• 💊 OTHER DRUGS 💊 Welcome Guest

    Forum Guidelines Bluelight Rules

HR ⫸Personal Accounts of Addiction: What's YOUR Story?⫷

Newbie25

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 22, 2017
Messages
104
Location
California
When I was in high school I used to sneak sips of my dads alcohol and at the time it was a strawberry flavored one then when I was in like 11th or 12th grade a friend brought some alcohol in a peroxide bottle and it had a mix of rum vodka and something else and I only had two sips of that and I felt warm inside I have never smoked anything until a year ago and the first time I tried pot was with my 16 year old cousin and I felt like I wasn?t in my body and I couldn?t tell if I was breathing or if my heart was beating since that day I have never smoked pot again but I still do the meth when I have money and if I have something to light it with even tho I was born addicted to drugs and alcohol I have never had that feeling of being addicted to anything but coffee
 

lindsgoldilocks

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 16, 2018
Messages
16
Had to be on pain pills for years for nerve pain. Iused as prescribed until my daughter died of cancer. Now I use whatever. Last night I took 40mg of clonazepam, about 12 flexeril, 280mg cymbalta, half a bottle of vistaril, and drank three 6. beers. :( I woke up again, no headache. next time will have poppy seed tea.
 

Chickenman3.5

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 22, 2018
Messages
6
Brief Background

Well i started smoking cigarettes when i was 11 then pot when i was 12 my parents have been doing drugs my wholelife meth and pain pills mostly i started doing pills when i was 14 but all the way up till i was 15 i only smoked weed and did pills when i was 15 me and buddy were walking just chilling out of no were he told he did meth i started to say bro that some bad shit he was like no bru it feels good at this time i didnt really kno to much about addiction i asked him if got addiccted lol he was like nah i havent done it in 2 weeks so my dad sells so we go to my house i steal about .5 we smoked it off foil i told my self i could handle it.if im not in jail im doing dope if i have a drug test for probation im still doing dope

Substance(s)meth weed pills molly lsd

What substances were/are you abusing.
Meth
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
Every day and still going
How long were you addicted or dependent on the drugs that you were consuming?still am

Adverse Effects
Ive ruiend my life
How did drugs negatively impact your life. Feel free to discuss IV complications and/or overdoses.
2 od,s blown veins lost good friends and faimly
Warnings and Advice

Do you have any advice or warnings that you would like to share to those suffering from addiction or are playing with fire?
You think you can handle it and when you relize you cant its to late
Miscellaneous
 

twentyeight

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2017
Messages
10
Brief Background

Tell us a little bit about yourself and what led to you using drugs.

A combination of genetics and environment. Many drug addicts on both sides of my family.

Substance(s)

What substances were/are you abusing.

At first, weed. It will always be my number one choice. I used plenty of other recreational substances in my youth but I'm late 30s now and its weed, pain killers, valium among others. All for medicinal purposes. No, really!

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

Over 20 years.

How long were you addicted or dependent on the drugs that you were consuming?

It depends. Pain killers and ambien for life. Dependent from life long insomnia. Car accident for the pain killers. Weed just coz i enjoy it.

Adverse Effects

How did drugs negatively impact your life. Feel free to discuss IV complications and/or overdoses.

Moods. Every side effect listed- i get. I'm kind of a psycho sometimes. Plus money and bad decisions while on these things.


Warnings and Advice

Do you have any advice or warnings that you would like to share to those suffering from addiction or are playing with fire?

Yeah. The more you take them, the more you need to up the dose until you're needing 4 times what you used to.

Miscellaneous

Discuss anything that wasn't addressed above.

I fear when I'm an old lady, strong drugs wont help pain anymore because id be immune.
 

Phoenix1978

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 8, 2018
Messages
3
Brief background: my father was a coke addict. he has been clean for 20+ yrs. Alcoholism runs on my mom's side. I started smoking cigarettes around 11. Drinking when i went to college. weed on and off since high school. was scared to go any further until i got in my 30s.
Substances: Opiates, Weed, Benzos, Coke (once in a while), alcohol
Duration of Addiction: about 10 yrs
The opiates started due to spine surgery. At first, i took them as prescribed, but as we all know that doesn't last long. i went from 3 a day to 10 a day. STILL. i can withdrawal long as i have weed. if i don't ugh i wouldn't wish that shit on anyone.
I'm still a functional drug addict. I am not even sure how. I know i can't go without one of the above. Hell, i can have them all at one time. The part of my brain that is addicted to them will tell me i need them to survive, and I LIKE TO GET HIGH. I like the feeling, the rush, the cloud your on even if its a few mins.
Adverse Effects
money. ive lost a lot of money. Ive thrown up a few times.
Warnings and advice: never go down this road. stay away! find something else to do with your time, find another way to heal.
 

Twentypointfive

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
47
Location
Pgh, PA
Hello everyone. I am 31 years old from pgh, pennsylvania. I am currently clean of illicit drugs. I enjoy drugs. For the most part, I find them as a usefull tool for creativity, energy, and overall mood uplifting. I am a construction worker and drugs/drug use is very common. My main addiction was adderal however, I would say I was slightly addicted to many drugs.

