Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[neversickanymore]

Day off went smooth. Kept busy golfed, started a painting, harvested almost the last of my garden. Paycheck was delayed due to holiday bs. But it was deposited today so I order new costas for the ones that were run over by the lawn mower and am joining a new gym today.. so lifting will be loaded back up.

looks like the liver is on the mend as my stool is dark indicating it’s catching up on bilirubin etc. Going 4 wheeling sat afternoon and watching football and cooking up a huge batch of spaghetti sauce off mostly my organic garden harvest. Football is a trigger for me so I need to recognize this and plan accordingly.

keep rolling and progressing good people!

 

[Jabberwocky]

sorry for still being basically out of action. still feel so fucking ill from earlier in the week. i don't know why but with age purging gets so much harder on the body. its a worse hangover than alcohol.

i have drank 35 cl of gin and then some this eve. not good. will feel like shit tomorrow.

trying to nourish my body for the coming physical challenges. like why the fuck do i have to relapse into an eating disorder in a way that isn't normal for me (previously i'd just restrict mostly, purging so routinely is new this year) in the weeks before i have the biggest physical challenges of my life?

thank you for the well wishes guys. i wish you all the same.

 

[neversickanymore]

Went out to a friends for a house party and did not drink or experience any desire to. I have done this a few times and it’s good to see the skills I developed still here. I had a good time and was smoking the drunks at ping pong. Got home late, but didn’t have to stress about driving or throw a bunch of cash at an Uber. Woke up feeling great.

 

[Jabberwocky]

off on holiday in like 10 mins. bit nervous cos i don't know how the airport and plane will be with all the covid stuff.

but i really really can't wait to be not in england!! though its gonna be over 30 degrees every day except when i'm in the mountains.

love to you all.

 

[Blankenstein]

Had 2 weeks with no alcohol, but then had a bunch of various pills for a couple of days.

Then gone a fishing/surf trip with a couple of mates on a remote island. Stayed off the booze and didn’t want to drink at all, but there was the whole “don’t be a pussy and have a beer” thing going on. Now been drinking the last couple of days and not doing what I came up here to do.

it’s like I was doing well and then the flood gates opened. I Go home tomorrow and got a few different pharma pills I’ll be eating.

Then work for 2 weeks. First day back out at a mining town is a workmates last day so we are having beers then it’s the grand final for AFL and im the only one working so was told to take 2 days off and drink beers and the company will pay for a bunch of beers and for me to just hang out with the drillers who party crazy hard.

urghhh it just sucks how positive I was feeling 2 weeks ago and now I’m back in the grips.

I seem to be able to stop drinking sort of kind of easily at the moment, but the benzos/opiates are fucked when I’m home from work.

I’m starting to think about rehab. I’m getting too old and not achieving anything with my life.

I need a drastic change or I’ll be doing the same thing 20 years from now.

 

[Blankenstein]

Same as I’ve being doing for close to the past 20 years…

 

[n3ophy7e]

I need a drastic change or I’ll be doing the same thing 20 years from now.

You need a drastic change or you'll be doing the same thing 20 years from now, sure, or you could be dead from what you're doing. In my most recent hospital detox I had multiple doctors tell me that I'd be lucky to reach 40, the way I was going (I'm nearly 37). They were definitely trying to instill a healthy fear in to me, but they weren't wrong. I'm lucky to be alive for SO many reasons.

 

[Blankenstein]

You need a drastic change or you'll be doing the same thing 20 years from now, sure, or you could be dead from what you're doing. In my most recent hospital detox I had multiple doctors tell me that I'd be lucky to reach 40, the way I was going (I'm nearly 37). They were definitely trying to instill a healthy fear in to me, but they weren't wrong. I'm lucky to be alive for SO many reasons.

I got home from that holiday trip last night. Briefly caught up with my mother and brother before they went to bed. Then ate a bunch of pills.

An hour later I heard a gurgling noise and groaning coming from my fathers room. Ran in to check on him and he was unresponsive. Put him in the recovery position, alerted my family and got an ambulance.

very very low blood pressure caused by some internal bleeding , also maybe another potential hepatic encephalopathy episode, also diabetic, cirrhosis of the liver.

Needs an operation to stop the bleeding wherever it is. He has needed a heart operation for a while, but is too high risk because of all his chronic health conditions.

doctors said he may well not survive the surgery/procedure.

the joys of health issues arising from a life of alcoholism.

it’s now morning and waiting to hear what happened.

my response after we got home was to eat more pills…

so yeh @n3ophy7e you’re totally right. I actually read your response a couple
of days ago and was a total dick and was like “I know my limits I won’t OD”.
My father has gotten progressively worse over the last few years with these alcohol related health issues and it’s like looking into the future of my life. I NEED to stop, it is a life or death situation, either from OD or a long drawn out horrible (for my family and me as well I guess) death.

