through.
Warnings and Advice
If you are going to start fucking with drugs, make sure you know how much you're taking, and start off with tester doses, and STAY AWAY FROM SYNTHETIC WEED, IT KILLS.
due to size.

Substance(s)

I have done weed, alcohol, K2, pills(benzos, opiates, barbituates, muscle relaxors, anti-depressants, ADD/ADHD meds, i believe thats all) cocaine, crack, meth, ecstacy, heroin, acid, and mushrooms. i believe thats all. also ever thing that could break down in water i used IV.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

I have been mentally addicted to drugs for almost 9 years. i have been addicted physically to heroin(opiates) for almost 5 years.

Adverse Effects

I overdosed about two months ago. I was flat linned and thank God a good friend was with me to call 911 or i wouldn't be writing this. I also think i have contracted Hep C. i am not sure but i have shared recently with people who have it.

Warnings and Advice

If you haven't started hard drugs(heroin, coke, crack, meth) DO NOT!! they may seem like fun to try, and you may say just once and thats all. I said the same thing. it was, ill never do meth, heroin, or crack! then it was, ill just try heroin once. then, well im a heroin addict but at least i dont do meth and crack. and now im addicted to heroin and i LOVE meth and crack/coke. so dont even test your selfwill and stay away from ever trying it.

Miscellaneous

i became homeless as well due to my use. i owe over 2 grand in credit card debt due to schemes i used to get money. i was arrested 3 times, twice for possesion and paraphanalia, and once for pan handling. i have caused my dad so much stress he has had multiple strokes. i have a son who hasnt seen his dad in almost two years. there are some things i cant post because i'd be incriminating myself, but just dont do heroin guys
 
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Non Nobis Solum

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 5, 2011
Messages
638
Location
Maryland
I've been experimenting with chemicals since I was 14. I don't smoke cigarettes but I smoke natural cannabis. I joined the U.S Army right out of high school; selected Special Operations, Psychological Operations Specialist. I trained at Benning and Bragg my entire military career. I taught foreign allies learn to counter-insurgencies abroad in their home land. I am not confident that they will use that knowledge for defense but that was my job. I spoke to Alibaba and I shot him if I had to. I served 3 years. I fucked my left shoulder up really bad in hand to hand combat in the Army, dislocated and snapped my shoulder back in place at the same time. My left shoulder is still jacked up when irritated, but I've become accustomed to be thoughtful and gentle with my movements. Needless to say I got into painkillers, not only because of pain but because my mother had about every disease but cancer and had a plethora of painkillers that I eventually realized. My mother died when I was 10 or 11. Regardless I was never addicted to opioids until my old doctor started writing me percocet 10mg, than eventually 30mg roxicodones within 4 months. I was addicted, when my doctor sent me to pain management where I refused to piss,*STUPID but I had been doing coca.* he cut our relations off. I turned to street opioids and opiates, heroin for a year before I finally found a friend who gave me suboxone for free. I am still dosing small amounts of buprenorphine and I hope to stop entirely sometime soon.

I am RX 135 mg of D-D/L-Amphetamine a day. 45 mg D-amp in ER and 90 mg of IR racemic dl-amp aka adderall. I am rx 8 mg of klonopin a day I think, but I never take that much unless I decided to dose heavy and be up for a day at least. In fact I am typing this on no rest. I also get lyrica, neurontin, painkillers when I need them, vistaril. I don't ever come close to taking the RX dose but once every other week. I don't go more than 3 days on AMP's.

I am a chemist and organic chemistry enthusiast. I am very into everything science because when the wall comes down chemistry is science. I am sure you are able to tell I am a well educated, articulate man. I know the rules and I often politely encourage/enforce them until you usually close them.

I have actually been on bluelight well over the date it says I joined, I believe I have/had another account named NonNobisSolum that probably went back from 07-08. In latin it means, "Not for ourselves alone." It was the alma mater at a military school I attended when I was 16.

I basically love chemistry, sports, women, music, dancing, and expanding my knowledge.

If you have any questions about practically anything I shall give you an honest, accurate answer. I have saved a life from OD to have him OD after I left the state, I am all about harm reduction.. Drugs are fun but not worth dying for.
 

bennyZA

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2009
Messages
1,506
Location
A little cutty cove in the Northern Pacific.
"Brief" Background

I first started using drugs when I was really young, way younger than anyone should be when they first start with drugs. I had just turned 11 when an older kid at my school asked me if I wanted to try weed. I had just seen Half Baked, so when he said something about weed the first thing I could think of was this really cool movie that I thought was hella funny. I smoked, I guess, it was mostly just me trying to inhale smoke and cough my lung out at the same time. Idk if I got high, I just fell asleep. So when I had another opportunity to smoke, I jumped on it, thinking I knew what was up. I got really, really, really stoned the second time which began my love-affair with intoxication, in all its forms. My entire HS experience was working to make money to spend on weed, while going to school just enough to keep my grades up. The day I truly knew I LOVED drugs was the day I had my appendix out. I waited so long and I was in so much pain they just started pumping me full of IV morphine in the hospital. At this point I wasn't hooked, but I was in love.