So, back in 2013 I was 26 living with a room mate and partying on the weekends. I was mainly just drinkin on the weekends with the occasional 8-ball when I had a couple extra bucks. I thoughly enjoyed coke and prefered uppers to downers however I like downers as well. One day I deceided to see if I could get my hands on Adderall. I was prescribed it when I was young for a brief period and didnt really care for it but I figured Id give it another shot. I called up a nearby Psycologist add booked an apointment to talk to a therapist. I sat through a couple sessions and told her about the issues I was having. I truely believe I had ADHD so I asked her about getting on it. She set me up with an apointment with the Psycologist. A couple weeks later I was diagnosed by the Dr with ADHD and was prescribed good ole adderall 10mg tabs (Woohoo!) I was pumped. I went straight to the pharmacy and grabed those damn pills. As soon as I got to my car I popped one of those bad boys. I got home and about 30 mins later... Whoa... They kicked it. It was intense. I had energy, I was alert and I felt like i could do anything. I just remember thinking, "This stuff is the key Ive always needed to unlock my potential". I wake up next morning and pop my pill before work . I work better than I ever have in my life. I am an apprentice at the time so Im still learning the trade. I wasnt tired, I wanted to work, I was thinking ahead, and absorbing the information that these guys were showing me. Now mind you im pretty impulsive person, and Im not good witg self control. Flash forward a couple days, Im poppin these suckers left and right... I couldnt get enough of them. Long story short, I went through my bottle pretty fast. As a result, I had a couple sleepless nights and I quickly learned what it was like to withdrawl from adderal. I was useless for a day or so after they were gone. Luckily it fell on a weekend. I was a little depressed and very tired. I mostly slept bit after that I was back to normal. I couldnt wait for my next prescription refill lol. Flash forward about 6 months, Ive talked my way up to a script of 60 - adderall 30s. Im abusing the hell out of em. Im isolating myself from everyone and Ive developed a pretty bad porn habbit as well (adderall makes you pretty horny). There would be times Id go 2-3 days without sleep. I was a zombie at work. At home, I would sit in front of the computer for up to 12 hrs watching porn, mindlessly, and I wouldnt even crank one out. I was just obsessed with watching it. When my high wore off I was ashamed and confused. I basically was two different people. Hard working, porn obsessed me, and boring ole sober me. I convinced myself that the benefits at work outweighed my weird side affects. At my job, they were getting about 2 weeks of super me followed by 2 weeks of shitty to average me. About 1 1/2 years in Im starting to hate what I've got myself into. Ive learned to controll my porn urges for the most part (slipping up now and again) but I still was eating these things up like candy. I started selling some to friends to curb my addiction. Trust me, I always regreted it when I got down to my last cpl pills. Every month when I ran out Id tell myself I need to stop but I could help myself. Id cave and refill my script. In 2015, I was getting anxiety (later to find out it was from not sleeping well from weight gain) and a buddy of mine had suboxone. I called my Dr asking him for something to curb my anxiety but he didnt like the idea of using a drug to combat another drug. He just suggest I stop the adderall and I wast having that. So I started trading my adderall and buying suboxone because subs would calm me down... while I was taking adderall to speed me up lol. Needless to say, I eventually got hooked on those too. I developed a tolerance to them and the anxiety was comming back. The suboxone was getting expensive at 10 bucks a pop. So I eventually ended up at a treatment center and got on suboxone legitamately. As a result, the treatment center put a stop to my adderall prescriptions well because its adderall and Im at a rehab center. Since that day I havent had adderall. Then for new year resolution in 2016 i kicked the subs. Today I pretty much just drink, n smoke a lil weed here and there. Oh, also I enjoy a little kratom now and again. I find kratom to be a great balance for me. It has the stimulating/focus effects of adderal (without the obsessive porn side effects!) and ever so slight euphoric effects of opiats.

I hope you enjoyed my story. Im leaving out a lot of details but I felt it the story was long enough.
 

Chris42393

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 3, 2016
Messages
1,090
Brief Background

Hello, my name is Chris. I started "using" after i was medically discharged from the military. Since i was 8 years old, i wanted to join the military (wanted to be a SEAL). I remember on 9/11 watching the planes hit the twin towers and decided i wanted to help protect my country. Growing up i tried being a "good boy", trying to stay out of trouble and what not..staying away from drugs. After training for 4 years with a former SEAL in high school, i joined the Navy. I took the PST for the SEALs and i was on my way to starting my dream. 5 months in, i started having seizures...and eventually got the "boot" from the military. After the military, i started to take college classes and eventually my roommates in my dorm asked me if i smoked weed. I said no, but decided to try it. I was completely depressed (extremely bad) and didnt give a fuck at this point of trying to be a "good boy". Over the past several months, i tried several different drugs..and eventually i found my "niche". Opiates. They are heaven on earth. Till this day (7 years later), im still depressed about not being in the military and i find it that these drugs help me cope and get by (alleviating my depression). Every job will just be a "far second" from what i really wanted to do.

Substance(s)

Opiates... I have been using Hydrocodone 10/325 (40-50mg), IV Morphine 10-15mg, Kratom 7-8g and will be trying Heroin sometime soon.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

Ive been "addicted" for about 7 years now, using on and off. But for the past 2.5 years, ive been using constantly.

Adverse Effects

It really hasn't affected my life in anyway (yet), but im having to live a double life. Ive been hiding my addiction for 7 years now, and everyone thinks im fine.

Warnings and Advice

Be careful with opiates...They are the most addictive drug i have ever tried. Once you're addicted, its extremely hard to get off.
 