 

[dragonix]

First of all, I would like to sincerely wish you all the best with your plans to clean up/get cleaned up in whatever form that may be for you and wish you all the best of health, physical and psychological.

I'm going full sober til my birthday in early March....except for tea....I'm never, ever, ever, etc giving up black tea.
Mainly I'm giving up drinking as I'm a serious binge drinker and it's doing my head in.
I've always taken periodic breaks since I started drinking back in.....2003? and do well with it. Abstinence isn't the problem for me; moderation is.

This time might be different though, depending on how things shape up. We've just entered at least a month of absolutely everything being shut down here. They're even rationing time on skating rinks for fuck's sake. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the social isolation.

This past spring, during our first lockdowns was the first time in my life that I started drinking alone.
Later in the summer, I started smoking again when I drank. The two eventually became entirely inseperable. Needless to say, I've now erased some of the health gains from quitting smoking in October 2019.

So now drinking isn't just binge drinking, it's binge smoking as well.

I don't have issues with the other drugs in the house (LSD, MDMA, and mushrooms) but have decided to not touch those either til at least my birthday weekend. Just to clear up the head completely (though, to be honest, any of those three would probably aid in that).

The mental clarity I get after I stop drinking usually takes three weeks to appear and it feels so good that I feel like is reason enough to take breaks.

I'm trying to figure out moderation though. Like fuck me, why can't I do it? I have no problem moderating use of any other drugs I do, including fucky ones like cocaine. But booze? Nope.

I also do drink too often for my tastes. Usually every weekend at least one day for up 3 months at a time. I would like to keep drinking to special occasions instead of this. Though, to be honest, football season is fucking hard. Pints go with football as well as smoking goes with drinking.
This won't be a problem though if I can manage to keep it to three pints instead of the usual match day shenanigans of a couple before the match, another 3-4 at the stadium, and then another 6-8 at the pub, etc.

Does anyone here have any experience with turning binge drinking into moderate drinking?

I have experience trying and never being able to.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I got home from that holiday trip last night. Briefly caught up with my mother and brother before they went to bed. Then ate a bunch of pills.

An hour later I heard a gurgling noise and groaning coming from my fathers room. Ran in to check on him and he was unresponsive. Put him in the recovery position, alerted my family and got an ambulance.

very very low blood pressure caused by some internal bleeding , also maybe another potential hepatic encephalopathy episode, also diabetic, cirrhosis of the liver.

Needs an operation to stop the bleeding wherever it is. He has needed a heart operation for a while, but is too high risk because of all his chronic health conditions.

doctors said he may well not survive the surgery/procedure.

the joys of health issues arising from a life of alcoholism.

it’s now morning and waiting to hear what happened.

my response after we got home was to eat more pills…

so yeh @n3ophy7e you’re totally right. I actually read your response a couple
of days ago and was a total dick and was like “I know my limits I won’t OD”.
My father has gotten progressively worse over the last few years with these alcohol related health issues and it’s like looking into the future of my life. I NEED to stop, it is a life or death situation, either from OD or a long drawn out horrible (for my family and me as well I guess) death.

Fuck man I am so glad you heard him and were able to help!!!! He is very lucky! I hope the outcome for him is good. And I dearly hope you heed this as a warning to yourself Let us know how he goes okay?

 

[Blankenstein]

Fuck man I am so glad you heard him and were able to help!!!! He is very lucky! I hope the outcome for him is good. And I dearly hope you heed this as a warning to yourself Let us know how he goes okay?

Thanks man yeh was very lucky. Yeh will let you know how it all pans out. If he doesn’t die this time, it’s won’t be too far off. The writing seems to be on the wall.

yeh it’s crazy watching the end game of alcoholism/addiction to your dad and beong stuck in the midst of it as well and seeing where it ends up. It’s not a pleasant way to go out.

 

[tired of crap]

So after 2 weeks of a disso binge brought me to 3 weeks sans alcohol.... I went another week without booze.
Then I began drinking again. Im on day 4 of this most recent booze binge

Just watched The Shawshank Redemption and I cried ....lol... when it got to the part:
"I guess it comes down to a simple choice really. Get busy living or get busy dying."

Seems Ive decided to get busy dying.
Classic me

 

[f1mula0ne]

21 days meth free, a couple of weed sessions here and there and dropped a modafinil to get up this morning. Overall so glad to be free of meth though, but I can tell it's going to come rear it's ugly head sooner or later. Feelin' fine.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Will be able to read everyone's updates and post properly tomorrow but u just wanted to pop in to say hi and that I made it up and down Mt toubkal in one piece. It is the hardest physical challenge I've ever undertaken. I'm so proud of myself.