Fast forward to first week of college. I had just arrived to one of the most epic hippy/druggy/stoner/party schools in the US, and was about to begin my journey to the abyss that is my life today. I still smoked weed, but I also started drinking, a lot. Then the drugs started. First it was E, then it was acid, then it was coke, then it was, well... everything. At first I thought I would set up some ground rules, i.e. no getting high before class, no coke, only drugs from plants. Each rule I made, and each rule I broke. Lots of them. In under 4 years I had managed to try every mainstream drug known to man. Enough was never enough. Then from the age of 21 and on, I started selling a lot of weed, and my main customer was a mafia-connected coke dealer... let's just say that my drug use got real intense real quick. All of a sudden *I* was connected. My phone was blowing up every 10 minutes, I was THE man to talk to about weed in this college town. People knew who I was. My friends and I were known. I never paid for drinks or drugs, and I got laid all the time. Sounds fucking awesome? Well, it was. For the little while that it lasted at least.

Then the worst thing I could have ever wished upon someone happened to me. It turns out I have a genetic neurological disorder that decided to kick in about this time. I started having seizures, not from the drugs, but just from my fucked up brain. I pretended everything was okay, but it really wasn't. Instead of chillin and smoking weed during the day and partying at night every other day, it became drink all day, do coke all night. Sleep at 9am, repeat. Even my party buddies from the beginning of college couldn't hang with my crazy new lifestyle. I went from being the weed man, to the drug man. Everyone knew I was fucked up 24/7, so if anyone needed any drugs they would come to me. I made a ton of money, but I also dipped into my product a little too much. Soon, I started having more seizures. I became afraid to go out. I had a script for 6mg of klonopin a day, and I would just numb myself with that before doing coke, by myself, in my room. At this point I was also drinking, at the very least, a 1/5th of whiskey a day. Usually more.

Then finally I met a wonderful girl. She partied at my house and she could just see that I was miserable. That I was so alone despite being around so many people. She took care of me and made me happy for the first time in years. How did I repay her kindness? By ruining her life. After chillin out for awhile, she kinda realized I was bored, socially. She started encouraging me to hangout with my old friends again, worst idea ever. I started right where I had left off. Like nothing happened. This time I got VERY self destructive too. I just wanted to do more, and more and more of anything and everything, coke, ketamine, e, LSD, coke, alcohol, coke. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars a night. In one summer I remember making at least 50k selling drugs and a couple months later I had NOTHING left. That's what happens when you do 5,6,7g's of coke a night, every night. The opiates hadn't even started yet...

This is when things got even worse. One day I decided to take a trip back home. On our last night there I got drunker than usually. I climbed up a tree with a bottle in my hand, and I had a seizure. Or so I was told. I woke up in the hospital 7 days later. I had broken both shoulders, torn ligaments and tendons in both, and I shattered my knee into little pieces. I left the hospital with a prescription of 3xOC 80mg. Within a few weeks 240mg of OC wasn't enough even though I was essentially opiate naive before the accident, 6 weeks before. No shit, that's how fast that shit happens. Enough was never enough. I started blowing 300-400mg's of oxy a night. I remember the first time I did 400mg of oxy in one day, I started crying and crying and crying and all I did was do more to try and make the tears go away. I remember blowing OC after OC and passing out, waking up, gasping for air,slumped against a wall, covered in drool, and doing more OC to try and make myself calm down. I got that horrible opiate meanness, and I told every one I knew to fuck off including my amazing gf at the time. One of the most ashamed things I ever did is tell my gf that I didn't need her anymore. I just ignored her. I stopped picking up her calls or texts, and eventually I told her to go fuck herself and leave me alone. Only after a year did my oxy script get slowly lowered. Funny thing is oxy was actually rather easy for me to come off of. For some strange reason, and no one ever believes me, I don't suffer from withdrawals to opiates (although you have to remember I have a rare neurological disorder, so my brain's different than yours). So when I started getting less and less prescribed, I was okay. That being said, I still wanted to get high. I didn't know anyone in my hometown anymore so all I could do was collect my small script of opiates, take my kpins, and drink like a fish... all by myself. Then I started getting into RC's you could buy online. I'm so ashamed to say that I would order so much, have so much RC's, then forget what random white powder was what and would try it anyways. Then I found out how to buy all the drugs I could imagine online. I substituted heroin and opium when I couldn't get OC. I was as fucked up as possible, all the time. At the very, very least I would get drunk every night and always ate more kpins than I needed to (8-10mg). At the end of every month I would withdraw off kpins and I had more seizures (benzo withdrawal is hell, btw). At this point my drinking was so bad that I would get DT's if I didn't drink. If I had no money, I would steal alcohol. I got arrested, got kicked out of my own place, was robbed at gun point in my own apartment, got robbed from people I thought were friends, got in many fights, the works. Then one night, I did a little too much of everything. By a little too much I mean 15mg of klonopin, 250mg of oxy, 1/5th of rye whiskey and 2 pitchers of beer.