Animegirl25

Greenlighter
Joined
May 6, 2018
Messages
1
Location
California
Hello again it’s newbie25 I had to set up a new account because I forgot my password and had got a new phone my story is the same but I still use sometimes
 

flyflyers

Greenlighter
Joined
May 8, 2018
Messages
1
Brief Background

I am 25 y/o. had a decent life growing up. had great parents but could speak english that well so i got away with a lot of stuff growing up. i had some really good neighbors that helped me out with a lot of stuff and was taught a lot of things from them. most of them were atleast 5 years older then me at the time. at some point so i tried my first cigarette at like 10 didnt do much after that. 2 years later i tried my first blunt. from then on i didnt do anything til i moved and went to a new high school. i started drinking ALOT freshman and sophmore year started hanging out with these older guys and did a lot of stupid things, then i started really smoking weed like there was no tomorrow. had atleast an ounce on me at all times, theres a lot more bad things that happened to me during high school just dont feel like reminiscing the stupid days of high school.for the next two years. graduated high school then started hanging out with a different group of friends that were doing perc 30s. i wasnt into that so i would just smoke weed or drink. started dating this guy 10 years older then me was sober at the time we were dating. then his ex girlfriend came into the picture he started doing percs again got into a huge fight broke up. still cared for the guy so he would call me crying for money or to go pick him up some drugs. so i had all the connects and didnt even do any drugs at the time. completely cut him off when i found out he was doing heroin. so i went back to hanging out with the friends that were doing 30s got into doing them myself. started off doing few days out of the week. then it became everyday thing, started getting to expensive, so i had a friend that could get dope, started hitting him up and hung out with him. started doing dope everyday in secret nobody knew but him and the three friends i started doing it with. started dating my best friends brother, who had no idea that i was doing dope with his brother. my bf did the occasional drugs but nothing crazy just some coke, xanax, and acid, pretty much tried whatever we couold get our hands on but we would always stray from heroin. i guess cause i was always afraid if he found out. i ended up getting really sick and lost my mind, so he called my mom and she took me home and kept me prisioner for a little bit, but didnt last long. i ended up leaving home and moving in with my best friend and boyfriend. best of both worlds. but then my boyfriend decided to try dope with me. biggest regret of my life. i shouldve fought him on it til the end but his he's on person i cant stop it. even if he didnt do it with me he was doing it with his brother. then one night we had a little party and my boyfriend ended up doing a lot of xanax and i only gave him two bags but didnt know his brother also gave him a few bags. woke up the next morning to my boyfriend not breathing. ive never told anyone this never talked to anyone about it. ever since then instead of stopping all ive been doing is dope to help me forget for the little time. i always wish it was me and not him. its been almost 3 years now, and i feel like it was just yesterday. its all my fault. he died because of me. me and my best friend blame ourselves. but its not his fault. its my fault. i wish he would just blame me. and tell it to me. i know inside he feels its my fault but blames himself that its his fault because i got into dope because of him so its a whole chain reaction. which is not true. were are our own worst enemy. i need help, i know i do. ive been ruining my life ever since. and nobody has a clue. but i dont have any freinds that care at this point. i lost everyone around me when i lost him. its been three fucking years. ive kept it all in and now im telling it to a forum. i never really knew what love was until i met him. he opened my eyes to seeing things differently. waking up to him dead right next to me. i wake up still in the middle of the night replaying the whole thing in my head. i miss him so much. i know this is long and nobody will probably read it cause im a horrible story teller. so this probably doesnt even make a whole lot of sense to everyone. but i just needed to vent it out. my boyfriends brother ended up moving to vt. i miss him so much too. i just wish he would tell me how he really feels.

Substance(s)

heroin. but ive tried pretty much any drug that the streets were selling. coke, e, molly, shrooms, acid, crack.

Duration of Addiction/Dependence
8 years. and still going.

Adverse Effects

ive never oded, thank goodness, knock on wood. theres times were i wish i would. but losing someone you love from it, is the worst thing ever.
Warnings and Advice

dont be stupid and do drugs. well do drugs but dont get addicted. ha
 
Last edited:

dwagner0402

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 10, 2017
Messages
10
Location
The Ether
My Seven Year Escapade With Opioids

In December of 2006 I was doing some shopping with a few friends for an upcoming New Years Eve party. It was on my way home that evening that I was the victim of a terrible traffic accident that resulted in breaking my left femur.
It was cold outside, but the weather was not bad for December. I remember clearly that there was no snow on the ground yet. I was headed East at around 55 miles an hour when another driver heading the opposite direction lost control and crossed the center line. It all happened incredibly fast, and before I could even think about reacting I slammed into the other vehicle.. I was wearing my seat belt but my vehicle hit the other car with such an impact that I was thrown into the steering wheel of my car, breaking my left femur about six inches above the knee. (Photo Below)

My broken left femur.
I am very lucky to even be alive and telling you my story. The accident could have been much worse. If I were not wearing my seat belt I am positive that I would have been thrown through the front windshield. What followed was a major surgery to insert a titanium rod down into my left femur to stabilize the bone and allow it to heal. I was able to go home two days after the surgery, but it took months and months to get back to the point where I could get around well enough to take care of myself.

This is the hardware I had inside of my femur to stabilize it.

Throughout the recovery period after my initial surgery I was on prescription pain medication. I started on Vicodin 750 milligrams three times a day. I took them as needed. I did not abuse them in any way. I was aware of that Vicodin was a narcotic and carried the possibility of abuse with it. After my prescription for Vicodin ran out I was then put on Ultram, and after that Darvocet, and then back to the Vicodin. The reasoning from my orthopedic specialist?s point of view was that this rotation of pain meds would help to lower the abuse potential that these drugs carried. I had absolutely zero issues with abuse or dependence during this period. So the strategy of rotating these drugs seemed to work.

About a year and a half later I began to notice SEVERE pain while bending over in a certain manner. I mean, like excruciating pain, like I had not felt since I was first put in traction on the side of the road when the accident happened. One of the pins that held the titanium rod in place would catch on a tendon or something in my left hip, and when this would happen it caused immense pain until I moved my leg around in just the right way to free the stuck tendon. The solution to this issue was another surgery to remove the titanium rod and pins holding it in place. My femur was fully healed by this time and the titanium rod was really no longer necessary. This surgery took a fraction of the time to do compared with the previous surgery to put the rod in. The recovery period was also shorter for this surgery, about two and a half months.
After the second surgery and several months of physical therapy, I began to notice other painful issues with my left leg and hip as well as my lower back on the left side. If I stood in one position too long, sat in the same position too long, or if I were to go on too long of a walk, I would get a burning type of pain in my left hip combined with a numbness and tingling that traveled down my left leg into my knee. The second thing was that along with the numb, burning pain in my left hip and leg I would also have some pretty terrible left lower back pain, radiating up into my back from my left hip and buttocks.