 

[f1mula0ne]

I'm 21 days clean of meth, wasn't easy but glad I got there. The offering was there for me to take and I resisted it, I feel like the odd one out and like peer pressure plays a role in drug use. But I love my junky friends and the ones that still use. I just can't use with them since it impacts my mental health so badly. Could use someone to talk to. But this party may have worn thin and I'm going to bail (it is 3 fucking am and I'm LOADED with a bunch of supplements like True Focus and had a couple of dexies). (Hope this post is allowed here, things have been going great, got some work lined up and generally feeling a lot healthier and creativity doesn't have to come from a crack pipe

 

[n3ophy7e]

I'm 21 days clean of meth, wasn't easy but glad I got there. The offering was there for me to take and I resisted it, I feel like the odd one out and like peer pressure plays a role in drug use. But I love my junky friends and the ones that still use. I just can't use with them since it impacts my mental health so badly. Could use someone to talk to. But this party may have worn thin and I'm going to bail (it is 3 fucking am and I'm LOADED with a bunch of supplements like True Focus and had a couple of dexies). (Hope this post is allowed here, things have been going great, got some work lined up and generally feeling a lot healthier and creativity doesn't have to come from a crack pipe

Well done man! That is so awesome, keep it up Early recovery can be really hard, especially having to avoid your usual group of friends due to triggers and their drug use. Where do you live? Do they have Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings where you are? I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict but have never touched meth, however I used to go to CMA Meetings cos the crowd was more my age group, they were generally more down-to-earth and more real about recovery, and I found the stuff they said more accessible to me than other meetings. Try it, in recovery it is vital that you hang out with sober/clean people sometimes.

 

[stardust10]

Went to an AA meeting yesterday and tbh I didn't enjoy the culty vibes but then again I need to be out my comfort zone just now. Just never been one to follow rules etc plus the addiction speaks a lot so maybe part of that is skewing my perception. I couldn't help but think they get people hooked in when they are at their lowest, which is technically a great thing for a lot of people as it "saves their life"... I just couldn't help but think the lady who spoke could have well had a seizure or something the way she was explaining her DT's the first time she went there and how instantly she trusted the person who put his arm around her and she is sober to this day. It's a great thing but I just dunno why that doesn't sit right with me. Anyway all my personal bias aside I got something out of it and that's the main thing the speakers were really nice and down to earth and I related to a lot that was said and it gave me the reminder I desperately need/ed. So will be going back but it's definitely not gonna be my new obsession. Good to utilise though. I dunno if I'm being close minded because I secretly want to pick up a drink again.
Off to a female group today to try and learn to socialize without a drink etc again wish me luck I'll need it I'm a visible nervous wreck most of the time lol.

Hope everyone is doing okay

 

[f1mula0ne]

Well done man! That is so awesome, keep it up Early recovery can be really hard, especially having to avoid your usual group of friends due to triggers and their drug use. Where do you live? Do they have Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings where you are? I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict but have never touched meth, however I used to go to CMA Meetings cos the crowd was more my age group, they were generally more down-to-earth and more real about recovery, and I found the stuff they said more accessible to me than other meetings. Try it, in recovery it is vital that you hang out with sober/clean people sometimes.

I don't, my drug and alcohol counsellor (who was very helpful in the initial 2 weeks of withdrawal) says they run group counselling sessions where it's open book, share what you will sorta thing. I overshared with the housing agency where I'm at and ended up screaming at them. Not their fault they have to force empathy and they've probably heard worse. Today is day 2 without naltrexone (highly recommended if anyone's looking to quit, helped me heaps in the first 2 weeks). The brain fog is lifting and I'm starting to manifest good stuff in my life, just gotta stay on track and be healthy, but I think the group meetings will be helpful, just to engage with people who are also quitting. Might make some friends.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@iTry91 well done for going to AA!! i went in rehab, just cos it was that or not getting to leave the site that day. way way prefer NA, it seems a bit more chill and less preachy?

i'm flying out to greece at shit o clock tomorrow. i'm sorry i haven't got back to everyone like i said i would. i've been insanely tired and had a lot to do with work and sorting out my house purchase in my few days back. i wish you all well and hopefully normal chinup service will resume upon my return!!

 

[dragonix]

Dangit I tried to moderate drinking again felt like I was at a dead end inside the beverage center again didn't really binge but had probably four beers technically made me feel guilty I need to stop dude it was the THC that triggered me wanting beer to go with it.

Unproductive then time to revamp what I am doing