I just remember thinking right before I shut my eyes, that this was the nicest and best sleep I had ever felt. If it wasn't for the fact that a few of my oldest buddies were over, it would have been my last. 10 days later, I woke up in the ICU, with a doctor pulling a tube out of my throat. I was essentially dead when I got the Narcan. My kidney's had shut down for awhile, I got severe pneumonia, my heart was fucked up, and my brain lost too much O2 for a little bit. My parents and my HS friends came to visit and all of them just looked at me like WTF happened to this kid? Instead of this smart, outgoing, kind, and funny kid that they remember, there is this disheveled, sickly old man. A homeless, drug addicted, old man. All the surgeries I had were undone. Docs found out about all the shit I took that night from my very last friend, and they figured no one would ever take this amount of stuff for fun. They thought I tried to commit suicide so I had to go to a mental hospital. Now I have the body of a 70 year old man. I can barely walk, and I can't really work. I'm 26 years old, and I have no friends, no lover, no money. I lived with both my parents, but my whole drug problem destroyed their marriage so I just live with my mom, who thinks I'm fucking pathetic. Who knows what kinda damage I did to my already damaged brain, but I don't feel like I used to. I've even heard my friends have told people that I'm not the same. Honestly, death is better than this life. If it wasn't for my family I would have killed myself a long time ago.

So now I'm one of the poster boys for those anti-drug ads. I'm not saying that if you love drugs you'll end up like me, but it is a distinct possibility.

What I am really trying to say is that with incredible highs comes incredible lows.


What substances were/are you abusing.

Everything, but the drugs that were my downfall were Klonopin, alcohol, cocaine, and opiates.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence
I was a stoner/party kid since I was 15, shit started getting out of control at 20, by 22 I was a full on alcoholic, had a cocaine problems, and was a poly-drug user. By 23 I traded cocaine for opiates. I'm 26 now.

How did drugs negatively impact your life. Feel free to discuss IV complications and/or overdoses.
I Lost my family, lost the greatest girl ever. Ruined friendships. Ruined other's lives. Lost all my money. I now have the body of a 70yo man. The injuries sustained while being fucked up have made me this way. I can barely use my right arm and my left knee barely works. I'm in constant pain from the injuries sustained while fucked up. Since doctors know I love opiates, they wont give me what I really need despite the fact that I'm in more pain than I ever was. One of the worst things is the label that comes with being an addict. People look at you different, they talk behind your back as if you don't know what they're saying. They treat you different. There aint no coming back from that. Once people think you are an addict, they don't change their opinion. That's why it is so hard to get clean. What's the point? You're already labelled for the rest of your life. Oh, and I got old... not in years, but in appearance. When you see Charlie Sheen on TV and say to yourself "Damn that guy looks bad for his age" Well, now I look into the mirror and I think the same thing about myself.

Warnings and Advice

IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU
. I'm not trying to say drugs are going to ruin your life, I'm just saying that they can. I never planned on this lifestyle. It is not glamorous, it is not fun. It is painful, and it is LONELY. I have to deal with these consequence, I made the wrong choices and I write this as a warning to others. If you start seeing ANY self destructive behavior you should probably stop using. Responsible use / chipping might be possible for very, very few, but just assume it isn't. If you think that you are being responsible, you probably aren't. It is a really slippery slope, there is NO end to the downward decline and once you get low enough, there's no going back.
 
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dopemegently

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 22, 2013
Messages
1,861
Location
More Substance Than Semblance
I started young at 14. I'd take my mums dihydrocodeine pills to treat migraines. When I found out they made me feel great as well as stop the pain, I needed them; took them every day.i soon learnt about tolerance-I went from 60mgs to 1000 mgs daily, I remember learning to fear withdrawal, and also remember desperately chasing the pills down from street junkies. It wasn't long before I experimented with morphine and heroin, and it wasn't long before I discovered the needle.

During my teens I experimented widely with stimulants, hallucinogens, uppers, downers, all arounders - anything I could procure really. Funnily enough, I don't regret my recreational use; for me, my downfall was OPITATES. I felt I couldn't survive without them, and getting sick was panic for me.
The needle was an obsession for me; years down the line all my veins are now butchered. I hit nerves, arteries, , my feet, my wrists. I got onto suboxone eventually, I've been on it for 8 years. I don't regret doing it, but I'm still dependent on a drug.