The Drugs

Both of these issues were quite troublesome to me so I began ongoing treatment with my family doctor, who almost instantly put me on Norco 7.5 milligrams, (an opioid narcotic), three to four times a day, or as needed. Again, I knew that these types of drugs carried the potential for addiction, but to be honest with you, I really did not understand addiction, drug tolerance, or that some addictions carried a physical withdrawal period associated with long-term use. My doctor failed to explain the perils of addiction to me completely. And yes, I failed to research them on my own at this time. These types of drugs did not honestly take the pain away, but they made the pain seem easier to tolerate. Little did I know that I was heading down a slippery slope, ever closer to physical dependence and psychological addiction.

After many x-rays and MRI scans, along with a few other tests, it was clear to both my family doctor and my pain specialist that my issues were being caused by a laceration of my sciatic nerve on my left side. This type of nerve damage is not uncommon in patients that have sustained the type of injury that I had.
Nerve pain is commonly referred to as neuropathic pain. My team of doctors first took the route of cortisone injections in my left hip area to see if it would alleviate some of the pain. To be perfectly honest I was all for anything that held the potential of giving me some relief from the pain, but the cortisone injections simply did not provide this. The next option was a procedure known as a rhizotomy to sever the nerve roots from the spinal cord and thus bypass the sciatic nerve completely. The nerve roots will grow back and the procedure will have to be repeated every six months. The problem was that I was not getting six months worth of pain relief from it. The procedure helped with my lower back pain for about a month but it did not help with any of the other pain I was having, and the rhizotomy can only be done once every six months, so it was not really a plausible solution for long-term pain relief.
After a few more tests and failed treatments, I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis , sciatica, and sacroiliac joint dysfunction. Spinal stenosis alone can cause severe weakness and numbness that radiates from the lower back down through the legs and buttocks, especially when the patient is physically active. Sciatica also causes chronic and debilitating numbness and burning pain, almost like as if your nerves were on fire. The sacroiliac joint is medical jargon for the hip joint. Dysfunction of this joint causes severe pain that also radiates down through the legs. These two conditions combined with a lacerated sciatic nerve make for a pretty rough time.

During this entire time I was being prescribed the Norco 7.5 milligram pills. In fact I had a prescription for them for almost four years! At first I was not abusing the pills. I would just go about my day and when I began to have pain I would take one or two. But after just a couple months of this one or two pills was simply not doing it any longer and I would have to take two or three. I figured it was not a big deal. The dosage instructions said to take 1-2 pills, three times a day. But by now I was beginning to realize that something was going on. I would begin to wake up feeling sick every morning until I took my morning dose of Norco. It eventually go to the point where I was running out of pills before I could get my prescription refilled at the end of each month. The first time I did not think anything of it and I called my doctor to see about having her send my refill to the pharmacy a few days early, and it was not a problem. But the following month I did the same thing and to my surprise, my doctor seemed upset or annoyed that I was calling to get my pills early again, nevertheless, she refilled my prescription early. But boy was I in for a shock the following month.
I got a letter in the mail. It was from my doctors office. I thought that it was kind of odd, as they rarely ever corresponded with me via snail mail. I opened the letter to find out that my doctor could no longer see me as a patient! I was devastated. It had taken me quite some time to find a doctor in the first place that would take the no-fault auto coverage as health insurance. I work on a farm in a small town and the money I make is generally spent before I even get it. Needless to say I was worried for several reasons.

I was addicted to the opioid pain killers I had been eating for the past four and a half years. Plain and simple. After I lost my doctor and blew through the last of my prescription I decided to try to quit cold turkey. That was a mistake. I was so sick. Vomiting, nausea, feeling cold and clammy, sweats headache, and on top of all of that my normal leg, hip, and lower back pain. I could not do it. The withdrawal was too difficult. It was like the flu multiplied 100-fold.
By the end of day two of going cold turkey, I was losing my mind. I began searching out anyone and I mean anyone who would sell me drugs on the street. I found that without the aid of insurance covering the cost of my addiction that I no longer had enough money to pay my bills and purchase enough drugs to keep withdrawals away. By this time, I had actual health insurance for the first time thanks to the ACA, but I had not found a doctor that would accept this insurance yet and simply could not wait. I had to work, and in order to not be sick and be able to work and keep my job, I had to use drugs. So that is exactly what I did. I am ashamed to even say it, but it is the truth.

I used for another year and a half or so before finally learning about Suboxone, which is an opioid replacement therapy medication. You take the Suboxone in place of whatever opioid you were using before , be it Heroin or Hydrocodone. After you have been on it for a couple of months or so your doctor begins to lower your dose bit by bit. Milligram by milligram. Until you are at such a low dose that you don?t even notice when you forget to take it, and then?. You forget to take it permanently. It was a lifesaver. It is the reason I am sitting here now and free from my addiction. Unfortunately I was unable to get into a legitimate program and so I used a taper plan for subs that I found on www.bluelight.org I used suboxone to slowly lower my dose until I was able to just stop altogether. I am happy to say that I have been clean from opioids since January 2017! And I plan on keeping it that way.
Now that I am clean and sober from opioids, I want to share my story with others, in hopes that it may be of value or help someone out there who is suffering from the debilitating world of addiction. That is why I have started a weekly podcast called ?Addictions?. I plan on covering the subject from as many angles as possible. I want to use this opportunity to take an in depth look at things and have a platform to discuss them with people. I will do interviews with others about the subject and hope to eventually be putting out more and more episodes! Thanks to any and all of you in advance for supporting me and the podcast. You can find the Addictions podcast on iTunes, Googleplay, Spotify, and anywhere else you find podcasts, just search your favorite podcast app or directory for the word "Addictions". Feel free to contact me if you have ideas for topics for me to cover on future episodes, or if you just need someone to talk to. I am always willing to lend an ear.

-David, Host & Producer of ?Addictions? the podcast about addictions
 
Last edited:

SEpeep

Greenlighter
Joined
May 5, 2018
Messages
1
Location
South East England
Brief Background
Well where to begin... I guess my background is necessary first. i don't blame my upbringing at all on why i take drugs, they were quite prevalent in my younger years but i was fairly oblivious to it. My Mother, as far back as i can remember, was always on something. I recall there nearly always being a vodka bottle or a tiny bag with white powder stashed behind the microwave in our small terrace house. Her boyfriend at the time would grow considerable amounts of cannabis in the attic of the house and smoked nearly 24/7.. whenever he didnt have access to smoke he would get violent and abuse her. This was when i was around ten years old and carried on for a few years around that age. We soon moved out and i was living with my actual dad from around the age of 12. When i turned 13 was when i smoked my first joint, a friend who lived nearby knocked on my door and opened his palm and inside it was a big green nugget, we went and smoked this in a alley just around the corner from where i live. This in itself didn't excite me that much it just made me hungry and tired.

Around 6 months later was when my close friends at the time started smoking weed regularly and i remember thinking how stupid it was at first because we had all been made fully aware on the negative effects smoking weed would have in our education. however it didn't take long for me to become a fully fledged bong smoker, i must of been 13 when i first hit a cone and i pretty much fell in love with it there and then. It started off just smoking every weekend but soon i was smoking cones before and after school every day.. this carried on through out my whole schooling career. Around the same time, i was about 13/14, i noticed my dad always had a bag of powder nearly always stashed in the bath room down stairs.. I got very curious and it didn't take me long to start taking some out of the bag. I don't remember the first time i did it but i remember thinking i was the coolest mother fucker around. I took some to my friend Ash and he was blown away, i remember taking days off school to just sit in my room and sniff coke and watch Lost. I suppose i regret it now but it really didn't seem that bad at the time, thinking about it i was 14 and really shouldn't of been doing it.
Substance(s)
Although you would expect that to be the downfall of a 14 year old i actually wasn't that keen on coke, especially when i started taking other drugs i realised it wasn't for me. Around the time i turned 15 me and my pals started dabbling with MDMA, this wasn't for me either, i remember the first few times i even tried it (doses being around 100mg) it didnt even effect me, i just thought i had a natural tolerance to it maybe because both my parents had dabbled in it a considerable amount. This i didn't like either, even when experiencing the full effects.. Not long after this i started doing mepherdrone (meow) which was actually pretty amazing, i wasted a huge amount of money on this drug in the last year of school and for a couple years after, I might add that this was purely recreational use and i never actually formed an addiction to it. It was so easily available that i could get on a train and pick up an ounce for the same amount you would get weed for.

Meow being the exception i never really liked stimulants, but meow was very moreish and you would find yourself in a very feeble emotional state after a binge. I even remember a friend of mine who tried crystal meth saying he thought mepherdrone was much better which boggles my mind to this day because meow was legal for a fairly long time in the UK and im sure crystal has always been demonized/illegal in the US, not nearly readily available at head shops.

Anyway i digress, in short stimulants were not for me and it didnt take me long to fall in love with methoxetamine, and i might of forgotten to mention earlier because i was definitely doing MXE around the same time i was at school. I've never been that fond of drinking and when i first tried this disociative i was blown back, i was tripping out, i didn't know where i was, everything was hilarious and obscured in some form or another. It was amazing. Since the first time i tried it i knew dissociatives were the drugs of choice for me. People who i spoke to about it were shocked that i tried MXE before Ketamine and really couldn't understand what my fascination with it was, understandably it didn't take long for me to get heavily into ketamine use, although it was always fairly hard to source where i live but i understand it was quite hard to get in the whole of the UK for a while due to a drought cause by law changed in china.

This was all before i had even turned 18, most of my friends were older and i was still taking more than any of them. I've always been quite proud of the fact i could take lots and normally handle it well. But it was when i got introduced to diazepam i remember thinking that this could be dangerous for me. It started off very casually, just taking it every now and then maybe a few times a year, but i wanted more. It was not long after my 18th birthday that i stumbled across the dark web and more specifically, Alpha bay. I was astonished by the crazy amounts of drugs and chemicals that i could get ordered to my house with the click of a button and amazed at how easy it was. This was the turning point for me. I have now tried diazepam, alprazolam, temazepam, lorazepam, diclazepam, midazolam, clonazepam and bromazepam.
Adverse Effects
The first major indication that i had a problem with benzos was last year when I had a seizure. Leading up to the event i was just casually taking valiums everyday not really thinking about it, i think it was because they were so cheap online i could get x1000 pharmacy manufactured vals for ?200. I bought them to sell but always ended up keeping them. The worst thing about the seizure was it was so out the blue, one day i just stopped taking them and really thought nothing of it, perhaps i didn't know the negative effects that withdrawing from benzos can have but or maybe i was just a naive little shit. who know. the seizure was actually in the front room of my parents house with both of them present and my little sister, it was pretty savage and they all thought that was the end of me but i stopped and was rushed to hospital as a precaution. Funny thinking about it actually because i told the GP that i was suffering from benzo withdrawals and they didn't really think about prescribing me some form of benzo to taper off with but maybe that was a good thing because i didn't touch them for a couple of months after.
Warnings and Advice
My warning to others is that no matter how in control you think you are, your probably not. Your consciousness seems to have a way of distorting how much control over the situation you are in. Try and look at what you are doing from a third persons view. Its only now that i have stopped smoking weed daily and only taking benzos about once a month, although i'm worried that this is just because I cant afford them the rest of the time.. i'm starting a second job in the next couple of weeks and am concerned that i might slip into more regular use again. There isn't a day that goes by where i don't think of getting benzos in some form or another.