I hate being an addict; it changes your personality forever, and never for the better. I've stolen from relatives and friends and I've lied to everybody I know. Drugs are not cool. They do not make you a better person. Everything the drug gives, the drug takes away.
 
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brutus

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 30, 2006
Messages
8,633
Location
In the Sky With Diamonds
Yall, stick to the rules that are outlined in the first and second post. Anything that doesn't follow that format, from this point forward, will be removed. If any of yall have trouble formatting a post then feel free to PM me. All you have to do is click quote on the 2nd post and fill in your story. I don't want this to discourage anyone from posting his/her story though. If you have posted your story, please go back and put it in the correct format.

Off topic posts have been UA'd. This is a thread to have a collection of organized anecdotes of addiction. Don't reply to other people's posts or your posts will be UA'd as well.

Carry on, I hope this helps to save even one life from going through the hell of addiction.

-Seconded, by tricomb
 
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ThePostman

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 7, 2013
Messages
1
Location
Ohio
Brief Background: I had an ATV accident while in a race in the year 2006 at the age of 30. I came up short on a huge jump (no idea how large, maybe 65 feet because it was a triple). I had my right shoulder suffer a stage four AC separation. I had a pin put in the shoulder to hold it to my collar bone. Ever since this accident, I have been in chronic pain 24/7 365 days. I was prescribed Vicodin 5 - 500 [5 mg Hydrocodone 500 mg Acetaminophen] for about a month, and then it was increased to Vicoprofen 7.5 - 200 [7.5 mg Hydrocodone 200 mg Ibuprofen] for another 4 months. The doctor cut me off at that point and dismissed me from his practice. At this point I had the pain issue to take care of so around the year 2007 I began buying 2 mg Hydromorphone [Dilaudid] throughout the years of 2007 until around May of 2008. Other meds that were used during this time was Percocet 5-325 or 500 [5 mg Oxycodone 325 or 500 mg Acetaminophen]. Early in the year of 2009, I was introduced to the 30 mg Oxycodone IR's without Acetaminophen I was injured at work and then Occupational Health doctor prescribed me Opana 5 mg Instant Release. This went on for 3 months before I could no longer see him, but he prescribed 20 the first two weeks, and then prescribed 60 the next month. I ended up with 90 of them prescribed the next month. After I was unable to see him anymore, I had an accident at my home as I feel down my stairs carrying a heavy object. I damaged the pin in my shoulder so I had to have another surgery on my shoulder in September 2011. I had been off of pain pills for quite a while but they gave me a bottle of 40 Percocet 5-325's and my dependency began again. Let me state that I was taking other medications from 2003-2012 includng: Alprazolam [Xanax], Lorazepam [Ativan], Diazepam [Valium], MS Contin [Morphine IR and ER], Fentanyl 25,50,100 mcg per hour, and Adderall XR 30mg / IR 10mg. Other drugs used between 2003-2013 - Cocaine in years 2008, 2011, 2012, 2013 (Once or twice each year) Mushrooms in years 2006-2008 (Used in total 4 times) Black Tar Heroin - smoked - Summer of 2012 - Summer of 2013. Had PCP in 2006 once, MDMA in 2010 once, DMT in 2009 once, MDPV in 2010 (binged on it for 3 weeks) once.

I have smoked Cannabis since 1991.


Substance(s) Pharmaceuticals:

Opiates: Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Hydromorphone, Oxymorphone, Fentanyl, Methadone, Suboxone

Benzo's: Alprazolam, Diazepam, Lorazepam, Clonazepam

Amphetamine: Mixed Amphetamine Salts (Adderall), Dextromethamphetamine (Methamphetamine tablets)

Street Drugs: Black Tar Heroin, China White Heroin, Cocaine, Cannabis, GHB, PCP, LSD, Mushrooms, DMT, and Mescaline.


Duration of Addiction/Dependence: Began when I was 30, I became dependent on painkillers in 2007 to 2013 (Currently clean although on low dose Methadone). I used other drugs sporadically and have never had an addiction to anything else, except a possible mental addiction to Cannabis lasting since 1991.



Adverse Effects - It has cost me over $75,000 over the 7 years of being a addict. It has cost me medical bills though restoring my nose from snorting painkillers for 5 years. Smoking of the black tar Heroin has caused me breathing problems at times. Also, I get severe withdrawal from the black tar Heroin. It cost me so much, and that's why I decided to get help and I am in the process of beginning a Methadone program as Suboxone just doesn't keep the withdrawals down enough for my to focus on recover.


Warnings and Advice: Stay away from any opiate or opioid. If possible, stay away from Benzo's too.

Thanks everyone!
 
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