Sorry for waffling on i just felt the need to tell the tale in as detailed way as i could remember although i'm sure i missed out on some important dates/memories that would of had an impact.

I'm 21 at the point of writing and actually feel healthier than i have in a very long time.

one love to all.
 

bluerobot

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 27, 2018
Messages
74
When I first started shooting heroin I remember stealing my parents car in the middle of the night, picking up my friend and driving to downtown LA to get our fix. We would shoot up down there and the drive home would be extremely dangerous. Nodding off while driving.on a couple occasions one of us would totally pass out basically half ODing while we were down there. Happened to me and happened to him. Id spend like an hour just freaking out and slapping the shit out of him to wake him up and then end up dragging his ass from the front seat to the back and yelling at him to wake up and to not die on me the whole drive back. Luckily we eventually would wake up. But that shit was scary. I'm sure it was no different whenever I nodded off. We we're lucky we didn't get caught by cops. We would do that until one day I went down there by myself like a dumbass, shot up down there like an impatient dumbass, nodded off on the way home, and you can guess what happened. I crashed into the freeway center divider on the 2 freeway and totaled the car. I got in a lot of trouble but not as much as I could have. Cops didn't even question me. They just took me home while I was basically in a daze. I think they felt bad cause the whole time I was like "fuck, my parents are gonna kill me."
That was a horrible experience. Haha
 

Loktar Ogar

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 28, 2018
Messages
1
My first post, hope someone can relate!

After I got out of the army at 23, I was working from home making decent money. One day I had a vicious headache and asked my grandmother for a Tylenol. She handed me a hydrocodone 10 and told me it'll work better. Within 10 minutes, I was surging with love. I needed to get more for "bad days". I had never even had alcohol in my life and i was hooked on those pills. I started stealing 180 p5ulls from my grandma out of the 360 she was getting a month. I never liked over doing it so after 2 yeara, I was taking about 80mg a day to get blasted. One day someone gave me a handful of Roxi 30s and that was game over. Went from 80mg of hydro to 500mg of oxy in no time. I decided to quit so I locked myself in my room, took 5 daya off work, had food and water and just took the pain. I lived at the beach at the time so going in the ocean helped a lot. 5 years sober and I was 100% by my 3rd week being clean. Life's great without that crap. I still indulge every 3 months or so with 1 Roxi 30 and that fucks me up but I like sobriety better now. Good luck to anyone trying to quit. It's worth it!
 

ner0sr0me

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 4, 2014
Messages
5
Methadone
In 2015, I moved from Portland, Oregon to the Gulf Coast. One beautiful summer night, around 2:00 am, I was hit with severe stomach pain that wrapped around to my back (no health insurance at the time.)
This went on a couple nights a week for months. No long after I developed an ileus (small intestine ceases peristalsis.)
That scared me. I went to the ER at which time I was informed that my gallbladder was "rotten."
Why the attending physician chose the word "rotten" over the more appropriate "necrotic" I don't know. He also informed my that the ileus develops when a digestive organ like the GB has been infected (untreated) for so long. He wanted to schedule me for surgery then and there, which changed dramatically when he saw that I was a "self pay" (uninsured.)
During this time, my sister-in-law had begun coming by daily to give me a cap full of her chalky orange "medicine," as the pain was un-fucking-bearable and without insurance I wasn't given anything other than advice (rhetoric.)
I knew absolutely nothing about methadone other than hearing a news story way-back-when about some "seedy" clinic being shut down back in Portland due to frightening clientele infringing upon customers at the adjacent convenience store (asking people for a dollar or two, probably just so they could dose.)
She convinced me that I wasn't at risk of dependence, as this medicine was given to people who were suffering withdrawal symptoms from opioids, and since I wasn't previously addicted to anything, I needn't be concerned. I was soooooooooo grateful. I started giving her money for gas and smokes. This went on for 4 months.
Out of the blue she disappeared. 72 hours later, almost to the minute, I was dropped by symptoms I'd never experienced. I was incapacitated by nausea and vomiting, every hair follicle on my upper torso and arms oddly stinging, profuse sweating (and I mean rivers of sweat,) sneezing fits that interrupted my vomiting in such a way that I would nearly choke on my own vomit, pain in spine that had absolutely no origin, and the most dreadful mind state I've ever experienced.
Curiously, she called to see how I was feeling. My husband told her I was sprawled on the bathroom floor, next to the toilet, gagging and weeping.
She quickly came over, dosed me, which was a waste I thought, since I couldn't keep it down longer than 30 minutes. She dosed me again and 20 minutes later I fell asleep. When I woke up, it had gone from 11:00am to 10:00pm and she was still there.
She briefly explained to me that I must have fallen into the super rare catagory of people who despite having no previously existing dependency, become physically dependent on methadone anyway, and although she couldn't/wouldn't continue to give me a cap full any longer, she'd be more than happy to sell me a couple bottles a week at $1 a milligram, plus gas money to and from her clinic so $100 a bottle (90 mgs) plus $10 for gas per bottle (even though she picks them all up on one day.)
You all see where this was going, I'm sure. I was paying that bitch $200 a week for months, after which time a family friend suggested I go to the clinic myself, which would slash that $200 in half. I told him what she told me, which was that I wasn't eligible to get it rx'd to me because I didn't have a pre-existing addiction, to which he said, "I beg to differ, you've been addicted to methadone now for how long?"
2 years later and I often day dream about kicking her front door in, double barrel pump shotgun in hand, snatching her by her hair and cramming her into my car, driving to a remote location, handing her a shovel, a tarp and a 50 lb bag of lye and telling her to begin digging.
Thanks for listening,
Elizabethe
 

lunchbox333

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 23, 2018
Messages
105
Brief Background

Tell us a little bit about yourself and what led to you using drugs:
smoked weed for the first time age 12, completely absorbed myself into the life style and immediately picked up a daily intense habit. was in a band and a skater boy and all that, It was inevitable I suppose. to this day I smoke about a gram of bho oil/rosin or an 5 or so grams of flower a day.clean off any daily habits of anything now besides this gabapentin taper I'm on. the occasional MDMA or opiate might make its way around or an IPA with dinner but mostly straight and narrow now
.
took 7 grams of mushrooms as a first trip at 13, which was amazingly mind bending, had another 8 gram trip a year or so later where I had to save my friends life while I was peaking as he nearly choked to death on his own vomit----not proper set and setting to say the least. so I experienced good and bad sides from that early experience. some very good traits and lessons I keep with me to this day came from some of those early experiences. but that latter experience definitely left some scar tissue on my fragile youthful bliss state. i can't say thats the reason why I started using directly as I was already showing signs of total reckless and impulsive behavior for these situations to even arise. but ever since its been from one to the next, from incredibly excessive alcohol drinking to MDMA and the likes, psychedelics, Xanax to percs to tar methadone etc


Substance(s)

What substances were/are you abusing.
well I was DOING a lot of drugs but I was only heavily addicted for long periods of time to a couple. I was doing everything from lsd MDMA dmt RCs of all sorts,codiene w/prometh, oxys, dilaudid, fent, alcohol excessively, benzos(clonazepam, Xanax, temazepam, and then god knows what was in those pressie fake bars), coke, ket, all the basics. but I only really sat for substantial psychological investments on benzos and opiates, and the REALLY significant one for me was opiates. went from a blue 30 here and there, to eventually about 240-300 mg of oxy every day, to smoking brown.eventually to methadone for a solid 2-3 years, which is probably what I regret most, where I worked up to about 90mg and eventually jumped cold turkey at 30mg, which in itself was as intense as the previously mentioned vomit mushroom trip. PTSD inducing to say the least.
Duration of Addiction/Dependence

How long were you addicted or dependent on the drugs that you were consuming?
altogether since age 13-14, 23 now. just would phase between substance on n off.

Adverse Effects

How did drugs negatively impact your life. Feel free to discuss IV complications and/or overdoses.
well I feel as I've burned through my lifetimes allotment of most endogenous opiates and gaba lol. one of the few times I feel any sort of endogenous opioid bursts is exercise and getting tattood, so sadly I literally only get that burst when my body thinks its being attacked lol. but I'll take what I can get haha.

I drank so much in my early days that I can't really drink more than 2 or 3 beers without really regretting it the next morning. and even if I do drink a couple I'll feel a itchy sensation quite immediately after the initial buzz subsides.

I'm still fresh not even a year out of the methadone jump, not to mention getting dependent to both K-pins and gabapentin which the latter given to me by the rehab since then, so I do expect some of this to improve. I have the kindling effect pretty bad to opiates after the severity of that methadone cold turkey even after just one use of heavy opiates I'll wake up next day with mild withdrawals.

I ended up homeless for some time because of drugs, I'm not with the only person I've fallen in love with because of (indirectly) drugs, burnt all my money on drugs, friends say they can see the change in my eyes/face, I look much more serious now and that permanent droop around the eye is there. I look like I've seen hell and lived to tell about it. although I still am the same goofy person inside who just loves a good laugh, I would be lying if I said I didn't notice the change either. in some ways its good, in more ways its bad. we all go through something in life that "hardens" us, or more realistically we KEEP going through things that Harden us more and more exponentially until we get to a point of complete alchemical transformation. sometimes we come out better with a weak spot now strong, or sometimes the experience is so transformative it consumes us whole. once you find out how scary of a place the world really is , theres NO going back. theres no therapy that can reverse the reality now known by someone who's been through hell, but it can give them the prespective to take their traumas and finesse them into the battle armor needed to face this world sometimes. I guess its true what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, even if it kinda is killing you slowly haha.

Warnings and Advice

Do you have any advice or warnings that you would like to share to those suffering from addiction or are playing with fire?

uhmm dont go on methadone maintenance and if you do DEFINITELY do not jump off cold turkey even in the single digits.

. don't even TOUCH benzos lol seriously its not worth it unless its in your arsenal for psychedelic or stim come downs. out of all the drugs I've been on and around, benzos are the ones I've seen take and fuck up the most peoples lives. people just aren't the same while on them, they're emotional, confrontational yet sensitive, incredibly irratic, and lose everything always. you can do some incredibly irreversibly stupid things on Xanax that you wouldn't do from more classic narcotics. an addiction is an addiction and none should be glorified, they all ruin your life in one way or another but something about benzos it really takes your composure away. you can't even hide it for most folk .





Miscellaneous

drugs I DO recommend : psychedelics, in particular Ayahuasca :))))))))))))))))
 

96chanz

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 11, 2012
Messages
87
Location
At yo mans house
Brief Background

Hi, I am Chandler :)
My journey into addiction began at the young age of 11 years old. I was experiencing severe chronic pain from Spondylolisthesis, and Scoliosis at the time. From that age I just wanted to be a 'normal' everyday kid and be able to run and do activities like the rest. Eventually I was put on Hydrocodone/ibuprofen (Vicoprofen 7.5/200mg) which helped extremely. But I also fell in love with the feeling of 'euphoria' I didn't know what it was at the time, but this idea of taking 1-2 pills and having all pain erased for 6 hours and being covered by a warm blanket of euphoria was so attractive to me. I then went into middle school where I would be bullied severely. Not going to go into much detail but will say that I ended up getting jumped and developed Severe Sciatica, Gallbladder Calculus with acute cholecystitis w/ obstruction, Severe Spondylolisthesis, Severe Thoracic and lumbosacral neuritis, Chronic Pain Syndrome, Scoliosis w/ spinal stenosis, inguinal hernia with obstruction, degenerative disc disease. Bilary obstruction, PTSD, GAD, Panic Disorder, ADD and Social Anxiety. After that instance I was put on Oxycodone as well. Benzodiazepines were added due to my mental health issues. I will say I have NEVER abused my benzodiazepines (Klonopin 1mg 90 count, Xanax 0.5mg 60 count) as there is no appeal to abuse something like benzos that really don't produce euphoria. To make a long story short I now go to a multi treatment center that specializes in Pain Management, Common Mental Health disorders, Heart Health, and Preventative care. And have been addicted to opiates for 10 years (since age 11, 21 now), Addicted to stimulants (started with Coke, and methylphenidate, now I only abuse Adderall), and I am dependent on Klonopin and Xanax to an extent for my PTSD, Panic Disorder and GAD, but I have no regrets. You learn to have a balance and use in moderation. I have never touched a drug via IV. just saying.

Substance(s)

2008-2014: Hydrocodone, Codeine (Oral)
2014-2017: Coke (Intranasal), Methylphenidate (intranasal) , Methadone (oral)
2017- present: Adderall (Orally, Sublingual)
2014- present: Morphine, Hydromorphone, & Oxycodone
(oral abuse only)

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

Coke and Methylphenidate: over 2 years (2014-2017)
Adderall: 2017-Present
Morphine (Main opiate of abuse) 2014-present
Opiates in general: 2008-present


Adverse Effects

Opiate addiction has affected some relationships I have been in, but for the most part hasn't played much of a negative impact. I Have been addicted for over 10 years and have no OD'd once, I realized at a young age IV use was not the route and never will be the route for me. It's not worth it. There is a lot of adverse effects of Stimulant addiction I will say, Depression, social anxiety, of course this is when you run out early.

Warnings and Advice

I am by no means, perfect BUT i have one rule. and that rule is to NEVER abuse Benzodiazepines, It's a dead end street with your name on it. Opiates and Amphetamine are my drugs of abuse, I know what comes with the territory. NO IV USE plz. I abuse all of my stuff (Adderall and morphine are my fav drugs of abuse, and I abuse them orally) just don't touch drugs via iv kids... don't it's not worth it.

Miscellaneous

I believe benzodiazepines have so much value therapeutically (esp. long acting benzos like Diazepam and Clonazepam) there is NO reason to abuse them. I believe we can all have 'fun' every now and then. if you make your routine of having 'fun' an everyday thing you could end up 10 years into an opiate addiction like me. and 4 years into a stimulant addiction. As of recent it's taken me to finally find that healthy balance w/ usage. Balancing a career and addiction is hard. I do want to celebrate to my self that I am 8 months clean off Methylphenidate and coke, I will say Adderall has replaced that addiction, but my coke and mph addiction was all via nasal. My nose has some peace now lol.
 

SmackParadise

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 4, 2016
Messages
9
Location
Seattle, WA
Brief Background

I have a identical twin sister and we both got introduced to meth and heroin when we were at a very young age, we didn't know better because birth mom and dad was meth heads.
We eventually became toxic because we use every single time we hang out.

Substance(s)

Heroin and meth mostly

Duration of Addiction/Dependence

I've been in this war called addiction for about 6 years now and I'm just 20 years old.

Adverse Effects

I have been thru some of the most fucked up shit you would ever hear but I'm not ready to tell that side of the story just yet, but I could prolly say that being
homeless was one of the worse things I've ever had to experience plus being dope sick waking up in the morning and just already wanting to kill yourself


Warnings and Advice

"But you ain't gonna listen 'til the fire burned your ass, now you understand"
 

madness00

Moderator: NMI, MH, CD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
3,629
Location
New England
I started smoking weed and drinking when i was 13. I also took but didn't abuse pain killers, and tried salvia a couple times. I also OD'ed on kpins in high school. Did only those until college. In college i did DXM, K2, MDMA, LSD, cocaine, shrooms, ketamine, xanax, codeine, steroids, inhalents and everything i did in high school. After college, i tried crack, heroin and meth. Crack was too short lived, heroin i snorted and just made me sleep, and meth i slammed and binged twice, first time trying was 3 weeks ago.

My therapist says i'm an addict, but i don't believe i am. She thinks i'm addicted to drugs in general, trying to chase the high of mania since i'm Bipolar.

The only drug i consistently use is marijuana, from age 13 to 26.

Short and sweet.
 
Last edited:

RetrogradeRetard

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 31, 2018
Messages
8
Some good stories on here. It's interesting the different routes people take to the exact same problem. A lot of these posts say "Don't do this. Stay away from <drug>" I wonder if anyone has EVER took that advice?! I remember people saying it to me and I thought people were being hard work and rather than helpful it was irritating but how I wish I'd listened. Some people that warned me of the path I was on probably never said anything more important, true even than "stay away from heroin/crack." I looked at the lives they were living because of it and my warped brain thought "That's an appropriate risk/reward ratio for me. You don't hear about people using heroin sometimes so I guess it's me who can tell that story."
 
Top